Friday, June 4, 2010


I hate reading but loves writting random thoughts. These days I'm reading one of the most boring books  so that I can have a sound sleep. When I was a kid I used to get Maths book with me in the bed and damn good sleep I used to enjoy!!!

Deprived of sleep from few nights because of filthy issues of others. Problem with me is that I can't keep a double standard secret. Sometime I could not believe my eyes and I become numb seeing the big alphabets written in my email box/phone. After thinking for two days I thought arre bahut hogaya natak abhi..sorde..let them live thier own life and be wise from next time. Then I make a smile and I keep walking in my balcony with a big cup of coffee. What I want to do now is live my own life and draw some lines around me called as distance and discretion from people around me whoever they are and how close they are to me.

There are some relations which no one can replace in one's life but I can't expect them to understand what I felt for those people who's space to me can't be substituted how bad or good they are to others. But looking back to some years back, I realised some  people intentionally/unintentionally ruin some invaluable relations in life without bothering to undersatand the void it has created to me. Sad but not regretted. Life is always a journey for me and they are not my destination. You keep meeting people and leaving people and they are the one whom I left finally and close the door in my life howsoever important we were to each other.

Some people are not selfish, not money minded, not bad at heart but self obssessed and too passionate about their desire in life. That become a reason for them to intrude in some relations and break them into pieces while they tried to form a new relation with the same person. A son's space can't be replace to a mother however his wife may claim she is the most closest person to his life. Similarly some poeple have those relations with me. Niether they are my BF nor we are enjoying flirting with each other. But some simple bonding which we could never avoid of since then we all met in some unknown world but broke into invisble pieces with time remaining nothing now. I also accpet the truth that nothing is there to bring us together. They are too lost now and not in my hand.

I miss my independent life without any boundry with full of madness few years back. But my fault lies in not able to keep a distance and discretion of my personal relations and let  the people enjoy the previledges and later on dump everything on my head. Suddenly these relations wither and erode, remain nothing at my end now. In fact i uprooted myself from where I belong to, for people who owe me just for their purpose in life.

Let it be. That's all I can sing and let this time pass silently from me. With time everything will be wrapped up and I know now whom should I avoid to save myself in future. Life keeps on moving and I wish with time they also move away from me without me telling to move away as I could  no longer have any respect for them now. In fact I'm tired of them and I want them to see life beyond themself and if I keep on nurturing on what they want it's bad for them too....

My best wishes are always there but please don't expect me again that I'm ready to ruin any kind of relations in future because of anyone...finally I learnt it..I know what I did was no worth...when people around you are myopic.
I'll be back soon on my track to persue what I felt to do without any terms & conditions......