Friday, April 26, 2013


So tired beyond the limit. Brother's admission, phobia of shifting room, urgent projects in office, exam just a week away, not getting time to sleep, Delhi traffic taking away half of my time in a day, bad ass ex's mail popping up in the inbox, becoming vulnerable to the man like street dogs and last but not the least- falling in love with Mr. wrong in the wrong platform.

I know I can't control expression in my face. But there is one thing which makes me wonder whole my life is that no one has ever asked me the reason why I'm so happy when I can not hide my smile but when I do not smile everyone is like why are you so upset???? That question instigates the thought that I'm trying to ignore from a while. I don't like whatever happened in the faculty yesterday. At least my friends should know the joke before the class and after the class. I do say a lot about my fondness about the professor for whatever reason. But I attended his all classes till now because of his honesty to share his knowledge and of course for whatever reason I didn't compromise my study in the class. Already beaten up with so much by the Delhi traffic, took almost two hours reaching from office to faculty and suddenly saw some scene I don't like at all and trying to escape from the scene I'm provoked with much welcome question why do you look so upset? I'm so sorry for reacting so badly to my friends but what I could do? I'm left with no energy to explain, I was seeking for just a moment of solitude and to be with myself amidst the crowd and noises.

Next drama was extremely an unexpected one that blown up my temper irreparably. Sir suddenly saying in the class that your friends are laughing by looking at you. To my surprise I reacted as do I look like a joker? First of all no joke was going on and question paper discussion was going on.They could have hold back their laughter for a while instead of making him so obvious of what we talked about him outside the class. First of all even if I do talk all non-sense before class, I have never crossed the line and gone beyond the ethics of the platform he stood. That's certain thing that I would not want to happen from my end and that finally seem to happen and he making a point was that he does not like whatever it was beyond the ethics of the classroom. 

While laying down on my bed I was thinking  why I have become so reactive today. The main reason was that from the past two days I'm not sleeping for even five hours after the bad ass mail popped up in my inbox. I was telling Shreema, I literally feel like asking the bad ass what he wants now? But then even replying the mail or asking would be like keeping a contact and that's what they want too. A week before she have been haunted by that bad ass at home and I'm here virtually. I don't understand the logic behind they are doing. We being too busy with our own life seems like a problem to them and oh please I'm not going to mourn in your departure. I have been writing for exam on the day he got married and I got the highest marks beyond expectation. I have told you many a times to stop worrying about me and don't even think that I will even get angry with you. I'm not selfish to hide my emotions of lost, anger, sadness... but I'm not even left with such emotions for you, forget about affection, love and care. You proved yourself as a looser to me and to the world and gone to live in hell with a stranger for the sake of your parents. I don't have anything other than saying that please consult your mommy,daddy and the society of course whenever you are not satisfied with your life or wife instead of sending me mail. I'm not an antidote for detoxification to your life.  

Well, I do need detoxification for a peaceful day to start. Treated myself with my favorite breakfast and doing some dance steps of Shakira even in the kitchen. Time to study and there are lots! I'm starting to count the number of books yet again :-)

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