Dream deprived!!

Deprived of sleep,
sad and shattered,
tear and torn,
and darkness encroached into my world,
from the moment,
you deprived me of my dream,
Moment of solitude,
Moment of loneliness,
craving for you,
only your love,
days longer than years,
months longer than century,
hope dies and sank,
dream alive as a dream only,
a dream of you,
which emerged and merged,
within me,
a dream which vanished,
in front of your eyes,
my dream which lives you,
just emerged but sank into the deep sea of blue,
colour of sadness,
maroon my life,
leaving behind this useless body,
a white canvas,
which you ignore to paint with,
the colour of your dream,
a dream which dies and sank
from the moment,
you deprived me of my dream!

Highest Education!!

The highest education you can ever get in your life is from an idiot. Biggest art you can ever learn is dealing with an idiot. That's some new lessons I'm learning these days. There is no point arguing with an idiot even the silence could not become the hardest one. It is too defficult to speak and make them understand.

Never call an idiot as a donkey. Poor donky will cry.

Follow your Dream!!

Climb every mountain,
Follow every stream,
Follow the rainbow till you find your dream!!

Few lines from sound of Music. You may get disappointed in life once your dream is shattered and you are left with no hope. Life become more terrible to live when someone you know become someone you knew. You tend to live in the past when you are betrayed by the person you love. That's the moment you have started to do injustice with your own emotions. I realised lately but I have promised not to look back. Till the time I count on the drops of my tears it was too late. But I never say no to my little hope which springs my life and ask me to embrace the new dream. There comes a day, Little by little I forgot his dream, his laughter, little by littel he became a stranger to me. By the time I met him on a rainy season to that place where we met for the first time, he was just someone I knew, not someone I know. I'm happy to see myself without much affected by your smile, by your laugher anymore. Yes, I move on finally but lately. You remember I always told you I will never do injustice with my own emotions. That's how I learn and move on in life by leaving you and your memory behind. Life has to move on along with that pain, but you can't stop living. You can't leave the void empty all the time. I have to remind myself, I 'm not looking for the person whom I love the most but for that love which needs me most and for that person who can keep that love for me. That's your dream. You have to sail towards that dream. You have to endeavour anything to reach there. You have to climb every mountain if he is on top of the mountain waiting for you to hold his hand, you have to follow every stream if he is waiting for you at the end of the sea, you have to follow the rainbow if he is standing there and looking for your way.

Do I need to free myself?

You are no more different!!

You just act to be different from the rest but you are not really. You can't think on your own. You don't have anything on your own including your words. you condradict what you said. You speak what others say at the momnet. You are carried away by what other think at that moment. That is something I hate about you. Today I literally hate you for like anything. That's why I wish to leave this hell for this lifetime and live freely after this day onwards.


Sometime you fail to understand the people who are closed to you and know you really. That's how you always blocked your own way. I have done eneough now. Now I'm fade up of you and your outdated philosophy which suits nothing except you. Don't you get bored of your own philosophy?? Leave me and free me from your non-ending thought process. It become like a huge tide which would engulf me in and out.I'm too suffocated.

Leishabi Mamma!!

“Warakta satpi tayala?
Kana khangbida mangkhrabi!
Chingda satpi engeleira?
Chinadana kenkhrabi!
Akhang kanbi leibakleira?
Meeoiot –Meechei keedabi!
Mapu pandabi mallikara?
Khunkatpinaba leitana choijainakhrabi!
Punshi khoiloi setnakhrabada,
Panthou sangai masaikol,
Miyeng tamhourabi kundo leira?
Leishat tamba phangdana,
Khanguthakta langsekpirabi singarei-dura?
Taibang minok kiduna,
Athengba ahingda leika phanna satchabi thabaleira?”

Few words for you!!

"How would you hang on to someone who won't be in your life?
how would you get rid of someone who won't go from your life?"
.....I'm still waiting for your answer to this. I know you forgot to live in present and you are happy with your life and you still linger to the memory of your past.

But why I'm bothered to think all this?

Awaited dream!!

Is it my awaited dream?
I still ask to him,
Still searching for his hands on mine to lead me again,
But I’m still searching for his footsteps,
Someone says I should move ahead,
Someone says I should talk to my mind,
Someone says it must be droplets left behind,
By the careless touch of the cool wind on my cheek,
Someone says it would not be tears,
Someone says I can’t cry,
Rather I look back,
Rather I accept the truth,
Promise of one moment,
Turn me into a prisoner of my own thought?
I’m still fighting with my own thought,
Neither can it join the pieces of his dreams,
Nor it can bring the spring into his life,
Because it has no meaning to him,
I was crying but raindrops come to rescue me,
I was sad but I hide my petty tears,
I was laughing when I lost his footsteps,
I was smiling when he asks me to leave him,
Yeah, I’m still standing to that place
Where I lost his footsteps.
I did not move for a moment,
I stop dreaming for a moment,
While he still leads me towards the darkness,
He asks me to leave his hand,
While I still walk in his footsteps,
He asks me not to follow him,
While he still nurses the broken pieces of his dreams,
He asks me to stop dreaming,

Dream sailing towards me!!

A new beautiful day,
A new dream waiting for me,
A new dream sailing towards me,
Why should not I enjoy the moment which liberate me from everything, even without the dream of the one who I really love and adore. I set myself free today from everything. I feel so empty but today I'm really happy for nothing. Everything look so new and beautiful. I don't know what is happening to me. Only thing I realised is that I'm responsible for everything in my life. Its my choice whether I want to feel content with myself or not. Noone can make me happy or sad. I chose the first option after a long debate with myself.

I knew that a new dream is sailing towards me and I'm waiting to embrace it with my arms wide open...

My Endless Dream!!

Nothingness!!

When the hope dies,
When the dreams are just for dreaming,
When the life is just for living,
When the meaning of life is just nothing,
When you are just tired of dreaming for another impossible dream,
Don’t you feel that it is ok to end this journey here.
It seems no worth carrying this meaningless body,
There is no price for the crook smile,
There is no another hope for a hopeless dream.
Life just sucks like anything.
Nothing is left with me to smile.
I can’t walk another extra miles,
I don’t want to test myself anymore,
I just wish I’m alone in this world,
I just wish no one is there to bother me.
Life is just a sign of "nonexistence of everything".

Questions of question!!!

Questions of question,
heart of a heart,
soul of a soul,
core of a core....

this is what I'm looking for without you,
say whatever you wish to,
but I want to live in peace now without you.
I didn't know that you were so terrible,
You made me suffer without even living in my world.
How you play with my emotions is your bussiness,
but how can i play with my own emotions?
questions of a question hurled on me for many days.
could not find an answer but have another way to exit,
yeah i can't go back to the past and turn back to everything,
but it is a new begining!!

Brother I Miss You!!!

Your lifeless photograph hanging on the wall reminds me of your mercy death,
Still feel that you must be waiting for me at home as you always do,
Your mother still hope that you would come back to be with us again,
Oh! You are so heartless,
Can’t you see she is crying every day & night for you for the last two years?
I thought you must be angry with us, so you decide to go away,
Do you?
You memory kill us every seconds,
But you never turn back to answer to us,
You father still mourn every evening,
so that he could forget your blood stained body,
How can you watch me crying for so long?
You always said, you can’t tolerate my tears for so long,
You were always there for me for anything,
What happen to you now?
Brother, brother,
I still need your shoulder to cry for!
It has been a long time,
Since then I hear your voice for the last time,
I really miss you.
Why did you leave us so soon?
Our lives was so good,
Don’t you think so?
We can still play in the field when I come back home,
We can still fight over the small things,
Yeah, this time I will let you win,
I never wanted to leave you alone at home,
But I had to move ahead to struggle for my own life,
Do you think I’m very selfish?
Leaving you behind in a God forsaken place!!
Do you still angry with me??

Operation summer storm!!!

On the day of Cheirouba,
I was eagerly looking at those empty vessels in my kitchen.
My son is crying and shouting
so that I can feed his empty stomach.
I Was looking at the dark empty road,
just like a miracle would come across in my way.
I don’t know why I’m living on this earth.
My child is crying again to feed his empty stomach.
The tired corpse of my husband
just lying on the cold muddy floor,
Trying to cover his pain & anguish
over nothingness of his own life,
His eyes were red and wild,
He was laughing and starring at me
As I ask for the reason of this life,
Silence was broken again with the cry of my child,
He was shouting again
so that I can feed his empty stomach
it was the new year
which bring the storm in my family
no one to blame
no one to hear my cry
I look eagerly at the empty vessels in my kitchen
Questening them for my existence
And merely peeping into the empty road
Waiting for a miracle to come across!!




........For my leikai endomcha who had come to borrow rice and other eatables at my home on the day of cheirouba so that she can cook something to feed her starving son. Their family income entirely depend on uncle’s earning. The operation Loktak has finally brought the storm in their kitchen too, leaving them starved for two days. Nothing to eat & drink, no other way to earn money so that they can buy at least some rice. Her husband’s fishing equipments were all destroyed in the operation and now they couldn’t stand up again after this storm left them with the feeling of nothingness. They have no authority to blame and she has no other way to feed her son’s empty stomach. Just begging in every door of rich and bearing the heat of their ignorance, this is something she has been doing from last two days. She must be asking herself many questions she could never understand. This is your cheirouba endomcha. Celebrate this bloody New Year!! You are among those who would never forget the meaning of cheirouba/ New Year.

Living life with the mercy of guns and granades!!!

Mayang Imphal block: Cong office bombed,3 hurt
Source: Hueiyen News Service

Imphal, April 12 2009: Close on the heels of a bomb exploded at the Wangkhei Block Congress Office on April 7 last, a blast at the Mayang Imphal Kendra Congress Committee has injured three civilians this evening.

The incident occurred this evening around 7.29 at the Mayang Imphal Block Congress office under Mayang Imphal police station.

The Congress's office has been located near the house of Khumujam Mukta (64) .

According to locals, two Honda Activa borne persons who came from Imphal side had lobbed a hand grenade at the Congress office.

The two riders had rode towards the IB Road after exploding the bomb.

The victims who suffered splinter injuries have been identified as Mongjam Tomchou alias Ajay (22) son of M Amuchoubi of Mayang Imphal Mamang Leikai, Meitram Tomba (18) son of (L) M Kulla of Mayang Imphal Keithel Manung, and Laiphrakpam Bungo (51) son of (L) L Hajur of Mayang Imphal Chabung.

They suffered injuries at the hands and belly.

The three have been admitted to the RIMS Hospital.

No group has claimed responsibility for the blast so far.

Meanwhile, a hoax bomb has panicked the localities of Keishampat Thokchom Leikai this evening around 7.30 when steel tiffin was discovered near the gate of the residence of Dr Biren which was later proved to be a hoax one by the state bomb experts.

Heartbeat!!

My heart is broken into pieces but let it be!!!
It seems like I even enjoy the feel of pain in my heart for you.
My tears are pricesless for you,
I won't stop it anymore.
I don't know I love to cry for you.
It makes me feel good,
seems like I share the rhythm of the heartbeat with you,
tears flow carelessly on my cheek,
no one to wipe it away,
whenever I remember you and your laughter,
When the hope dies,
when the road is empty & dark,
when you are alone & no one is there to hold your hand,
Always remember that I'm always there for you no matter what.

I really miss you and your random calls. I'm dying to hear your laughter.

Love & Hope!!

This is the only gift I could ever afford to buy for you. It will cost my life but I won't bother if it can bring a new hope for you to fall in love all over again. I'm happy that you always proved me wrong.

Brother, Brother!!!

Finally, I spoke to my youngest brother after three days. I was really worried about him. His hostel phone was dead from the day he entered the hostel. It was a great relief for me to hear his voice and good to know that he is happy there. As usual, I started asking him A-Z questions to know more about him. It is too difficult to understand him, above all he is too stubborn and no one can easily deal with him. Even my father surrender in front of his arrogance. But I really adore his behaviour and guts. I felt that I should be like him. I can never be so truthful like him to myself and to others. Ema and Baba could not sleep in peace thinking about their security at home. Home iis no more heaven for us. It is more like a hell. Nighbour's involvement in all kind of froud activities forced my parents to send my brothers to hostel.I feel so secured of seeing them to grow up as I always dreamt of having a brother to protect me but in the next moment I'm worried of their stay at home. I know they got irritated with me asking their friend's name, family, rank in the class and blah blah but I have no other choice to understand them. Even their teachers are too disturbed because of my unlimited calls and queries. Sometime, I feel that I'm not giving them enough space to live life in their own way & take their own decision. I feel that I'm not being fair to them but I could never come over the insecurity inside me. I could never imagine a life without them. They are my reason for living and dreaming.

Checking my pateince!!

This is exactly what my boss is doing these days with all of us. Sometime I really feel pity for him to see his insecurity in any work. It is too good to see him blushing in front of his employees when we gave him the right answer for the wrong questions. I wish, he realise his foolishness before it is too late for him. Unnecessary, he tries to show his hierarchy in the office which no one bother to care and that really make him agitated all the time. His divide rule policy among the employees are badly failed these days. Noone gives attention to his criticism of another employee in front of all.

Sometime I just feel like breaking his head where he has stored nothing except his memory of PhD from Netherland.

A big lesson I learnt from him "an insecure man show his anger/hierarchy when smart women are around to make himself visible."

I Miss Your Random Calls!!!

You don't have the right to ask me why I miss your random calls. But I really miss your complaints . I couldn't sleep peacefully without listening to your complaints. I got agitated with you for the silly mistakes you did but I didn't realise that it became part of my life knowingly / unknowningly. I don't know the reason and I don't want to know also. I just want to forget everything and live a life of I, me and myself only!!! I don't wish to include you again in the picture of my life. I thought, my life will be a white canvas which has no meaning without your dream and imagination but I won't let it happen. I know, I should decide on what should be drawn at this white canvas. I won't let you choose the colour of my life while you don't care a bit for me.

With time you will again be a stranger to me, just the way we met for the first time as a stranger. This time I will never be a very good friend of you. I hope you understand me.