Monday, November 9, 2009


All I need as of now is to compose myself and stay away from this fear of feeling homesick. I have spent nine years in Delhi but I still feel homesick just like I leave home few hours back. I’m lost in own fantasies of going home every now and then. Sometime I wake suddenly in the night and start counting in the calendar. Next day my mood will be off after I recount all the incomplete things line up on my way. Spoke to Ima after a hectic day of running here and there; as I could not sleep in peace without telling all the petty things I had faced in a day to her. Sometime she seems too boring with all my stories but she adjusted herself to my childish behavior.

Yesterday Ima came up with a new topic happening in my village. It was about the marriage of one of my far cousin. Though we were too close in childhood, we hardly talked to each other now because of many reasons. Ima said finally she got married. Her parents are running from pillar to pillar just to get her married. I had to ask her why she was using such phrase. It seems too odd to hear. Running pillar to pillar for getting married!! She is too beautiful and I know many guys run after him since then she was in class seven. Suddenly remembered her elopment with a guy when she was just sixteen years old. I told myself I got your point. While Ima trying to start with her advice of what are the maxims, a girl should know to live a dignified life, I had to say bye to her as I started to lose my own conscience of being a human. Keep on thinking about that little girl who was cute, beautiful and innocent. She was with me all the time when she was kid but after class eight she has lost her interest in study and we never had a common platform to meet. Now people have created an image for her after her elopement in a younger age. I got angry with the foolishness of her parents who never give importance to her education but cheer her up if she comes back from a date and praised by some guys passing on the road for her looks. I had to accept that this is the faith of the most of the girls in the village and small town places who were born to the illiterate parents and the society is there to bind them from all the angles. My cousins also faced the same faith.

Got angry with my own people, society and even with my own family for making her just an object whose only purpose in life is marriage. I know marriage is important in everybody’s life, at the end of the day we need somebody whom you can trust and share all your moments of sadness and happiness. But why should we get married at the cost of wasting the meaning & purpose of this life?? I feel like waking up Ima in the late night and ask her why do you people want her to get married so soon and doesn’t she have any purpose in her life other than finding a husband. I didn’t wake her up as I know she will be frightened again with such argument which she never wishes to hear from me.

Again remember my own sister who got married last year and now blessed with a baby boy. I still argue with her for leaving her teaching job in a private school and choosing to become a full time house-wife. Still I’m irritated with her in-laws words of asking her how much you will earn from the salary of a private school. She must be still angry with me for my objection to buy all the unnecessary stuffs as “aoonpot” during her marriage. I don’t know my sister will ever try to understand my words. I don’t want to see her portraying the role of a house wife only who has no authority, no life for herself. I wish she realized that that small sum she would earn from teaching the kids in the private schools and her evening tuitions would not be less than million dollars in her life. Moreover, the respect, value and the regard she would be getting from her job could never be challenged by anybody. I have no objection to becoming a house wife if the husband, family and the society dignify it as any other white color job and give them the respect and the authority; they must get being a member of the family. But who understand and count the petty sweats, a house wife would be wasting to run the house from early morning to late night to raise her kids and to take care of her husband and the in-laws. At the end of the day people counts on your job, and money which can only buy the momentary happiness in our life, not to the human value of you. Even their own children sometime would feel that my mother is jobless forgetting all the sacrifice she had done for them and the family.

Tired with my own discussion and arguments, I had to bow my head to myself to end this discussion here as I'm left with only few hours to sleep.

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