Derogatory opinions against Women in article in e-pao.net!!!

Dear E-pao,

This is regarding some of the articles published in e-pao which is intentionally directed to defame the women folk from Manipur & NE, without any scrutiny from the e-pao team.

Well said that e-pao is a public platform and it's the only e-paper from Manipur. It needs to keep up to the expectations of the readers. But the question is - do we have to publish everything regardless of whether it is offensive, derogatory and insulting to a certain section of the society? Since it is called a public platform isn't it our responsibility to check the consequences of such articles?
I would like to know that e-pao team really felt that articles which drags into the issue of live-in relationship, NE girls having an African boyfriend/ non-manipuri boyfriend then ultimately questioning to the morality of women is worth sharing to the readers? Can we dissect some of these articles and think what is the pupose of such articles in terms of knowledge gained?

What is exactly such writer wants to portray the women from NE and Manipur?

From the articles of some of our own famous writers such as Mohen Naorem, Ranjan Yumnam, Deke Tourangba, Mr. Robin, Mr. Gautam and Deepak Yumkhaibam, what I can grasp is that they are trying to map an image of Manipuri & NE women as devoid of any sense of morality. Strangely the question of morality as always is pointed only to women. If such an idea as morality do exist (which many right thinking men and women would find offensive) why is it only a women's prerogative to uphold?

E-pao sends a standard reply to all the contributors stating that the article/ poem/ write up/ contributed will be checked for appropriateness. Is this just a lip-service? Why the pretense of checking article/s for appropriateness when clearly it is for all to see that such a thing is quite a far cry!

Let me just dissect just one article among many such put up in your website- An article by Deke ends up justifying the act of rape and harassment to the NE girls in Delhi with a derogatory comment "if such girls are not rape then who else?" implies to the article is that women should be rape if they wear a short skirt or spaghetti.

All over the world it is agreed that rape is about power and it is quite a regressive idea that women are raped for what they wear. It is however not strange that some men may subscribe to this point of view, what is strange is that such ideas get to be webcasted.

Some articles like that of Deepak Yumkhaibam could be used to point at the way people looked at a cognisable offense so lightly. What he did is both harassment and a cognisable offence for which he could be behind bars. E-pao publishing such an article where a person gleefully describes his offense is shocking!!!

As a reader I would request e-pao team to take some ethical responsibility for the people who are reading this website. There are thousand other readers who do not even know about our culture and customs. If e-pao really feels that it does have a responsibility towards the people who reads and contributes to the site it also have some onus of scrutinizing before publishing the articles.

By saying this I'm not trying to devalue the efforts of the e-pao team. I really appreciate all the efforts by the e-pao team. Thank You.

http://e-pao.net/epSubPageExtractor.asp?src=features.Spotlight_On_Women.Derogatory_opinions_on_women_in_epao_article

Belong!!

Melancholy nights never leave me alone
Burning me alive in its moonlit
As I tried to wipe off your footprints
On the canvas on my memory…
Wish I can reverse the time to belong to you again..

Hey Patients! Be patient with doctors, or else!!!

"The enjoyment of the highest attainable standard of health is one the fundamental rights of every human being without the distinction of race, religion, political belief, economic or social condition"- WHO Constitution

Deplorable Mayang Imphal Hospital

Photo Courtesy: Chaoba Phuritshabam, April, 2008

Recent medical scandal involving Dr. Chourjit reminds me of my personnel experience of dealing with the doctors in Manipur. What is in the attitude of the doctors in Manipur is need to be analyzed & rectify to stop further such incidents of death of the patients in the hospitals due to doctor’s negligence.

Should we ask the patients to be patient with their doctors so that doctors attend them in the hospital? If you are from far flung village and you have no X, Y, Z relatives then your life has no value to our doctors. Even consulting a doctor to cure your inflicted body is again a struggle if you don’t possess any branded personality. Villages are deprived of hospitals and even if there is hospital there is no doctor. If there is hospital there are no equipments to cure a disease. Sometime there is no more trace of hospital building.

Whose fault is this anyway?

Photo Courtesy: Chaoba Phuritshabam, April, 2008

Photo Courtesy: Chaoba Phuritshabam, April, 2008

Is it only the fault of the politicians or the doctors or all of us?   

Politicians directly deposit money to upgrade the govt. hospitals in their pockets and doctors are having a good time earning huge bucks in their private clinic in addition to govt. salary. What is the difference between a contractor (thikadar) and a doctor in Manipur?

 There is no difference with respect to the fraud, cheat and being a responsible figure who are consuming the public funds to build their own building. They charge fees ranging from Rs. 200 to 500 in their private clinic. Their daily income is not less than 10 to 20 thousand. No doctors are available in the govt. hospitals if you wish to consult them but only in the private clinic in their home and the private hospitals. Why are they holding a govt. post and occupy the post if they wish to earn from the private clinic? In the city like Delhi, doctors who are working in the govt. clinic are not allowed to collaborate with the private hospitals and open their own clinic. Why is our state govt. not implementing such policy in the state to correct such money minded doctors who are blocking the way of upcoming junior doctors too? Also the trend of referring a patient admitted in the govt. hospital to the private clinic to earn more bucks is not new in Manipur.

But who cares and who have ever put up a complaint against such doctors? Here comes the failure of public being so fair and promoting the malpractice of their duty. Why are the public not using the platform of media to explore such doctors so that they can at least prevent repeating such act in future? The reason for us landing today in such terrible administrative break down is because of our negligence and lack of public scrutiny too.
How much they want to earn using their skill and profession is their democratic right and we should not give a damn concern about it. But the malpractice of the profession and misusing their power should be stopped by the govt. to improve the degraded health system in Manipur by implementing new policy. Why are parents in Manipur crazy of medical profession as a career option for their children? Let’s ask few of them- is it only the value of profession which attract them to choose a career or is the way of making money by a doctor attract a parent to become their child a doctor? No doubt, there may be genuine cases of someone really wish to serve the people and obey to the Hippocratic Oath they have taken to practice medicine ethically. Our doctors seem to forget their Hippocratic Oath or humanism on the process making money. Let's sing them again the jingle of the Hippocratic oath....!!!

I must apprecaite the media in Manipur that one of such doctor are exploreed in media glare and it will be an alarming warning to other doctors too who think that they are favoring a patient by treating them but not a duty for them. But public also needs to change how they would react to such incidents to prevent any involuntarily lost to other patients who are residing in the same hospital. Following the same incident, one of my friend told me that Langol view clinic was shut down by the protestors. My friend aunt was in the same hospital undergoing an operation on the same fateful day and she had to transfer in another hospital as the hospital has to shut down. We need to learn the handling of an issue in a legal way whatsoever bad or terrible our legal system is. Lodging a compliant against the concern doctor and submitting memorandum to CM etc are legal way of dealing the issue but it is disheartening sometime while such protests harm another helpless patient.

Sometime what surprises me is our perception.We notice only militants with visible instruments as responsible for destroying our society? What about the teachers in the govt. schools who only collects slary from the govt. but never come to teach while sending their kids to the private schools? What about the engineers who are depositing public money to their pockets? And what about the doctors, bureaucrats & politicians? Aren’t they responsible?

I don’t see any difference between the militants and such public figure in the state. One is a legal body who misuse the system by using their authorized power and another is illegal body who threaten to the life of the public by illegal means. But both are the parallel body equally responsible for destroying the system and they act against the survival of public. Millitants take 2-10% of our money or property. Now lets find out how much our politicians, doctors, engineers are deducting from us..20-50 %.


 It is the only public who can stop such parallel govt. both legal and illegal from misusing their power. We should show that no one is above the public force whether they are teacher, lecture, doctor or politicians.

They exist because of the public not vice versa!!

Another Lost?

Fearing another lost of teardrops
My eyes wish to close forever
Shying away from its meaning
My lips no longer wear a smile

Today I buried myself deep inside
Haunting from a past wound
Which could never heal
What I’m left with?
Still afraid of another lost?

Another lost
From an empty hand
Holding
Some meager sands
From your footprints?

Another lost
From a heart
Filled with nothingness

I censored myself today
From every dying spirits of you
Against all odds
To cage myself again
With your whims.....

Monsterous March......

In a monsterous march a monster came like a merciless hurricane and sway away her life saying that he is lost in her love...there starts his monsterous love story....

What  life would look like without having anyone to hurt you? Life become more beautiful while enjoying the pain and suffer....

I never wish to have a life having no one to hurt me and suffering through the pain in a melancholy night ...

The taste of such night where everything seems a question to you without seeking any answer..everything seems an end without any begining.....

I always see the lost of you and a vacuum in heart trying to fill with droplets of tears in such melancholy nights though I found today another meaning without having you besides me to enjoy the taste of a beautiful  night filled  with pain & hurt....

My heart is no more empty today...It has lots of things to filled with except the love I had for you which I denied to possess anymore...

I'm a proud owner of a heart filled with emptiness, nothingness, hurt, pain and suffer which will never leave me with a vacuum in my life like you left me....

Let the monsterous march revisit...
Let the scorching moonlit burn me every nights,
Let the droplets of tears wet my eyes at its whim
I no longer live unhappily...

Branded Father???

Heard of branded shirt, jeans, shawl, bed sheet etc. We are crazy about getting cloths from Levis jeans, Lee T-shirts, Addidas shoes, Kashmiri shawl but have anyone heard of the “branded father” and have you owned any?


It seems like a puzzle but it is not something you need to break your head to solve the above question. I was in a chatting mood and have been talking about our first year in the respective colleges and places outside Manipur with my friends. Fortunately, all my friends in Delhi with whom I stayed for 7 years don’t have a “branded father”. So we all get along very well and there was no ego class and luxury show among us. In fact, we all are from different corner of the Manipur though we all are bound with a similar thread of struggling middle class family. We share everything about our parents sacrifice to send us here, financial problems, brothers, sister’s study and all that. Sometime we all laugh together saying that how come we have met here in Delhi though we belong to different place and not even known to each other in Manipur. Now we all are living separately in different places in Delhi & NCR but we stay connected all the time. We still thought we should catch up whenever we have time and we still feel that it is important to wish at the middle of the night with the surprise cake in each other’s birthday though we are too old now to do all these childish act. That’s the bond we have made in all those years of our stay in Delhi with lots of fight, crying and sobbing, especially ME.

I catch up with them last month and we are in mood to pick some people whom we met during college time. I was telling them do you remember their first question when they met us for the first time? Who is your father? What does he do in Manipur? I mean which department and what position? For me, it’s quite new that time to answer such question because what I know about my father is that he is a good father to me and not that whether he is known as a servant or a tycoon in the society. Irrespective of his job I’m always proud of my father and no stupid thought have ever crossed my mind that I wish my father is an AIS officer so that I can feel proud of or Oh shit! I’m feeling so ashamed because he is in such a lower position in his office??? But in some fractions of our society it’s a custom to look down others for the position of his/her father. I won’t generalize all, but we met such fractions here and there tattooing their branded father’s name on their forehead. They will never look into themselves what they are up to but obviously raise their eyebrows saying; Oh you know what my father is a director and my father do this and that. And we called their father as “branded father” like the brand Lee, Levis, Benetton of clothe lines. Once I had just replied to a college friend that how come you are so foolish while your father is so famous and so powerful while she started teasing a friend? I think from that day onwards we haven’t spoken till now. I don’t feel bad but I thought it would caution her from asking the same idiotic question to others and raising her eyebrows. Sadly we live in a society where money, power and fake reputation matters a lot.

We are kind of community where we feel proud of being paid for bribe and having capability to pay bribe. Such attitudes are buried under the skins & skulls of some fractions of people instead of feeling shame and irresponsible. They are responsible for spreading the caste system between the poor, middle and elite class people in Manipur while we are already suffered from the caste system of religion. Let’s take an example. Whose parents are not proud of saying that my son got through into sub inspector job, Commandos, and IRB by paying 10-20 lakhs? Such incapability of people in our society to judge human morality & value begun from people’s craze to own more money, power and one minute fame by paying bucks and using the wrong means. Of course, what all they are racing today is just to have a branded father or to become one in future. No one thinks in the moral ground. In fact, we study moral lessons only in schools without understanding them and we left that after we finish school. That’s the main problem with all of us. That’s the main reason why Manipuris are proud of a “Branded Father”. Thankfully, I didn’t spend my entire childhood in singing moral science in schools as I have escaped from capturing in a missionary schools and following their school of thoughts then furthering the same thoughts in the form of alumni.

This post is dedicated to my long lost friend who is regretted so much after finding out that I don’t own a “Branded Father”. I hope you will enjoy reading it sometime. But of course, I’m happy for you because you are born to a “Branded Father”. And I never miss you for the reason that I don’t owe a friend in you.

Finally the Section 377 struck my mind.

I was just sitting tired and sipping coffee so that I can at least clearly see the face of the professor teaching in the class. There is no energy left with me to listen and concentrate on something after a long self-digging session in office. It was my first day in family law class. After office I run to attend the class but there was no professor so just passing my time by reading some old sms. Most of my classmates are 40-50 years old. The next man sitting besides me was discussing about the guy/lesbians/bisexuals and section 377. I was trying to convince myself, no argument in the first class. I know it’s a bad habit for me.




But I couldn’t resist anymore. Few words from his big mouth ignite my much provoked mind. He was discussing for a protest against legalization of guy marriage or homosexual marriage and calling them as mentally ill as commented by baba Ramdev. My first question must have shocked him. Why did you marry a woman instead of a man? He answered me what can I marry then?? There starts the argument. We have only three ladies in the whole class as most of ladies opt for the afternoon and morning session. Yes, I’m among the minority in the class. The conversation was quite interesting and I had a nice time arguing with them and later on I was afraid of something. Oh! They must have thought that I’m also seeing a woman and henceforth I’m so much concerned about such issue. They must be thinking that I’m hurt with their words. Oops!! Let it be. Who cares?? That’s what I told myself.



The first gay marriage in Imphal was really a great step taken by them despite of the fact that their family opposed the marriage and separated later on. But why should we care only about how long a marriage last. Even for the marriage among the heterosexuals last less than 24 hrs these days. But the way they were separated was illegal. I don’t know how far Manipur is concerned about the law and its implementation as we are so much bound by norms society. Even after the decriminalization of same sex marriage by the constitution the poor gay couple was separated by filing a case by the parents of the bride. My question goes to the legally bound authority who has accepted the case registered against the married couple. Don’t they have any such updates that such marriages are no more illegal and why should they register a case against those who are willingly agreed to live together? It’s a violation of the sec 14 and 21 of the constitution itself.

We need to change our views on such change in the society. The problem of gay or homosexuals can not be solved by ostracizing them from the society. They existed just like us from the beginning of the human race. Everybody must have watched Mahabharat and it witnessed the existence of the homosexuals from that era. Why should we still have to ignore their existence as a human in our society?



If we keep on protesting against their survival then we are responsible for destroying our own society. I really feel pity for the gay (commonly known as homo in Manipur) having such a terrible life in home. Their emotions are played by some monsters to enjoy their hard earned money. Most of the theatre artist, make-up artist and local designers are run by the gay in Manipur. The Manipuri digital cinema world is survived because of the gay community taking an important role as a backstage artist. We never recognize their inputs in the society but enjoy their show just like they are puppets without a soul. It’s time to accept them to survive in their own without any obstruction from us. If we think deeply they are more responsible citizens of Manipur who are working hard to survive against all the odds and objections from the society instead of picking up gun in hand and involving in extortion & militancy.



Hope our brothers in home can learn some lessons from the gay community for a better and peaceful Manipur.

Talk Non-sense!!

Eat money, eat bullet and talk non-sense!!!

This is the only sentence suited for the politicians in Manipur. E-pao news source wrote about Govt. buying of bullet proof BMW car with a side window glass having thickness of 22mm, to protect their precious life while the people are tortured to live beneath the gunpoint of Commandos and the militants. Why are they feeling so insecure from their own comrades? What about the rest of the civilians in the state? I hope not the govt. is going to ask the center for financing citizen’s bullet proof house for a safety life?

Never knew Manipur govt. is so rich to afford to buy BMW bullet proof car to protect the politicians when even the salaried govt. employees are under forceful fasting due to irregular pay in the state. The prices of food touch the highest peak in the sky and there is no source even for eating. We will come in a time where we have to kill each other and eat while our politicians and bureaucrats will talk nonsense and travel in safe in BMW car or Limousine Car from next budget, probably.

My brothers are hardly here from the last week of February but I’m thankful to myself that I have taken the wise decision to bring them here despite of all the odds I had to face. Even they are influence by the society they lived where only money talks, fashion talks, war talks occupied their mind. No one talks about the price hike of food, politicians’ corruption and govt. policy. Even my brothers don’t feel that they belong to middle class family and they have to work hard to overcome the hurdle in their way. Talks about phone, laptop, music system and branded clothes. Sometime I got irritated even after knowing the fact that they are still too young to understand. That’s the environment they used to live where even the kids grown up with the money talks only. They feel you are useless if you don’t have enough money to feed them.

Coming back to the point i.e. BMW of Politicians. Isn’t it the high time citizens or the NGO’s or organizations in Manipur asked the politicians from where the money to buy a BMW reached to them while the proposal to upgrade the 6th pay commission was flatly denied in the assembly by the CM? I was excited when the news of 6th pay commission was highlighted in the Sangai Express. I called up my father in the morning and said at least we will be able to save some money even if brothers will be here in Delhi. But my father warned me don’t expect too much. It’s Manipur. Nothing works here. Not even the laws you are studying now have anything to do with Manipur. So don’t ever dream of coming back to Manipur and work here. Neither can you work in your own nor can you find a job here. Because you will have intervention from all angle. Even your neighbor can plant a grenade in your courtyard. It’s not too difficult to kill you for thousand bucks in your hand. People surrounds with so much of insecurity from all sections so they never think of life, death, dignity, ego, moral etc. We just live like a walking talking machine.

Sometime I felt why we live like this? Here, we can’t live a peaceful life due to daily race in the big city and trouble from every passing humane on the earth. If you think you are frustrated enough with the situation here, where will you go? That’s a big question. You have to live under the sky of bullets in home without any source of income, food and security of life and most importantly you are not bound to anything and no one is liable for your life. We have reached to the heights of the non-sense, non-ethical society from all directions now.
Daily news in the e-pao is just for time pass now and it has become monotonous. It always zeroed in politicians bullshits, news on clarification for killing from the militants and blame game of the organizations and the race of the bundh, strike and protest.

Really we are left with only few options, eat money, eat bullet and talk non-sense like our politicians.

To the one in Love!!

You waste all that to me, love
For which my soul caged her
Forgetting
The green field
Where the birds sing her hearts out
The fountains
where the soft touch of the water
Tamed the ego of those rocky stones
You, Love
You waste all that to me
Stolen the spring in my life, love
Dreams are too bright to last longer
Hopes are too starry to shine ever
My future cry over in its becoming a past
My spirit stood motionless in sad
Over a past hovering the lies
Oh! You waste all that to me, Love
All my days are gone with the nightly dreams
Dreams awake in the starry night to haunt
Where your footsteps gleams
You waste all that to me, Love
Now I dwelt alone
In the world of death
Where my soul is stagnant tide
No stars would become brighter
No moon would shine more radiant
For a starry dream that just blinks and lost
I rest in the dead bed of flowers
No doubt
Pain never comes again to me now
No doubt
You can't shed tears from my eyes agains
For my soul gives me sigh for a sigh today
All day I shine brighter
Under a sky
Where your starry dreams never comes
Oh! You waste all that to me, Love!!

Between two flags!!

One, three headed

One, a charming chakra

Scramble for me

I, bewildered

I, baffled

Beloved, both

Belonged to both

One, borne

One, nurtured

 

Frequent, my minds' eye

the flag embellished

with sakok

My thought feebled

at the flags' awaiting

Frequent, my thoughts

the flag embellished

with chakra

My thought feebled

at the flag

I didn't belong to

 

Mislayed at the warfield

between two flags

I asked all

Who do I belong to

Frequent, my thought

Can I belong to both?

One, borne

One, nurtured

 

I feared

life's lofty forts

I feared

I couldn't traverse

these chained heights

I feared

the sakok embellished flag

chasing me

with a sword

stating a stranger, I am

 

Between two flags

Scrambling for me

She is mine

She is mine

they said

Sliced me

Some pieces for one

Some pieces for another

Why the scramble?

Who do I belonged to?

 

Pacified myself

I, adrift

between two flags

between these two flags

 

The Miserable Lovers!!

“Restaurants come into public scrutiny once again”.

http://e-pao.net/GP.asp?src=16..190210.feb10 

Is it the banning of the restaurants and stopping them to use mobile phones only a solution to clean the society?
Or to make our Manipuri society free from illicit behaviors?

The problem with our society is that we don’t want to give freedom to others and we don’t respect other’s freedom. What make us think that somebody is against the society if he/she found kissing or hugging his/her lover somewhere in the corner of the road? In fact the man-made scrutiny system of our culture is extended even within the bedroom of the married couple.

How come the chain of the dark cabin restaurants builds up in a society which is so suffocating and closes from all the sides to even to breathe the free oxygen? Why did the couples and lovers have to find those dark cabin rooms to meet each other? What are the factors which insist/force them to hide from the public? They are the miserable lovers whose opportunity to express love for each other is only in the dark cabin of the room or only in the corner of the close room beneath the posters of the arousal photographs. It has become a customary law for our society where we only terminate the consequential products and byproducts of a problem but not the root of the cause of such problems.

There are many other ways and means to stop the teenagers to stop committing the wrongful acts such as child marriage, early pregnancy and early elopement. Manipur is listed in no. 1 for child marriage and sexual abuse. But why such problems occurred in such a closed society? If we really wish to eradicate such problems then we need to educate them so that they can realize of their wrongful acts and rectify them.

Let it be drug abuse or the sexual abuse in the name of dating, which is very much common in our society now. Who can stop such kids from committing whatever they want to do? Isn’t it the fault of the society which prevent them freedom to roam around in the open public and letting them to live their life freely?

What else we can achieve after closing such restaurants? Are we going to give them the freedom to dating in the public space as all normal human society does? Why have we started thinking that dating as an illicit behavior in our society? I don’t think we would be born here and human race would have ended century back if our forefathers haven’t dated and married to each other. Giving freedom to the youngsters to live their own life and lean is not about following the western culture and just abandoning our culture. It is more about preserving the human norms of relations and emotions. If we started treating that the romantic relations between a girl and boy is illicit then the culture of marriage is a crime. Henceforth humane race should have ended years ago.
Let’s take an example of drug/alcohol abuse. We can see that Manipuri society especially our meitie society is famous for husbands abusing his wife after consuming alcohol. Is it really because of alcohol? Let’s find out now what kind of chemical entity is there which instigates a man to beat his wife? As far as scientific discovery is concerned no chemical entity is there which can boost a man’s capability to overpower physically his wife after drinking. Problem is with the psychology of the human and not with the alcohol. Why have we launched so much of restriction against ourselves from eating, drinking and living freely? Have we ever heard of any country where alcohol is not available and there happens no drug abuse? But the question is that why we are on top regarding such problems? The only answer is the close and suffocating society where people drink, eat and make love out of suffocation, frustration, insult, humiliation and fear of the society, which are out of norm and race due to the unbearable restriction around us.

It’s a high time we recheck, revisit and rectify the system of resistance against any kind of abuse by some fraction of the culture preservers which can only create tension in the society. Unfortunately we live in a society where people are ready to humiliate you and ostracize from the public all the time. Instead of referring a drug addict in rehabilitation center he would be ostracized in front of all and send them to police custody. In the police custody again they have to face the human abuse and insults. How could a person who has lost control over his own brain rectify without proper guiding? So far how many of them we have saved from drug abuse or any kind of wrongful activity by insulting, humiliating and abusing? We found them more vulnerable to the drugs and any other means to escape self from such abuse by the society.

My own locality is filled with drug addicts and at least once in a month there is drama of humiliation of drug addicts in the school playground. But till now I have never found that they have stopped taking drugs? Had we sent them in a rehabilitation center instead of humiliating them in the public, they could have stopped taking drugs because of our sympathy and humanity but they can never be better because of humiliation, insult and abuse.



Sometime I really feel jealous of the time where our grandparents narrate about the likon-sanaba in the full moon night and how their lovers come to meet in their house. Every home was facilitated with Ningol-ka (the room for unmarried ladies) in a home where the unmarried ladies can meet their lovers in their house in the presence of their family members. If this is the situation & culture in the present Manipur, I hope there won’t be any such relations so called as illicit relations and behaviors. Of course, no kid would ever dare to keep the photographs which can aroused their in their wall.

I wish we return to that age where our forefathers lived freely. For a change and oxygenated culture and tradition. Also, it is better to maintain those systems in our society which we have overlooked long time (for the sake of what?), for a better society free from organizations and their unfaithful agendas.

We are too fed of home made Sive-Sena Groups or culture preservers. We need life free from culture & traditions which is against our survival.

Upset!!

Could not able to write anything on my blog from last few weeks. All the sites are blocked in my office. This is the only place I could update something in my blog. Thought of getting internet connection at home then I realise where is time to use internet at home. Most of the time I return my room with half-slept body around 10pm after the class. Sometime I don't realised my eating my food with my eyes opened or not.

Well, I have to look for a way to write in my blog. My blog is my own reflection and a way to know myself as the day passes. Life is too busy and road is too crowded, even the phone lines are too busy these days so where is the tiem to talk to others and listen so that I can learn something. That's the basic idea of me blogging and why I love blogging. I want to share with myself what I want from this life.

It seems life these days I seeking for my own revolution and evolution from the one I was before. Quite tired and ashamed of saying my friends hey, I was really busy!!! Actually I hate using this phrase but the fact is that I'm busy only. My parents told me called me anytime. We always sleep at late hours these days. Sometime they would call in my class timing and I would cut their call. I know how much I felt bad so they started taking my appointment to call!!!

Anyway, this is how life goes. I can't stop it. But I just love keep walking and working in this life without looking back and holding back to anything. Hope it does work in such a way!!

Busy life is great!! What else I can say???

Life runs after meh!!

….Life rides like a bus in the national highway 39 & 53 sometime…losing balance in a well tormented road and unwanted and unnoticed of my own life sometime!! Life is always at high risk!!

I have stop living life from few years but life itself trying hard to get a space to me. I feel sorry that I could not give a proper place to this life following me here and there…Sometime “Aal is not welll”., its more like Aal is wrong. Suffered enough from anxiety, distress because of pms and I’m also trying hard to mend my idiot heart which wastes so much of time of my busy schedule. I thought the last Saturday would be my last day on this beautiful earth. While I’m struggling hard to balance my multi-tasking role in life, anxiety and distress sometime almost killed me. Tension of office, tension of class, then family and many others. Sometime I asked God, I hope you are having fun watching me? I’m not tired man, continue your job. He seems to be having fun watching me standing numb in a luxurious temple. I wish he could at least give me some other option to exit from all this and let me live my life. Heard enough comments from my close friend and well wishers about my short & volatile temper and asked me to mend it down but how?? Still a big question for me as I have no time for being so nice and caring for all the people come across in my way. I also want to have patience to listening someone and some issues only if God permits me with some more time and grant me some other ways. As anxiety take toll over me I have started remembering all those stupid things I did and of course it also flashed back the stories which are gone with the wind from my life. Could not help much this time as I’m already too full with so many things in my head and heart. It has reached to a time to wipe them out from my mind.

Going to my law class at least feel me that I'm surviving and that's where I open my eyes when the world is almost too dark...!!

Finally my exam result came out and out of expectation my score was much better than I expected. I thank to some of my friends who took care of me day and night during my exam time when some of the lively monsters had almost eaten my head even after knowing about my exam. Its only this time I realised how monstrous people can be while its their insecurity made them to do so.

Suffering from bad cold and fever from few days but had to go for class as I missed all the classes in Jan. Happiness is the best medicine in life...I finally realised yesterday. Was just cooking in the kitchen after eating antibiotics and huge dose of corex my friend just called me up and told me about my result. I felt like I was not ill at all...

Another miracle of arrived on my way yesterday!!

That's the Ukabi atouba and Tharoi angouba my mother sent for me from home through a friend. I was so excited as my mother didn't tell me about these stuffs sending me.It seems like my mother listen to my prayers and worries of living in this big city. The smell of Ukabi and taste of tharoi brings back the lost scent of my home and my motherland. My mother saved me from being insane in this city filled with madness. Missing home and I'm enjoying this feeling of missing my mother every single moments of my life!!!

Where are you? my red comrade

Morning dew on the grasses

Flashback memory

You suddenly visit my nocturnal dream

Standing in front of my door

The dead of the night

Reminds of your ever smiling face

You try to wipe away

Woes and pains in my life

I wish to live those moments

Where we belonged together

Anticipating another day

you would be calling me

From

across the road,

across rivers and woods

Let’s walk again that path

You chose for us.

I will not deny today

To follow you

count your footsteps

as the time passes

grow old with you

As the life takes a toll over me and you?

where are you?

my red comrade

Yet for another womb!!

Yet for another womb

Another mother

I seek from this life

whom I can ask to embrace us

within one womb

there we can play

Like twin embryos  

Within a sheltered shell

Where their pointing fingers

Shall never peirce us

Yet for another surname

Another clan

I seek from this world

To prove our belonginess

In the line of the same blood

Yet for another worthless battle

Another winnerless war

I seek from this life

Just to fight and die

To test your stand for me.

Yet for another womb

Yet for another mother

I seek from this life.

..........this is a poem I wrote for my brother Nelson Elangbam whom I share no surname, no clan though we still have that bonding  of brother and sister....

The story of modern Thoibi!!

Khamba phangee thengnahouda
Sakhenba Nongban su unahouda
Sou sou louba Soura oina thengnarure
Thoibi oina pokcharakpi eidi
Torro punshi oina lenhoure!!

Ecstasy!!

Let me drunk with the ecstasy of your memory today
Let me have the fun today of hurting myself
Let me listen to the rhythm of your heartbeat once
Before I die
Oh! No, it should not happen again to anyone
What I did to myself?
I sang to myself
Out of nothingness
I cry for myself
For this emptiness inside
After you left
After you are gone beyond my eyes
I will not ask you again to come back today
I must forget as I have nothing to say now
But do let me feel your presence once again
Once again annoy me with your cry
I’m missing you badly my little brave heart
I want to feel your presence today in my life!!

My litle brave heart!!

I seek for my lost freedom today
As I had to hate the one I love
I want my liberty back
So that I can betray you again
I’m not an angel sent from the hell
Who would nurture your lost soul
I’m not that unseen divine
who can wash your sin
Accept me as what I’m
Torture me in loneliness if you wish too
I’m like just another shadow of you
So contaminated with myself
So mad with this life after you are gone
Please do not blame
for what I did to you
I’m just another human
Everyone can see and feel
I’m just another simple woman
Who had forbidden hearing to her own heart,
to her own mind a long ago!!

Who steal my happiness???

Who steal my happiness today?
The numb God??
The weird angel??
Who steal my peaceful moments?
It’s me, who show the foolishness within me
It’s me, who had walk on the road of thorn.
Hope the numb God will speak now
Tell me once before you forbid me
Who steal the love of my life?
Stay away from me forever God
Don't let me write another hatred poem for you
I do not need you again from today
You can come back only if,
Only if, you can bring back my love
Oh! Angel I don’t need your angelic smile either
Please go back to your hell
You can’t nurture the wound within me today
Go back to the place you belong
I have no space for you
The numb God
The weird angel
Hope you can hear me!!

Eigi thawaigi mamal!!

Anouba chahina lakpasida

Khanghouda hanglak-ee

Eigi meepaithiraba thawaisina

Hengalamadra haina eigi thawaigi mamal !!

Tenkhraba tamthikhraba

Punshi khongchat oirakle

Mathou tadabra etomta hangjaba

Eigi thawai gi mamalse !!
Chamamnaba poklakli khanbada
Khangde kannabu ligadouribano

Choukhraba taibang sana keithelsida eise

Khoiranglake pukningsisu khangningbana

Karamba JAC nabu kannahoudouriro

Eigi thawai gi mamal sidagi

Charang-narakle leitradaba wakhalsisu

Leihourani khallubada makhoidi

Arang arakna thallaba phura dallal kyada

Mantiknakhraba thawaisingi mamal na

Kallakpadum phourak ee
Thouhougaba tanglaba billat ki gari kayasu
Apat-apumna thallaba

Imphal sahargi sarakta
Gandhi yekpa bharat ki chejetsingna
Sinakhrabada eigi thawaidi!!

Onkhragani makhoisu sahingchaba

Tangkhrani loudroubigumba mamitsingsu
Teithokhrani gumbhir gi pirangsingsu

Pangkhragani samu managum

Gandhi yekta bharat ki chejetsing na

Koichai chairabada narak mongsong youna

Nakenthagi unagumna ningtham ulen lakpada!!

Matamduna kaplakhini tengtharakhini

Eigi mantiknakhraba thawaina

Taibang sana keithel mayai da

Muna muna yengduna

Mapu pandraba ashiba sagumna

Saraki chidaida ningaidana

Tahouriba eigi hakchangbu uraga.

Boycott Ended!! Why and How???

"Class to be resumed from tomorrow. Boycott ended". Akee updated the news in the middle of the night. Got some relief thinking about all the students who have lost 6 months of their valuable time? After 6 months finally more than 10 lakhs students are blessed to return with their so called right to education. They came to a conclusion to break the deadlock, the govt. and the organizations. I'm against all kind of killing in Manipur and every simple citizen (minus the militants and the police force) is unhappy and totally saddened with the July 23 incident. But only regretting part of the protest was that instead of knowing that our leader has no value for its citizen, the student organizations took up a way to protest which can only spoil the future of more that 10 lakhs student in Manipur. I would be enjoying the sadistic pleasure in case the protesting organizations have shut down, even burnt the govt. organisation as a extreme step and let the govt realized of it's unbearable big lazy ass. Though I don't prefer any kind of agitation which will only led to more damage to our economic status. But why make a compromise with the future of students? Today's headline news in Thoudang makes me feel myself so unfortunate of being Manipuri. It's needless to say anything about Manipur. It's a state where all the people have lost the humane side. We can somewhat state that Manipur is land of animals where people can be bought and sold and if necessary slaughter at nay given time. No value for human life, dignity and existence. What else is left with us. Now, I feel that why should we blame the govt. or the persons who is leading the system. Have we ever done something which would prove that we are a responsible citizen other than criticizing and protesting and burning? If necessary, we can even call for a civil war against the govt. but isn't a time for us to think that have we been so self-righteous so that we can pin-point to other's mistake. Are we the responsible for the govt. or the handful of miscreants playing with our lives? Obviously yes??? We sold our dignity & right to such people by compromising with money and fame and now we don't have any right to complain that we should not be slaughtered or we deserve to be alive.

In the last six months every parents have to suffer from so many troubles regarding their kids’ career. Every day I even have to break my head thinking about my two brothers and sister who are sitting idle without any purpose at home. My mother has lost her ability to control their anger and frustration. Logically speaking what would be the psychological effect to the mind of a 13 yr old and 16 yr old boy who is just sitting at home who was devoid of education facilities? Sometime it's frightening to think that they even lost their interest in reading and its importance. Finally as other parents have no option and have to look for another option of sending them off for schooling in other places. I have finally decided to admit them in Delhi and stay with me. It's obviously good that students are back in school but who knows and who can guess the mood of the organizations and the govt.? When will they again play with the lives of the student and at what moment they can again shut down the schools, we never know about it. So it's better to leave now instead of portraying yourself as a cartoon/clown of JAC's and the govt. of Manipur even if I know that it is not the solution. But my sympathy and concern goes to all those students who can not afford to leave the state and pursue their education. Hope God will find them a way in such God forbidden place!!

An exciting beginning!!

Wishing all my friends and love ones a very happy and prosperous New Year!!

The Sangai Express New Year message to the people is one of the most meaningful and important wish for all the Manipuris. Kudos to Satya Hijam. We desperately pray for a year ahead free from killing. It does not matter whether they are civilians, Police or millitants. At the end of the war we should remember that whoever killed is a human and the war is between humans which led to the lost of a valuable life. Which creates a hole in a family; which produced traumatized family, their hurt can never be healed for this lifetime.

Last night party with only two of my closest friend was one of the best parties I ever had in life. It was a good beginning of the year with typical style of celebrating New Year. Of course, No controversy in the year end party!! I don't want to listen to back stabbing comments afterwards. A small fire work in the terrace accompanied with wine and finger licking Butter chicken, prepared by my friend. Only thing we were missing in the party was our friend and sweetheart Shreema. I wish she was here with us in Delhi and our party would have been of more fun.
Early morning SMS

When I was getting ready for office, a new year wish from a friend made me laugh so loudly recieve one of the most funniest (but true) wish from a friend.

It reads as
 “Wishing you a very warm anger free and fight free 2010...May the new year brings you lots of smiles...”
Yeah! I really need a peaceful year ahead with lots of laughter and smile. Thanks for the true wish. I'm praying for anger free and fight free year ahead. I think I did enough of all these stuffs in 2009...!!
Thanks for bringing a big smile on my lips before I start my day. May the unseen divine shower your life with thousand reasons to keep you smile throughout the year!!

Memories of 2009!!

The year 2009 is an eventful year for me though I faced many trouble in my personal life. Year begins with good note and it brings lots of good people in my life. Among them my best friend Priya is one of them. We met only once in a meeting held in Vasant Vihar 2 years from now and almost forgotten of each others existence but we met again because God seems to know that we three are lost bird in the boundless sky which needs to be bring together in one place.

Though I was living for years in Delhi there was hardly few friends who can accept me as the person I'm. I was tried of searching for those friends who can accept the real me. That's how I found my friends Shreema and Priya. They are not classmates, batch mate or don't belong to the same place. We are just destined to meet someday. I think my life become so complete because of my two friends. There was hardly a day we have not talked to each other and sometime our male friends would joke to us that our boyfriends must be very insecure of our friendship.

Evening walk with Shreema and Lanleima in the DU garden was the most important task for us in the last three years. Whether it is raining or extremely hot, we don't care. We still have to find time in the evening and go for the walk. Of course, our talk and discussion was more important than walk. Today, Shreema and me are able to take part an active role in any social occasions because of our random and directionless discussion in the DU garden. We have ideas which are unacceptable to the people around and to the society but somewhat we are able to make a platform for our unacceptable thoughts today. Shreema left for her lectureship job in Manipur and it seems that I'm almost deserted and there will be no one to discuss our wild ideas but fortunately Priya came on our way and here we, three musketeers are enjoying our God given friendship. I pray that this coming year will nourish our friendship with more love and care for each other.

Other than my two friends I have also found an elder brother & a best buddy whose name I do not want to write for many reasons but I'm thankful to God for sending him on my way. I'm so thankful to him for understanding me so well and for taking care of me all the time. I'm also sorry for being so childish at time and making him so irritated. Sorry for waking you up in the late night and crying and complaining over the phone for all those things which meant nothing to my life. You truly said I'm still a kid who hasn’t seen the world enough. Thanks for guiding & protecting me all the time.

The most beautiful gift of this year is my nephew. Though I got only few days to stay with my nephew, it was an incredible moment for me and I'm dying to meet him again to see his head banging dance in the tune of the mobile ring tones.

Needless to say I also had to go through many troubles and had to spend sleepless night due to personal problems and lost of a good friend. Yes, I have to agree one thing in life that only thing which is constant is life is the change. With time everything changes, even the person and the relations. That's how some relation just become meaningless and non-existent. I have also learnt to accept the change to move ahead in life. He was everything for me for some years and today I don't even want to count him as a stranger in my life. The courtesy he has given to me was good enough to forget and dump all those memories I had about him. As I'm not among those who hold in the past and pull myself down to waste the beautiful moments I may have in future.
With the end of the year it took away an important person in my life. My grandmother suddenly demised due to cancer and she hardly lived one month after spending few days in hospital. I could not do anything for her and not even got time to attend all the rituals. But I'm thankful to God for giving me few days to meet her before she took her last breath.


I’m thanking to the unseen divine for all things he has given to me and I’m just praying to God that the coming year bring all the happiness to my love ones. My wish for this year will be to begin a new life with full of meaningful work and commitments....!!

Finally Justice arrived!!!

Dhaula Kuan gang-rape convict gets 14 years’ rigorous imprisonment http://www.hindu.com/2009/12/12/stories/2009121257410300.htm


“The scar of rape always remains engraved in her mind and she cannot overcome it throughout her life. It cannot also be forgotten that women are generally weak and commission of rape on a meek victim is the gravest of offence,” said the court in its four-page order on sentence.

........It was in the year 2006; the Dhaula Kuan gang-rape case shocked all the north east people residing in Delhi especially the girls. My group (Linda, Lanleima, Ameeta, Lemis) were like right hand for MSAD though we don't occupied any post in the organisations political platform. We all were in the final year of Msc and Lanlei was pursuing her L.L.B that time.

We were filled with anguish & sorrow  for being so unkind especially towards the NE girls in Delhi. Even though we are staying here from the last 9 years, we have no niche. We are just known by one word, that's Chinkee. I never ponder to know its meaning because I have started to set up my mind as I'm living with different species which can only harm me so I just have to be protective for my own body & soul, from attcking by them. I'm not being racist here but it is the true fact. I wonder if there is any girl left who are not molested or abused on their short span of staying in Delhi to earn a livelihood.

My huge regard and respect to Da Noni, one of the senior in the MSAD. He was the one who gave us the space to deliver our idea and let us face the truth of the people, police, Media et.al. After the rape case rocked the Delhi all the media house were busy covering news of the girls from NE wearing short and skimpy cloths. We were almost burnt inside. It is like throwing and rubbing salt to the wound. Finally, we had a meeting with the some of the MSAD guys and Da Noni was heading our girl's team. We had planned to bang the media house, Police and all those people having cheap mentality with a full fledge protest rally in front of the ITO, Police station.

We all bunk practical classes and went for mobilization reaching to each and every doorsteps of the NE people residing in Delhi. We distributed pamplets on the roadside to join the protest. And also invited few NGO's to support us.

Then, the big day came; we board the infamous blue line bus and dropped at ITO police station. That was the first experience we had of being kept in the Police Station and later on they released us after taking our signatures. Don't know what they are going to do with our signatures but we were never worried for that but got relief eternally. Thought we did something to get the Justice. Media house had no option but they have to cover the protest as we also accused them for being biased and web casting the news which tarnishes the image of the NE girls in Delhi.

Fortunately, some guys in ZEE TV approached to us to appear and speak about our bitter experience of residing in Delhi. We were given only 20 minutes to speak but we are thankful to them at least they have managed to break the perception of the North Indians towards us.

Thanks to our parents for being so supportive, though they were so shocked with our excited news of being caught by the Delhi Police and kept in the police station for sometime. Instead of shouting at us, they advice us to stay alert and waited for the news web casting to see us. They would told us what should not speak next time but they are proud of our group being so courageous to stand for such cause.

Most interesting part of the the news clip was showing the girls from the other states roaming around the Delhi University and wearing the so called short, skimpy & provocative cloths while delivering our talk in the back ground.

I'm still surprised of psyche of the some men folk, taking so much of interest in the dress a woman which are using to cover her own body, of course not for him. It's neither their business nor they are earning any profit out of this.

My question still goes to the MEN?? What they meant by provocative dress? What is provoking them? Isn't it the problem of MEN psychology?? My suggestion is better to consult a doctor than blaming the woman.

Did anyone heard of a woman raping man coming out on the road with half pant?? Till now I have not heard of it. I think even if a man comes out in their minimal cloth, no woman to even think to touch them. May be they will run away from them for being so offensive by seeing not so attractive male figures.

......coming back to the news....yesterday I went to meet Lanleima after the office and was just going through the Hindu newspaper. Show the news of executing the rapist with rigorous life imprisonment by the High Court. We were like "WOW". It feels so good. I said Lanlei, do you remember this is the Mizoram girl case and we had organized the rally in ITO 3 years back from now. I called up Linda and shared the news. It was moment of glory for us though we don't know the girl personally; we were deeply shattered by the incident.

...Seems like this news flash back our unforgettable moments of life filled with zeal in the college time. MSAD rally and MSAD thabal chongba (known as the Moon Dance) were part of our life only. We hit the thabal from the beginning till the end and no one was there to challenge us :)

Of course, guys hate us like anything for our attitude and for kicking them out from joining us during the Thabal Chongba. We were infamous group among the people for our Tapta song dance, chekla dance and Maibi Jagoi dance in the Thabal chongba. So, we make sure that our brothers and especially my Mamma was there to look for us and protect us. But Mamma always closed his eyes and ears while we were dancing because he has no courage to see our crazy dance, somewhat mad, attitudes or bear the comments from the guys in the Thabal Lampak. It was my rule that I stay away from meeting Mamma for at least 1-2 weeks so that I don't have to listen to his lectures after the Thabal. He would shout on the phone next day "nupi nattagumna aduk yamna ngoushinaridubu, I will inform your father".

But he never missed to take us for next Thabal Chongba :)

Season of Love!!

Autumn witnesses the moment you left me
Yellow leaves fall upon symbolizing sadness
Color of March dye your last footprint
On the invisible canvas of my memory
It was when the season of love ends

Spring too paid a visit after you are gone
With her green petals refreshing your memory
And left me in a melancholic solitude
It was when the season of love ends

Winter came with its warm caressing touch
Though it brings only your lost smile
Whose touch to my heart i ignored
It was when the season of love ends

Summer came and gone too
Only to rage me in the fire of an awaken hurt
That’s how the season of life come and goes
Without you and your love
Though memory of you still burning alive
Within the walls of the dark night
It was when the season of love ends

The moon in the sky of the august
Wake me up before the night falls
Witnessing your existence within me
Though I cry upon this emptiness
It was when the season of love ends!!

A woman!!

An eye of hope and dream,
That’s what you have shown to me,
A seed of change
That’s what you have ever
Sown to me,
Change in the meaning of freedom,
Change in the meaning of equality,
Change in the meaning of humanity,
That’s what you have taught me ever!
We were walking alone in a road
Filled with the thorns and stones,
Fighting for our own space in a society,
Where your mother is your enemy,
Your father is your enemy,
Your brother is your enemy,
Your sister is your enemy
Your own existence become your enemy
At the end of the day,
You are known as a woman only!

You are a daughter to your father,
You are a sister your brothers,
You are a wife to your husband,
You are a loving and caring mother
To your children,
You are the one
Who would die and sacrifice for them,
But at the end of the day,
You are just a woman,
No one will ever remember
Your heart also beats with a rhythm,
Your lungs also breathe with the free oxygen,
Just like other human!

You are just a turtle,
Who walks in silence and fear,
And hides her head and toes,
Beneath her back,
Just to survive and just free from
The obligations of your own existence!

You are an idealistic creation of God,
Who never wrote her own definition,
Who never lives her life,
Who never heard her own heartbeat,
She lives with a definition
adorn by the society and the men,
You heart can beat
only with the rhythm of your man,
In a society of patriarchs
You have many names
You are merely a beast,
You are merely a prostitute,
You are merely a call girl,
You are merely a widow,
You are merely an omen
And to the men living around you,
Because at the end of the day
You are just remembered as a woman,
Not a human!

It’s not the time to sought for equality,
It’s not the time to scream for woman’s right,
It’s not the time to fight for the special reservation,
Shall we not feel ashamed for what we are?
Let’s represent ourselves as a human first,
Let’s break from the chains of the morality,
Let’s free ourselves from being a cultural ambassador,
Let’s be a human first,
Then the rest will come along!!

What is meaning of a society?
What is meaning of culture?
What is the meaning of religion,
If you are not known as a human!!

Don’t only dream of
Being a better half of a man,
Let them also dream of being a better half of you,
Why not man also enjoy
Being your better half??

Let them also know that
They are remain of our impure and untouchable blood,
From there lives springs,
From there,
Sown their soul!

It is not the not war of sex anymore,
You must fight for now,
It is the war of your existence,
Which you must win!

I search for you!!

It’s in the morning dew
I search for you,
It’s in the teardrops hiding in my eyes
I search for you,
It’s in the fallen leaves of the autumn
I search for you,
It’s in the unsung songs of my heart
I search for you,
It’s in the reminiscences of my memory
I still search for you,
It’s amidst the crowd of unknown,
I again search for you
I search for you,
I search for you,
Just to find myself
I search for you
I search for you
to find the remain in me without you!!

Perfume really scared me!!

Watching movie in the late night with a big cup of tea or coffee always give a different taste. Since the whole world was in sleep, you can enjoy such rare moments of silence and that’s an opportunity for me to watch movie of my favorite. One of my friends smsed about the movie some days back saying that the movie was just awesome and the theme was different from all. But I never thought that I will have a nightmare after watching the movie and will have to face with constant fear of bad dreams.

Perfume-A story of a murderer. When the movie was starting I was too much absorbed and thoroughly enjoyed it as the theme was truly different and it is a thriller. Film’s main protagonist is a boy born with his God-given extraordinary sense of smelling and knowing each and every thing on the earth from the smell. I was feeling pity for the ill-faith life of the boy who was abandoned by his mother just after he was born but was delighted for his extraordinary power of noticing the things with smell. I was telling Lin, God has always given something special to the one who had no one for him on this earth. Wow! What a magic philosophy!!


Lin and I were so excited when the guy was learning to prepare perfume in the lab for the first time. His lab looks like our suffocated,fumed and dull Chemistry lab of Delhi University with bottles of chemicals lined up in the racks of the wall. When the owner of the perfume shop taught him how to extract essential oils from the flowers and showing the distillation part from the hot distillation pot, we begun our discussion about the solvent he should used for better distillation output and the reactant to fasten the process, as both of us are from chemistry background. We were lost somewhere while our discussion directed into distillation process. Both of us were quite happy when we even solved the problem of how to extract the essentail oils from the animal body, when the guy was seen boiling the lovely cat of the owner in the pot of the hot water. We were telling to each other, oh! he could have done with alcohol or wax?? It seems like we are also in the same lab with the guy in the movie and somewhat helping him to choose the appropriate solvent for extraction. After he learnt the process of perfume preparation in his lab, our enthusiasm turns into something else. Our concentration is now on the psychology of the guy. Poor guy with extraordinary sense of smelling scared us the whole night. His stunt facial expression of not able to express any emotions of humans such as love, affection, care, hatred etc made us more uncomfortable and scary.

The movie show the psychology of a guy who have never seen and interacted with a woman! A guy who never feel the human emotions! A guy who have never smell a woman! A guy who had no smell for his own body though he knows the smell of each and every living and non-living objects on the earth! With heavy head we were deeply absorbed in the movie till the late night. Now we seem be regretted of helping him in choosing the solvent for distillation. We were just praying inside that hey don’t kill her, please, she is so beautiful and innocent, and worried enough we said to ourselves when the movie saw his hunting work for the girls to prepare a perfume with an anticipated smell of a woman, he had killed by mistake. He never realized till the end of the movie, the reason for following the girls and why can’t he still not able to forget her. But when he realized the reason for not able to forget her, he kills self. His emotionally impotent life, pity enough to realize at the last moment, human emotions is something lacking in his life without which human can’t live, that’s something God had deprived from him.

With a sad note the movie come to an end, after the man kill himself using the perfume, to the same place where he was born with a self realization of the fact that he can achieve anything he wishes to in this world but he can never feel the human emotions, he can never love anyone though the whole world may be there to bow their head in front of him.

It is that Perfume which he had prepared from the waxed oils of the women’s body killed him without even leaving a piece of his flesh on the earth.

After a few minutes of deep sleep, I wake up due to bad dreams and fear of the psycho of the man. I was calling some of my friend and narrating the story of the movie so that I can cope up with the fear till the afternoon. Even now I had to keep the lights on and play some music continuously and go for sleep. Perfume really scared me!!

Nostalgia!!

All I need as of now is to compose myself and stay away from this fear of feeling homesick. I have spent nine years in Delhi but I still feel homesick just like I leave home few hours back. I’m lost in own fantasies of going home every now and then. Sometime I wake suddenly in the night and start counting in the calendar. Next day my mood will be off after I recount all the incomplete things line up on my way. Spoke to Ima after a hectic day of running here and there; as I could not sleep in peace without telling all the petty things I had faced in a day to her. Sometime she seems too boring with all my stories but she adjusted herself to my childish behavior.

Yesterday Ima came up with a new topic happening in my village. It was about the marriage of one of my far cousin. Though we were too close in childhood, we hardly talked to each other now because of many reasons. Ima said finally she got married. Her parents are running from pillar to pillar just to get her married. I had to ask her why she was using such phrase. It seems too odd to hear. Running pillar to pillar for getting married!! She is too beautiful and I know many guys run after him since then she was in class seven. Suddenly remembered her elopment with a guy when she was just sixteen years old. I told myself I got your point. While Ima trying to start with her advice of what are the maxims, a girl should know to live a dignified life, I had to say bye to her as I started to lose my own conscience of being a human. Keep on thinking about that little girl who was cute, beautiful and innocent. She was with me all the time when she was kid but after class eight she has lost her interest in study and we never had a common platform to meet. Now people have created an image for her after her elopement in a younger age. I got angry with the foolishness of her parents who never give importance to her education but cheer her up if she comes back from a date and praised by some guys passing on the road for her looks. I had to accept that this is the faith of the most of the girls in the village and small town places who were born to the illiterate parents and the society is there to bind them from all the angles. My cousins also faced the same faith.

Got angry with my own people, society and even with my own family for making her just an object whose only purpose in life is marriage. I know marriage is important in everybody’s life, at the end of the day we need somebody whom you can trust and share all your moments of sadness and happiness. But why should we get married at the cost of wasting the meaning & purpose of this life?? I feel like waking up Ima in the late night and ask her why do you people want her to get married so soon and doesn’t she have any purpose in her life other than finding a husband. I didn’t wake her up as I know she will be frightened again with such argument which she never wishes to hear from me.

Again remember my own sister who got married last year and now blessed with a baby boy. I still argue with her for leaving her teaching job in a private school and choosing to become a full time house-wife. Still I’m irritated with her in-laws words of asking her how much you will earn from the salary of a private school. She must be still angry with me for my objection to buy all the unnecessary stuffs as “aoonpot” during her marriage. I don’t know my sister will ever try to understand my words. I don’t want to see her portraying the role of a house wife only who has no authority, no life for herself. I wish she realized that that small sum she would earn from teaching the kids in the private schools and her evening tuitions would not be less than million dollars in her life. Moreover, the respect, value and the regard she would be getting from her job could never be challenged by anybody. I have no objection to becoming a house wife if the husband, family and the society dignify it as any other white color job and give them the respect and the authority; they must get being a member of the family. But who understand and count the petty sweats, a house wife would be wasting to run the house from early morning to late night to raise her kids and to take care of her husband and the in-laws. At the end of the day people counts on your job, and money which can only buy the momentary happiness in our life, not to the human value of you. Even their own children sometime would feel that my mother is jobless forgetting all the sacrifice she had done for them and the family.

Tired with my own discussion and arguments, I had to bow my head to myself to end this discussion here as I'm left with only few hours to sleep.

Revolution!!

We need to create a new revolution, and to do that, do not waste your life: stop pleasing people and become who you always wanted to be..!!

Recalling the moments with you!!

When you linger on your old memories, when you open an old diary you are different, you feel different, and you are in a different world. Your old memory was your love only.
It may give you tears and pain but without it life will be meaningless. When I open my diary of early 2k, it surely made me cry but the emotion was so true and pure. NietherI could afford to buy it nor can I feel it again. I thought my soul is too contaminated now. I’m in search of that purity in my soul. When I re-read the poem which I wrote for him after the school, sitting near the window, I was with him again and floating in his world. I thought I’m still talking to the moon and sharing my dreams about him as I always do in the late night.

I still remember waiting for his mail for long hours and chatting for hours till late night in the cyber cafe in the foggy nights of Delhi. It was an unforgettable day in my life when I talked to him for the first time on phone for hours, I could never forget his voice, still his voice keep my soul alive whenever I remember those days. Whatever the reason it may be but my love for him was true and pure. I could never lei that I didn't love him just because he is not in my life. Wherever he is now, I always wish him for the best things in his life.

I still maintain his photographs and could never gather the courage to delete it from my inbox but I never wish to open them and look at him, it may remind me of his negative side. I don't wish to keep any bad memory about him. It was most difficult task in my life when I tried to forget him. But life goes on like this. I had to move ahead along with that pain in search of another meaning of this life. With time he lives as a shadow in my life. Sometime I forgot to notice him but somewhere he does exist in the deepest corner of my heart.

I could hardly remember how much I love him, never bother to make him understand too, never give an effort to forget or remember him but I forgot to feel the same feeling of love for another person in my life.

I still feel that somewhere I owe his love. But till today after so many years, I got only one answer to my own queries that we are not even a stranger to each other. Neither I bother to hear about him nor is he interested to know about me anymore.
Why do this feeling of apprehension come up to my mind, which says he is not the one I have ever waited for years and spent sleepless nights weeping those meaningless tears just to hear his voice again. I'm able to hear his voice again, I able to reach him again but never had the courage to speak to him and see him though he stays so near to me.

I wish, I could still wait for him in the bus stand after the school, just to get a glimpse of his smile before I leave for home. I still wish to feel that anxiety which I used to feel when I could not find him near the Bus stand. I just wish, every now and then these feelings of nothingness always fill up my hollow heart which you left empty years back.

Written on the night of 31st December, 2005 after I wish him for the New Year and to make another promise to look ahead in life without him and his dreams.

Concerned citizens of state meet Union Jt Home Secy

Source: Hueiyen News Service
http://e-pao.net/GP.asp?src=22..051109.nov09

New Delhi, November 04 2009: "We are aware of the boycott issue in Manipur and it is considered as top priority to be addressed by the Centre.

We are in the process of finding a solution and are in constant touch with the state government and I am hopeful that classes will resume shortly," Naveen Verma, Joint Secretary of (NE), Ministry of Home Affairs, Government of India, is quoted to have said during a meeting with the representatives of a group of Manipuri professionals residing across India today.

According to a statement issued by the representatives of the group, Manipuri professionals residing across Indian met with Naveen Verma, Joint Secretary of (NE), Ministry of Home Affairs, Government of India, and apprised him of the ongoing class boycott.

The citizens concerned have also submitted a memorandum to impress the State government in finding a solution to end the boycott called by various organisations in the state of Manipur.

The meeting lasted for over two hours.

The group stated in the memorandum that the inability of the State Government to end the stalemate between the student bodies and the government could have long-term consequences to students in Manipur.

The memorandum seeks an immediate solution to defuse the deadlock over boycott of educational institutions in Manipur.

"We, as citizen of Manipur strongly condemns any act of violence and we will support any attempt that will bring peace in the state of Manipur.

However, we believe that bringing peace at the cost of thousands of students is unjust," said a representative of the group.

The group reiterated that the present situation in Manipur calls for the Government to react swiftly to find a solution to the ongoing political and social imbroglio.

The group expressed concern over numerous reports about a possible dialogue between the agitators and the government, which has so far yielded no result, a serious concern for the parents whose children has been affected by the boycott.

As a part of the memorandum, the group submitted a copy of Tahelka magazine which carries the photos of the alleged fake-encounter killing on July 23rd in Imphal.

Expats meet jt. secy Home to urge Centre to intervene

Imphal free press

6 hours, 45 minutes, 29 seconds ago
From Nelson Elangbam
New Delhi, Nov 4 : A group of Manipuri professional residing across India met with Naveen Verma, joint secretary (NE), Ministry of Home Affairs, Government of India, to appraise him of the ongoing schools boycott and submitted a memorandum to request the state to find a solution to end the boycott by various organizations in the state.
The meeting lasted for over two hours.
The boycott initiated by All Manipur Student Union (AMSU), Manipur Student Federation (MSF) and Kangleipak Student Association (KSA) in the aftermath of the July 23rd incident that led to the death of a pregnant women, Th. Rabina and a civilian Ch. Sanjit has paralysed education in the state for nearly two months now.
The group in their memorandum stated that the inability of the state government to end the stalemate between the student bodies and the government could have severe long-term consequences to students in Manipur.
The memorandum sought an immediate solution to defuse the deadlock over boycott of educational institutions in Manipur.
“We, as citizen of Manipur strongly condemn any act of violence and we will support any attempt that will bring peace in the state of Manipur. However, we believe that bringing peace at the cost of thousand of students is unjust,” said a representative of the group.
The group reiterated that the present situation in Manipur calls for the government to react swiftly to find a solution to the ongoing political and social imbroglio.
Naveen Verma said, “We are aware of the boycott issue in Manipur and it is considered as top priority to be addressed by the Centre. We are in the process of finding a solution and are in constant touch with the state government and I am hopeful that classes will resume shortly”.
The group expressed concern as well as hope over numerous reports about a possible dialogue between the agitators and the government which has so far yielded no result.
The matter is of serious concern for parents whose children face the prospect of losing one academic year.
As a part of the memorandum, the group submitted a copy of Tahelka’s the Vol. 6, Issue 31, which a photo essay of the alleged killing on July 23rd in Imphal, an ‘Open Letter to Honorable Prime Minister of India-Stop the Killing in Manipur’, Various newspaper reports post the July 23rd incident and a copy of a joint press release, which were sent to media houses on October 30.