Thursday, February 24, 2011

Mama what is Love?

Is it too late to ask this question "Mamma what is Love?"

Aha!! Seeing too many things in a day make me so confused. The best question I can ever asked is only to "ME". These days biggest question is what's love and marraige? Just like I have written my status in my forehead people would ask me when are you going to marry? Hmm no one is understanding like my parents...they never asked me when do I wanna commit for the big step? Beacause they knew what I want from life other than a trophy husband. Sometime I surprise and asked is it getting married solution for everything. There is one advantage of living here in Punjab. That's I can realise how important is marraige to them. People go crazy with the name "marraige". If one is not getting married at the age of 26yrs, its like a crush...don't tell me now I'm critizing and looking at the negative side..!!! This is not my pre-conception and I'm not living in those era where man has to go the jungle and cut woods for cooking and hunting animals for food. I'm now living in a place where the corporate employees are filled by 60% of women?

Simple question is where are we going? Question is that why are women still lived with such a big sense of insecurities when they are enough to stand for themselves? There is no emotional bonding, if so how is it possible when somebody is marrying a man/woman after seeing a photograph or after a few days of show casting each other?

My roomate, a software engineer lived her life in frustation because she is 26 yrs now.Every weekend she has to showcase herself in front of a stranger. If he liked her then she will get married, otherwise she has to tolerate about people bitching around of man disapproving her. Why I feel pity is that they are not born with the fredom to dream. She would sometime cry like why is God not making me married me so soon and keeping my parents in so much of tension and stress. Another girl living in next door would come every night and chat with my roomate, what  has she learnt about cooking and what her gonna be husband love to eat. I'm like "this is too much" . If the self proclaimed feminist listen to their conversation, they would have been ostracised. Every night the only concern in my roomate mind is that she should get married before she reached the big 27 yrs. She would say her  beloved  boyfriend that she is ready to get married within 20 days if the guy is suitable for her. I surpringly aksed her what about your boyfriend if you both are not getting married. She simply answer "arre don't know anything. we are going around for more than ten years, we can't forget each other but caste problems and I don't want to hurt my parents."

Just a big sighh and long hmmm from me and just replied like "badhiya hain..mast life hain".

Another senior of me going around with her boyfriend since then they were in class IX. they are going around from past 15 yrs. The guy was a poor and a lanky fellow at those days. The girl was rich and beautiful. The girl stood by his side for 15 yrs but now the guy is in good job and he is running away and he is commited and will marry her just for the shake that "what will people talked about me if I don't get married to her". Sometime I told my senior that just sit together and try to find out those essence of emotions when you guys met 15 years ago, but sadly those essence were pricelessly destroyed and they can't be together again and never be happy with each other. But I know they will get married for sure because I knwo very well this guy..he is afraid of the world and what people will talk about him if he dump his girl friend of 15 yrs. Now everythig is lost and where is the love? Can they find out again?

So now tell me... don't you still get confused and don't you wanna ask your mama the same question?

One fine day I called up my mother and asked do you really feel that I should get married now? Wow, my mom was so cool unlike other's mom..she was like..stayed at least fro  2 yrs...I think you should enjoy now.There is no life after marraige.

I jsut say Thank God. At least they are not in tension beacuse of me. When was growing up Mama used to advice me..don't go for money, looks of a man but the one who is honest and educated. I used to say..Mama I like handsome guys. Then Mama says looks will go with ages but honesty remains...but I didn't follow her words, I run after the most handsome senior in school, also most brilliant student. It ends up with a broken pieces of my heart. Some years later I fall a cute friend, then again I found his cuteness more irritating..further I enjoyed my singlehood for some years then I again caged myself with the love of a man "not so good looking", but he seemed to be an honest guy just like Mama mentioned. Aha..this time I'm following what my Mama said and I was happy thinking that finally I have become mature and understood real feelings. It again proved me so wrong and result was almost fetal...I still don't know how should I conclude this time...but I feel lucky to be escaped instead of feeling the pain of loosing him. Should I conclude finally like Mama he was not good looking but he was not honest too in my terms...

So this time I'm going home and I'm gonna sit next to my mama and ask promptly "Mama what is love?"


  1. Chaoba, when are you going to marry?

  2. when i got to know the meaning of love..haha...:-)

  3. Chao, you have been the most honest writers among us, the blunt honesty is something commendable. There are many who are dishonest and maintain double standard in life and in writings. When one cannot be even honest in writing how can one be honest about life? Then are we going to say that honesty is also relative like truth? Are we going to say that my idea and behaviour of honesty is different from yours so you have to respect my behaviour however pretentious I am as I am honest according to my own view?
    Women when they say “I love you” they are assumed to be saying “I love all the mankind and their children”. This archetype of motherhood needs to be liquidated in order to rediscover the woman caged in the kernel covered by layers of identities—mother, sister. Virgin, whore? We have a fundamental question “cant a woman be a virgin and a whore at the same time?’ I think it is possible, we have to explore the limits of possibility.
    But one cannot be blamed for getting succumb into the whirlpool of social structure like caste system, yek salai, kuthi’s verdict, maibi’s verdict, norms of life that is too archaic and makes women still barefoot in kitchen in the dire of winter. We need an upheaval in terms of learning and seeing. And there has to be beginning for everything and we can say that you and I have begun it within ourselves. That is paramount in the long journey of a universal transformation.
    How much does it take to hold on my ground staying in Manipur is something I can only know. When we talk of freedom, we know there are thousands to free us from India or from any forces, what about freedom from rituals, socializations that conform us to be feminine, from purity and impurity? How can we achieve the freedom of cognition? It is not an easy task.
    There is a clarion call for resurrection