“I crave trying to touch a tangible part of those memories.
Yet all I get is a tapestry of lies”
…few lines from the poem “Scarlet Spring” of my friend Priya.
Sometime in the late night you woke up suddenly and unknowingly. When you come to know that everything in your life is just a lie and you cant keep it as a memory. At the same time you can’t get rid of it. You pretend to close your eyes but you can’t. you try to touch the part of those memories which you found out was just a lie.
Should I call it mistake or should I call it foolishness? It is the same. Does not make a sense trying to differentiate it. Sometime you hurt yourself for the honesty you have shown; for being so true to a person not worth for anything; for extending your help to a person who only looks for the advantage.
I’m good at saying proverb and writing them as a philosophy of life. It seems like I have been living in that philosophy only, rather forgetting to notice the real world. I fail to read the expression of people. I fail to understand the intention of a loser. I never try to differentiate the clutters in my life and I have been wasting so much of time, energy and money for them. lately realise, little hurt but learnt many things from such losers.
Sometime I felt that I’m fooled by a fool. Heard the story of a guard in a mentally retard home becoming mentally retard later on. I think I have taken the role of the guard in some point of time and I have so many similarity with the guard in the story who had no one to understand him at the end of the day, not even by the mentally retard people. He suffered alone and he become one of them and was mingling among them in certain point of time!!
After so many days of self denial of some facts in life, I’m able to sense the truth. I’m able to feel the real me which I seem to loss from my life long time back. A sense of being true to myself and my own principles. I wake up suddenly last night; Couldn't sleep for hours. Was having a brisk walk in the terrace. I was carried away by some thought and I didn't know where I was destined to??
I land in the memory of past few years and was doing a round trip in my head. I accepted the truth instead of denying it and amplifying the negative thought. I understand the change in me and I know I have not done any fault. Now I’m enjoying the every bit of my life.
Believing in a lie and dreaming for a lie cost only heart ache. Sometime it wrenched away some part of me which I’m hard to find again. It become hard for me to believe in the existence of some important things in life i.e. trust and honesty of a human. These days people wear it on their face to achieve what they wanted in life.