Tuesday, April 21, 2009

Nothingness!!

When the hope dies,
When the dreams are just for dreaming,
When the life is just for living,
When the meaning of life is just nothing,
When you are just tired of dreaming for another impossible dream,
Don’t you feel that it is ok to end this journey here.
It seems no worth carrying this meaningless body,
There is no price for the crook smile,
There is no another hope for a hopeless dream.
Life just sucks like anything.
Nothing is left with me to smile.
I can’t walk another extra miles,
I don’t want to test myself anymore,
I just wish I’m alone in this world,
I just wish no one is there to bother me.
Life is just a sign of "nonexistence of everything".

Thursday, April 16, 2009

Questions of question!!!

Questions of question,
heart of a heart,
soul of a soul,
core of a core....

this is what I'm looking for without you,
say whatever you wish to,
but I want to live in peace now without you.
I didn't know that you were so terrible,
You made me suffer without even living in my world.
How you play with my emotions is your bussiness,
but how can i play with my own emotions?
questions of a question hurled on me for many days.
could not find an answer but have another way to exit,
yeah i can't go back to the past and turn back to everything,
but it is a new begining!!

Tuesday, April 14, 2009

Brother I Miss You!!!

Your lifeless photograph hanging on the wall reminds me of your mercy death,
Still feel that you must be waiting for me at home as you always do,
Your mother still hope that you would come back to be with us again,
Oh! You are so heartless,
Can’t you see she is crying every day & night for you for the last two years?
I thought you must be angry with us, so you decide to go away,
Do you?
You memory kill us every seconds,
But you never turn back to answer to us,
You father still mourn every evening,
so that he could forget your blood stained body,
How can you watch me crying for so long?
You always said, you can’t tolerate my tears for so long,
You were always there for me for anything,
What happen to you now?
Brother, brother,
I still need your shoulder to cry for!
It has been a long time,
Since then I hear your voice for the last time,
I really miss you.
Why did you leave us so soon?
Our lives was so good,
Don’t you think so?
We can still play in the field when I come back home,
We can still fight over the small things,
Yeah, this time I will let you win,
I never wanted to leave you alone at home,
But I had to move ahead to struggle for my own life,
Do you think I’m very selfish?
Leaving you behind in a God forsaken place!!
Do you still angry with me??

Monday, April 13, 2009

Operation summer storm!!!

On the day of Cheirouba,
I was eagerly looking at those empty vessels in my kitchen.
My son is crying and shouting
so that I can feed his empty stomach.
I Was looking at the dark empty road,
just like a miracle would come across in my way.
I don’t know why I’m living on this earth.
My child is crying again to feed his empty stomach.
The tired corpse of my husband
just lying on the cold muddy floor,
Trying to cover his pain & anguish
over nothingness of his own life,
His eyes were red and wild,
He was laughing and starring at me
As I ask for the reason of this life,
Silence was broken again with the cry of my child,
He was shouting again
so that I can feed his empty stomach
it was the new year
which bring the storm in my family
no one to blame
no one to hear my cry
I look eagerly at the empty vessels in my kitchen
Questening them for my existence
And merely peeping into the empty road
Waiting for a miracle to come across!!




........For my leikai endomcha who had come to borrow rice and other eatables at my home on the day of cheirouba so that she can cook something to feed her starving son. Their family income entirely depend on uncle’s earning. The operation Loktak has finally brought the storm in their kitchen too, leaving them starved for two days. Nothing to eat & drink, no other way to earn money so that they can buy at least some rice. Her husband’s fishing equipments were all destroyed in the operation and now they couldn’t stand up again after this storm left them with the feeling of nothingness. They have no authority to blame and she has no other way to feed her son’s empty stomach. Just begging in every door of rich and bearing the heat of their ignorance, this is something she has been doing from last two days. She must be asking herself many questions she could never understand. This is your cheirouba endomcha. Celebrate this bloody New Year!! You are among those who would never forget the meaning of cheirouba/ New Year.

Sunday, April 12, 2009

Living life with the mercy of guns and granades!!!

Mayang Imphal block: Cong office bombed,3 hurt
Source: Hueiyen News Service

Imphal, April 12 2009: Close on the heels of a bomb exploded at the Wangkhei Block Congress Office on April 7 last, a blast at the Mayang Imphal Kendra Congress Committee has injured three civilians this evening.

The incident occurred this evening around 7.29 at the Mayang Imphal Block Congress office under Mayang Imphal police station.

The Congress's office has been located near the house of Khumujam Mukta (64) .

According to locals, two Honda Activa borne persons who came from Imphal side had lobbed a hand grenade at the Congress office.

The two riders had rode towards the IB Road after exploding the bomb.

The victims who suffered splinter injuries have been identified as Mongjam Tomchou alias Ajay (22) son of M Amuchoubi of Mayang Imphal Mamang Leikai, Meitram Tomba (18) son of (L) M Kulla of Mayang Imphal Keithel Manung, and Laiphrakpam Bungo (51) son of (L) L Hajur of Mayang Imphal Chabung.

They suffered injuries at the hands and belly.

The three have been admitted to the RIMS Hospital.

No group has claimed responsibility for the blast so far.

Meanwhile, a hoax bomb has panicked the localities of Keishampat Thokchom Leikai this evening around 7.30 when steel tiffin was discovered near the gate of the residence of Dr Biren which was later proved to be a hoax one by the state bomb experts.

Friday, April 10, 2009

Heartbeat!!

My heart is broken into pieces but let it be!!!
It seems like I even enjoy the feel of pain in my heart for you.
My tears are pricesless for you,
I won't stop it anymore.
I don't know I love to cry for you.
It makes me feel good,
seems like I share the rhythm of the heartbeat with you,
tears flow carelessly on my cheek,
no one to wipe it away,
whenever I remember you and your laughter,
When the hope dies,
when the road is empty & dark,
when you are alone & no one is there to hold your hand,
Always remember that I'm always there for you no matter what.

I really miss you and your random calls. I'm dying to hear your laughter.

Thursday, April 9, 2009

Love & Hope!!

This is the only gift I could ever afford to buy for you. It will cost my life but I won't bother if it can bring a new hope for you to fall in love all over again. I'm happy that you always proved me wrong.

Tuesday, April 7, 2009

Brother, Brother!!!

Finally, I spoke to my youngest brother after three days. I was really worried about him. His hostel phone was dead from the day he entered the hostel. It was a great relief for me to hear his voice and good to know that he is happy there. As usual, I started asking him A-Z questions to know more about him. It is too difficult to understand him, above all he is too stubborn and no one can easily deal with him. Even my father surrender in front of his arrogance. But I really adore his behaviour and guts. I felt that I should be like him. I can never be so truthful like him to myself and to others. Ema and Baba could not sleep in peace thinking about their security at home. Home iis no more heaven for us. It is more like a hell. Nighbour's involvement in all kind of froud activities forced my parents to send my brothers to hostel.I feel so secured of seeing them to grow up as I always dreamt of having a brother to protect me but in the next moment I'm worried of their stay at home. I know they got irritated with me asking their friend's name, family, rank in the class and blah blah but I have no other choice to understand them. Even their teachers are too disturbed because of my unlimited calls and queries. Sometime, I feel that I'm not giving them enough space to live life in their own way & take their own decision. I feel that I'm not being fair to them but I could never come over the insecurity inside me. I could never imagine a life without them. They are my reason for living and dreaming.

Checking my pateince!!

This is exactly what my boss is doing these days with all of us. Sometime I really feel pity for him to see his insecurity in any work. It is too good to see him blushing in front of his employees when we gave him the right answer for the wrong questions. I wish, he realise his foolishness before it is too late for him. Unnecessary, he tries to show his hierarchy in the office which no one bother to care and that really make him agitated all the time. His divide rule policy among the employees are badly failed these days. Noone gives attention to his criticism of another employee in front of all.

Sometime I just feel like breaking his head where he has stored nothing except his memory of PhD from Netherland.

A big lesson I learnt from him "an insecure man show his anger/hierarchy when smart women are around to make himself visible."

Monday, April 6, 2009

I Miss Your Random Calls!!!

You don't have the right to ask me why I miss your random calls. But I really miss your complaints . I couldn't sleep peacefully without listening to your complaints. I got agitated with you for the silly mistakes you did but I didn't realise that it became part of my life knowingly / unknowningly. I don't know the reason and I don't want to know also. I just want to forget everything and live a life of I, me and myself only!!! I don't wish to include you again in the picture of my life. I thought, my life will be a white canvas which has no meaning without your dream and imagination but I won't let it happen. I know, I should decide on what should be drawn at this white canvas. I won't let you choose the colour of my life while you don't care a bit for me.

With time you will again be a stranger to me, just the way we met for the first time as a stranger. This time I will never be a very good friend of you. I hope you understand me.

Sunday, April 5, 2009

It is high time to change Myself!!!

When I'm running around here and there, I forgot to feel my own existence. I feel that I'm lost in a world where I do not belong to. Also, seems like I forgot my roots. I don't know I'm caught up somewhere, the sense of belonging is missing to everywhere. I ask myself deeply and sadly. Isn't it a high time for me to change myself?

Sometime when I'm travelling all alone in the journey of life, I found that I substitute my innocence and purity with the contaminated thoughts around. I do absorb to them so much, I found out that I could never get back my lost innocence. I don't know am I being fair to others or to my life. I don't know is it the sign of development or something else.

When I'm in the process to change myself do I have to consider about others too?? I wanna live far from all things happening around me and live in solitude. Sometime I value the silent moments which is only for me. I wanted to forget all the people around me regardless of who are they and how important I'm to their lives.

I know changing yourself is one of the most difficult thing in your life. Yeah I'm trying hard to do this. I promised to myself for this from a long time. I'm no more excited with the happiness/worries of the world. I'm no more in love with the honesty and sincerity in others eyes. I have lost my own expression.

Wednesday, April 1, 2009

My respect & honour to Sharmila!!

http://www.e-pao.net/epRelatedNews.asp?heading=10&src=181206

Sharmila's health deteriorates
Source: The Sangai Express / Ph Chaoba

New Delhi, December 17: The condition of Irom Chanu Sharmila, who has been fasting for more than 6 years now demanding scrapping of the draconian Armed Forces Special Powers Act, 1958 deteriorated further today.

With Sharmila complaining from burning sensation, the process of applying ice bags on her head, chest and legs started from today.

One top police officer of the Delhi Police who had come to see her at the room of the New Private Ward of of the All India Institute of Medical Sciences (AIIMS), New Delhi where she has been confined after being arrested from Jantar Mantar reportedly left in a huff to inform the higher authorities concerned of the Home Ministry on the matter.

The condition of Sharmila has been deteriorating and she collapsed yesterday following her refusal to have nasal feeding after the Delhi police did not allow her to leave AIIMS despite the discharge certificate being issued by the hospital authorities.

At around 8.53 pm today, Sharmila was medically examined at the new emergency ward of the hospital where the doctors suggested resumption of nose feeding to relieve her from the burning sensation.

Dr DK Sharma who is heading the team in treating Sharmila has opined that stopping the nose feeding can lead to dangerous complications.

Sharmila's case has been diagnosed as Starvation Ketosis a term used in medical parlance, said the doctor.

The nose feeding will start soon.

Talking to this correspondent, her brother Singhajit informed that after the discharge certificate was issued by the hospital authorities, doctors and nurses had also stopped coming to examine her.

Nose feeding has also not been provided for the last three days, he added.

The discharge certificate issued by the hospital authorities had also been allegedly seized by the Delhi Police personnel who are keeping vigil on Sharmila.

At the time of filing this report, Sharmila was still being treated at the emergency room of AIIMS.

Making news in the Northeast

http://www.indiatogether.org/2009/mar/med-northeast.htm

The release and re-arrest of Sharmila was the headlines of every newspaper in Manipur. I big drama played to a life of a woman without much acknowledging the value of her life and her sacrifice. In the game of power she became a victim, it is the innocent soul of her which is suffering every now and then. Still remember her clear and pure eyes dreaming for a peaceful home/ Manipur. But I doubt, whether she will get the justice of her sacrifice or not??? It was in November 2006, I had an opportunity to meet her in AIIMS. Her life was made terrible by the so called law of the land and she could not even sleep in peace. She has to bear the careless whispers of Delhi police who were posted there to torture her every moment in the name of so called law of the land. That's my first incounter with the Law makers. I felt ashamed of being a citizen of this country where I have no identity and I'm just a victim of so called law of the land. Every article, every act of this law question to existence, my liberty, my freedom while declaring it as a biggest democracy of the world. What a shame!! The law which question to the rythm of our heart beat, the reason of my existence on this earth. She was made to question to herself by the nagging tones of the doctors in AIIMS, telling her fight just a gimmick. I couldn't forget that day her brother calling me at the night to be with his sister in hospital. No one was there to accompany her to the emergency room of the hospital. Without thinking much about the dark and depressing night of the December, I rushed to be with her till the midnight in AIIMS hospital. I was so upset by seeing her and could not stop my tears. The physical pain in her body was visible in her eyes. I could sense the unbearable hurt& pain in her soul. It was more agitating to see the doctors neglecting her to treat and she was all alone bearing the burn in her body. Some pieces of ice has coverd her body so that it can help her to bear the burn in her stomach but it did not help her much. Her body was so cold, she was shivering & sweating in that chilling night of december. The night was so long for me, I kept on debating with myself without much knowing what is right or wrong. My head was so heavy, my eyes were paining while I tried to fight back the meaningless tears. I was lost in my own debate in a small corner of the emergency ward.

Education: Pride And Prejudice ,By RK Shivachandra

Writing on educational matters requires certain academic backgrounds. I am not an academician who can take part in educational seminars emphasizing as to how the education system in Manipur should be improved. My nature is such that I found pen-pushing completely uninteresting and never endeavored to become an expert in this field. I realized the importance of education at a very later stage. I am also as good as any layman who would wander around without knowing what their son is doing in school. Of course I am one such kind who is happy only when their wards bring the report card home with impressive remarks from the school.

The most shocking side ever since I rose to the position of fatherhood had been my small son carrying a haversack loaded with books slung behind his back stepping out unsteadily every morning to school. Since the day he started chanting ‘Mama’ we had never spared him. The first lesson is ABC then a lot of writing and ‘commit to memory’ works- had him engaged round the clock. It seems we have out rightly deprived his rights to a great extent. Right from dawn he had to open books with a lot of spelling and home works which stormed the small brain like anything. 8.30 in the morning is the turn of the school van driver who honked the horn relentlessly at the doorway and the busy housewife had to push the boy inside the school van where a dozen other kids were already inside and jostle around for space. This is just a glitzy event -the way a child is evacuated when an earthquake suddenly strikes. 4.30 in the afternoon is the time for the boy to come back home with a much tired look and hardly in one hour’s time soon after he peels of the school uniform, had to go back to the desk again to greet ‘good afternoon’ to his tutor.

Gone are the days when the child had to carry a torn mat between armpits to the morning schools and enjoy the pleasant sun-light in the winter morning where the bored teacher made everyone read or recite the 2x2=4 at the top of their voices. Back home none cared to open the books instead they divided into groups and played games at their hearts content, exposed in the Sun and rain- that was the children of just 15 winters before. This is a very short gap of time but the changing pace of time seems to have deprived this rightful leisure from the children of this New-Millennium.

Population in India as a whole has received some of the highest standard of education in the World. In such educational race the children of Japan always claimed to be the best till recent times.

Psychological experts in Japan have however revealed excessive study during tender ages led to increase in psychological problems among children. Hence the educational authorities in Japan have put an immediate ban on children studying at home in the primary level. Children were allowed to study only during the school hours and their books needed to be deposited in the school afterwards. This way children were given ample time to play around at home.

December in Manipur is the month for a swarm of parents rushing to the schools for seeking admission of their wards. Some parents don’t mind bribing certain amount to whosoever had access to the school authorities. Local clubs nearby schools also play a role when the admission seasons come around. But the question in Manipur’s education context is: whether the parents understand what their wards are really doing in the schools? Most of the times children are being sent back home with lot of home tasks and despite hectic school’s work they had to take part in the tuition class again sponsored by the school managing board. Is tuition in the school very necessary? In the lower educational level, the teacher usually taught the children the way parrot is being taught.

Mounting enormous pressure at the beginning of education to learn academic skills-is precisely an oft-cited indictment. Such pressure is not evident during the elementary school years, a time when level of achievements is high. Some 15 years ago all the Government schools in Manipur did an excellent job and we have seen the best teachers during those days. Neither tuition nor special class was adhering to the students at that point of time. Yet they produced the best.

I am confused why this tuition culture becomes ‘a must’ for all the students in the present trends? If this system is at all the rule than what for we pay fees to the school? The worse part evident is some of the private school teacher organized big classrooms in their private houses and conduct classes dividing batches both morning and evening. Some of them opened admission forms counter for the tuition class. The general concept of the students of the tuition goers however reflected that it is abridged to get more acquainted with the teacher so as to receive certain hints of the examination’s question nature and lots more. I wonder whether these teachers are sincere enough in performing their duties in the school hours.

While the gimmick tuition culture of sending their wards on trendy bikes and kinetic Hondas, this has at the same time discouraged many who cannot afford and thereby sapped the vitality of this class of students. This is also true that a school managing board/individual received a sizeable amount of money being collected from the students every month. The establishment fees charging at the time of school admission is simply hefty. Uniforms and other materials are being supplied from the school side on payment, which also begets profits.

Schools, which have around 1,500 students, could easily accumulate huge amount at the beginning of the school session. Parents never ignored the monthly fees. Even the poorest of the poor have to clear the fees of their wards before the examination is a well-known fact. However, the salaries paid to the teachers in the private schools are too low and this tantamount to gross violation of human rights. As a matter of fact, Manipur has now housed to a hordes of qualified degree holders who are loitering around in search of jobs but to no avail.

So the last resort for the frustrated job seekers is to come in the teaching profession. The salaries ranging from Rs 700 to 1800 for the educated people who are the backbones in running the schools is quiet a disgrace on the part of the school managing board compared to what they earned. So the input of the teacher in school might not have lived up to the expectation of the parents and the classic Manipur joke "The Earth is not oval" could be obviously what the teacher practiced.

The money spent on the children's education from commercial point of view is indeed an investment - out of which we expect something with good profit. We don’t mind paying more fees but to carve out ‘a beautiful statue’ out of the clay is the responsibility of the professionals. However let us not encourage any unfair means - the way of earning both from tuition and school fees.

Our parents are paying hefty fees - granted all good things don’t come free. If they failed to do their duty than the public/philanthropic organization have to step in to provide ‘right of education’ to our deprived children. On the part of the parents it is high time for them to be aware whether their ‘investment’ is being properly managed. In this context it is needed to have a threadbare discussion and ask the school authorities what is their work, their role and responsibility in this democratic country. Education plays the greatest part in the democracy. Teachers and school owner have to mould the minds of our young people. Whatever training they give will change the face of the society. Tremendous responsibility rests upon them. A child remains, ought to remain, in school for nearly 15 years starting from the age of 4 years.

At present we have seen many of them dropping out even before completing the lower primary level. I hope a new policy is the need of the hour to prevent this erosion of our precious human resources. The schools in Manipur while striving to maintain its image in the public, they dislodged the student who is found to be weak believing on the logic that rotten potatoes should be singled-out. A good school is not measured in term of the toppers the school produces but it needs to accommodate students who are not handling successfully in other schools too. I am of the view that every child can be developed successfully, if given the right input. Schools are not teaching shops but calls for a totally non-commercial sector.

Parents therefore, have every right to question where these dropouts have to be accommodated. For instance during last 15 years, the children had been a part of the school and its growth and the moment he was found unsatisfactory- he is out of the school. It is not justified. Will the square blame thrust upon the parents alone? Will not the school authority comment something on this? My opinion however could have hurt the pride of some teachers and school authorities that execute the right job and hold moral responsibility in their functions.

The idle men workshop is an apt name of the Government schools in Manipur. Here teachers pass away their time in gossip, knitting and playing ludos. In spite of the fact that teachers are regularly appointed on contract basis or in various mode of selection by the Government. On the other hand the most vulnerable part we experience is the mushrooming of private English schools in every Leikeis. Hardly anyone question the background of the one who initiate such schemes. For them it is a booming business. Teachers needs certain skills possessing either an advance training or class teaching certificate. They are supposed to engage themselves in the ongoing teachers training, which would enrich teaching skill. This however nobody evaluate so far.

Yes - the world is changing in a galloping speed in all spheres. Education is of no exception. The children of today are smarter compared to those children twenty years before. The present statistics in the Employment exchange of the Government of Manipur has revealed around 6 lakhs unemployed youths registered their names. Undoubtedly this will be shot up ten folds in the next decade. The corruption rate will be increasing alarmingly and Government job would belong to those wealthy and famed ones.

This is exactly what we have stored today for the future generation. Parents of today may also wake-up to the reality that the Government alone will not be able to accommodate all the future youths in its job schemes. The hours call for Manipur to be transformed into a major commercial sector unleashing the best effort altogether. Subject expert and intelligentsias in this area may highlight through medias and public platform as to how we can reap the best benefit in the border trade taking maximum’ advantage for we inhibit in the border State.

Organizations working on humanitarian causes may boost up moral to the industrialist and help them install more industrial units. The fear psychosis, which has already developed in their mind due to prevailing, law and order, needs to be reassured. We also shouldn’t deny the fact that there had been an exodus of wealthy class Manipuris from the State. Many experts who could throw light on industrialization have left the State in search of greener pastures in other States for they have no vision in Manipur. This is the loss of everyone.

When Manipur become a state with self - sufficient and economically non-dependable than only we will have a ‘say’ in the India context and the rest of the country will underscore Manipur for its significance. This way we may be able to help hundred of thousands future generation finds their route into a new world. The high aspiration and great dream of this younger generation should be meaningful. The brilliant Japanese and Sweden youth ranks amongst the highest countries in the world in the suicide rate surpassing USA. The youths fell in the jaws of suicide mainly due to the depression and frustration for they become what they never determined and destiny took them another turn.

Our Manipuris youth should study till they become top. But one shouldn’t unnecessarily give a false hope to our young ones. As we all know that Manipur is already a State with a lot of brilliant and educated people and neither Government nor any private industries can accommodate them so far. Unless we geminate our own resources where we can absorb the educated people than the future of Manipur is pessimistically blurred and could be another Sweden or Japan in term of suicidal aspects.
(Courtesy: The Sangai Express)