Counting the words you have said!!!

Bearing the burden of sleepless night,
trying hard to hide the swelling eyes
behind the dark shade of the liner,
still putting some colours on my lips
& some white dust on my skin
to cover up the shadow of you.

Standing in front of the mirror,
asking many questions
which I have no answer.
Tried of carrying the crook smile
which I hate most to own.
But do I need to cry out of the helplessness.

The pain inside me is just killing my dreams with you.
Yes, I do hate myself for the reason
I could never stay away from you and your dreams.
What I would be
without your dreams and imagination?
I still could not find any answer.

I pray for your dream
& for your love before I close my eyes,
I only wish you to come and sit besides me
to share a dream of 'ours' only.
From the day you came into my dreams & thoughts,
I have forgotten to live alone even for a second,
but you stay miles away from my eyes
and even more farther from my life.
You choose to stay away from my dreams,
then from my life.

But I never blame you,
for the reason I still owe to have
that pure emotions for you.
I could never bridge the gap
which you have created between us,
for the reason I share a dream with you.
I don't know how I felt for you and
I don't want to ask this again to myself
because it pains a lot.

I would start hating myself and
my own feelings if I question again and again.
Still counting the words you have said,
still looking for your way and
dreaming for the hopeless love
which is not even sympathize by you.