Sunday, May 24, 2015

Becoming a woman ?

Life is a big circus where everyone around you tried hard to trap you from every angle in life. If my mind is free then they want me to stop thinking, if my long hairs are playing with the morning breeze then they want them to tight at its base and if you are a woman who wants to live a life of your own, dream and die for your dream only then they call you a selfish lady.

Yes, becoming a woman from a girl is the hardest transformation I have ever achieved. I missed those days walking anywhere I want to reach without a burden and expectation in my head. Life has trap me from every corner. Parents trap me saying that it is my responsibility to provide free food, free education and accommodation AC room in Delhi for my brothers who has no urge to dream and achieve something in life other than sleeping. To fulfil family's dream I cut every dream of my life into pieces to make it bearable. That's not the end. Finding freedom in where you work is impossible, corporate culture is extension of old colonising system, where your senior always make feel guilty of what you are and they make sure to feel that you only deserved what you get, so don't expect more.

Well, the every step of life is challenging and it's never easy to make people understand what kind of person I'm but I never wish to bow my head in front of them to understand me also. It is not my job to tell a man what I expect from a man since I do not want their free shopping in the mall, taking me in their car, expensive gifts etc. Only thing that wonder me till now is that there are some man on earth who do not know the value of the woman who has given a new direction in their life and she made him part of her life but only thing he could thing about it is that she is probably desperate to hang on me. One thing I have learnt from such selfish people is that no one in the world should not be treated unequally. There always come a dog's day and they still walk in the street like a lost dog without anyone to bring them home. Love is powerful and those who gave it selflessly are the most powerful people. One may exploit them, used them and thrown them out of their life but they never live life without a hope. It is always like a season to them and when there is a spring it again blooms like other seasonal flowers.

Becoming a woman was the hardest struggle in my life. It demands to forget myself and love others but it could not be the rule of life. There was a time I hurt myself because someone hurt me so badly that I was left with no courage to move on. I waited every night with my phone walking aimlessly in the trace but there was no end to it. I did not accepted the defeat but I realised that it was not worth. I did not move on but I learn to love myself rather than giving it to someone who would never know the meaning of love by default. The only changes I could bring in my life was that I learn to fall to love myself. I made my choices, rather than people enforcing their choices on. I keep writing in every pieces of paper to find out myself. Now onwards it is never a choice of other how I want to live but of choices to fall in love with one I want to be, to remember those memories which left with a everlasting smile of this lifetime without a bonding. And to live now for myself and him for another journey in life where we could only nurture a life of "ours" without the dream, expectation of how the rest of the world wants to see us. 

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