Wednesday, December 14, 2016

The mission of making a good woman!

People are so worried about woman especially the bad woman who did not follow the norms! The woman who eats meat, who do not go to temple, wake up late, eat before husband are bad woman according to many people living around me. They do not like me because I don't cook for my husband, doesn't make tea in the morning.
One of such person is helper in our house. In many instances he tried to lecture me in good woman. Once he said eating meat is bad so I asked why but he said human become bad after eating. I didn't reply ignoring his stupidity. Then he extended his definition saying women should not eat. Mocktingly I rejected his argument and start cooking the delicious chicken curry. One Sunday morning he said he got Hanuman Chalisa. I said ok, then he said why I don't pray as he has seen only my husband praying. I got little pissed off and said which one you got! The Hanuman Chalisa read by the Ambanis or by the slum dwellers who lived next to his 27 floor building antila? He defended saying god is all one! I said it's not only one so you should bring me Ambani's Hanuman Chalisa then only I will read.
After few weeks when I came back office he was making roti and I was too hungry I just picked up one roti and some vegetable to eat. He was offended and said madam in our side women eats after husband so it's not good habit. In fact it's for your husband. That time my patience to tolerate him as substitute to my mother was over done. I said see aurat are stupid because they are made by man and so I can't help them. But I'm human who knows logic but not rules made by man. I eat because I'm hungry that's the logic, other aurat is nlt eating because she is stupid and has no courage to say what she wants. From that day he started showing his attitude in working in our home. I didn't try to bring peace, rather I ask him to complete his work before I get home as I don't want his advice after nine hours of nagging office and travelling for almost three hours every day.
Sad part is that every one think that they have a right to advice a woman on chapters of morality and good woman.
In my in laws place, some neighbours have big problem because I don't touch feet if each and every passing man and woman as part if their custom, women have problems because don't wear anything to symbolise my marriage. What I do feel for my husband, how much we respect and stood for each other is not part of anybody's moral lesson but why I'm not showing off to the wo is a bigger problem. Sometime ny husband got irritated because people keep on complaining about my carelessness and arrogance, as they said. But I explained saying what about those women with red bangles, long mangalchutra and big bindi, sindur and so on and sitting in a shady corner of a park with another man. Do they really symbolise their honesty, commitment just because they are walking as a symbolic piece to the institution called marriage! Do man and woman need to feel so insecure if one doesn't do something to let the world know about their relationship! When are we going to come out from trauma of Jash Raj institution of marriage and pump some fresh air in our life and relationship? 

Monday, December 12, 2016

Monumental Celebration of Nupi Lan and Hypocrisy!

So, Manipur women are very active in politics because we celebrate Nupi Lan every year beating the chilling winter of December. That's the statement of liberal society of Manipur which can't come out of feudal culture of glamorizing the women's role. On the contrary, they can still die for their notion of attaching culture in our clothe, our body. They have their right to censor the clothe, the man we should get married and at the worst they can not acknowledge the identity of the women without attaching her identity either to a father or husband,

There were many scholars, men and wannabe politicians who celebrated the ban of skirt in school and claiming that this will help the craftsman of the state and boost the economy! So nice to hear such explanation and it's such a pain to live in such a society where women are idolize but can't respect the individual choice of a woman. When it comes to active participation of women in distress politics of Manipur, how many woman has been involved in decision making, part from using them to shied bullets from Army, make them in sit front in protest. We should be able to identify the politics of using as puppets and active involvement. The mass and scholars are still rejoicing the puppet business of women's clothe and body. For now, they only claimed our clothes are flags of their tradition and culture but you never know by tomorrow they will start claiming that the body of meitei women are part of Manipuri culture. In fact it is already happening! Take the case of actor Kamala who married to a non-Manipuri was boycotted and did not allow to work again in the Manipuri films. But no civil body, organisation, scholars and individual of this liberal society which celebrated "Nupi Lan' question such public shaming of a woman and violation of an individual's right to make her choice. That's the mirror of our society which claimed its liberty statue somewhere near the Nambul river filled with dirt and plastic bottle.

Every kind of glamorization comes with huge price! One great example of victim of glamorization is the motherhood. Oh the creator, the mother who makes the home, the whole bullshit of sacrifice notion attached to it., the morality thread that goes along with the name till her graveyard. No mother could be a whore, except she should be able to burn in the fire to prove her sacred soul. This is the true reward of glamorizing an institution called mother. It comes with a heavy price, from generation to generation, most of the children remember their mothers are there to clean their poops, clean their dirty clothes, clean their plates from the table and not as a decision maker of the house. Yes, most of the children remember their mother for the comfort they sacrifice but not for her wit, intellect, politics, knowledge or individual. From all these dead end of glamorization benefits the opposite gender which still rules the world, lined themselves as intellectual, leaders and scholars shamelessly when their brain is size of a potato only. So in every society, there is such politics of celebrating the women, their role in politics in a man's world. There is nothing to be happy in Miss Manipur, Nupi Lan and so on celebration when individual choice are violated and chained forever.

Let's ban such nameshake celebration of women, women's day and Nupi Lan!

Sunday, August 14, 2016

Khudie hangampal scholars !!

Khudie hangampal scholars are generic group of patriots that one can club to those of saffron party who openly abuses anyone whose opinion are different. We so called well educated Manipuri shared a small population to discuss or understand a burning home. Everyone loved their state or country. Anyone can have different opinion. But there is always a way of how a person deal with different opinions.

But there is extraordinary trait in both saffron party and khudie hangampal party flying directly from those invisible space of social networking. Common dialogue used by saffron party are :
1. You are anti national, you support terrorist
2. Our soldiers die in the borders 
3. Leave Bharat so you should leave in Pakistan
4. If you happen to be a woman then abuses start from our mother. Your mother must be  so and so. In the next level you are threatened for rape. That's their way to love their country. 

Well done to the country lovers. The notion of nation starts from series of crime scene created in our mind. 

Now let's draw similar trait in our own state scholars who are happily living in scholarship till 40 years of their life and criticising the economy of country. What they forgot is that there is life beyond scholarship they get for unlimited years of phd, m.phil. God knows what they studied but they knows well how to show intellectual superiority in the social network by selling "f***" word. Oh they don't know anything so they should "f**** off". Oh they are "f**"** the anti colonial struggle. They should better learn wrestling than wasting money for a government as they have no common sense that everyone has right to speak about their own state or country. Well, let's accept the fact that I don't know anything or somebody doesn't pinch of what the f*** is going on in Manipur, then you just provide one answer that they are just f****. 

So if one' half the life of education is all about how can you easily use abusive language, then he just show his retarded mindset. Many you could find everywhere in Facebook, Twitter. Oh well feminist , f*** it, how can they think there could be such topic when we are so concerned with saving our broken economy by forcing women to wear phanek in the school and college. You know we believe in woman empowerment. See ema keithel where ypu can find women only sell vegetables, fruits or sometimes their life and body to give a luxury life to husband and family. That's the only women market in imphal. Our meira paibi are so powerful they can stop bullets punching our body, that's women empowerment. But you can't trust them to take any decision, you know women are meant to make home so they don't understand politics, they are illiterate. That's how khudie hangampal patriots comes in Manipur politics. Women should be submissive, dumb and should not speak. If they do, you can open fire so many flying f*** you learned from most famous university in India or world. 

There is a bigger issue to fight but women then why all these khudie hangampal hide behind their keyboard and what imagination they have mapped in their mind that only women should be a protestors. There could be difference in opinion between man and woman, woman and woman also, but what these groups of scholars failed to learn is respect of difference. They feel that women are piece of joke, they are so intelligent but less they forget that they are brought to this world by a woman unfortunately. 

Best way to deal with such half baked , rotten mind who desperately seek brain orgasm by abusing others is to leave them in their own stand. If you are in the mood to engage to check their intellectual growth, you can find time after a decade also. They all would be doing the same business. They read all those books which people can't read or even heard of names so that they can thrash and abuse people. They forgot to come out of high profile books they read, probably they failed to understand human outside the books. You can be pity, pour your blessings but you can't have human conversation with them.

Friday, July 8, 2016

One's own room

Living alone in one's room, living a life of my wishes, touring the world with the girls of great mind but never to fall in the trap of family, society, men, tradition, culture..are all I have dream and the push behind the crazy thoughts to become an independent woman who would not fear of anything in life, not even those men in uniforms guarding their country in the darkness who never hesitate to frisk our bag before the dawn.

This little feet have walked a life of millions, met many monsters and still survive. Life always has a different plan, somehow I end up in a whirlpool of family circus, relationship and my struggle to come out of all was way difficult than those war-field. Nevertheless, I will not stop fighting to earn a room of my own, where I will not hesitate of anyone, I will not beg in front of anyone fearing hurting someone I love, I will love only those whom I heart , yes I do not need to keep dreaming of saying so many things to you. 
You would come someday in a room of my own, where there won't be a world of peeping eyes, we would be all alone. There will not be any disturbance from the whistle of the mothers who kept you away from your love. All those milestones were too hard but no struggle was comparable for a woman who dream to sing alone, dance in the rain, walk in the forest in a moonlit night and say the truth in her heart. Everyone hates you for speaking your mind except few could love unconditionally and stand forever. Far away there are lives who sleeps in your lullaby, he keeps you close in his heart until you wake him up from his solitude.

Sunday, June 19, 2016


I could only sense the moving train
taking me miles away from him
I was at his arms , not in real but in dream, imagination and in my dead
Love was so deep, so brutal at the first sight
I recall even the single pores in his hand
Those hands softly adjusting his sophisticated watch
why everything was so beautiful and insane when he was around
Love was like a superstition, non-existent but still fear the lost
You pray, try to grasp it
Sadly gone too fast beyond my control
Tears were ugly, painful
though it was a need for survival
a way to breath out the brutal air in the lungs
So as time flies, wounds are healed
we move on
he is a different man, so as I'm
some scars disappear, some reappear in every monsoon

To all the accidental Fathers!!

Fatherhood was an imagination we thought as untouchable, sacred and so pure. But as the life turns the pages of truth it is not so good feeling as we ever assume as we grow up. When I was in college, one of my friend shared a joke or bitter truth about her father. She mockingly shared what her mother told her. You know my father love my mother only in the bed but he hates her face, her looks and everything about her. We have to admit the fact that there so many generous father in this world who claimed to live for their kid by giving their surname, blood and sweats. But there are thousand women who lived a life without love. They have many kids and his kids idolized his I'm super daddy figure. As a kid we never question how our father treat our mother, how his family make his so called better half a life of a slave? In my eyes I feel that every man fail the litmus test of loving a woman who left the house to be in his service whole her life without any payment and recognition. How can a man be so perfect and good by just becoming a father when he can't love and respect the woman who gave lives to beautiful souls. 

When it comes to the meitei society in lower income group, fathers are such figure that you can not raise your voice being a daughter. If you question one of his mistake then everyone will make you guilty for a lifetime. But daughters in such society never thought of doing a reverse engineering of what her father has decided for her life. Recent meeting of lots of my friends living in our locality made me feel that our fathers are so wrong to the daughters. All of them are dependent, helpless and in the same status as their mothers 20 years from now. What's the change such fathers brought to the whole society and what they have gifted to their daughters? When I was a kid I keep listening my mother giving a monthly calculation of kitchen budget and asking for more money from him. Sometime argument was so frequent in the family that I feel so pity for my mother and seeing her helpless realised that I could never depend financially to any man. May be that inspired me to always counter argue my father's decision regarding my education and my life. It's sad to see many of my friends and my own sister still living like an ancient women who still ask money to her husband for buying a packet of salt and give the remaining money to husband. Nowhere we ended the legacy of women slavery. But they make sure that their sons at least have a government job and they gave everything they have to secure a job for the sons. But I don't see them serious making a life for so many daughters whose burden they just lift off after getting them married with some dowry. What happened to their life after marriage is their faith and they easily accept it saying that it is in their faith. But the question is that why the same faith is not accepted for their own sons? 

I know sometime my argument goes beyond my father can handle but I was never wrong. Our fathers still can't accept their daughters as part of their life except we are part of such routine generation where we just exist for some years for them. What bothers to them is when we will get married and save their face from owning an unmarried daughter. Women in our society still live without a sense of belonging. Niether we belong to father's family nor we are accepted by husband's family. Our parents do not care what we will eat after marriage, what we will earn, what path we will take, for them our marriage was end of their responsibility. In our husband's family we are outsiders who will never be part of it. We are just an additional help to the family. Everything said are in contrary to what has been done to a daughter or a daughter in laws. When we all are so busy in this war of saas-bahu, we silently forgot to question the very foundation of patriarchal system inherited by our fathers from time to time. 

Saturday, May 7, 2016


Living in prison of other kind within the four walls of transparent thick glass where humans are caged for nine hours. 
Here everything is scrutinized- temperature, talk, rules, policies and not to forget sexiest jokes greet us in the morning to bring a laughter. How sad it is that we have nothing to laugh at life apart from some dirty bedroom jokes by some frustrated soul.They called it liberalism, see how free women and men are, they can talk about their bedroom dirty secrets as an entertaining script.
It's more than a death sentence given to a criminal and you get this punishment after getting highest degree from highest rated university of this country. What a loser we have become at this capitalist world! You are trapped so as I'm. For how long one can be alive with such death sentence, how can one laugh with their heart when they are just living death.  
I missed the life in my village. Running in the field, catching fish in the rainy season, living without a dream but a life filled with laughter and love. The faces of those in village just become a memory, seems like everything is erased and screened from my head, I missed listening to the midnight songs of drunkard uncles in the neighboring road. They are more than a poet to me, their songs are so meaningful though no music to it. Some cry about their wife, some for lost lover and some are rebellious, against the meira paibi who spends the night in the village hut in a roadside chewing tobacco but shouting slogans against the drunkard.
The misery of this luxurious life in Delhi took away every memories of a childhood, it has stolen my innocence, crush this heart which only knows the colour of blue sky and green field. The evening falls with the noise of crows, devils and loud honking of desperate Delhite. Sadly,even the midnight moon no longer bring back the memories of lost lovers.
Living in this prison of other kind is like a guinea pig in the laboratory of a mad scientists, testing his medicine on us to make human like a robot..emotionless, voiceless and death!!!

Friday, April 22, 2016

Patriotism-a status symbol!!

Patriotism is a status symbol for rich man's son and daughters 
Music and poetry long ago left the darkness of the midnight
They could no longer feel the emptiness 
Rather it dances around the whisky filled glasses of rich 
Freedom is a mere word in the world of thugs 
Where freedom fighters abandon a heart to love their women!! 

New definition of social service is rich people's sons and daughter going to the dirty street and swiping or taking a selfie with a kid who wore dirty clothes or known to less fashion than the social workers or so called patriots in the Facebook activism. I'm sure some of them must be doing from their heart and soul but at the same time there is something called decency and one should stop there when they cross the limit. Once there was a big fight over one mistakenly asked question to a sponsored kid like " how does it feel like to be a poor". So now the same trend is going on. One is quite sure they have good money to buy good camera phone for a clearer picture of their work in Facebook. 

Manipur is already so crowded with man-in-uniform and NGOs. But there is a big race between the number of uniform people and NGOs so the people who lived hearing the story of sacrificing and good work by such two parallel institution is such a pain now. There will come a time that the common people has to protest with one slogan tag-" Free from AFSPA and NGO". Being a Manipuri and North-eastern when we are so tired with already existing "mother Northeastern" who will appear in national TV with teary eyes and victim faces. But the number is counting, there is no full stop. Beautiful meitei phanek and saree matek are new fashion in national TV and Facebook for a social worker who is working for the betterment of the poor. But simply lets come to back to the cost of the dress they are wearing. Somehow I also had to buy one of the meitei saree out of compulsion and the price of the saree could give a person of medium income a heart attack. So this shows that our NGO hero and heroines who are featuring in the TV channels and Facebook has lot more money in their pocket to invest in their look just like mini-models in a small size market of online fashion. I'm not against women who are very fond of make-up but NGO ladies completely done up like a sas-bahu serial actors completely stunned me when there is so much surcharge and taxes over the consumer items that includes the cosmetics. 

The new genre of social activist, singers, poets and so called good man and woman just confirm the fact that patriotism is about loving your own status in the Facebook and how many people like your social service picture with a poor child but not for enhancing a level above the poverty. 

Arundhati Roy correctly said that NGOs are dangerous. They do what the missionaries used to do in Colonial times. Theya re Trojan Horses. The worse the situation, the more the NGOs.

Sunday, April 17, 2016

The shameful Mayang Imphal killing!!

When I heard about killing of two boys alleged to be vehicle lifters not only shocked me but frightened with the cruelty of those people who lived just few meters away from my own home. Some of the culprits who were part of the mob used to be my neighbors, my friends and my elders. I was not only shaken by the incident of killing, burning of houses and my own family taking shelters in relative's place as a consequence of the clash between the two communities.

It was painful to think about the victims and moreover the parents of the boys who has to witness the brutality in the body of their own child for whatever crime they have committed. Also, it's painful to think about the fact that my own uncles, brothers and neighbors has turned to a group of merciless animal in such a short span of time? What are the factors which ignited so much of hatred among each other? This is not the first time there were clash between meiteis and muslims living in Mayang Imphal indulge such clash but we keep looking for opportunities by both sides? 

I could still recall some of the incidents in the past which led to putting of more gates, barriers and clutches in the door to ensure our safty. I sure same threat and insecurity of their own friends, neighbours are felt by muslims living in my locality also. After this incident, meiteis could not even think of visiting their own fish farm in the muslim inhibited area, similarly muslim living across the road could not even sneak out of their home to even travel to other places of Manipur. People are left with such a hostility, threat to life and lost of trust among each others because of few culprits in one community but are we ready to punish the culprits? No, we are not! This intention of meitei community who protects the culprits and protest against the arrest of few of culprits has created more tension than it was before. I have come across the news of not giving a communal colour to the incident then why are we protesting against the arrest of murderers and why there is a big silence over the killing? No one in the meitei community has the courage to stop the killing  and raised against those and become a witness so that justice is given to the boys and parents of the boys? We make so much noise about indiscriminate killing of our brothers and fathers by the armies but we are silent unquestionably when meitei kills a tribal or muslim or tribal or muslim kill a meitei? Is this so called peaceful co-existence we claimed from years? 

Coming back to the claim of cultural chauvinism, we have to accept the truth though it is too late now. We should give an answer to the very rightful question asked by our muslim and tribal neighbors- what the meitei think of themselves? Yes, what we think of ourselves? Are we superior? richer? Are we still kings so rest are our slaves to obey our inhumanity, our untouchable cultures, stereotyping of muslims and tribals and at the same time calming to be guardian of rest of the community. Lets accept the fact that we as a community lack maturity, understanding and its a high time we should teach our children, brothers in the coming generation how to respect another human irrespective of their religion and community. Sadly my forefathers only taught us that muslims are untouchable so they can't cross our courtyard and can't enter in meitei functions. Similarly, for tribals also our forefathers only taught us that they are the one who came to stay in our land and they should obey to us. These teachings from our forefathers not only harm us morally today but become a reason to hate the whole meitei community by other community. If we are hate by a particular community then we still have scope of other community being wronged but when we are hate by all community then we need to cross check what could be wronged at our end. This is a fact from the peaceful coexistence of tribals with people from Bihar and UP in Ukhrul and many parts of hills but at the same time they feel threaten from meiteis. Meiteis in hills lived like a illegal immigrants but there is big celebration of chhat pooja in Ukhrul, celebration of Pongal in Moreh . This only shows the hatred and lack of trust between meitei and tribals/muslims. 

These incidents, clash and killings are reminders to us that we need to stand for the right and wrong, not for meities or muslims. Protest by people from my locality against the arrest of culprits was not only shameful but illegal and cruel towards those parents. The Mr. Ex-gracia CM should stop distributing ex-gracia to cover up from solving a murder case. We pay tax to promote development but for not covering up the mindless killing by some thugs just because they belong to majority meitei community. Booking of an accused and punishing them will not only bring back the peaceful co-existence between two communities but will help in reducing the culture of mob lynching in Manipur.

Thursday, January 7, 2016

Death !!

So priceless
So uniform
Everything bow to you at the end
I wish I'm 'the death'
No one can rewind your wish
No man can resist your will
Death,  death
Everyone embrace you in the final hour
Happily or unwillingly
Some embrace you with their heart
Some come with a heavy heart
But there is a final hour
For a king, even for a soulless
Unlike me, you stood tall
You waited for everyone to embrace you
Oh death!
So priceless
So uniform
You stood tall
Noone has ever defeated you
Unconquerable, yet you made everyone to lose

Ode to all my dying dreams!

I wish I could bury my dreams
I wish I could envelope all of them
Wrap them layer by layer
Saved myself from burning me
From turning me into ashes

I feel soul-less all the time
I was wrong of existence of my own
When I'm only asked to kill every dream of my own

Everything is dying
The dreams, the hope
Love, loneliness,  midnight blue
Every moments which awaken my soul

Everything is dying slowly
With or without my consent

Some,I killed with my own hands
Some, killed by each of one of them
Killed by so called love
So called love
So selfish
So lifeless