I’m home...

I’m home

In a heartless home

I’m so much in love

 With this merciless home  

The room awaits me

Spreading its dusty floors

The carpet lay open in disgrace

Oh I’m thirsty

But the bottle rolls empty on the floor

I’m hungry

The food offers in raw beauty

The kitchen awaits me with dishes to wash only

Wish I could wash my face with some cold water

But the bathroom floor awaits me to be slipped over

Only to break my knees

I’m home

Without a place to lay my body

Though there lies maleness in every object

I’m in love with all of them

Though they have no mercy for me

I am still going home

In a home so heartless!

Tracing that root!

Trying to find the real the person I'm so I decided to spend the Diwali all alone. Witness the most empty road, metro and then office in a lifetime. Everybody seems to be in the festival mood. Neither I'm in the mood to play with the fire nor willing to pass a smile though I still look too happy in this moments of solitude. Sometime I called it romancing the pain, the greatest and purest one. On the way back from office while watching the silent conversations of so many living and non-living things and listening to the most heart rendering songs suddenly few unwarranted tears falls down on my cheek. I tried hard questioning why was it. It has flashed back the childhood, school time and the time I have spent in this monster city which took everything from me and which also gave me a new person in me.

Needless to say, it's in every gasp of my breathe, in every flowing streams of my bloods I do feel the presence of you. Sometime I'm scared why it has taken so long trying to erase you from the canvas of my memory. The meaning of romance in my life is no longer being with you or with anyone who love me unconditionally. It's always about you and how much I enjoy the feeling of lost in this life. Never had the guts to question you and asked you once why can't you ever love me in this lifetime. But still I feel so good with so much of pain being buried in myself for so many years and I don't know if this is the way I should feel about being in romance with your remnant.

Much have been written about you without getting any permission from you and without asking you to listen also. Everything I will take it as a gift in this lifetime and I will always enjoy catching up with those teardrops whenever it comes out without even taking my permission. I felt it was just yesterday we have met but it is more than a decade now. And we live as two untouchables of different caste today without even having a bridge to communicate. I'm not worried of my helpless feeling whenever I remember those days with you but I just need an answer to heal myself in this lifetime whatever I'm filled with emptiness without a reason and explanation. Why I have sometime become what I should not while pretending the one who is weak and miserable in front of you and your love!

Or else should I say this is another way to trace my root to love, romance and poetry and connecting to that undyeing feelings of living forever in your dream!