Sunday, June 19, 2016


I could only sense the moving train
taking me miles away from him
I was at his arms , not in real but in dream, imagination and in my dead
Love was so deep, so brutal at the first sight
I recall even the single pores in his hand
Those hands softly adjusting his sophisticated watch
why everything was so beautiful and insane when he was around
Love was like a superstition, non-existent but still fear the lost
You pray, try to grasp it
Sadly gone too fast beyond my control
Tears were ugly, painful
though it was a need for survival
a way to breath out the brutal air in the lungs
So as time flies, wounds are healed
we move on
he is a different man, so as I'm
some scars disappear, some reappear in every monsoon

To all the accidental Fathers!!

Fatherhood was an imagination we thought as untouchable, sacred and so pure. But as the life turns the pages of truth it is not so good feeling as we ever assume as we grow up. When I was in college, one of my friend shared a joke or bitter truth about her father. She mockingly shared what her mother told her. You know my father love my mother only in the bed but he hates her face, her looks and everything about her. We have to admit the fact that there so many generous father in this world who claimed to live for their kid by giving their surname, blood and sweats. But there are thousand women who lived a life without love. They have many kids and his kids idolized his I'm super daddy figure. As a kid we never question how our father treat our mother, how his family make his so called better half a life of a slave? In my eyes I feel that every man fail the litmus test of loving a woman who left the house to be in his service whole her life without any payment and recognition. How can a man be so perfect and good by just becoming a father when he can't love and respect the woman who gave lives to beautiful souls. 

When it comes to the meitei society in lower income group, fathers are such figure that you can not raise your voice being a daughter. If you question one of his mistake then everyone will make you guilty for a lifetime. But daughters in such society never thought of doing a reverse engineering of what her father has decided for her life. Recent meeting of lots of my friends living in our locality made me feel that our fathers are so wrong to the daughters. All of them are dependent, helpless and in the same status as their mothers 20 years from now. What's the change such fathers brought to the whole society and what they have gifted to their daughters? When I was a kid I keep listening my mother giving a monthly calculation of kitchen budget and asking for more money from him. Sometime argument was so frequent in the family that I feel so pity for my mother and seeing her helpless realised that I could never depend financially to any man. May be that inspired me to always counter argue my father's decision regarding my education and my life. It's sad to see many of my friends and my own sister still living like an ancient women who still ask money to her husband for buying a packet of salt and give the remaining money to husband. Nowhere we ended the legacy of women slavery. But they make sure that their sons at least have a government job and they gave everything they have to secure a job for the sons. But I don't see them serious making a life for so many daughters whose burden they just lift off after getting them married with some dowry. What happened to their life after marriage is their faith and they easily accept it saying that it is in their faith. But the question is that why the same faith is not accepted for their own sons? 

I know sometime my argument goes beyond my father can handle but I was never wrong. Our fathers still can't accept their daughters as part of their life except we are part of such routine generation where we just exist for some years for them. What bothers to them is when we will get married and save their face from owning an unmarried daughter. Women in our society still live without a sense of belonging. Niether we belong to father's family nor we are accepted by husband's family. Our parents do not care what we will eat after marriage, what we will earn, what path we will take, for them our marriage was end of their responsibility. In our husband's family we are outsiders who will never be part of it. We are just an additional help to the family. Everything said are in contrary to what has been done to a daughter or a daughter in laws. When we all are so busy in this war of saas-bahu, we silently forgot to question the very foundation of patriarchal system inherited by our fathers from time to time.