This is what I do every day & night alone with my own thought. I know I’m not worried about anything and nothing has been changed to me because of anything. My thought is irrevocable sometime but it also knows that change is a constant for me. I accepted now what I have seen. I believe to the facts which people have ever shown me to any kind of relationships. It is not worth breaking my precious heart for person(s) who had not played any role in my life. My friend was very right that I have to put a barrier between everything which I do and I can’t be so close and hopeful to everybody. Neither can I blame them too. I know he was quite tired listening to me from the past 2 years. Every night and day I had my complaint box full of complains to deliver to him. Step by step, he is the one who would listen and tell me to understand the people before I get hurt. I hardly listen to him and I know at end of the whole episode I had to bear the thunder from him. After seeing the whole mess I have created for myself, he had to use the harsh word ever to me. Because he knew that I won’t ever understand and come into the track if he doesn’t do that and I won’t ever force myself to change the path to the hell.
Yes, you are very right. I was just digging into the mud and getting dirty with my own fight with a pig i.e. my thought about the one I love and care for the past two years. Yeah, you said the right words, why should he care and why should he take me as a friend also? Did he ever committed and said to you that he is a good friend of you? Nope, of course not. He did not do that at all and I can’t claim anything I know. I have no right to ask that. But I also have my own reason of thinking so. I, at least demand for the minimum respect in front of you and the one who know both of us well. I don’t care to break any kind of relations with him before others but I could never forgive myself for the least unexpected disregard from him. Why would he need somebody’s assistance now to pass a message and to take comment on our friendship? I would never let it do by a 3rd person whoever they are and how close they are to me. It is simply an insult to me, and contempt to my self respect. What I’m and who I’m? I should be able to decide and why would you place me in front of others eyes and note the balance?
Yes, I had a hard time to come at this stage of life but I said no worry to myself again. It will pass soon. It is almost gone now with you and your thought. I will no longer bother you and even my own thought about you. It is the end I should tell to you and the rest. Whether you flirt with other women, whether you get the sadistic pleasure out of the pain I had gone through, I have nothing to do now. I will only wait for the moment in this lifetime when you learn the meaning of a relation of any kind and of your image in front of your own eyes if you are a person who is truthful to yourself. Forget the rest, how others see and think about you is what you show it to them, but not merely you. This is what I learn from you lately.