Friday, December 10, 2010

Nothing special!

I'm not writing this piece as a full of regret or heart broken story. In fact now-a-days I started hating my own poems fill with heart broken and mentally disturbed emotions. I love living now strangely these days. Neither I feel angry, bad, anxious nor too hurt and depressed. Hope I have finally erased their space from my mind and heart. Oh! how much peace it gave me, I can only sensed that. There is no less of stupid, idiots, fool, lunatics, psycho, etc in the world and in the little space you have to survive in this world. But  I cant break the head of them because it will only injure me.

Nothing special is just a word click in my mind when my friend called up as usual to complain about his ex-lover who disposed off him and get married but she is not satisfied enough, now also she is making juice of his remaining brain. Well, I'm also a good listener these days because I hate too much conversation with the people around and I face problems in communicating with them, mind you this is not language problem but brain  connectivity is very slow or does not exist , so I hardly talk but just smile and listen. What people loved talking about? Any guess? "Shaadi" , marriage, man, that's the beginning and end for everyone here. Unfortunately I have not  included that part in my dictionary as a part of casual discussion so I hardly talk to people around. I'm a quite, nice lady as known by people and it's just the opposite of what I'm!!

Asked me how much it is difficult and hard to live life without having anyone to stand besides, back, front etc, forget about God, that I never have come across. I hope its within me. Right. In the past ten years I have never visited a temple. I know I'm weird and people will treat me as a crazy but why should I is the only question raised in my mind whenever I show the Hanuman temple near ISBT where people make huge traffic jam every Tuesday and always help me to miss one class for my LLB. Why God make people so crazy about him/her or men are making God crazy, I had no idea. Let it be. Its again not my favorite topic, at least not in front of my roommate who will eat me if I say I don't care of her Gods keeping on the table besides my bed.

Sometime I felt life makes me such a great fool but I enjoyed all those experiences though it was quite tough and useless. I have never learn saying "No" to anyone. I'm someone who even wake up in the middle of the night to help a bitch who hurt me or loot me but they came back and loot again with the same weapons. Now I felt its a high and time to delete some useless numbers and people from my list and mind. So many best friends I had but now I don't see not even five who would stand for me even if I'm falling in hell..

Yes, I was in a similar situation. Two days back I came back from Delhi and as usual I have to land in Chandigarh by 9.30-10pm. Never thought I would travel in the middle of the night till Mohali all alone. My so called best friend from school called up in the last minute and said she should be going with her boyfriend of one month old so she will not be in hostel and staying in one of her friends place. Damn in this big state, I know only her, my school best friend and as far as I remember we know each other from last 12 years from now. I said nothing but just wish her all the best for the date and cheer her up because she was feeling guilty. She was happy because I support her to go for the dinner date and thank her for asking me to travel in the middle of the night all alone. I just took a deep breathe and said to myself "mom & dad" will save me. That's all I said whenever I felt extremely scared of something. I started forecasting the days when I took her to everywhere in Delhi for her job interview, waiting for her in the airport and waking up in the middle of the night to drop her in the airport. I can't even recall, I even bunk my office and bunk my classes. Such things made me sad for a moment but made me feel good thinking that I can never become a bitch.

At 11:30pm I reach my PG, eat some food and with heavy head I tried to sleep. Suddenly my best friend calling me for the first time in the three months from the day I land in Chandigarh. Starring at the number, I said this is not the first time you have been fooling me. If I pick up your call again, I will be fooling myself again. So cut the crab, and make it short. Life is short, so isn't it better for you too understand some bitter side of life? I wish my best friend a very happy life ahead with her new boyfriend. I wish you to survive through out your life with the believe that you can use people only when you need them without knowing the value of a relation.

So nothing special about you my best friend!!

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