Life under the shadows !!

We do not need creative writing, fiction and thrillers but stories which narrate to the coming generation so that they can connect to the past and now what they are. Acute caste system, mistrust, suppression, racial attack and divided India is a symptom of lack of a good narrator and history. One would wonder why 90 % of the mainland India opposed to the removing of AFSPA, the draconian act inherited from the colonial rule of British. The very act initiated the British 200 years ago to suppress the movement of Indian revolution against them and we still have preventive detention act, which allows person to be detained on suspicion for any number of days on the ground colluded between the police and the judicial system. While talking to a friend he just unintentionally told me that Manipur has got a High court, another milestone for your state. I'm always sarcastic when it comes to such favoritism attitude of people towards North East. I said yes, that's a great achievement and it is written with blood in bold letter in our heart that judicial system is finally have a role in state after 67 years of Indian Independence. So does that also imply that India govt, whoever is the party, never thought that we need judicial system, law, equality and basic needs of live. So out of the blue everyone is showing so much of interest in the north east and kashmir, out of the fear of the invasion by the powerful and nuclear weapon enabled neighboring countries, not because the people of the states need the basic rights to be citizen of this country and the basic facility to live in this era. Memory is the only proof of our vulnerable life as a north east in the globalized and soon becoming super power India. Still remember the our group of girls all from Miranda House lining up in the railway station three months before going home. And another horrible journey in the sleeper class of North -East Express and the Brahmaputra mail. The train when it reached to the Bihar and UP takes a different look. One will come with five children and took over our seat and it is a fight we must win till we reach Guwahati for another two days. It never ends our painful journey, we have our neighbouring warrior brothers blocking the only national highway which take us to home all the time and extorting. Sometime, bus conductor used to say hide your valuables we are crossing that jungle, that pass and so on. Remember one such incident that we have having dinner in Khannapada in Assam and bus conductor asked everyone to wind up and board the bus so that we can rush back soon to cross the particular place before midnight and they heard the bus which was gone last night was looted by the militants. We all the girls were sitting in three four rows asked each other how much money you have and we advice each other don't restraint to anyone ask our money, watch and valuables. Such fear and prayers we used to travel home. Those were the time I used to believe in a non-existant God and ask him to make us travel safely till home.

Years had gone by. It is almost 14 years in Delhi now. Memories have faded but still somewhere those painful moments linger on us. But everything remain the same for us. Still so many college goers from Manipur lived with the same painful moments of travelling from Delhi to Imphal. It's our patience, poverty and lack of unity  among us, keeping the India Govt at the happy feet without even acknowledging that we are part of this country. What wonders me is when I heard one of my colleague told me I heard North East people wants to be part of China. When I asked who told you that, she said her husband told her and he is the defense force. And I do not wonder now why the armed forces almost acted on its on people as an enemy and always look at us with suspicion. Life was never easy when you are born in a family with huge population and no one is earning and the house looks just crowded. My memory of home is just crowded and noisy with so many aunties around without a privacy to solitude. Struggling out to come out of that misery of poverty struck family never been easy. Cycling to school with the boys for 20 km every day and again trying to cop up with the heavy books in the midnight. But life was never sad and unhappy for me till today. What I always seek was a good friend and honesty which lighten my journey till today. No doubt, I'm always poured with care and love in every stage of my life. Let it be in school, college, PG and my law college. Sometimes. I used to get jealous of those who are born up in a rich family and their parents used to drop them in the school, tuition but now I felt that it would have made me just a puppet for my parents and without having a scope of using my own brain. Here comes the big difference, especially when some dull literates comment on my Facebook status. So when you are criticizing a particular act of the govt and policy or law then soon you are an anti-Indian. Most of them are worked with me earlier and they are scientist and doctor but their brain is nothing less than that of a donkey following his mater's order. After walking miles, after studying so much if you stood as Modi supporter, Rahul supporter, Didi supporter than you are not less than a donkey. We are still doing the politics of favoritism. I can never support any govt which let us sleep in the roadside tent once when we were a kid. Let them buy nuclear weapon, become the super power, who cares? We have our memory which still remember those horrible days of army rules. Every night after the dinner, we, both sisters follow our grand mother to sleep in the roadside tent in our locality. Every night elders of the locality both men and women would guard the locality as it was fear that combing operation may happen any time. We used to hear the horrors of girls being raped in the operation and boys being picked up from home, never to return again. Gone are the days but we still live with those memories. Whenever I go home, I thought I have lost everything about this home, except those memories of hardship and horrors.  That's how I love and remember my home. Our home looks so beautiful, dear and full of love in comparison to this bullet free developed corporate world. I used to get so much of love, lived so freely, sleep so peacefully without a fear of dyeing among the gun fights and bomb blast. But here every day is a struggle, a war against inhumanity and racial war among each other. I don't know which one is worst but I prefer sleeping in my own bed underneath the bullets than to live with such a dishonesty, mistrust and inhuman society. 

Woman and caste !!

It seems like caste and woman are inseparable from the time immemorial!

The two are subject of discussion and controversies and suppressed categories in our society. Let it be anywhere. There is nothing new to discuss about the caste system and the extreme way mistreating woman in Northern India, set examples are dowry killing, forceful marriage and all time high percentage of domestic violence. While criticising and looking at the culture of other community, would not be a high time to discuss and count the number unfortunate incidents of domestic violence, socially ostracizing a woman for meeting a man in the dark restaurant, for the MMS scandal, man out rightly putting his wife name in the newspaper as "Missing Wife". 

Rape of minor, killing of woman by unidentified person and no one claiming a hand for such killing and police, booming market of social organisations and  everyone blaming the woman for the killing and finally trading the woman who are killed as immoral. So, immorality become a reasonable ground for terminating the life of a woman in the present Manipur. Where is the rock music loving, western influence society heading to? This is something to introspect before we lost ourselves in a racial war with the people who could never understand us. Main and biggest hypocrite being the people behind the printing press who are working beyond the reasonable man in order to entertain the psychologically ill bulk of man and woman in our society. So newspaper is truly a piece of entertainment at the cost of dignity of a woman. You could find people in the bus, roadside, in the local hotel, reading loudly with a sarcastic smile of the news heading titled "Missing of my wife " "My wife eloped with a younger man" etc. There is no law and authority who would cross check such a shameless crime of husbands defaming a wife and newspapers owe no morale responsibility as they get money and more subscribers for publishing such news. 

Coming back to another topic is the furious and ultimate reaction of patriots of Manipur when they saw a woman from Manipur marrying a man from Mainland India, perhaps dating per se. The kind of the language and abuses each of them used in the social networking site is truly scary. Few months back, someone just tag me in a photo where few girls are drinking beer in a personal party and may be they have uploaded the photo  in their FB, and the gonna be saviors of Manipur culture upload them in a group and called them with every name they could. The most fearful site I have ever encountered was some group in the Orkut saying "killed those Meitei woman who marry a Mayang (non-manipuri)". That was a shame and totally showing to the world or the people in other part of India that the concept of liberal culture, a society where woman are treated equally with man etc, is just a myth and I must say that it's still a myth. 

I would not say every Meitei man do ostracize and talk bad things about woman. There are man and woman who understands that every choice made is a personal and one should not interfere it  but what surprise me as well scare me is the part of anger, disheartening and revenging attitude of man of my own society towards the woman. It wonders me whenever they celebrate December 12-Nupilan Day and asked the woman to come wearing the traditional dress when the man do come comfortably in any dress they wishes. So, if we declare to the world that in our society, woman are the decision maker, they are the pioneers and it's the woman force which is protecting this trouble state of ours then why do the man in the society feel that they should police, advice and order woman for the dress, make-up and the man they should marry or date. We just make noise to the outsiders within and outside India that we have the woman market, we have meira-paibi association, we have nupilan memorials, woman top every competitive exams and it's woman who runs the home financially and morally then where is the man standing to do that job of policing? Our much hype convent school breeds who are proud of their exceptionally stylish English and rock music still feel uncomfortable to talk about woman, their fundamental and property rights and their problems. They simply ignore and become deaf and blind when it comes to the issues related to woman. They all have very traditionally inherited what their descendants used to say 'nupi naha gi wari se kya heinade". 

Everyone is an activist and celebrity in the age of social networking. One writes about politics, Modi, RaGa, Kejriwal, development, insurgency but no one is interested to talk and discuss about the very woman who they endorse to the world as an alternative form of their culture, in short the synonyms of woman is culture and again the synonyms of culture is our dress. Every day there is death of a woman, domestic violence, rape but everyone accepts it being a part of the "soon becoming " globalized Manipur? So,  basically, the most favorite topic about woman would be when there is a controversy run around them and everyone gets a chance to hurl abuses about the girl or woman in the social networking site. In addition to this there is Romi Meitei and Co, who are defining and redefining the moral, honest woman and the immoral, fallen and different type of woman in their movies. Why is no one defining the immorality of a man, it meant to say that our society also accepts the same theory said by Mulayam Singh Yadav, "boys are boys, they make mistake and why should hang them for rape". They may be making lots of money and enjoying the whole process of representing woman as pathetic, pitiable and irresponsible but this will cost hugely to the coming generation where every growing up boys will start treating woman as their property and object they can use and throw anytime. Every growing up girl will feel insecure, pitiable and pathetic about themselves.

After a long time, I went home, surrounded by little cousins who are not as fortunate as I'm to study in good school and colleges. They suggest I should watch a movie with them. I agreed and sit down to watch series of Manipur movie, in one movie, the girl from a poor family brought up by a widow eloped with a handsome rich family boy. The boy's family insulted them and the girl suicide, reason being she was left nothing to live with dignity. She is the fallen one, the mother followed and suicide. I just sip my coffee and said yuck, who is the bastard making this movie?? I started enjoying the weather and the torture of Manipur movie, I shift to another movie, an older man forcefully kidnap a beautiful young woman and his parents advice that you are a woman and your dignity will be over if you deny this  marriage, so here no IPC, no criminal law applied. There is traditionally acceptable culture of eloping but it should be between the consensual but our film makers still endorse the idea that woman lost their dignity even if it was a forceful eloping or kidnapping, so they should get married to the kidnapper. You have to marry the man who forcefully kidnapped you instead of filing a case as per the law so this is like how Eistein law of gravity failed in Rajnikant's movie, similar situation is with the Manipuri movie. In the serious note, it tremendously affects the growing girls, kills their confidence to be themselves and make them feel that they are living the most vulnerable, pitiable and meaningless life. 

I always believe that education will change the people and their thinking. But current generation of rock music, fashion lover and Korean style infected generation is redundant, retarded and sometime incurable.They simply become educated illiterates and their skill of language and the social networking is rather leading to a more chaotic society. So simply it becomes like technology being fed to the worms. 

We are yet to pass few more decades of miserable stereotyping of woman and caste. Just like the two sides of the coin, from one decade to another decade it just pass on like a tradition. 

Interview by finding the voices (Monica Ingudam)

So finally the interview is released in you tube by Finding the Voices. Many thanks to Monica Ingudam, the sole owner, cameraman, direction and everything behind the success of finding the voices. I would like to quote what she said to me once in an informal conversation over the phone : Manipur is known to the people for its sports and beautiful culture but at the same time, the shadow of conflict situation, insignificant killings and so many unfortunate happenings taken its place in the mind of the people slowly. So, I just want to make a little contribution by finding those beautiful things happening around us, helping the new talents in every field to occupy those spaces and showing to the world the beautiful side of Manipur.

Here is the link of the interview 

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Qvcoy99ng2M#t=124

Redefining Love ??

I hope I'm doing lot of redefining of some of the very important words and terms in everyday life. That's necessary, clauses are to be inserted and deleted with the change in the time, mood and meaning. I don't believe in public display of affection, let it be love for my parents, family or my lover.

I'm someone who was/is always madly in love. I never see love as a credit card just as today's world treat it. If I need something to gain and buy something out of love then I would no longer make it a part of my life, so I have to rewrite it's meaning. I think the world has almost become a bullshit and everyone is like a walking and talking calculator. No one looks human to me except  my few friends who selflessly fall in love without a calculation of profit and gain, probability of marriage and making babies. If love is all about somebody affording to buy all the expensive gift to you then I would rather marry an ATM, why would I marry a man? If falling in love, being crazy with the moments, where we almost forget there exist a world beyond you and I, is all about promising to each other for a future date for getting married and making our own baby then why would not I choose to be a cow whose whole purpose is to give milk and baby. Sometime I feel so pity and sympathize those who abandon the moments of love, craziness and those inevitable moments in life just because what the world will say and fearing of a day when one has to live without the one you love. Love is never meant to be together, love is meant to be felt and live at the present moment.

How does it matter if we are living together even for another century while building a wall between us even in the bedroom and with a fear of massive divorce and paying of a huge alimony? Everyone knows there are such relations and in fact there are only such relation in the present days. I don't want to live with a man just because once upon a time we decided to keep the promise of society and our family obligations. I would rather be happy, a man going away from my life and leaving with the memories of love and moments of truth. Only one thing I'm fear of,  is for a day, I will not be able to fall in love. Those magical feeling of waiting for your love, waking up whole night thinking about him, smiling alone remembering those memories of school and nothing has been wasted in life in living and reliving with those moments. Some people even scare to accept what they feel, they are always in the denial even if they are in love. I wonder why they do so and what made them think that the world will someday fall on them if one fine day they accept their feelings. This is something as important and as easy as breathing. I even learn to love the lie of my own lover. Sometime I thought why I'm still being in love with him when it seems no such feelings are shared from his side? I thought his efforts to make me smile, giving me time, even saying those three words and even trying that I should feel what he can't feel, is part of love only. Every effort of him though it looks questionable sometime about his feelings, about his intentions and his possible betrayal, it just become a part of love. With the hope someday when he will leave me, he will walk away with a memory of these precious moments where he tries to be in love with me though he was not actually, I hope that's the way he loves me, a different kind. Expectation spoils everything, it returns nothing except a heart break and waste every memory and turn it to bitter.

Everyone gives me long lecture why would you associate with a man who hardly seems to have a future, but I have my own reason. God forbidden, if one fine day I have to wake up to a future with a man, for him, I don't feel anything but we are together just because the world wants me to make his baby.That looks like I'm participating in a population race, so political and communal, nothing about love and feelings. I'm being very weird but this is what actually the world goes around. If anyone wants to know the truth of such people living with the pain of togetherness then list is going to be so long. Though on the contrary list of people celebrating  the pain, sorrow and joy of being in love is minimal. What all we see today in the social network is the biggest lie of a life specially for those who are happily married in Facebook. It's the social sanction, approval, declaration, acceptance and reaffirmation of a lie which people are seeking from social network. Sometime when I do have my routine conversation with my friends we used to have good laugh talking of such people who would show to the world that they are die hard lover but we still know they don't even want to see each other's face in their bedroom. My problem is running from living a such life where one has to cage to live a pretentious life.

There should be only one reason for being with a person, that's love, it may last for a moment, months, years or just forever. I can never deny every single moment I have lived just because it will not be written and recorded in a stamp paper. I would be crazy if I now deny that I wasn't in love with someone just because he will tie the knot with someone else, just because we never dated, just because we never chat over the phone for hours, just because we have not said those magical words. Then what name I should give to those moments of laughter we shared, those affection, admiration, smiles and memories which become part of our life every now and then.

I don't see a reason to stop falling in love just because someday one will leave you, you will be devastated, in that matter one also die and bodies are burnt to ashes so the love really ends there? If one ties so hard with morality of being in a society, seeking approval and living with an obligation of making baby then one can never be in love, one will remain coward and whole life they can only end up celebrating valentine's day, happy anniversary, happy love day, happy hate day, happy so and so day!