An affair with myself!

I wish this thirteen year long of one side affair has come to an end! Do I really wish to leave it now also, I'm not sure about. More I become more possessive about everything I dream about him. Everything I search about him and the meaning, the feeling of joy and lost! Every unknown face I only search for a smile which he won't even recognize himself. He won't even know now how this illusion of me has an impact to my life, my writings and my dreams. Whenever I start doing something what I begin is with a sudden nocturnal visit of him in my mind and the shadow of his smile.

I never wish to be near him, I no longer hope this dream come true. No one hope when you are already into a dream. Everything possible, you get what you want here. I have every kind of soul conversation, sometime I feel the real you does not bother me any longer. 

I really do not know what you may think about my friends giving you the book I have written but I have nothing at end. No message, no invitation. It was just part of my dream which I thought I should do. You have another taboos for me and I'm trying to hide it from so many years but I could not do for so long. 

But what I wish to stop searching for you in every face which come across in my way. I know there is a new world beyond you but how long will it take for me to start with a dream and a new canvas to paint you will never realize in your life.

People said you are a very lucky person because I owe so much to you without even costly "thank you'. But I think people are selfish. They can not own whatever they do as their own, instead of looking for some return. I never expected for a phone call, a formal thank you or a happy ending of this one-sided saga. I called it one sided because I never included you in my own dreams and imaginations. Whatever I have done till now it is my own choice and to satisfy my dreams. There is nothing in fact I can return to you for so much you have given in this life being a subject of my dream and keeping always calm whenever I dream of you. Of course, no one can smile without being so happy from inside, that's you who make me smile everyday. What else I can expect from you? Hope you will enjoy reading my poems or have you disown this bunch of my dreams? 

But I will never forget the day I bought my first diary in school, the day you just come across my way, the day I came to realize the moon was really beautiful! The school, the bus stand would be just another place no one would like to go back  and take a look. Those places are not just another place but I built a memento my of my dreams and hopes.