Wednesday, October 23, 2013

Euthanasia of love!!!

Living in a place where lovers are killed, love is undignified, living with an assumption that everything is to be beautiful behind that curtain of marriage! I'm totally frustrated with the hypocrisy of people and their guts to boast a life about parents, society, tradition and culture and blah if those who could stand for love are wild animals, not tamed and trained. But the fact is that I'm proud to be one of the un-tammed, un-trained, wild animal who can die for love but can't live with hypocrisy and fake smile throughout the life. Those who are in love only knows how beautiful it is to be with the one you love, how hateful it is to be with the one you could never fall in love.

Love was everything I have ever wanted but unfortunately I landed in a land where love is all about ball, butts, boobs and obsession of physical needs. Agreed that relation revolves around both physical and emotion and both goes hand in hand but now a days its a fashion if a man think that he can kiss every passing woman on the road even regardless of a bad breathe, I guess. I do not know how many of them ever learn to see into the eyes of a person, feel it, watch him/her silently, passed a ignorant smile and follow the footsteps of the love. I do not know how far love has touched to the heart of this huge population who seems to be too lost with the smart phone like the monkeys hugging the coconut helplessly. After seeing all of them I cry for mercy killing of the love, only thing which makes human different from rest of the animals or a civilized animal.

Seems like I'm finally defeated and I have to agree with myself that love has been killed long ago and it would be just a dream which remain as a dream to be ever find a love. It's a terrible world where emotions are sold off for everything and I'm literally tired trying to still save that little human inside me in a jungli-zed society. So far wherever he is, whatever he does, I still miss those silent walk following his footsteps, waiting for him in a road where he would never turn up, trying to mimic his smiles, even smiling alone while catching up with him in my own memories. At least I love his guts to show his affection to me regardless of what we are for each other. I do not understand any longer why people live such an unsecured, cowardice life. They can not enjoy the love, emotions which sprouts like a rare spring from their own heart but gives a huge lecture on society, culture and tradition.

Love was something which taught me everything, just lying on the bed in my room in home as a teenager and reading Dr. Kamal's novel Madhabi, made me feel the pain of Urirei when Biren left for his study in Shillong, even holding my heavy heart with an imagination that what if someday my love left me in such a way. What a bizarre reality I live today, everything ends with such a pity death of human soul. All looks walking, talking, smart zombie. Really missed the way my aunties used to fall in love with their boyfriends, walking out silently from home in my father's absence, taking me along with them so that my father won't question them where they were, exchanging some sweet talks before they depart for the day and of course passing a letter to her hand with a shy smile. Love was never been an embarrassment, defamation and useless as it is treated in the modernized society. And the most romantic memory I had about them was about my aunties knitting sweater for their boyfriend to gift them in new year day. I recalled my aunty knitting a yellow sweater copying those days Salman Khan's sweater in Maine Pyaar Kiya. I never understood at those days how was love all about but it seems like though my blood and breathe that every sense of purity of love have been inhaled deeply. I'm still searching for that lost scent of love though I'm sure by now that it had the most unnatural death long ago.

 I'm too jealous of all my aunties now. Living here is like a life-imprisonment for me, a slow poisoning of my own emotions and at the end of the day loosing myself. It was in twelve, our English teacher taught the chapter of Titanic and I almost had the sleepless night of so many days thinking that how painful it would be losing the one you loved. Sir Thoiba's lecture on Manipuri famous story of lovers Kadeng-Thangjahanba and Tonu Laijinglembi almost made me fall in love with the strange and wildest notions attached to love. Everything seems to have been killed and I'm just trying to touch a mirage which no longer existed.

Somehow while coming back late today and travelling alone in the metro, I was missing him and his smile which he always try to hide from me and everyone but obvious to me and to everyone too. What makes him different from the rest was the invasion of a smile on my lips whenever I remember him. I only wish if I can keep hold of the moments but everything is gone with time though it could not erase shadows of his smiles. I never had an expectation from him and no dream of future with him but it was a boundless affection and careless smiles which I missed the most today. That respect, emotions and care was something which I will cherish about him forever. I know everyone finds us weird, mischievous and kiddish but it was of emotions which we never thought of controlling and judging from the beginning. I was prepared of his going even from my nocturnal dream but I was very sure of one thing that he will never leave me even with a droplet of tear in my eyes. As I assume so, he walked away from my dream, hope and memory from a time when I was ready to walk in another path of life and of a new dream and of a new bond.

I do not mind people judging me whether I'm old fashioned or anything but whole my life I'm ready to die to find the one who will bring back that magical wing of the lost love but I could never witness the euthanasia of love.

I live with what I believe till today, life was never interested for me to do only what others expected me of doing. At least I promise to myself that I will never lie to my emotions, and it will remain true forever. Till I die, I'm ready to fight thousand other winner-less war to restore every piece of love from its honour killing!!

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