Tuesday, April 2, 2013

Being a sister, daughter and a substituted mother...

Terrific weather and feeling the most nostalgic moments of life! Life is a treasure we should keep on exploring and its excites me when something is so unknown and unpredictable!

I got frustrated when I'm engaged with so many things then I ask myself what I would do if I'm not engaged? That's another frightening feeling-life without struggle and a meaningful journey and nothing to remember, nothing to hold on for a day in future when you can't do anything but live with the memories of those day!

It's not all about praising myself but I need to, I can't wait for the whole world to stand up and clap for me for whatever I'm managing in a day in just 24 hours!

Just reading Femist legal theory and doing so many things simultaneously. Asking youngest brother to revise for tomorrow's entrance test and cooking also. Standing and inclining to the kitchen wall and reading Indira Jai Singh's feminist theory and telling myself-the making of chutney of feminist in the kitchen!!!!

Well, can't help it what to do. I took charge of the responsibility of bringing brother's here in the wake of killing of  a pregnant woman and another person in fake encounter in 2009. Not a single penny in pocket and not a single moment to think and plan, I told my father to send them to Delhi, while my brother's career and life was in danger! It's really scared to remember June 23, when Rabina was killed with her 9 month old baby inside her womb in the middle of the market in Imphal. Followed by a general strike and suspension of schools and colleges in Manipur and it continued for six months. It must be the longest one in the history of the world where educational institutions and lives of lakhs of students are negotiated with the govt who gave a deaf ear for six months.

Never imagine life would be so challenging. After brother have come I have to screen every activity I have done earlier, staying away from poetry group and midnight party,singing and drinking. But that was the best time, we all have realized our feeling for a burning home called Manipur and start writing. Without that phase of life "tattooed with taboos" will never come out today!

Of course, a worst time for love-life too! Was myopic and blind , whatever people wants to say but I was in love with the most horrible man I have ever met. Always hated a man who is pretentious, loud, show off, attention seeker and ugly but I imagined something else in my mind and in love with my own imagination. One fine day everything broke up and I started to focus on my life, my hobby, my talent. Sometime, I told my friends that men are of great used in life! They gave me poetry, they make me realized the value of my life, they show how worthy I'm for this world and of course how honest I'm with myself and with the rest! Being honest with other's is not difficult but being honest with self is more important and through out my life I fear only for one moment. That's standing in front of a mirror and feeling ashamed of what I'm! I don't care till today what the world say about me but what I care is only what I'm in front of myself!

Well, living an exiled life in Delhi for almost 12 years, I'm still confused whether this land belong to me? Whether the people I met here belong to me and does they take me as one of them? But with time I have started feeling that I've become one of them. But I still long for the hills, green fields, the worrying faces of people, strikes, blocked, my school, teacher, parents, neighbors and everything about home! Have been almost one and half year, I have visited home and it's like I'm living a life without a soul. Missed those scents of the soil, the rain, the clear sky, the stars, the moon, the stories of so many happenings in our locality.

But above all these, there is only one thing which keep me alive all the time in Delhi. That's my law faculty evening classes and friends out there and some good teachers who are dedicated. Some teachers just come to show their face and take attendance and some came with a heart to share their knowledge and that's something we would carry in our heart too. With time love, attraction and so many things happened among us but at the end of the day we distance each other with a big NO!! Everything sounds interesting and I always pray when my LLB will finish so that I could read, write and rest but now I no longer wants to leave the faculty because of the year long attachment and some great friends.

Coming back to my brothers, sometime I feel like they are problem in my life and they are obstruction to my way to do what I dream to, then in a deepest corner of my heart, they are my gem, my heart and dream itself. I have never been tired of hard work, struggle and never lack of enthusiasm in life just for a dream to give a better life to them which I can't live in my childhood. I had to suffer the lower middle class joint family miseries and seeing mom crying in the abuses of aunts and grandmother! Terrible to remember those hard days? But time is the best best judge, it always do justice with everyone, of course not the Supreme Court when it comes to life and it's karma!! Today my mom is the most happiest mother and the strongest woman I have ever met. She is illiterate but biggest educationalist! When I was a kid and I'm not reading, then my mother would repeat her patent dialogue "you know how difficult it is to survive without knowing a script and when I have to take a bus I would not know which bus is going where and I'm like blind and deaf!! Do you wanna live like me?'

Next moment I would think and start dreaming of getting a car for mom and dad, sending brother's to the English school, which I can't attend in my time, when my father was busy focusing on his  sister's big fat marriages and performing the responsibilities and fulfilling the liabilities. Sometime I argue with my father, why are so obsessed with your sisters and look at them they don't even want to spend a rupee for you when you compromise my career and life while being busy in getting them married! My father would say nothing, just smile and say you should be a lawyer, you know nothing but argue and you know how to win over it!

And my friends, I don't know how my life would be without Shreema, Linda and Lanleima. My life is truly living, breathing and kicking because of the these three most beautiful, intelligent, talented, honest and terrific women. There is something I realized in life that I must have done something good in past life so I got them in this life. There is nothing I can hide from them and there nothing I can't share with them, even about stealing a kiss from a man. Best part of our friendship is that we cry for each other, we got angry for each other, we support each other, we love each other and moreover we never compete and we never judge each other. In these days when people are so corrupted morally I would not find a person whom I can be myself!

Everyday is a new day for us. Started with teasing with each other and with my one liners everyone of them break into laughter! Let the life go on and let the age count on but we would never loose our youth, smile, laughter, honesty and love for each other. They are my strength and sometime oxygen to survive.

So many man come and goes from life, with time, their memories erased from my mind but through out our life, we really proved that there is good people, good friendship and good life without a man too. We have never felt the vacuum of not having a man in life. When we have we enjoy our love life but we never compromise our friendship till now and it will remain forever!

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