Tuesday, February 11, 2014

Redefining Love ??

I hope I'm doing lot of redefining of some of the very important words and terms in everyday life. That's necessary, clauses are to be inserted and deleted with the change in the time, mood and meaning. I don't believe in public display of affection, let it be love for my parents, family or my lover.

I'm someone who was/is always madly in love. I never see love as a credit card just as today's world treat it. If I need something to gain and buy something out of love then I would no longer make it a part of my life, so I have to rewrite it's meaning. I think the world has almost become a bullshit and everyone is like a walking and talking calculator. No one looks human to me except  my few friends who selflessly fall in love without a calculation of profit and gain, probability of marriage and making babies. If love is all about somebody affording to buy all the expensive gift to you then I would rather marry an ATM, why would I marry a man? If falling in love, being crazy with the moments, where we almost forget there exist a world beyond you and I, is all about promising to each other for a future date for getting married and making our own baby then why would not I choose to be a cow whose whole purpose is to give milk and baby. Sometime I feel so pity and sympathize those who abandon the moments of love, craziness and those inevitable moments in life just because what the world will say and fearing of a day when one has to live without the one you love. Love is never meant to be together, love is meant to be felt and live at the present moment.

How does it matter if we are living together even for another century while building a wall between us even in the bedroom and with a fear of massive divorce and paying of a huge alimony? Everyone knows there are such relations and in fact there are only such relation in the present days. I don't want to live with a man just because once upon a time we decided to keep the promise of society and our family obligations. I would rather be happy, a man going away from my life and leaving with the memories of love and moments of truth. Only one thing I'm fear of,  is for a day, I will not be able to fall in love. Those magical feeling of waiting for your love, waking up whole night thinking about him, smiling alone remembering those memories of school and nothing has been wasted in life in living and reliving with those moments. Some people even scare to accept what they feel, they are always in the denial even if they are in love. I wonder why they do so and what made them think that the world will someday fall on them if one fine day they accept their feelings. This is something as important and as easy as breathing. I even learn to love the lie of my own lover. Sometime I thought why I'm still being in love with him when it seems no such feelings are shared from his side? I thought his efforts to make me smile, giving me time, even saying those three words and even trying that I should feel what he can't feel, is part of love only. Every effort of him though it looks questionable sometime about his feelings, about his intentions and his possible betrayal, it just become a part of love. With the hope someday when he will leave me, he will walk away with a memory of these precious moments where he tries to be in love with me though he was not actually, I hope that's the way he loves me, a different kind. Expectation spoils everything, it returns nothing except a heart break and waste every memory and turn it to bitter.

Everyone gives me long lecture why would you associate with a man who hardly seems to have a future, but I have my own reason. God forbidden, if one fine day I have to wake up to a future with a man, for him, I don't feel anything but we are together just because the world wants me to make his baby.That looks like I'm participating in a population race, so political and communal, nothing about love and feelings. I'm being very weird but this is what actually the world goes around. If anyone wants to know the truth of such people living with the pain of togetherness then list is going to be so long. Though on the contrary list of people celebrating  the pain, sorrow and joy of being in love is minimal. What all we see today in the social network is the biggest lie of a life specially for those who are happily married in Facebook. It's the social sanction, approval, declaration, acceptance and reaffirmation of a lie which people are seeking from social network. Sometime when I do have my routine conversation with my friends we used to have good laugh talking of such people who would show to the world that they are die hard lover but we still know they don't even want to see each other's face in their bedroom. My problem is running from living a such life where one has to cage to live a pretentious life.

There should be only one reason for being with a person, that's love, it may last for a moment, months, years or just forever. I can never deny every single moment I have lived just because it will not be written and recorded in a stamp paper. I would be crazy if I now deny that I wasn't in love with someone just because he will tie the knot with someone else, just because we never dated, just because we never chat over the phone for hours, just because we have not said those magical words. Then what name I should give to those moments of laughter we shared, those affection, admiration, smiles and memories which become part of our life every now and then.

I don't see a reason to stop falling in love just because someday one will leave you, you will be devastated, in that matter one also die and bodies are burnt to ashes so the love really ends there? If one ties so hard with morality of being in a society, seeking approval and living with an obligation of making baby then one can never be in love, one will remain coward and whole life they can only end up celebrating valentine's day, happy anniversary, happy love day, happy hate day, happy so and so day! 

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