Sunday, May 3, 2015

Broken into pieces !!

You don't need an enemy to really destroy your dreams and broke you into pieces! It's your own siblings, your own relatives and the one you loved more than yourself who would break you into pieces. I'm not exception to this rule. I thought I could build a family where everyone will love each other and respect one's sacrifice and emotions. It is even sometime ashamed of what you see in your own siblings. I always dreamt that I will give them everything I could not get it in my time. Sending them to good school, best coaching centre and good life which I could not afford during my school time due to financial constraints. But I think I lived for so long in illusion. I tried to gather every broken pieces many a times and given them so many chances so that they realised the value of what I have been supporting to them till now. I want my parents to feel proud of each one of us and make them live a peaceful life. 

When my youngest brother scored more than 80% in tenth exam, I was on top of the world. More than my exams, my life, I gave everything to give him the best education. I spent all my earning to them just to see them as an independent person because I know how it is to be someone who have nothing in their life other than empty vessels. I know how does it feel to be hungry and having no money to buy your own food. But with such a shame I have to accept my own failure on every kind of sacrifices, effort and emotions I have invested on them so far. I always feel that they are my life and their success will be just like my own. But My brothers seems to lost their own humanity and I lost my faith on them after breaking me, my parents expectation in pieces. I remember submitting half of my salary every three months in the coaching centre just to provide him the best coaching in Delhi and best school. Now they turn the table and show us the way that it's their life to waste it and make it without even realising how much pain we have suffered for so many ears. It was never been easy financially and mentally to bring up two teenage brothers in Delhi. It need lots of sacrifices , not only my money but my personal life, career, ambitions and many more. What is a human when you forgot to respect the emotions of your own parents and sister. And it is totally ridiculous that at the end of the day they blame their own parents and siblings for their bad temper and scoldings when they broke them into pieces. I can't recall any longer my parents enjoying a movie in a cinema hall, going to theatre and shopping for fun. They sacrifice everything they earn to live just to facilitate them the best education in Delhi and what they return to them is broken dreams and shame in front of everyone. If today's kids are going to behave in this way, it is even better no one should have their own kid. Better they fed those hungry one in the roads and provide education to those who want to live their dreams. 

Today I felt that I failed everything in life after so much of struggle, sacrifices and effort to see their dream to come true. Rather I would have been selfish, enjoy my life watching every weekend movie, buy the clothes from Zara and even throw my salary in a dustbin instead of spending on their education. At least I would have felt better thinking that I didn't do anything for them so they have become like this. What a waste of emotions and years I have invested on them. More than myself, I feel bad for my parents and I feel sorry for them that they sacrificed so much for them. Better they would have enjoyed their life and let them live in footpath, the way they deserved to be. Today I lost all my faith on them, I don't know I could restore that again to them. I don't mind breaking my own expectation and dreams but I can't forgive them for playing to my parents emotions. They have no rights to make them feel guilty of having them as their son. 

I have no grudge to them but only my pity that I could not respect their parent's emotions and they feel that it is so easy to play with them.

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