Tuesday, February 5, 2013

Those Living Ghosts!

I'm a writer and wish to be one till my last breath. Whether people like to read or not is no longer my business nor I write so that people can enjoy it. Everything I wrote is an honest account on what I think and felt at the  moment.
Well, I love to paint those memoirs of life which are important to me and meaningful as being part of my life. No doubt everyone of them who I have met in my life were important and I gave them due respect during the time we spent and after the time that passed too. But I literally hate them getting back to me and haunting my day to day life from every nook and corner. Though they do not know what they want from their own life so obviously they also don't know what they want from me also. Just that they are hanging around just like those restless poor souls.
Delhi adore a different look from past few days and it reminds me of school days. Those rainy days, we would be going to school and slipping on the road while cycling and in fact I missed my mother who used to wait in the market with an umbrella, my friend Santosh without whom I would not have courage to cycle till school and of course my dream boy of those days, with his dream I grew up and swear to become a perfect lady :)
I was listening to the most romantic numbers of Ranbir Thouna and smiling alone thinking about all those kiddish moments in those days with him and even thought of some beautiful sentences to complete a poetry. Suddenly my colleague send a message in office communicator saying someone who knew me and her called and asking about me. Before I can't guess who it could be then I turned back to Linda and said wow the living Ghost are more dangerous and they can even haunt you in broad day light.

The fact is that the message has distorted whole my mood and feel like asking what else is left with me when he has got a trophy wife now after painful process of searching for a good and obedient wife. Probably they are stupid enough to act like they are so cool and I'm still calm and gentle even if you sought at me. After his marriage I requested him in a very nice manner not to haunt me (though I want to use the most abusive words) but still he wants to know how have I been without him. Huh! In fact I have no words if someone thinks that I'll be spending a miserable life without him then I can only be sorry for you. Only time I remember of having a miserable time was when departing from a man from my life was in early 2K when I got to know that my dream boy is nothing but a mere crap who knows how to play with my emotions and after that I'm a free bird and now I also know the game except that I don't play it. That's one reason sometime I missed my dream boy for giving me poetry, for letting me free from every emotional prison in my life. Now I know the difference between love and prison.

I know how to love a man and yes, I'm a very calculative woman, I don't love a man whose lifespan is expired in my daily life. I can not care for that man who has no contribution in motivating and inspiring me to dream for a better life. Frankly speaking, though I do claim myself  a very romantic person, I seriously won't die without a man so please stop caring about me and my well being. I'm a woman who loves to be free from everything and even from past. Past is heavy and useless and no one wants to carry such baggage.

You can excuse me and let me live life ahead just the way I wish too. Please don't donate your love for me, I can get that love from someone who has both respect and legitimacy only for me!!!

Saturday, February 2, 2013

To a lost stranger!

It has been years I have not felt with that lost feelings in someone's eye or someone's thought. But simply it happened just like I happened for the first time when I was in school when I saw him in my class. We were in the same batch of weekend class. Sometime I would irrationally asked him question but he would always answered nicely. One day I ask for his copy and get the same to the photocopy shop. When I keep on chatting without stopping with my friend about how careless we are, he politely stand outside and wait for the photocopy to be completed. I just asked him what's your name and as always I treated as someone quite younger than me and I realised the way I called him must be irritating to him. After that we never talked and I don't even remember him after asking him to wait for photocopy. It was just begun in September in one of the weekend classes when I suddenly turned around to look for another freind I caught him watching me so carefully and that was very weird to me beacuse I had that kind of boyish romance in school days only. With the harsh life in Delhi I have never tried to find out the love and tenderness in someone's eye other than their lustful eyes.

First of all, I thought I must be looking very odd or something must be wrong with my dress so I checked the skrit I was wearing. Then, I lough off the whole scene after the class and forgot but it was in the another 2-3 weeks , I noticed that we seem to have given consensus to each other to express ourselves with our eyes only. And we continue without even asking anything to each other. I don't know but he makes me feel really nervous, lost and brings back those lost sense of love and tenderness which I used to feel once decades back.

Sometime we would sit opposite to each other and keep watching to each other's eyes till we get aware of some peeping tom are also sitting between us. Sometime the guy sitting in front of him thought that I'm looking at him and that's again so weird and unwanted. When he was absent, I used to literally sleep in the class and my mind would not worked anymore. I used to tell my friend I'm gonna ask him out for a coffee after my semister exam is over and I keep hoping I will meet him soon in a coffee date. But after my semister exam he has disappeared so suddenly while leaving me behind with so many questions where he could be. Rather I thought every weekend I will ask his friends in the class then I thought everything may be of my assumption. Well, I will agree to my assumption that let it I must be dreaming but after years I met someone whose eyes were so expressive and I could feel the lost scent of romance from those years.

Hope we will meet again if the destiny is there and I know you too must be having some questions to me. I wish in this midnight, I would be telling you how beautiful your eyes were and how different you are from the rest. Wherever you are I hope you must be doing good and keeping well. I wish you a great luck for the coming Judiciary exam. You will remain a stranger who were special for those days. My weekends were so pleasant because of you and I really wish every weekend, you suddenly reappear!