Thursday, August 1, 2013


What's in the name? Exactly I'm questioning with myself from so many days why suddenly I'm so much in love with this word "beloved". So many things in mind and I keep on thinking when I'm travelling in metro, sitting in office bus and sometime alone with a cup of tea in the office corridor. Want to write a memoir of the home, the beautiful land, green fields, about those migratory birds in Loktak Lake, my beautiful childhood with my cousins and about those lives which are uncounted and lost in a blink, of those friends of mine in govt. school, whom I'm no longer in touch and a life without competition.

Have lots of friend now also and they are exceptionally good to me but still somewhere in the corner of my heart I still seek for a kind of friendship that I used to have with my school classmates in govt. school and my local friends. Their life was obviously without a career, competition and a dream to be success but apart from their love and simplicity, I could never feel anything else when I was with them. Whenever I go home, I usually switch off my Delhi number and used to hang out with my locality friends. One thing which make me so good is them saying you have not changed at all and that makes me feel that they still take me as one of the girl with whom I used to spend whole my childhood. Series of friends from different schools, colleges, Universities, job and so many but I rather miss those cute friends in the school.

In my last visit to home, met once my best friend Gangarani, still the chubby and talkative girl who used to do my homework whenever I ignore to do. She used to stand in the back handle of cycle and I used to drop her till her home. Life made me sometime too selfish and mean too. Have not asked even once after school how is she and never visited in so many years but life has changed the chubby girl to a someone who has to challenge every difficulties even from losing her father and had to bear all the financial burdens of family while working as a teacher to the same school we have studied.

And about Sangeeta, one of the most beautiful and lovely friend I have lost after my school. Met her after a long time when I was in graduation 2nd year in Miranda House. She could not recognize me with my change in the size, of course and I was almost shock to see her with two kids when she was so young. Lost with words I just hug her elder daughter and said make her studied till the highest degree. She understand what I meant to say and I said sorry to her for not even asking about her marriage. After I got so much engaged with my secondary school, I have lost contacts with all of them and most of them got married when they are not even 20 years without anyone to guide them and for them getting married was the only option they could see for future. Followed by another story of scandalous elopement of another classmate Roshini, believe to be one of the most beautiful and every boy in the school peep through the broken wall just to watch her but she too had the same faith.

Starting from schools, I was never fond of boys usually, its always a ego clash for me but when we met now they just smile and say you are a grown up girl now. We still remember you as the simplest and cutest among the girl though most of the time you ignore us like we are too bad. It was told by the guy against whom I report to the Principal for dancing on the teacher's table and make him penalized for a week. He proudly said to me congrats when I stopped by his shop to buy black petrol when there was economic blocked. He said, I will fill your scooty with the good quality petrol though I mixed them with kerosene. Everything seems just like yesterday how we used to fight in the school and now they took me as somebody in a different zone and that makes me more uncomfortable. He told me, I saw your book release picture in the newspaper, you are too famous now and it is written so nicely about you. I just told him, no one appreciates as much as you guys do and I felt so sorry for the fact that somewhere I also ignore them. Their thoughts never come to me and I didn't even count them as friend. When I look back all my invitees in the book release function was only from my teachers and friends in the private schools. I thought how come I have become so selfish when these friends still love me so much and still think that I'm one of them.

Whenever someone cheat me or hurt me, I always thought I'm getting it because I ignored one of the best friend/person without his help I would not even complete my secondary school. That's my friend Santosh who would wait for me every morning, evening and whenever I want him to be there for me. Even my boyfriend would never do that and they would not sacrifice and encourage me for my study as much as he did. In school days, he almost took it was his duty to take care of me as I'm the only girl among them to cycled for so long. He would even dropped me till my home though he was tired and hungry after the school. Waiting for me in my gate sometime in the early morning for the tuition and sometime waiting for me in the school gate for hours till my practical class gets over, I do not know someone else would ever do that in my life. That was not the end, none of my high-fi friends came to pick me up when I went to Bangalore for IPR course in National Law School. He came without asking him twice, picked me up, make the most delicious fish curry for me, introduced me proudly to his friend and said you know all friends know about you because I keep on telling about you. It was sometime too much for me to see so much of affection but he never change what he knew about me since school days and till today he hope we will be like those good friends in school.

He always kept his promise and it's me who always ignore him, even avoiding him to meet when he was staying for two years in Delhi. I don't know why I even hide from him in those days. I realized the fact that I was too afraid about what people talked about us. Once a too good friend and now he shifted to Delhi and he being so fond of her since school days. Moreover, I was afraid of hurting my parent's apprehension since school days that we might start seeing each other. That's main thing which kept me away from him. No doubt I was selfish responding someone with such a cold vibe but I could only say I was stupid. My friends in Delhi told me that what I did to him was wrong when he was so good to you. Still I find it too hard but do not want to remember the phase I used to ignore him without his fault. That's true that my mother do not like him as she saw him being drunk, flirting with girls, eating pan all the time and moreover his excuse of often visit to borrow my school notebooks were one of the most annoying thing for my mom. She thought he was trying to please me too much so that I fell for him. But mom did not know that I was already in a gone case regarding one of the most manipulative man I have even met till now. After mom got to know about the manipulative man when I was in 2nd year of graduation, mom like him so much when he visited me but we were already at the verge of fading a lifetime bye from each other. Well that's a history, I no longer want to talk.

But I lost the most beautiful people in my life. And this time I promise to visit the day I land home with a beautiful gift for him and I'm ready to say a series of Sorry. I hope after this write up I will feel little bit better and I know how hurtful it is when someone so close to me ignore me without my fault and I think I did the same to him. I wish I could go back and correct my behavior and enjoyed with one of the finest friend I have ever met. Whatever it is, this time I promise to myself that I will agree whatever help he asks from me-as he is already asking me to promote his coaching center and I'm ready to teach chemistry now for him. Whether I meet other friends or not I will make sure to at least make him feel that I'm always his friend and will always be there for him. It would be another trial for me to re-install his lost faith to me.

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