Tuesday, August 31, 2010

Law campus fiasco!!!

After three years of completing M.Sc. from Delhi University I'm now back to campus as a Law student with a dream to give a boost to my career. But things are not so pleasant being a student in Law faculty. To get the degree from the one of the most reputed Law faculty in the country you have to tolerate unhygienic environment. Don’t take me wrong here. Let me elaborate the pain we are going through to become a dignified lawyer. It’s not about study, it is not related to the competitive law entrance to get a seat in this faculty. No doubt this faculty has a name and more than 10 thousand students appear every year to get a seat here. I’m the lucky one to avail a seat here.

But never thought sometime you have to face an unhygienic environment. Unlike the Science faculty where we have to spent our time from 8 to 6pm in the class and lab , you need only 3hrs of your time in Law Faculty. Unlike in Science faculty where the students show their talents in classroom and the Lab, here you need to flaunt more about your speaking & arguing skill. Above all, the fancy cars are additional assets of the law faculty students for the certain elite sections who studied law to break the law someday!!

Well, forget about everything. Now let me get back to what I want to write about this faculty. Working in a pharmaceutical company made me so concern about a hygienic environment. I believe more in protection rather than chewing tablets to protect from the diseases. Being into the law faculty means you have to explore into every available virus, fungus, bacteria, flies and Insects. Just after you get into the department you are welcome by potholes and the flood water and the clumsy environment where you don’t even have a place to stand for five minutes. Moreover if you stand you will be attacked by the insects, flies and mosquitoes who had built a permanent nest in the faculty. The faculty is suitable home for insects, ants and flies and mosquitoes.
Passing though the corridor towards your class, either you have to block your nose or you have to stop breathing for sometime till you cross the vicinity of the toilet. The evening breeze would bring the stinking smell of toilet, dustbins into your classroom and you have to spend the three hours in a classroom by closing all the windows and doors even during the hot sumer. In addition to this you have to fight with those irritating mosquitoes and insects in the class. The decades old ceiling fan no longer work and you always have a steam bath in the class free of course. There is no proper lighting in the classroom and again you have to run to get those seats where the natural lights help your visibility.

Now, it’s election time. The not so good looking DUSU candidates would come and interrupt every class to deliver their trademark campaigning speech. Oh!! So tired of them and their TM smile. Of course they are not so good looking as you can see in their posters posted in the walls of the DU which makes the campus as an old cinema hall instead of the institute.

The dusu candidates are not less than our politicians. In fact they are preparing themselves to become future politicians but India is not in such a stage so that students can opt for politics as a career. These candidates of DUSU and the law faculty, at the first place don’t have a clear mind and honest mentality. Everybody are followers of our politicians who become famous after  facing an allegation of scam, fraud etc. in fact the DU election is a simply a dirty politics and people who would like to involve into the dirty politics stand for the election. Their speech even challenges the decision of the highest Court of India. Sometime they make me so stunt and I keep on thinking OMG, there is lotza things I got to know about the world from this kids.

Then I told myself what this people would do when they can’t even ask the administration of the college to afford to have a clean toilet and a canteen of its own.  Well, well, nothing much to say more about but I’m bit scared these days to visit this reputed faculty because of the dengue problem which is now talk of the town. Just after I get down from my office cab in the metro station I started praying “Oh God protect me from the dangerous mosquitoes”.

Now Im inside the law faculty.... let me enjoy one more campus fiaso......

Saturday, August 28, 2010

What if, the world is inhibited by UNISEX???


Girl-boy child sex-ratio alarmingly decreasing in state.....

What if there is only one gender? Nothing called as male and female. Hope it's too dreamy but it would be too good to be true because there won't be anything called as discrimination and suppression.
Sometime I keep on thinking and questions like what is the difference between a human and a woman arose in my mind. The pain of being a woman starts from the day we are created as a successful embryo in a mother’s womb. It’s sometime ashamed to say how girl child have been treated even in my own family decades back. Now the things have been changed in my family and there is no longer gender discrimination faced by my sister unlike me and my elder sister had faced while we were a kid.

The cited news of the Sangai Express on the girl-boy child sex ratio intrigues me to share my own experience. But life is full of stories, some are too good and some are not –so-good but they are never bad to learn and march ahead in life.

My experience of being born and brought up in a poor to middle class family in a village/small town is something different. Such experience made me felt that I had already lived a life of 50 years ahead. People search, analyze and do PhD but I don’t need go through all these research because life has taught me enough and I must say all these gave me a lot which no one can grasp from the reading, seeing and practicing.

May be that is the reason I never had any interest in such things as a subject rather I thought of finding something new in the field of Science & Law.

I don’t know who made the society and what the society, culture and traditions fit into our elder’s tiny brains then they become woman hatred. I leave such debates to God who is believed to have made the humans though humans are formed as an embryo in the womb of a woman, who is subjugated, suppressed, look down and had no clan, no surname etc, so far in our society. May be my words are too extreme but believe me reality is more extreme if you are a woman who dream to redraw the line of control drawn by the so called society between the human and the woman.

I have six aunties and my father is the only male child in the family. My grandmother and my great grandmother hated girl child like anything. She did not even touch my youngest sister after her dream to see a grandson was not fulfilled by my mother. Unfortunately, my mother is believed as an omen in the family because she delivered another three girl child and increases the number of female member. I’m happy to know that there was not even a proper “swasthi pooja” when I was born because of the tension arose in the house for another addition of a female candidate. It’s a long gone story, nothing to feel bad about it rather I feel special and lucky , except my mother felt that my notorious behavior is related to all these!!! When she is fed up with my arguments she joked at me “oh you had missed the swasthi pooja”. I’m rather glad because I didn’t listen to the Brahmin reading prayers in Sanskrit. May be that effected me a lot now because I don’t believe in blind & idol worshipping.

The reason of sharing my experience is not just putting complaint against my great grandma and my grandma who had not given us a not so good treatment to us because of being a girl child. They are no more in this world and I owe my deep respect, love and regard to them till their last breathe despite of everything; simply, for the fact that I’m here because of them and they are God for me. How the society, culture and the people living therein made them from human to women is not related to my eternal bonding with them. Their blood still runs through my veins and arteries but I have protected so far myself from being contaminated with the social norms.

They belong to a very poor family and their husbands expired in the very early age and they had to face the hardship of surviving and living both in a male-dominated society.

As a child I never agree to whatever my grandmother said because I felt that she ill-treated me, my elder sister & my mother but later on I changed my perception thinking that she loved us so much and don’t want us to face the same troubles they had faced being a woman.

They were always furious with my parents because of my dressing sense. I had never touched a phanek till class VIII just because they force me to wear it and its an offensive figure to them seeing a girl of my age roaming with the boys in the locality with half-pant, big Tees and short hair. They gave me examples of my neighbor beautiful girls wearing phanek, long hair. Sometime their words hurt me a lot and I even dreamt to walk like them, have a long hair and wear a phanek but I always failed. But I’m truly adored by my parents and never told me to wear a phanek. Rather they are happy with my performance in school and always encourage me to be what I’m. I still remember my father taking me to the tailor to stitch proper coat-trousers and a beautiful skirt for my elder sister. What a sweet memory it was and I might not be the person I wanted to be if they have not given me so much of freedom to pursue whatever I felt. They protected me so much from the suppressive norms of the society and let me enjoy my childhood without bothering which gender I belong to despite of all the harsh words from my aunties and grandma.

The feeling of ignorance, suppression and discrimination hurts undoubtedly. Some people say that I 'm thinking too much but when it comes to the question of being self, dignity, pride and respect of a human, it matters a lot. May be that is the reason I find it quite difficult to deal with certain section of the MCP who can see woman just an ornament and cultural ambassador of the society. We don't want to change and grow with time but we love being a copying cat of other's in the name of culture and tradition preservation. We bother more about the culture, tradition and society but never thought & discussed and try to rectify our mistakes of treating a girl child differently from her counterparts.

So, isn’t it the time for us to wake up and educate ourselves instead of killing a fetus in the womb of a mother and making her a criminal instead of a mother? True, we live in a lawless land but let’s not at least make a mother a criminal by enforcing her to do sex-determination of the fetus and depriving her from her motherhood. Nevertheless, I might be born as an unwanted child to my family; my parents never owe less love to anyone of us so lets not force a mother to kill her child. This thought must have killed them instead. Why should not we welcome a girl child with a smile instead of terminating her in the womb? Let them free from the taboo of the culture, tradition and society norms, they will outperformed what a man can ever do. Then why are we still so bound with the name namesake clan, surname and heritage. Who said that the bloods from the parents don’t run through a girl’s veins & arteries. They are same as a male child except that the society made them women/girl depriving from their basic rights to enjoy as a free human.

Wednesday, August 25, 2010

Silence is the hardest argument to refute!!!!

These few words have changed how I look into a situation and how I handle it.

Since then I thought of keeping silence to any circumstances where there would not be any justification of words, my life is too good and peaceful. These days I don't pay attention to the idiots and hypocrites, don't waste my time and energy to the issues which is created by some devil minds. lastly but not the least, those people who has a problem with their own life but they lead a different life like hypocrites in order to show to the world. That’s something I really hate,so sometime i love hating pople. Its more than enough for me to learn from the people around me regarding all facts & fakes of life. Sometime I keep on thinking how people must be feeling when they lei to themselves and how they must be leading a life in that way!!

Should you call m self centered or self obsessed for being  so quite but I can never lei to myself. I can never live an artificial life, can't believe to a lie that would kill me soon like a slow poisoning...

These days some funny things are happening in my own social network too. Obviously the victim would be people like me, I have faced the same situation innumerous times.
"Expecting the world to treat u fairly because you are a good person is like expecting a lion not to eat you just because you are a vegetarian"

I'm not anybody's side neither agaist anybody  but simply feel irritated when ppl played with emotions n sentiments . In the morning I read some words of Arundhati Roy regarding a movie made on poverty.

"People become rich by selling poverty, but not the poor. They sell poverty but not the poor because it is not attractive."

Same thing is happening in my own soceity. Some rich people from some rich family gathered to support the  poor and needy. But things turns out upside down. Sometime I pity those people who live life for money and happy with other's gratitude only. They can never be happy without getting something in return. What a shame?
What a shame for these people who are more concerned with winning an argument instead of understanding the situation and trying to help.

Here again I opt to keep silent because I know that they can never see/feel/understand how a poor lead their life. What can I ask more to those people who feel proud of growing up in a protecting family without acknowledging where they live, those people who drive a sleek car where the road deserves for a bullock cart?
This is how elite people look at the poor people, they are not helping the poor, and they want to feel good with the gratitude they have got from the pity mouths of the poor. They want to enjoy with the ecstasy of joy by spending their money to cover up the poverty. They want to feel worthy of their life and forget about the sin they have done or by their parents by doing same business of poverty, so called helping the poor and needy .....
written two years back after attending  a ngo meeting in Bassnt Kunj....thank god she didnt call back after my mail....

Tuesday, August 24, 2010


Yes, I’m different. I’m a brave lady in your eyes. I have so many things in my life except you.

It’s also true that I can stand on my own. Even the sky falls over me, I shall not stop being myself. Your brave lady!!
She cried......
I’m not used to live without having him around me. I thought time will come and I will feel that it’s the time to move on. But how far I’m able to move on?

He went away with so many promises left behind without fulfilling it. He owns a wife now, he is a good son in his parent’s eyes and he is a father from his unwanted wife.
How would you justify me that you love me so much an you can’t live without me? My mistake lies with my perception being so liberal and living with my dream man. But he was someone who couldn’t understand himself. He is among that man who sadly can’t recognize his own feelings.

With an excuse of caste and religion he left me so easily. With such an easy excuse of fulfilling his parents dream he forgot to feel the nerves running in my body.

Have been years I never tend to involve and move ahead with another someone special. Life does not end here. I know I don’t wish anybody teaching me but what I’m looking now is just to recover from this phase of life.
Suddenly yesterday I was getting ready to go for office I found his ties left in my room. Suddenly in the back of my mind flash back that day I bought this tie for him for his promotion. I thought I sun will never set for us and will not leave me alone in the darkness. I dream that the romance will continue till I’m death. Now I have to live like a living death body. Dying for every moment and seconds makes me so tired of this life.

My landline numbers suddenly ring.

The heavy voice on the other side of the phone seems to be quite known to me. In fact his voice shattered my world suddenly. I could not hear his voice from last one year.

I don't know what he wanted from me now? Something left with me??
He said “I’m here in Delhi”. Can we meet for the last time?

I didn’t speak anything. The tears just roll down. I just replied “would you still call me a brave lady and I can face any situation?”

He didn’t answer. We hold the phone for some minutes. He keep saying “hello” in another end of the phone then I hang the phone repeating his words “I’m a brave lady and I should face every situation”.

While driving down the busy roads of Delhi, my mind keeps thinking of the woman whom he got married. For whom he has to abandon me emotionally and physically. How lucky she must be getting so much of love from her in-laws and her husband. Why I’m feeling so cheated when I know that nothing was wrong on my part. Though it was him.

On the side mirror of my car I was looking at myself. My eyes were swelling so I was trying to cover up with the thick dose of the eye-liner. Whatever you are and how sad your life is, office is not the place you should show your personal life. Learn with the past experience I try to own a lost smile and enter my department.

Just after I enter my office, I don’t know where I’m and I forgot now what should not do in the office.

Oh! Unbelieveble! This should not happen to me today! I have some important cleints to meet up today! Saying this I just rush to my cabin without noticing what's happening around.

My colleagues and seniors are congratulating him for his marriage and his new found baby. Suddenly I remember those days I would insist to sit near his system in the name of working and tease him whole day. How much he got annoyed with my unpredictable temper and tantrums.

His suddenly left me so numb.

Neither I cry nor do I say a word. Just sitting in my cabin and trying to hide my lost state in fronts of my colleagues. I don’t know how I should react now. Everybody in the office made so many stories about us is created when we were together and after he left to get married with another woman. Now I have to face another story of his sudden visit to my office. I don’t know which is more painful?

his sudden appearance with a gloomy face or the pinching stories of the onlooker? Both I have to suffer since he has already escape from such questions. Questions and lies are only thing he has left with me for the love he has owed.
When I’m already lost in my thought he suddenly peep through my cabin and said “may I come in….. “

Sunday, August 15, 2010

What will happen when the heart bleeds for 64th years???


Like any human who owns a heart to feel I simply want to ask a simple question what will happen when the heart bleeds for 64th year??

Today is 64th Independence Day of India. The blue sky of political city Delhi is coloured with the triclour kites & flags. The kids are playing cricket on the empty road and every person is busy celebrating the 64th year of freedom. But I have no mood to celebrate but I have not still got the freedom included in every para of the constitution. I'm still a foriegner even being in my own country. I'm still a refugee run from home to escape from the stray bullets and granades. No life has a natural death in my home. Someday even I will also end my life in the hands of those stray bullets fying indiscreminately in the free air. They have no caste, sex, race and colour. They are unisex liberal killers.

Just reading the Hindu Newspaper. Every passing PM and the President give their speech to its people and it always has one common appeal for Kashmir and NE. How sad if you are living like this and for how long we will live like this. Since then I'm born to the Independent India we have never be part of the celebration. Whether I like it or dislike it I can never deny I'm an India. Whether I'm against the politicians and the people who are racist against my community we have never forgot to cheer for India when they are playing cricket against Pakistan. Whether we are called chiky or nepali we couldn't stop our tears when the Indian armies are killed in the Kargil War. When I isten to Lata Mangesker's song "mere waton ke logo" and AR Rahman's "Maa tujhe salam", my eyes become wet.

How sad again about these feeling which has not been recognised and disrespected for so many years.
Without knowing the meaning in my grandfather who was my teacher. But I'm sad about my grandfather who taught me this song but he have not seen that his childrens are not treated not so well by the Independent Bharat.

Good to hear the PM offering to the terrorist of NE and Kashmir to come to the dialogue table. We have only one dream to feel free from our bleeding heart and celebrate the true celebration of the Independence Day.

When you have seen your parents in home are living under the sky of bullets and their life is at stake how could you ask me to sit in peace and celebrate the 64th year of Independence. Is the Independence only destined for the people lives in the mainland then . Who can celebrate when their gates are shut down by the wires of AFSPA?

The politicians benefits from the bussiness of AFSPA. The millitants enjoy the opportunity to thrash us and cut our throat from survival taking its advantage. The police & army loot us, rape our body and dignity in the name of protecting the state but no one has bother about the people.

The law protects the country from the separatist, the army and the state force execute to suppressed the activism and the activist do good deal with the politicians to gain monetarily and to earn name, fame and position. Today's separatist is future politician, today's student Union leader who is shouting against the state and its policy is tomorrow's Chief Minister. The biggest bussiness in a state protected by AFSPA is you either become a millitant or enter state police, or a student union leader or then you have a bright future.

How sad it is to think about the fact that I'm born to a troumatised state where you have nowhere to land. It really bleeds out heart. This is the same feeling that must be happening to the every person who lives through the pain and anguish of living in Manipur and JK. Have they ever got the opportunity to celebrate the Indenpendence day without facing the genaral strike,Bundh and threat from the terrorist and I still ask the another question ...

Will they get the opportunity to celebrate the Independence Day by forgetting the gunshots, their lost fathers, mother, husband, bothers and sisters in their lifetime?

I'm eager to witness that day before I take my last breathe.
But for me I could never forget the sounds of the raining gunshots in the middle of the nights in my last visit to home. Can anyone stop my brothers from fearing from the sounds of crackers and the deeming sounds of heavy boots heard in the front of our door? What a sad feeling I had when my brothers got scared of the sounds of the crackers and fireworks in a neighbours marraige in Delhi. They thought the gunshots have followed them till here. They thought there is the police have come for a combing operation near our rented room.

So far I have forgotten to remember those gunshots while trying to engage with the struggle to survive as a refugee in the big city. Wish my brothers also learn to erase those erratic sounds from their memory.

But the heart bleeds when you remember your vacated home and your old parents living out there among the millitants, corrupted politicians, the police...

Our hearts are bleeding from the last 64th years...

Don't ever say you are A-political...!!!!

When you talk to your mother, you have different way to please her.
When you argue with your father you have different approach to achieve what you want.
When you guide your siblings you have various ways to make them understand the world.
When you talk to your enemy, you are something and unique; you are not as sweet and adorable as you were in front of your mother..

..This is a how we involve in a family and then in a society.

And this is simply called as politics. These days some people comment on the group of mine who are settled in Delhi & outside Delhi as “Oh they played lots of politics among themselves”. Before I used to get offended & feel bad with their comments.
True, we have tremendous amount of differences. Sometime we fought like we would kill each other if meet face to face. But these are the essence of living. At least we have tried to think,do and execute something , may be its output is less than Zero in their eyes. But the easiest job one can every do in life is that of a spectator and commentator.

And yes, at least we get a life. That’s how I concluded with myself.

What would be the life which have no discussion, no fighting, no argument, no anger and of course no peace followed by within ourselves. We are highly influenced by the place we are living also. There won’t be hardly any person in Delhi who at least had not explored into the political sides of the state or country. The air is fully enriched by politics only both bad and good. It depends on which one you absorb for yourself.

Yeah, there are people who loved to live in the closed shell through out the life. Story is different for them. I’m not talking about those people who just want to survive only. Some people commented as we don’t understand your politics and don’t want to be into that…but I tease inside “get a life please”…you are just surviving but not living.
I do lots of politics*, begining from 6:30 am in the morning from 10:30 pm. Politics refers to its literal meaning but not the politics of the politicians and its well known hatred meaning carried in our mind. Through politics only I’m able to work 15-16 hours in a day taking and playing different roles.

In the early morning I have to be a kitchen master cooking and preparing lunch and breakfast for my bros before I leave for office. Then in office I have been thoroughly get back to the job and professional. After the job I again get back to my Campus of Law Faculty where I met many people from different background and everyday I have to add on something in my knowledge so that I become a living human, not a statue.

So while meeting my classmates I have a different approach. In office I have to understand  my colleagues who wants to gossip and wants to throw me into trouble. Either I have to shut their mouth or I stop interacting with them... So life is encircled by huge circle of politics and without politics you can’t live, just merely surviving is extremely easy by accepting whatever comes in my way.

I have many friends in school who are born in very rich family and they live life like in a jail though it is made up of gold. Neither they can't enjoy with friends freely nor they can develop their own personality. When the turns of choosing a life then put a full stop in their life. Yeah, they have done no politics and they have not lived their life..so as no struggle.

So now just don’t say I’m apolitical. It's like you are impotent and incaple to live.
When you say this line you are defaming your living status. If anyone further comments then I have only one answer ...please get a life.
Here I’m not referring to dirty bitching. That’s not politics as usually known. That’s remains as bitching only but politics is how you simply interact with your family and society and how we work out to move ahead in life, get respect, dignity etc….

Thursday, August 12, 2010

WAKE UP "SHITs".....

“Patriotism is the last refuge of scoundrels”

I really love this quote.

This line clicked my mind today morning while reading the news of so many millitants joining hands to show patroitism and solidarity to their motherland.

There are few proverbs I always keep in my mind and that's my mom favorite proverb when she notices something happening unpropotionately i.e the wife of a carpenter does not own a bed to sleep and the wife of a jeweler doesn’t even own a Tula or gram of gold through out her life....

Confused!!! Like the above proverbs, my homeland is full of activist these days. You can categorize and classified them into millions. Some as page 3 activist who loves only PR realizing and show off in TV & print media, some are face book activist who loves only updating photos in face book. What else but its better to maintain silent always instead of arguing with them because I know their mind are quite volatile and unnecessarily why I become a target to burst out their love for their homeland. Also I had been their target so many times earlier too...

I don't wish someone question me what I felt for my homeland. What I want to do and what all trouble I have faced. Because I belong to a remote place where I have to keep counting the gunshots in my bed and my parents are immune to the guns and bullets. Neither we own a building to protect from the bullets  nor we are able to afford of running to a safer place but still I don’t wish to come on the road and show my patriotism only on the road.

For anything I’m involved with I’m always against the publicity. May it be war or peace. Everything relates to human and you can’t touch a soul by clicking a picture and by threatening them. I used to hate the politicians and the film stars a lot for them showing pity thing in the TV and earning name through cheap publicity and playing with human emotions. May be their intention is right but how would I judge them? If you really wish to do something do you need a picture to show to the world? Yes, I agree awareness is important but it should not be at the cost of someone’s pity life. Still, I’m so quite and most of the time I avoid argument because it is useless sometime to exchange conversation with people who are always in the active mode of fighting and with an attitude that they know everything. I wish God bless them sometime for their attitude and enrich their infant brain.

My homeland owns a patriot in every home that's why it’s still a colonized state where people can be slaughter anytime. In fact we are outside the boundary of Indian constitution...when we live without the basic freedom then aren't we so foolish to own so many human rights oragnistaion. So far they are just doing great bussiness of the dead bodies..and earning money and fame..

My homeland has the maximum number of NGO’s to work for the HIV positive people henceforth we are the state which has maximum no. of HIV positive people. Similarly, we also own almost in every home one HIV positive person like we own many patriots in every home ...

Likewise we also own so many self proclaimed democratic organizations which are mushrooming in every corner of the locality to carry forward the undemocratic tasks. Likewise we also have many fractions for each revolutionary/military/terrorist group because of them we are still slave to the independent India.

Again, we own many engineers engineered by the MLA’s and run by the contractors and their achievement so far is that they have built up a flyover so far....

...So far we also have many doctors and they are in the most respectable position in my homeland so we own two big paralyzed state hospitals and people die even from the minor diahorrrea in the 21st centaury. Forget about the Japanese Encephalistis...they are destined to die for suffering from such disease..

Finally we are in the lawless state where every home has one commando and IRB who gets into the job by paying 15 to 20 lakhs for a salary of 5- 10 K and with a license to kill freely...

And yes, now Indepence day is approaching and I saw many legal and illegal organizations/ revolutionary/militants/ terrorists calling bandhs, general strike through out the state. This is the time they united and show their solidarity to their pityful homeland full of shits like them. Yes, this is how they show their patriotism because this is the only way to exhibit their art of  so called revolution against India.

By the way who is suffering by this strike?
Of course, not the MLAs/Enginerrs/Doctors/Cammandos/Terrorist, except the poor fellows who are regularly attending their call off from survival.

That’s why now I want to say loud “WAKE UP SHITS” to all those self proclaimed patriots of a poor Manipur. 13th August is coming and you all are planning for a grand event but remember that just by wearing the "khamen chatpa pheijom wored by Paona Brajabashi " is not the spirit to show respect to them...

So just wake up from the shits where you all are sleeping for so long....Lets wake up someday with the true guts to celebrate the Happy Patriots Day!!