Friday, May 24, 2013

The Magical Six Sem!!

Finally the much awaited six semester exam got over. Now I will add another feather in my qualification. Ah! such a long list and people will get tired reading the list of my qualification. I have never thought this course will change the person I'm and will meet so many good people around. I can not recall much of having too much fun in Miranda House in my college time. May be I was too young and didn't understand exactly what I want in those days. Now I choose the subject and know what I want to learn from it.

Three years of painful, memorable and everlasting journey in the law faculty finally come to an end. I remembered the first day in the family law class and getting into an argument with few classmates who belong to a different era regarding the decriminalization of homosexuals. That was the first event which ask me to study law with my heart so that someday I can stand and fight for the one who is discriminated and ill-treated. I'm always commented of being radical in my view since my childhood. Still I'm radical about my idea of doing something different even falling in love with a worst man but I learnt to justify my radical view with the knowledge of law now. That's something so different and exciting about this subject. May be I would not have enjoyed it much if I study it just as any other subject to get a mere degree.

Well, in the past five semesters I was always in a crying mood for not able to manage office, classes, family, poetry and life beyond this. I had the most disastrous time in the personal life also in the last three years. I met so many people who taught me so many lessons, making me realized at the end of the day that you can not rely to anyone for your happiness. I learnt to embrace the solitude, melancholy nights, loneliness by choice and have started to enjoy my life as a single, independent, loving and caring woman with never blame yourself attitude.

Here come the magical six semester of LLB final year.

The classes were started as usual in the mid of January and I got few friends like Akriti, Ranjana Mam, Neha, Praveen, Ravi, Esha and Priyanka. Among them Akriti, Neha and Ranjana Mam were the closest friend to me. I started to have bonded so well with them and they have replaced my feelings of being so alone and lost in this strange city. Seems like I have slowly accepted and own this city as my adopted mother and sometime reciprocated her feelings of being my adopted mother though I always missed my real home.

I met Ranjana Mam in the fourth semester and sometime she used to drop me but I was reluctant to ask for help most of the time but she made me so comfortable that I have forgotten to realise she belong to a land which I have hated so far. She reminds me of my elder sister who is always calm and composed. She is one of the most caring and generous woman I have ever met. Seems like she had removed the hatred of being an alien inside me after few months of association with her.

 Remembered the constitution class? Some guys pointing out me for arguing in favour of Mandal commission and reservation. They even passed comments near the faculty gate as I'm being emotional as I might belong to one of the reserved category. It does not matter whether I belong to a reserve category or not, what matters is that what respect one owe to another human, also the fact is that I do not belong to any of the reserved category. Ranjana mam was one person who patiently listen and try to understand for what they do not see and understand at times. At the same time she opposed reservation! That makes me feel so special about her. Someone who is ready for a dialogue and discussion but not with a finger pointing attitude that you are  always wrong and I'm always right.

In the fourth semester she used to drop me in my earlier flat in Roop Nagar and when I have shifted to Vijay Nagar she changed her route to drop me in the present place. I'm not too good when it comes to showing gratitude but I have no words to thank her. Sometime she even used to drop the girls in my class till the metro station though her route is totally different. No idea how many people still believe in such kind of helping each other gives the pleasure proverb as we lived in a world where people even sell each other. Sometime, I would called her irrationally and ask so many things but she just laughed off to my funny questions. She is the best person to discuss about anything, whenever I needed any suggestion regarding my brothers and even buying my washing machine :) . She is open, liberal and more of a friend too so the age gap between us never brought a hindrance to our talks. We used to have so much fun on our way back while sharing my wildest new crush. Like a sister she also suggested one day you should control your smile sometime in the class because everything was making so obvious :) No doubt there is good people and I'm so lucky to meet her as my classmate, guide and a friend. She is also one person who never stops dreaming and have the guts to fight against the odd and the system in her capacity. That makes her different from the other people in the class who rather make noise instead of making a useful contribution :)

Then here comes the tallest girl in the class and the loveliest one. What has got my attention to Akriti was her selflessness. Sometime I don't bother to do proxy for the girls whom I hardly know and particularly do not like doing it. But she said one thing to me, do your part, for the rest, you should not think about it. She always carry a smile and never get angry with anyone and gel with everybody , at the same time she is not diplomatic and selfish. Loves eating pasta and always ready for fun. She is more of a free soul like me, never bother about looking back and holding back in life. As most of the classmates keep missing, we become the comrades who always stood for each other and ready to mingle all the time whether it is raining or super hot in Delhi. We live our life with the undying spirit of life-it is only once so just kick ass :) . That's how she owes her heart to everyone.

We bonded with each other so well for our love of talking, discussing and debating on any topic and our believe that essence of life lies to preserving human emotions. I have not met from a long time a person who wants to talk about love, relations, emotions and crush. People thought it's a useless talk and only teenagers can do such honey-money talks and we should discard it once we released that we are grown up. But I'm someone who romance with everything around me. With the nature, seasons and even with the words I'm writing now. Our endless talk about love, romance and crush bring us together and we grew up together making our journey in the faculty so memorable today.

I know I might not have enjoyed that much in the class and faculty if she was not there especially our classes from Wednesday to Friday ;). Sometime when I'm too much involved with someone I could not write much about them but rather lost with their memories. Though I must admit that after years I found another girl to add in my own selected gang. That's my girl Akriti. I wonder how come someone who is born and brought up in Delhi can be so gentle, soft, helping and nice. So far I met only bahenji who are jealous, nasty, insecure and frustrated of their caged life. Apart from her, thumps up to her parents for giving so much of freedom and liberty which made her so different from the rest. She shared my dearness to taste the most forbidden path of life. We enjoyed talking about our future plan of one adopted daughter and four dogs in my own flat and living like our dream girls in the Sex and the City movie.

Exam just got over without realizing that we won't be able to catch up everyday like before. Nothing else to do and caught up with our nostalgia moments we both were enjoying the up-down metro ride in CP without any reason. For no reason we catch up and talked about how we wish to be freed from every bonds of the society and we hardly realized that we have spent half of our time basking in DU garden, romancing the falling night and talking about how much we love those unfaithful lovers. Above all these, why I'm so fond of her is that she never gets tired of me talking endlessly about my hot new crush in the faculty ;)

Next is about my Einstein. What will I say about Einstein? We are unbreakable combination of Newton-Einstein of the law faculty. We shared the same birthday and sometime same temper which make us feel like the twins once separated in Kumbha Mela in a forgone year. Rightly said by her brother, 29 November-Pagal Diwas because of our overflowing emotions and temper!! My introduction to her just happened in 3rd semester when I was reading a super heavy book of Civil Service preparation in the class. She did not tell me what she is doing but from her question it was quite obvious for me that she was also interested in the same field. With time, we become like a long lost friend sharing so many things about life and our differences about the idea of nationalism, democracy, politics, love, marriage and life.

I remember her as that girl who for the first time said she wants to read something about Manipur and it's independent kingdom before the acquisition by India in 1950. I wish at that time, if all the people in India has at least this much soothing emotions for the people in Manipur and the north east states, there would not have been so far so much of hatred and racism in India just like today. What we lack is our ability to understand the differences rather being happy in rejecting each other and what we are. I learnt to accept her opinion that all people do not think the way people generally talk about the north-east states and the people. And she also respects and accepts the hurt feelings and the discriminated life we lead here. That's one of the reason we bonded but our love to aim something high and never stop dreaming attitude bring us together so far sharing so many special moments in the faculty and beyond the faculty too even watching our favorite movie with her mom. No doubt my Einstein is very different from the rest of the girls I have met when it comes to life, feminism, society and of course idea of love, emotions and marriage. Her desire to sail so long all alone and her ambition to reach the top is one thing we both shared forgetting what the world said about us ;)

Well, first question from this guy was a shocking and memorable one- do you find me sexy? It happened just near the gate of law faculty after the class. I just laughed off so loudly replying him I'm so sorry I didn't find you sexy and I have never looked at you from that angle. Above all I'm too senior to you so I never find the sexiness in a man younger to me. This question can be from none other than Praveen Sharma. But just love the way he asks and admire the way he feels about himself. Hmm he is one person who finds everything about himself sexy and irresistible but not self obsessed :D. No doubt he has the quality to gel like honey with everyone and lend his hand whenever any friend needs him. It was more in the six semester I have interaction with him and particularly he reminds me of the philosophy of life "never be too serious in life, nothing is permanent". Always carry a flirtatious smile and openly flirt with everyone. Best part of him is that he accepts both his good and bad quality and never tried to act like he is sacrosanct but still I adore the boyishness in him howsoever he try to act like he is very much mature. We share our craziness to talk un-talk-able and forbidden ones.

 For the first time I got the comfort level to talk freely with a man about sexuality of woman and what is the man's perspective. As this being an interesting subject for me to write in future. He is one person who is opened to talk about any topic and never judge anybody especially when it comes to a relationship between two people, except that he is born in a wrong place..hmm he should be in America :P. I was going through the bad time during the exams of  fifth semester and beginning days of six semester but whenever I called him to share my stupid stories he would patiently listen to it and make sure that I smile with one of his pathetic jokes ;) . Whenever we talk, we argue, that makes the things very interesting because that's a kind of my hobby since childhood ;) And thanks to you my buddy for every moment we have shared and for every smile you have tried to replace in my face. But somehow we seems to get no time for each other even in the last day to say a Good-Bye! Nevertheless, I wish you for a life blessed with lots of love and believe me, true love will come searching for you as you always rejected my concept of true love. Sometime you can rely to a poet when it comes to love :)

Here comes the hottest topic and most memorable part of the six semester. Hardly remember the date, may be in middle of February. There was a newly joined professor in the faculty. He looks quite young and energetic and we were bit excited when we saw him thinking that at least he won't make us sleep in the class like any other professor. But we never gave that much attention to him rather than shouting at each other whenever he asked any question. He used to raise question so that we can debate like lawyers in the class but that was again a part of fun for us. Then one fine day he begun with his desire to know opinion of each of us in the class regarding two problems in India and their solutions. Everyone was giving crap opinion and trying to act like moralist. They bored me like hell at the same time also igniting my anger which I have suppressed from so many years being a north-eastern in Delhi.

Finally he asked me to give my opinion. After that I do not remember from where I have started and what was the end. Only thing I can recall was that he was continuously saying me "keep talking" by looking at my face. I got so emotional and almost burst out talking about AFSPA,Sharmila, Manorama, fake encounters and massacre by the state owned gunmen in North east and Kashmir. Asked everyone in the class including him why they have become so human after the Delhi gang rape case when so many women have been raped and thrown without even acknowledging that rape happened, just because they are done at the cost of protecting the boundaries of this nation. Even in that class I do not know his name and never interested to know any professor's name so far no one seems to be truly honest when it comes to their intention to teach the students. But his last line before ending the class make me released that he is a person who value human emotions and still owe a hope to the lost confidence of the people towards the system and the country.

Needless to say, I still find this country hopeless after listening to his opinion also but do admire people who are honest in what they do and hope genuinely about improving the situation and changing something at their capacity without getting anything in return. What impressed me most about him was saying that he shared the pain of the people in NE and Kashmir and may be I can not see that emotions from his face. The word emotions click my mind. I was so upset that day and even got angry with him for a while also thinking why he has to start that kind of topic despite of knowing that nothing is going to change. But later on I thought if that discussion did not happen, I would never get an opportunity to know a nice person who values hope, dream, emotions, loves good politics but not selfish and screw up at the end.

Well, as of now his story will not end because it is an undeniable romance which will take little more time to die. But I must admit that he was one of the most honest professor we have met in our three year journey in the law faculty. Some of the professors came to the class to take attendance and finish syllabus but he came with an intention to share his knowledge and he did his best even taking extra classes after the stipulated date of the session. That makes him very different from the rest. About being a man, I do not know anything about him, have not tried to know more than I wish to know but just watching him sometime so carefully I can feel the vibe of a man who still owe value to emotions, love at the same time liberal and it's rare in our time to even witness little emotions in a man's eyes or in their face... especially when people die and doom for lust, sex and money only.

For the first time I wrote a paper without reading it from dukki and even hardly open the books. That makes me feel so proud and enthralled about the every single moments in his class. At the end of the day, I'm always left with an everlasting memory of his class of those hidden smiles, laughter and fun. That's something I define in my poetic language as a romantic ambiance but I do also understand what those peeping tom and dick misinterpret it. Someone passed a comment to me once as he is not of your type when I was waiting for his class in the corridor. I just smile and answer to her- I know he can never be of my type but what can I do if he is so much flattered with me and afterall he is irresistibly handsome ?? And I owe no explanation to anyone. Neither I was looking for an eternal love nor trying to write a story of an undying epic of love. But whenever I remember him, I just wish if I can grasp those irresistible smiles in his face and keep it for myself and watch it whenever I'm upset...

So far I have painted with the colors of sorrow, pain, anger, worries and betrayals of those departed ones in an empty canvass till their memories get eroded. For the first time, I thought why should not I paint with only emotions without attaching a string of lost and found but of something fresh, smiling, dreaming, hoping, non-ending, non-possessive, eternal, intangible and undefined emotions of those moments we have shared.

Friday, May 17, 2013


Didn't I teach you 
to talk to the moon 
in a silent night 
Didn't I make you feel
caresses of the breeze 
when you are alone
Didn't I let you hear 
love songs of the departed ones
Didn't I say so 
You will come searching for me 
When I'm gone

Wednesday, May 15, 2013


do not tell me
i fail to teach the language of love
didn't you talk to the moon
in the silent night
didn't you feel
that caresses of the wind
didn't you hear
that cry of the falling flowers
without anyone to pick her
do not lie to me
you have buried me forever
in your memories
didn't I tell you
you will be searching for me
when i'm gone