Those thin lines...

Those thin lines are very difficult to visualize and explain especially to those who has lived a life only shown to them by the world.

The difference between dream and imagination; love and attraction; sex and making love;  falling in love and falling into a pit for a lifetime. I'm condemned especially by some folk of the women for my fierce opinion about arrange marriage or compromise marriage. I don't have a bad opinion but I just said what I felt about it. The simple logic is that I can not share a room, of course a bed just because the society sanctioned me from today onward. Who is the society? 

What about the human feelings? Marriage is like buy and sell custom and a contract. If you can give baby, I'm ready to feed you with my money. Huh! How does it possible to love a man just because you are married to him? Even the dogs choose their own partner, I guess.

For some friends my personal life is a Pandora box, most of the time they are curious of the fact that they do not see me with a guy watching movie, roaming around the garden and so on, the way world has you expected when you are in love. 

One of my school friend told me just a day before, it's already too late, you should get married and feel the joy being with another person. I simply asked her how and to whom? She said, if you don't have anyone, we will find a guy. I said, I don't anyone to kill in my hand. You know better I have never share my space to anyone whom I can't fall for in love or at least fall together in hell. I know I can waste seven years of my life crying and lamenting for a man who has nothing to do with my life. I can ruin my life nurturing those painful moments and recalling all those sleepless nights and remembering all the worthless man in my life. But at least I will be alive and living with my own emotions, without letting anyone to encroach my space to love and hate. 

I'm beyond and not among those women who are forced to marry by the biological clock. One friend message me few days back, women getting menopause in the age of 29. I said just chill yaar. I still have the option to live in my own flat with a lovely adopted daughter and four dogs to take care of my security. I can not marry to any X, Y and Z without that zoobi-doobi feelings about a man. Of course, I was using my favorite quote

 "Every man dies for a winner less war, why I would not I die searching for that eternity of love even in the heart of a wrong person.I foresee million more defeat but I will no longer be among those million tribe condemned to die every moment without love" 

Yes I meant what I said. I can not live the same life as the generation my mother has lived where women has to get married because they are a burden to their family, they are getting old, they got a man with a high salary or rich guy to have a secure future. That's more like lending my life and womb to a man whom can afford my life. My life is beyond the concept of lending and borrowing. Whether I live it or waste it, it does belong to me and no one can perform their part on my life. The above mentioned criteria are no longer required in my life from a man. So only reason I would marry a man and give precious space in my life is that for zoobi-doobi factor and for a companionship. 

Simply because my biological clock is tickling away I would not lend myself in the name of marriage. No one will know the happiness of those lonely nights and chatting with another loner like me -the moon. Better be alone, dream, write, cry and embrace this lonesome journey than hanging a rope in my neck and try hard to run. 

It's better to fall in love thousand times and have thousand other heartbreaks than be falling in a pit called marriage without a way to return with a Mr. wrong pretending to be the right one!!!