Sunday, November 15, 2009

A woman!!

An eye of hope and dream,
That’s what you have shown to me,
A seed of change
That’s what you have ever
Sown to me,
Change in the meaning of freedom,
Change in the meaning of equality,
Change in the meaning of humanity,
That’s what you have taught me ever!
We were walking alone in a road
Filled with the thorns and stones,
Fighting for our own space in a society,
Where your mother is your enemy,
Your father is your enemy,
Your brother is your enemy,
Your sister is your enemy
Your own existence become your enemy
At the end of the day,
You are known as a woman only!

You are a daughter to your father,
You are a sister your brothers,
You are a wife to your husband,
You are a loving and caring mother
To your children,
You are the one
Who would die and sacrifice for them,
But at the end of the day,
You are just a woman,
No one will ever remember
Your heart also beats with a rhythm,
Your lungs also breathe with the free oxygen,
Just like other human!

You are just a turtle,
Who walks in silence and fear,
And hides her head and toes,
Beneath her back,
Just to survive and just free from
The obligations of your own existence!

You are an idealistic creation of God,
Who never wrote her own definition,
Who never lives her life,
Who never heard her own heartbeat,
She lives with a definition
adorn by the society and the men,
You heart can beat
only with the rhythm of your man,
In a society of patriarchs
You have many names
You are merely a beast,
You are merely a prostitute,
You are merely a call girl,
You are merely a widow,
You are merely an omen
And to the men living around you,
Because at the end of the day
You are just remembered as a woman,
Not a human!

It’s not the time to sought for equality,
It’s not the time to scream for woman’s right,
It’s not the time to fight for the special reservation,
Shall we not feel ashamed for what we are?
Let’s represent ourselves as a human first,
Let’s break from the chains of the morality,
Let’s free ourselves from being a cultural ambassador,
Let’s be a human first,
Then the rest will come along!!

What is meaning of a society?
What is meaning of culture?
What is the meaning of religion,
If you are not known as a human!!

Don’t only dream of
Being a better half of a man,
Let them also dream of being a better half of you,
Why not man also enjoy
Being your better half??

Let them also know that
They are remain of our impure and untouchable blood,
From there lives springs,
From there,
Sown their soul!

It is not the not war of sex anymore,
You must fight for now,
It is the war of your existence,
Which you must win!

Friday, November 13, 2009

I search for you!!

It’s in the morning dew
I search for you,
It’s in the teardrops hiding in my eyes
I search for you,
It’s in the fallen leaves of the autumn
I search for you,
It’s in the unsung songs of my heart
I search for you,
It’s in the reminiscences of my memory
I still search for you,
It’s amidst the crowd of unknown,
I again search for you
I search for you,
I search for you,
Just to find myself
I search for you
I search for you
to find the remain in me without you!!

Perfume really scared me!!

Watching movie in the late night with a big cup of tea or coffee always give a different taste. Since the whole world was in sleep, you can enjoy such rare moments of silence and that’s an opportunity for me to watch movie of my favorite. One of my friends smsed about the movie some days back saying that the movie was just awesome and the theme was different from all. But I never thought that I will have a nightmare after watching the movie and will have to face with constant fear of bad dreams.

Perfume-A story of a murderer. When the movie was starting I was too much absorbed and thoroughly enjoyed it as the theme was truly different and it is a thriller. Film’s main protagonist is a boy born with his God-given extraordinary sense of smelling and knowing each and every thing on the earth from the smell. I was feeling pity for the ill-faith life of the boy who was abandoned by his mother just after he was born but was delighted for his extraordinary power of noticing the things with smell. I was telling Lin, God has always given something special to the one who had no one for him on this earth. Wow! What a magic philosophy!!


Lin and I were so excited when the guy was learning to prepare perfume in the lab for the first time. His lab looks like our suffocated,fumed and dull Chemistry lab of Delhi University with bottles of chemicals lined up in the racks of the wall. When the owner of the perfume shop taught him how to extract essential oils from the flowers and showing the distillation part from the hot distillation pot, we begun our discussion about the solvent he should used for better distillation output and the reactant to fasten the process, as both of us are from chemistry background. We were lost somewhere while our discussion directed into distillation process. Both of us were quite happy when we even solved the problem of how to extract the essentail oils from the animal body, when the guy was seen boiling the lovely cat of the owner in the pot of the hot water. We were telling to each other, oh! he could have done with alcohol or wax?? It seems like we are also in the same lab with the guy in the movie and somewhat helping him to choose the appropriate solvent for extraction. After he learnt the process of perfume preparation in his lab, our enthusiasm turns into something else. Our concentration is now on the psychology of the guy. Poor guy with extraordinary sense of smelling scared us the whole night. His stunt facial expression of not able to express any emotions of humans such as love, affection, care, hatred etc made us more uncomfortable and scary.

The movie show the psychology of a guy who have never seen and interacted with a woman! A guy who never feel the human emotions! A guy who have never smell a woman! A guy who had no smell for his own body though he knows the smell of each and every living and non-living objects on the earth! With heavy head we were deeply absorbed in the movie till the late night. Now we seem be regretted of helping him in choosing the solvent for distillation. We were just praying inside that hey don’t kill her, please, she is so beautiful and innocent, and worried enough we said to ourselves when the movie saw his hunting work for the girls to prepare a perfume with an anticipated smell of a woman, he had killed by mistake. He never realized till the end of the movie, the reason for following the girls and why can’t he still not able to forget her. But when he realized the reason for not able to forget her, he kills self. His emotionally impotent life, pity enough to realize at the last moment, human emotions is something lacking in his life without which human can’t live, that’s something God had deprived from him.

With a sad note the movie come to an end, after the man kill himself using the perfume, to the same place where he was born with a self realization of the fact that he can achieve anything he wishes to in this world but he can never feel the human emotions, he can never love anyone though the whole world may be there to bow their head in front of him.

It is that Perfume which he had prepared from the waxed oils of the women’s body killed him without even leaving a piece of his flesh on the earth.

After a few minutes of deep sleep, I wake up due to bad dreams and fear of the psycho of the man. I was calling some of my friend and narrating the story of the movie so that I can cope up with the fear till the afternoon. Even now I had to keep the lights on and play some music continuously and go for sleep. Perfume really scared me!!

Monday, November 9, 2009

Nostalgia!!

All I need as of now is to compose myself and stay away from this fear of feeling homesick. I have spent nine years in Delhi but I still feel homesick just like I leave home few hours back. I’m lost in own fantasies of going home every now and then. Sometime I wake suddenly in the night and start counting in the calendar. Next day my mood will be off after I recount all the incomplete things line up on my way. Spoke to Ima after a hectic day of running here and there; as I could not sleep in peace without telling all the petty things I had faced in a day to her. Sometime she seems too boring with all my stories but she adjusted herself to my childish behavior.

Yesterday Ima came up with a new topic happening in my village. It was about the marriage of one of my far cousin. Though we were too close in childhood, we hardly talked to each other now because of many reasons. Ima said finally she got married. Her parents are running from pillar to pillar just to get her married. I had to ask her why she was using such phrase. It seems too odd to hear. Running pillar to pillar for getting married!! She is too beautiful and I know many guys run after him since then she was in class seven. Suddenly remembered her elopment with a guy when she was just sixteen years old. I told myself I got your point. While Ima trying to start with her advice of what are the maxims, a girl should know to live a dignified life, I had to say bye to her as I started to lose my own conscience of being a human. Keep on thinking about that little girl who was cute, beautiful and innocent. She was with me all the time when she was kid but after class eight she has lost her interest in study and we never had a common platform to meet. Now people have created an image for her after her elopement in a younger age. I got angry with the foolishness of her parents who never give importance to her education but cheer her up if she comes back from a date and praised by some guys passing on the road for her looks. I had to accept that this is the faith of the most of the girls in the village and small town places who were born to the illiterate parents and the society is there to bind them from all the angles. My cousins also faced the same faith.

Got angry with my own people, society and even with my own family for making her just an object whose only purpose in life is marriage. I know marriage is important in everybody’s life, at the end of the day we need somebody whom you can trust and share all your moments of sadness and happiness. But why should we get married at the cost of wasting the meaning & purpose of this life?? I feel like waking up Ima in the late night and ask her why do you people want her to get married so soon and doesn’t she have any purpose in her life other than finding a husband. I didn’t wake her up as I know she will be frightened again with such argument which she never wishes to hear from me.

Again remember my own sister who got married last year and now blessed with a baby boy. I still argue with her for leaving her teaching job in a private school and choosing to become a full time house-wife. Still I’m irritated with her in-laws words of asking her how much you will earn from the salary of a private school. She must be still angry with me for my objection to buy all the unnecessary stuffs as “aoonpot” during her marriage. I don’t know my sister will ever try to understand my words. I don’t want to see her portraying the role of a house wife only who has no authority, no life for herself. I wish she realized that that small sum she would earn from teaching the kids in the private schools and her evening tuitions would not be less than million dollars in her life. Moreover, the respect, value and the regard she would be getting from her job could never be challenged by anybody. I have no objection to becoming a house wife if the husband, family and the society dignify it as any other white color job and give them the respect and the authority; they must get being a member of the family. But who understand and count the petty sweats, a house wife would be wasting to run the house from early morning to late night to raise her kids and to take care of her husband and the in-laws. At the end of the day people counts on your job, and money which can only buy the momentary happiness in our life, not to the human value of you. Even their own children sometime would feel that my mother is jobless forgetting all the sacrifice she had done for them and the family.

Tired with my own discussion and arguments, I had to bow my head to myself to end this discussion here as I'm left with only few hours to sleep.

Revolution!!

We need to create a new revolution, and to do that, do not waste your life: stop pleasing people and become who you always wanted to be..!!

Thursday, November 5, 2009

Recalling the moments with you!!

When you linger on your old memories, when you open an old diary you are different, you feel different, and you are in a different world. Your old memory was your love only.
It may give you tears and pain but without it life will be meaningless. When I open my diary of early 2k, it surely made me cry but the emotion was so true and pure. NietherI could afford to buy it nor can I feel it again. I thought my soul is too contaminated now. I’m in search of that purity in my soul. When I re-read the poem which I wrote for him after the school, sitting near the window, I was with him again and floating in his world. I thought I’m still talking to the moon and sharing my dreams about him as I always do in the late night.

I still remember waiting for his mail for long hours and chatting for hours till late night in the cyber cafe in the foggy nights of Delhi. It was an unforgettable day in my life when I talked to him for the first time on phone for hours, I could never forget his voice, still his voice keep my soul alive whenever I remember those days. Whatever the reason it may be but my love for him was true and pure. I could never lei that I didn't love him just because he is not in my life. Wherever he is now, I always wish him for the best things in his life.

I still maintain his photographs and could never gather the courage to delete it from my inbox but I never wish to open them and look at him, it may remind me of his negative side. I don't wish to keep any bad memory about him. It was most difficult task in my life when I tried to forget him. But life goes on like this. I had to move ahead along with that pain in search of another meaning of this life. With time he lives as a shadow in my life. Sometime I forgot to notice him but somewhere he does exist in the deepest corner of my heart.

I could hardly remember how much I love him, never bother to make him understand too, never give an effort to forget or remember him but I forgot to feel the same feeling of love for another person in my life.

I still feel that somewhere I owe his love. But till today after so many years, I got only one answer to my own queries that we are not even a stranger to each other. Neither I bother to hear about him nor is he interested to know about me anymore.
Why do this feeling of apprehension come up to my mind, which says he is not the one I have ever waited for years and spent sleepless nights weeping those meaningless tears just to hear his voice again. I'm able to hear his voice again, I able to reach him again but never had the courage to speak to him and see him though he stays so near to me.

I wish, I could still wait for him in the bus stand after the school, just to get a glimpse of his smile before I leave for home. I still wish to feel that anxiety which I used to feel when I could not find him near the Bus stand. I just wish, every now and then these feelings of nothingness always fill up my hollow heart which you left empty years back.

Written on the night of 31st December, 2005 after I wish him for the New Year and to make another promise to look ahead in life without him and his dreams.

Wednesday, November 4, 2009

Concerned citizens of state meet Union Jt Home Secy

Source: Hueiyen News Service
http://e-pao.net/GP.asp?src=22..051109.nov09

New Delhi, November 04 2009: "We are aware of the boycott issue in Manipur and it is considered as top priority to be addressed by the Centre.

We are in the process of finding a solution and are in constant touch with the state government and I am hopeful that classes will resume shortly," Naveen Verma, Joint Secretary of (NE), Ministry of Home Affairs, Government of India, is quoted to have said during a meeting with the representatives of a group of Manipuri professionals residing across India today.

According to a statement issued by the representatives of the group, Manipuri professionals residing across Indian met with Naveen Verma, Joint Secretary of (NE), Ministry of Home Affairs, Government of India, and apprised him of the ongoing class boycott.

The citizens concerned have also submitted a memorandum to impress the State government in finding a solution to end the boycott called by various organisations in the state of Manipur.

The meeting lasted for over two hours.

The group stated in the memorandum that the inability of the State Government to end the stalemate between the student bodies and the government could have long-term consequences to students in Manipur.

The memorandum seeks an immediate solution to defuse the deadlock over boycott of educational institutions in Manipur.

"We, as citizen of Manipur strongly condemns any act of violence and we will support any attempt that will bring peace in the state of Manipur.

However, we believe that bringing peace at the cost of thousands of students is unjust," said a representative of the group.

The group reiterated that the present situation in Manipur calls for the Government to react swiftly to find a solution to the ongoing political and social imbroglio.

The group expressed concern over numerous reports about a possible dialogue between the agitators and the government, which has so far yielded no result, a serious concern for the parents whose children has been affected by the boycott.

As a part of the memorandum, the group submitted a copy of Tahelka magazine which carries the photos of the alleged fake-encounter killing on July 23rd in Imphal.

Expats meet jt. secy Home to urge Centre to intervene

Imphal free press

6 hours, 45 minutes, 29 seconds ago
From Nelson Elangbam
New Delhi, Nov 4 : A group of Manipuri professional residing across India met with Naveen Verma, joint secretary (NE), Ministry of Home Affairs, Government of India, to appraise him of the ongoing schools boycott and submitted a memorandum to request the state to find a solution to end the boycott by various organizations in the state.
The meeting lasted for over two hours.
The boycott initiated by All Manipur Student Union (AMSU), Manipur Student Federation (MSF) and Kangleipak Student Association (KSA) in the aftermath of the July 23rd incident that led to the death of a pregnant women, Th. Rabina and a civilian Ch. Sanjit has paralysed education in the state for nearly two months now.
The group in their memorandum stated that the inability of the state government to end the stalemate between the student bodies and the government could have severe long-term consequences to students in Manipur.
The memorandum sought an immediate solution to defuse the deadlock over boycott of educational institutions in Manipur.
“We, as citizen of Manipur strongly condemn any act of violence and we will support any attempt that will bring peace in the state of Manipur. However, we believe that bringing peace at the cost of thousand of students is unjust,” said a representative of the group.
The group reiterated that the present situation in Manipur calls for the government to react swiftly to find a solution to the ongoing political and social imbroglio.
Naveen Verma said, “We are aware of the boycott issue in Manipur and it is considered as top priority to be addressed by the Centre. We are in the process of finding a solution and are in constant touch with the state government and I am hopeful that classes will resume shortly”.
The group expressed concern as well as hope over numerous reports about a possible dialogue between the agitators and the government which has so far yielded no result.
The matter is of serious concern for parents whose children face the prospect of losing one academic year.
As a part of the memorandum, the group submitted a copy of Tahelka’s the Vol. 6, Issue 31, which a photo essay of the alleged killing on July 23rd in Imphal, an ‘Open Letter to Honorable Prime Minister of India-Stop the Killing in Manipur’, Various newspaper reports post the July 23rd incident and a copy of a joint press release, which were sent to media houses on October 30.