Wednesday, October 2, 2013

I hate to say this!

I know I'm the most arrogant woman and always hate to show my tear in front of a man! But as of now I have to write, console and think right that all people are not same and cruel. And I still want to reconfirm my believe that there are people who can see the tears hidden behind layers of this arrogant face and this lady can cry all alone whole night without telling anyone.

Today, I seem to lost all my faith to everyone. I have never been so upset, feel weird and disgusting for so long. Moreover I have never seen one with such cruel face. And why suddenly I missed you so much today. Just because you always tolerated me, bear my temper, understand my frustration, responsibilities or what not? But at last still I have to be rude and say the same thing that you too were a coward for the fact that you too choose to leave and follow the whole crowd, forgetting that whatever we are, whoever we are, we will land someday only within a graveyard.

Why I feel so pathetic today is not because something bad is happening or has happened in my life but I saw the most cruel face of a man and love being killed and dyeing with such an insulting end. I wish I have the courage to forget and forgive him. Meanwhile when I saw the worst scene of my life today, when I saw one love abusing another, I suddenly could not stop doing a round trip in my mind how you have treated me. I don't know what we called our relation was, never wanted to give a name and bound for lifetime but I wish every man has the courage to love a woman like you do with so much of dignity. Most of the fight, most of the argument was because of my frustration over not able to handle my responsibility towards my family but you have not even used a single abusive word towards me, forget about raising your hand and showing me you are a man and m a weaker sex.

I still hated you for being a coward but don't know there will be another man on this earth who could understand me better than you do. I know I was never fair with you whenever there is a fight and it should be always a win-win condition for me but never say that I was wrong. Just talking to my friend saying I'm too disturbed today because of some reason and I wish you were here to say that I'm the most different girl and I could never be wrong. Sometime it feels too bad how I made hell out of your life even making you run from one place to another in the middle of the night but I think everything was happened to make me learn a lesson that the world is full of pathetic people but still someone like you will be there to stand for me without expecting anything in return. And it hurt me more whenever my friends said, you know he was unconditionally good to you and we wish everything ended with a good note.

But something else was written and you wrote that end for which I can never give an excuse to forgive you. You try to hurt me even after you are gone for so many months by making me realized how good you were to me and why the fuck you had to go like a coward to that hell!

May be by writing this I'm feeling much better and may be it is just like before, how I used to spit all the Hindi and English slangs in my vocab in any of our fight and try to hurt you intentionally thinking that I was always the winner. 

1 comment:

  1. Dear Chaoba, read and really liked your poem 'Rain comes down' in 'Tattooed with Taboos,' Could not find your email hence sharing the link to Hindi translation of your poem here: