Chaoba Phuritshabam- Free from your cage

Tattooed with Taboos

2012-01-02T06:39:00.000-08:00

Our book Tattooed with Taboos has won the best production Award for the year 2011 in the Imphal Book Fair Manipur. This book is organized by National Book Trust, Raja Rammohan Roy foundation, Imphal and Kolkata Library.
Its a great feeling and I'm so glad to share this news as everyone. Thank you so much everyone for the support and encouragement. Our heartfelt thanks to Oja Saratchand, Oja Lokendra Arambam and Oja Soyam Lokendra for so much of love, encouragement and help.

Moments captured during Publication of "Tattoed with Taboos"

2011-10-24T11:23:00.000-07:00

Tattoed with Taboos-an anthology of poetry by three women from North-East India

2011-10-24T10:36:00.000-07:00

Dear Friends,

You all are requested to kindly share the publication of our book "Tattooed with Taboos", an anthology of Poetry in your blog or facebook or twitter. This is a strategy we have just thought to reach out to the people. We have not approached any publisher or distributor to do marketing of our book. But our main purpose to reach out to people become a hurdle without a platform. So, I'm requesting to all the friends who visits my blog to kindly upload the picture of our book or this particular post to extend your support and help.

Anyone who is interested to our book can email at tattooedwithtaboos@gmail.com and http://tattooedwithtaboos.blogspot.com.

When the time freeze?

2011-07-31T09:14:00.000-07:00

Home is developing. Some people lived in the heart of the city giggles at seeing the flyover, the new market, newly build assembly house and upcoming Imphal High court, NIT, NLS etc.

Whenever they giggle about the development, I’m left with unsolved puzzles? Where is it developing? I could see no development whenever I go home. I felt the time is freeze and stop moving ahead, except that I realized it is moving ahead while seeing the grey hairs of my parents. When I get down in the Mayang Imphal Market, it is still in the building stage just like I saw many years back. The vegetable vendors are still facing the merciless heat of summer and storms of monsoon. Only those who can afford to own a concrete roof can enjoy without affecting their life, irrespective of the muddy road they travel. While crossing across my locality the women are still struggling to pull water from river and pond while there is a water supply department which is established from years. Nothing has been changed, seems like the time is freeze forever for people in small town or villages. Decades back I used to follow my aunts with a bucket it my hand while they are going to locality pond or river to pull water. The generation is changed but the same ancient trends have not changed in my home. No one complaints and no one think they have a duty towards the people. People are always calm and non-demanding. That’s something make me jealous of them sometimes too. Are they really leading a spiritual way of life, sacrificing basic needs of a comfortable life or are they habitual to compromising the hurdles. Only they can answer. While going to my married sister’s place, I come across my school where I start dreaming and seeing for the first time in life. I have so much of fond memories, my dedicated teachers who want nothing but our commitment and success. Among those floating memories, what I miss the most are those rainy days, where we used to get enveloped by the muddy road while going and coming back from school and sometime not able to drive our bicycle. Sometime, we slipped off but we just forgot everything with laughter at those days. But seeing the same muddy road today after the decades upsets me about the life of the people, whose life is nothing different from an orphan. Yes, we lived since the beginning without supervision of any govt. / department till today. Coming back to the road adjacent to my gate I still remembered me and my cousins used to cross the gate till the road by putting stems of banana plant. When we were about to go for school our mother used to hold our hands till we reached a safe and dry place. Still my younger cousins repeat what we have done decades back just to cross the road. The roads which have been traveling by more than halve of the population inhibited in Mayang Imphal and their livelihoods depended on the Lotak Lake is still under construction since then I walked upon this road.

Just chatting with my sister she narrated me about her lost friend who was unable to reach hospitals in the Imphal so died on the way. It was just like a dream for me unable to realize how miserable life we are living. I remembered my sister friend who lost life while she was brought to the hospital in the Imphal area due to complication in the child birth. It was disheartening to see the shattered walls of the hospital in my place where no one can be visible even in the working days. No doctors and nurses are visible after 2 pm. They are visible only in the sunny days and if somebody fell sick in the monsoon season then it’s their fault and they have to deal with their faith only. Many more to mention which make me numb sometime even by thinking though I don’t live there from past decades. But I just keep praying for my parents and love one never to fall sick.

How can I easily forget the govt. school next to my house where I spend 8 years of my life without even able to read A, B, C correctly and believe me, I was the topper of that school. Everything was taught in Manipuri medium including the English subject. Sometime the Manipuri literature teacher struggle so much while reading Manipuri language everyday I had to ask my father to teach me so that I could help her in the class. It was just fun for me to reciprocate her in the class. While just standing in my gate I was just watching the school and learnt that the school name has been change to boy’s school! For a moment was puzzled and just smile thanking my aunt for keeping my name because it doesn’t differentiate my gender!!

Yes, I forgot to mention again just like before cows and buffaloes are still enjoying the school courtyard and students who can not afford a private school still played with them during the break unlike those students in private schools where they played with the modern gadgets.

It was mesmerizing memory I loved to carry with me forever and something which draws a line of developing Manipur now and then.

Kanchi gi leikol!!

2011-05-03T11:20:00.000-07:00

While just lying inside my small cottage I dream to see through the freedom Khwairakpam Chauba expressed in his poems. Sometime I went around the "Kanchi gi leikol" planted by Lamabam Kamal in his Madhavi novel. I spent so many sleepless nights with his Urirei when her lover Biren left her without anyone to listen and mend her heart burning like those restless fire in the far sites of the hill. Dream was so huge and vast I felt like catching and hunting those fighter jets making noise in the sky and destroy them to bring my mother land her lost peace, after she was evaded by her enemy called "namesake civilization"; as anticipated a future which lost a human value and loss of human existence and dignity by R.K Surendrajit in his peom "Sabhyata gi Phum".

The poem "Meitei Chanu" by Lamabam Kamal has awaken the people of Manipur from their deep slumber and call to realize the importance of their own language and script after the great Bengali Giant Santi das Goshai brunt the sacred book of Meities "Puya" into ashes. How beautiful it would be if our own language is like a beautiful garland of colorful flowers, spreading its scents throughout the world. Today we express our own feelings through a borrowed language. I can't even recognize the scripts of my own language. What is civilization and what is development when we are even depended for the language we speak and communicate? When the British came to India to make its colonized state what have they done at the first place was spreading the English language in every nook and corner of India by introducing English as a subject in institutions. No wonder if we all realize someday that we are still colonized people and still depended on Bengali scripts to express our thoughts and writings.

Reading Hijam Angahal's Khamba Thoibi made me agitated instead of being nurtured by the love story of Khamba and Thoibi, the Hero and Heroine of the true love story, though it is believed to be a myth. Instead of condemning the culture of untouchability introduced in our society after the Hindu religion conquered the then King and elites of Manipur, we are still happy to address and take it as an honour to call Khamba as "Shree Shree Khamba". What a sad moment it was for me, though I mend my broken heart with a poem dedicated to the famous writer, regretting him for a making this beautiful myth just an image of religious epic. No words of “Moirang Parva (Meitei version of musical opera)” have ever indicated Khamba dominating Thoibi or his sister Khamnu as subordinate because of their gender. Rather Thoibi enjoyed her freedom to choose to live in exile for her lover and sacrifice the princess title despite being a daughter of then King Khagemba. Does it show that our people are more liberated rather than caged with the religious believe, subordinate system and untouchability among the communities introduce after the invasion by the Hindu religion.

People in Manipur are believed to be nature prayers unlike the idol worshipers like Hindu, from ages and once in a year there is a celebration of such God's of nature and called as "lai harouba (festival of nature God)". Suring the “Lai Harouba” all the girls and women groom themselves, adored with the "leihou leirel (special type of flowers making a bunch to decorate in a women’s hair style)" and trying to attract the man they love or Liked. They dance together in front of the God with their dance moves and by joining hands with their counterparts. It was another platform for them to meet each other and express each other's love as depicted in Moirang Parva about the beautiful dance of Meitei Lovers Khamba and Thoibi in the courtyard of the God Thangjing . Love was never an offensive word and sex was never treated as sin in Manipuri society just like it is treated today in the present sacrosanct society blinded by religion.

Every Manipuri dream to fall in love just like Khamba-Thoibi, Henjuna-Laikhurembi, Tonu Laijinglembi-Kadeng Thangjahanba and Meinu Pemcha but where are we now? But where is the "Ningol-Ka" and where do we have freedom to meet our lover and play "likkol (a game of lovers played in the old times)" in the full moon night?

Toady no one wants to buy a Manipuri book which cost Rs. 50 bucks written by not so famous writer in home. The poetry books of Khawirakpam Chauba were already eaten half by the rats when I found the old copy lying in an old bag in my house. I pity for those writers who spent so many sleepless night for people like us. Can anybody imagine how many nights the Poet Kamal must have sacrifice while writing his novel “Madhavi”? Have anyone dream about the beauty of Urirei and Madhavi making garland in "Kanchi Leikol (in the garden of Kanchi)"?

Where have we lost? No one knows it. We are living with lost identity and dreaming for a false path where we don't care about our language, literature, folklore but never fail to read the great America story, the country which didn't even recognize the existence of Manipur. No one bother to think to spend Rs. 200 for English novel and we are proud if we can't read and write our language. No Cinderella live in Manipur, no Harry Porter hasn't driven his broom in the magic sky of Manipur.

Is it the time for us to sit and think which path we are choosing. Literature is taught in the schools and colleges just to bore the students, social sciences are introduced in the school and colleges for the students with low marks. Literature is not something to be taught but something to make feel. Social sciences are not just about theory of code of conduct but something to be adapted and change as the society walk ahead. But on contrary all professional analyst of society just to love filling the newspaper space with foreign theory which cannot be adopted in a place lived by people with different looks, language, food habit and climate....!!

Let's stop making bored of people through literature and social sciences instead let’s try to change people's thinking and ultimately their life through our poetry, stories and the folklores.

Home Sweet Home!!

2011-04-12T11:13:00.000-07:00

"Writing and writing is my happiness". I'm simply jealous of this line said by Nobel prize winner of 2006 Orhan Pamuk. Haven't read any of his book as I got no time but like his interview in the Hindu.

Reading the review of his book made me do a round trip in my head. Aha my recent trip to home was such a blessing to myself. I came back from home as a peaceful person which I lost 10 years back from now. I thought I have regained everything name, dignity, human pride and sense of living by simply breathing in my homeland Manipur. So true "home is where the heart is" and finally I'm so lucky to feel this and realized that no gun can kill the peace inside a person. Moreover I met the right people who influence me to love this land which has been abandoned by thousands of her children just because someone turned her out as a whore 50 years back.

Now, I'm struggling hard to make a path for myself in my homeland and to buy my own comfort which I have sell off years back to the metro cities to gain a status of a refugee.

Reached home after two years and saw mom,aunt and cousin waiting for me in the airport. Also good to see my friend who came to see me and his friend landing on the same day. With many plans and dreams to do some pending work I went home but came without touching it. Though I have no regret as I spent most of the time with my family and my friends and playing with my two nephews.

It was the colour of holi which already made me too excited to recall the past and those days where I used to run after my sister for "nakhathengba". Met my best friend in class IX who eloped and married at the age of 17yrs, unable to bear the atrocities of poverty. Her daughter almost 11 years run after us calling "mamachoubi yousang paisa piramo". It was a nostalgic moment recalling those days when I used to carry her mother in cycle from Yumnam Huidrom to Shamurou for morning tuition. Still my best friend Nandini is filled with so much of love, sacrifice and beautiful gesture just like she did in school time. Though she survives by running a small grossary shop in her house itself she used to welcome us with a warm gesture and was so eager to meet me as we are meeting after 12 years from those day.

The schooty ride with Tampha in the empty road of Mayai Lambi was memorable. She is still same. No ego of being a doctor and her ceaseless smile make her so beautiful. Unfortunate that I didn't meet her to be husband but want to tell him that he is the luckiest man on this earth. I planned to attend her marriage but it was postponed. Wish I can attend and fulfill our school time promises to be present at the marriage. Driving down the empty roads of Mayang Imphal to Shamorou flash back those memories of school where I used to ride cycle whenever there was a bus strike. I have been working here from many days but I could not gift anything for those people who helped me without seeking anything return from me. How could I forget one of the most influential person in Manipur especially in Mayai Lambi. That's none other than Sir Thoiba. The founder the school "The Little Master". He is the one who bring the wave of quality education in the Mayai Lambi by establishing a school which is compatible at the state level. My family had no capacity to send me in any of the schools in Imphal but for so many students like me are in Mayai Lambi who are given a shelter and opportunity to raise themselves. I have not admired him for establishing a school but his humanity. One could see only the anger and sometime abusive language from his mouth but if you see deep inside his heart you can realized the person he is. He raised up Tampha like his own daughter after Tampha lost her brother and father together in an accident. When He saw me and Tampha in front of him he narrated all those stories we used to talk 12 years back from now near the fireplace in the cold winter morning. He gets older but he is still so lively and filled with so much of hope and dream. He wants to established a hospital just in front of his school. People talked bad things about him but I wish every human is just good as him only. At least he gave life to many students in the Mayai Lambi who are deprived of quality education due to paralyze government schools.

Meeting so many of them which still owe a value in their heart already drag me into home. Every day what I pray to God is that please take me home soon and let me get that peace till my last breathe.

Home Sweet Home!!

Mama what is Love?

2011-02-24T10:55:00.000-08:00

Is it too late to ask this question "Mamma what is Love?"

Aha!! Seeing too many things in a day make me so confused. The best question I can ever asked is only to "ME". These days biggest question is what's love and marraige? Just like I have written my status in my forehead people would ask me when are you going to marry? Hmm no one is understanding like my parents...they never asked me when do I wanna commit for the big step? Beacause they knew what I want from life other than a trophy husband. Sometime I surprise and asked is it getting married solution for everything. There is one advantage of living here in Punjab. That's I can realise how important is marraige to them. People go crazy with the name "marraige". If one is not getting married at the age of 26yrs, its like a crush...don't tell me now I'm critizing and looking at the negative side..!!! This is not my pre-conception and I'm not living in those era where man has to go the jungle and cut woods for cooking and hunting animals for food. I'm now living in a place where the corporate employees are filled by 60% of women?

Simple question is where are we going? Question is that why are women still lived with such a big sense of insecurities when they are enough to stand for themselves? There is no emotional bonding, if so how is it possible when somebody is marrying a man/woman after seeing a photograph or after a few days of show casting each other?

My roomate, a software engineer lived her life in frustation because she is 26 yrs now.Every weekend she has to showcase herself in front of a stranger. If he liked her then she will get married, otherwise she has to tolerate about people bitching around of man disapproving her. Why I feel pity is that they are not born with the fredom to dream. She would sometime cry like why is God not making me married me so soon and keeping my parents in so much of tension and stress. Another girl living in next door would come every night and chat with my roomate, what has she learnt about cooking and what her gonna be husband love to eat. I'm like "this is too much" . If the self proclaimed feminist listen to their conversation, they would have been ostracised. Every night the only concern in my roomate mind is that she should get married before she reached the big 27 yrs. She would say her beloved boyfriend that she is ready to get married within 20 days if the guy is suitable for her. I surpringly aksed her what about your boyfriend if you both are not getting married. She simply answer "arre yaar..you don't know anything. we are going around for more than ten years, we can't forget each other but caste problems and I don't want to hurt my parents."

Just a big sighh and long hmmm from me and just replied like "badhiya hain..mast life hain".

Another senior of me going around with her boyfriend since then they were in class IX. they are going around from past 15 yrs. The guy was a poor and a lanky fellow at those days. The girl was rich and beautiful. The girl stood by his side for 15 yrs but now the guy is in good job and he is running away and he is commited and will marry her just for the shake that "what will people talked about me if I don't get married to her". Sometime I told my senior that just sit together and try to find out those essence of emotions when you guys met 15 years ago, but sadly those essence were pricelessly destroyed and they can't be together again and never be happy with each other. But I know they will get married for sure because I knwo very well this guy..he is afraid of the world and what people will talk about him if he dump his girl friend of 15 yrs. Now everythig is lost and where is the love? Can they find out again?

So now tell me... don't you still get confused and don't you wanna ask your mama the same question?

One fine day I called up my mother and asked do you really feel that I should get married now? Wow, my mom was so cool unlike other's mom..she was like..stayed at least fro 2 yrs...I think you should enjoy now.There is no life after marraige.

I jsut say Thank God. At least they are not in tension beacuse of me. When was growing up Mama used to advice me..don't go for money, looks of a man but the one who is honest and educated. I used to say..Mama I like handsome guys. Then Mama says looks will go with ages but honesty remains...but I didn't follow her words, I run after the most handsome senior in school, also most brilliant student. It ends up with a broken pieces of my heart. Some years later I fall a cute friend, then again I found his cuteness more irritating..further I enjoyed my singlehood for some years then I again caged myself with the love of a man "not so good looking", but he seemed to be an honest guy just like Mama mentioned. Aha..this time I'm following what my Mama said and I was happy thinking that finally I have become mature and understood real feelings. It again proved me so wrong and result was almost fetal...I still don't know how should I conclude this time...but I feel lucky to be escaped instead of feeling the pain of loosing him. Should I conclude finally like Mama he was not good looking but he was not honest too in my terms...

So this time I'm going home and I'm gonna sit next to my mama and ask promptly "Mama what is love?"

My miracle motherland....

2011-02-15T10:20:00.000-08:00

It was just like yesterday how much I was frightened with the noise of gunshots just next to my gate...even the July rain was ashamed to compete with these artificial rainfall of gunshots. I was angry and thought this land has no share for me. I hate to remember what happened to this land. I feel like it is a crush even thinking that Oh!I'm born in this place and it made me suffered with so many troubles. It made me work like hell..and it let me faced artificial calamities of poverty and stagnant life which leads nowhere.

But I realise lately that I was wrong and I'm also among those cowards who loved to complain and romanticised the misery of the people in home with a bottle of English wine, cigar and idolising the famous Cuban revolutionist Guevara. What about thinking ourselves to change? Let’s forget about being act now? Acting comes later after we think something..It depends on how we think but we need to think in the right way first to act correctly. Complaint enough about politicians, bureaucrats, teachers, engineers, doctors and peons etc etc. But what have we tried to correct it except shouting? Are we really helping to correct the system when we don't wanna get dirty of our hands and we are just coward that we are enjoying here a secure life while our parents are left amidst the blanket of stray bullets? Aren't their life not worth like ours or aren't we giving an excuse saying that there is no work?

Yes, there is no work but not for those who wanted to work? By the way who is complaining about corruption in home? Do we ever point to our parents if they are among those corrupted people? Nope, we don't then why are we shouting today when people who lived a distress lives and whose right to life has been exploited by one of our corrupted father in some years back?

No one wanna listen to the big questions and No one like the truth but everybody these days dream to become an activist in his or her own right at the cost of the money which their corrupted fathers/ forefathers exploited by executing illegal work in the govt. offices.

I was chatting with a friend in the evening. He got frustrated listening to the news of CC higher secondary and Model Secondary being burnt by the unknowns. He said he never wanted to go back to home and he has no share to this land. Understood enough of such feelings of frustration and even I used to get frustrated before but was it a solution? Or does it make any change to me, my family or society at large? Not at all then what is the fun of getting frustrated?

Simple question I wanted to ask is that in case these unknowns have got the enough facilities and sent them to higher education and have a respectful life...will they come and burn the CC higher sec and Model school just for fun? Are we born with some extra balls so we are so kind and seems to know humanity today or these people are born as nuts? This is just an example. It doesn't justify their act but why are we so brave of pointing finger on those people who do illegal activities and declare themselves as unlawful. Life of people of Manipur would have been different if it is a routine from the ages if protest against those people who governs the law and practice illegal work legally. No one protest so far if an officer asked for the extra money to execute a file in a govt. office who has been paid from the money of the people. We think it is a pride and we should give it and nothing wrong in doing so if my work is done? From years it is habit for them to continue in the form of custom and who is the looser? Those people who are at the receiving end and their kids are today on the road and expressing their anger and not so respectful life lived by them by burning and destroying everything.
Whom to blame now? Those class X failed militants who are abusing every moment and are just a toy of those politicians and bureaucrats and rich maniacs? Or those politicians, corrupted fathers who asked for the extra money to execute his work and duty? By the way do we ever ponder to think that these class X failed millitants are also humans and have a soul and mortal like us?

Time to think. If require quite the foreign wine, cigar, stop reading Marx theory, communist theory and applying them in home. It's our miracle motherland, not Russia, French, or a Japan. It's a land we live so let’s put our brain instead of applying communist theory and let’s forget Che Guevera for a while..as we know no Guevera is possible among us because Guevera’s father was not a corrupted politicians, reckless doctor, mean bureaucrat, engineer.

Let’s not talk about raining gunshots, the merciless militants, corrupted politicians, bureaucrats, engineers and teachers. If you want to change then it's time to tight your sit belt and leave for home and be a participant instead of being a spectator. You don't need to challenge the politicians, militants and bureaucrats but only being as a performer in your field.

Whatever we say and people romanticised in the misery of Manipur, we can't forget how we grow up, how we sang those rhythm songs without a music in the vast fields, No one can enjoy those feelings of how our Ema's narrating those stories of Laikhushangbi, Kabu keiyoiba, mabung taret thabaton whenever we irritated her in the late night and denied to sleep. Can I forget those late nights of Krishna Jarma..when Ema and I would wait for the radio drama program in the midnight and sleeping in her lap. Nothing can buy such peace in life..not by luxury of the city and a life full of achievements, money and modern equipments. I no longer enjoy the air conditioned room in a corporate office where human dignity is raped every moment ....rather I would love to sleep behind those bunch of bamboo plants near my courtyard listening to the songs of births and watching those ants fighting so hard and collecting their food for an anticipating rainy day!!!

Isn't it so beautiful enough for us to remember and miss the land we are born?

Aha!! Thats why I called this land as "My miracle motherland....!!!"

Dedicated post to my gutsy and beautiful friends in home. Kudos and salutes to you guys...I'm joining you guys soon.

I want you to pay for this!!!

2011-02-13T09:21:00.000-08:00

Why sometime I became so weak and weird? Why sometime I lost control over my tears? Why I distrust the word "trust"? Who would pay for this?

It would be you who have to pay the due. I'm no longer the one who should bear the burden of your wrongdoings and cover you up everything from everybody, thinking that everything will be fined. Nothing is fined so far. Trying to cover up so many wrongdoings of people I have become just a volcano of emotions. I no longer burn me silently and left as nothing.

With so much of innocence in my eyes and with so many dreams I build up every relation but what I recieved it just a betrayal which still awake me every single night and living like a melancholic. I also wish for a peaceful sleep and I never wanted you meeting in my life and giving a name to the relations and broke every dream and play with my innocence.

It's so easy to forget and I tried hard because I don't blaming myself and you my friend but now I need to step out of your life and lead a life giving you any space. In fact you deserve space in anybody's life and space. What you see from a person is how much you can gain from that person. How wish to live life without betrayal. How wish to smile and laugh so loaudly without pulling myself with the feeling of doubt and fear.

Just like the ripples of waves repaeted strike the bank of the river, your betrayal, presence , absence and love, care, hatred, everything is just a useless space to me which I no longer wish to keep within me.

For everything you did I want it you to pay now.

Why I love Manipur so much?

2010-12-22T10:33:00.000-08:00

These day I'm so much into self-interrogation as I seek freedom within during my self exiled period. I used to hate reading news of Manipur but these days when I'm tired of work in office I used to open the pages of e-pao and the sangai express to have a small sarcastic laugh.

I never knew the reason why I miss my blood-soaked motherland Manipur. Is it the only reason that my parents are there so I wanted to go back and live there but there is something unknown which is pulling me so towards the land of extortionist, looters, opportunist, MLA's MCA's Cammandos, IRB's etc. I know if I go I will not get a space to stand and survive then why I wanted to go still? This feeling is really haunting. I do need "a big help"? do I? Yes, I don't think no Tamil, No Mumbailite, No Delhite would ever love their state just like some middle class Manipuris does it.

Now the MCA's exam is so near. So many friends staying outside Manipur are appearing with the hope of going back home. But I was joking to my friend who is also going to appear that is it better to look out for a loan from ICICI bank to transfer to the bank account of those in the selection board or better to study? We have two choice. First one is something which some of our seniors opted. What respect come from within when you saw them siting in such post. They can only loot us. By the way, contrary to the real meaning of "respect"..what is called respectable person or position is those who are in the position to give money for corruption and get a position through it. Someone feel proud when they can lend money for corruption. No doubt there are rarest of the rare who are willing to work genuinely, but lets see for how long they survive?

Am I not had enough now of my motherland or am I being too negative.... ?

Me and the exiled queen!!

2010-12-21T10:51:00.000-08:00

Life takes different test and you need to taste every result of it. Whether bitter or sweet its your own, you just have to swallow it, if no choice is there.

Once I live the life of a self crowned queen in Delhi. I don't worry about the world so as the world doesn't notice the existence of this stubborn lady living like a wild breeze in a corner of the Delhi. She hates her corporate job but she needs to do it to earn a livelihood. But I was happy once I'm out from the corporate shits. My world is my imaginative creation, no one dare to disturb it , except me and my dreams. I know how much my parents worried if I'm ever drown with this high voltage dreams which I don't know I can ever achieve so.

I asked myself why I'm not happy even after I get enough money and I do whatever I felt till now. No one ever restricted to whatever I do. Then I realized that its my passion, love, dream which are going against my job. Nothing to feel shy while committing the truth. Biggest mistake lies when I continue chemistry for my higher study.It gives me job and money but it kills my passion. Sometime I blamed my dad saying that why did you ask me to continue in Science. Its so boring. Oh! common I fell in love once with Chemistry when I fell for my handsome chemistry teacher but what a big mistake I made now!! I love running with my loose kurti and jeans with a piece of paper and pen as my weapon. I don't like fancy corporate cloths which suffocates me and blocks my brain from thinking.Well this is short introduction of how I wish to be liberated from everything which hold me so tightly. Now, I'm like living in the desert without water. I live like a robot in a place where people talk nothing, except marriage. How much I got irriatated when it comes of Ma-ba-bahu story..only I can understand. Just to make the situation more melodramatic I keep on watching movies like monsson wedding and how big is punjabified marrige? God bless my Lord that's all I said the girls around me start talking about marriage. Where should I run?

One woman whom I adore and wish to be was Moirang Thoibi, the princess who had defiled everything. I wish to be like her not because she married a poor guy but her guts to defile the convention. Above all what I love about her is how she bravely accept the offer of being deprived of her luxurious kingdom when she was exiled in Kabo. Then I thought she must be getting the ultimate freedom once she was freed from the taboo of being a princess and tightly hold with so many chains of obligation. She must be wondering with the feeling of walking all alone without anyone to guard her. She must be enthralled for the first time when she live her life without any obligation. Accepting to live a life in exile is like finally you wish to seek freedom within yourself. It's a myth which I don't believe but I thank the writer who had created such a imaginative character which every woman wish to live.

Everyday when my friends called up I used to say I'm living a life like that of Moirang Thoibi who was exiled in Kabo. My friends obviously understood what I meant and said it's just temporary. But I wish the temporary time ends soon. What I need now is being free from every chain which binds me so tightly but not the oxygen which everybody is getting free of course.

My lady comrade!!

2010-12-20T12:11:00.000-08:00

Oh! my lady comrade
don't arrest me with your freedom
the night is too late
don't let her play
with her madness

Have not we drunk enough
with the venom of such nights?
As the years passed away
I left the world we belong to,
I already defiled our dreams

Oh! my lady comrade
Don't remind me tonight
for what I was born here
I'm caged again
within the womb
of this earth!!

Another Madness!!

2010-12-20T11:38:00.000-08:00

She wore only her skin,
though she walked without any fear
in the roadside of Delhi

Her petticoat was hanging on her shoulder..

Layers of dust covered
her body...

Some onlookers tease her
Some "shoo her away"
Some laugh at her
with atrocities....

Lost for some moments..
in the middle of the road
I run after her
lending my shawl...

She ignored my existence
suddenly
She turn back and shouted at me..
"why are you running after me
I have nothing else to give you
you all have taken away all"

Look at me
I carry nothing now?

I tried to tempt her with my sweet words
offering to accept my shawl to cover herself..

"She shouted at me again
don't treat me like I'm mad?

"for what you want to cover myself
for what you want me to feel ashamed"

You all have taken away everything
now I'm carrying nothing
to snatch by these people
I won't cover myself again

I'm not mad
I'm not mad
She return my shawl with a smile
and run away!!

Amidst the crowd
and dust
I stood motionless
with so many questions
she had hurled at me and all.

*excerpt from a victim who was found walking on the road of Delhi...

Nothing special!

2010-12-10T11:47:00.000-08:00

I'm not writing this piece as a full of regret or heart broken story. In fact now-a-days I started hating my own poems fill with heart broken and mentally disturbed emotions. I love living now strangely these days. Neither I feel angry, bad, anxious nor too hurt and depressed. Hope I have finally erased their space from my mind and heart. Oh! how much peace it gave me, I can only sensed that. There is no less of stupid, idiots, fool, lunatics, psycho, etc in the world and in the little space you have to survive in this world. But I cant break the head of them because it will only injure me.

Nothing special is just a word click in my mind when my friend called up as usual to complain about his ex-lover who disposed off him and get married but she is not satisfied enough, now also she is making juice of his remaining brain. Well, I'm also a good listener these days because I hate too much conversation with the people around and I face problems in communicating with them, mind you this is not language problem but brain connectivity is very slow or does not exist , so I hardly talk but just smile and listen. What people loved talking about? Any guess? "Shaadi" , marriage, man, that's the beginning and end for everyone here. Unfortunately I have not included that part in my dictionary as a part of casual discussion so I hardly talk to people around. I'm a quite, nice lady as known by people and it's just the opposite of what I'm!!

Asked me how much it is difficult and hard to live life without having anyone to stand besides, back, front etc, forget about God, that I never have come across. I hope its within me. Right. In the past ten years I have never visited a temple. I know I'm weird and people will treat me as a crazy but why should I is the only question raised in my mind whenever I show the Hanuman temple near ISBT where people make huge traffic jam every Tuesday and always help me to miss one class for my LLB. Why God make people so crazy about him/her or men are making God crazy, I had no idea. Let it be. Its again not my favorite topic, at least not in front of my roommate who will eat me if I say I don't care of her Gods keeping on the table besides my bed.

Sometime I felt life makes me such a great fool but I enjoyed all those experiences though it was quite tough and useless. I have never learn saying "No" to anyone. I'm someone who even wake up in the middle of the night to help a bitch who hurt me or loot me but they came back and loot again with the same weapons. Now I felt its a high and time to delete some useless numbers and people from my list and mind. So many best friends I had but now I don't see not even five who would stand for me even if I'm falling in hell..

Yes, I was in a similar situation. Two days back I came back from Delhi and as usual I have to land in Chandigarh by 9.30-10pm. Never thought I would travel in the middle of the night till Mohali all alone. My so called best friend from school called up in the last minute and said she should be going with her boyfriend of one month old so she will not be in hostel and staying in one of her friends place. Damn in this big state, I know only her, my school best friend and as far as I remember we know each other from last 12 years from now. I said nothing but just wish her all the best for the date and cheer her up because she was feeling guilty. She was happy because I support her to go for the dinner date and thank her for asking me to travel in the middle of the night all alone. I just took a deep breathe and said to myself "mom & dad" will save me. That's all I said whenever I felt extremely scared of something. I started forecasting the days when I took her to everywhere in Delhi for her job interview, waiting for her in the airport and waking up in the middle of the night to drop her in the airport. I can't even recall, I even bunk my office and bunk my classes. Such things made me sad for a moment but made me feel good thinking that I can never become a bitch.

At 11:30pm I reach my PG, eat some food and with heavy head I tried to sleep. Suddenly my best friend calling me for the first time in the three months from the day I land in Chandigarh. Starring at the number, I said this is not the first time you have been fooling me. If I pick up your call again, I will be fooling myself again. So cut the crab, and make it short. Life is short, so isn't it better for you too understand some bitter side of life? I wish my best friend a very happy life ahead with her new boyfriend. I wish you to survive through out your life with the believe that you can use people only when you need them without knowing the value of a relation.

So nothing special about you my best friend!!

To my brave brothers!!

2010-11-18T06:50:00.000-08:00

Trying to fight against the life
I forgot to live this life
Trying to be survival of fittest
I forgot to breathe freely
While mending the broken heart
I have not sensed the true love ever
What a waste of life..
When the death knocks at my door
one fine day
I would just cry my heart out
for the moment I lost and wasted....!!!

..It has been just 8 months that my kid brothers have landed to this strange city with full of dreams...they knew nothing but with a hope to rely on me for their dreams and future. I'm now away from them and I really miss them. They are cooking all alone and facing the world without even having anyone to guide them and see them. It's my trust and my parents love which hold them so hard and still protecting their innocence. I always blam God and unseen devine but now I started looking as an opportunity. I hope someday they will surely cherish their lonely hard days in Delhi and miss those fights and insecurities surrounding them.

I know I'm the most harsh sister one brother can owe but what to do? Sometime trying to meet the end I loose my pateint and react on them. But this is so true and hurting to me ometime if I ever hurt them. If I scold them in the morning before I leave for office I would make sure to get something special to eat...They can't speak neither english nor hindi but they are brave enough now to meet any difficulties. I'm so happy for them seeing making their own faith. I no longer scared that they will be drawn with the bad wind of my own society here money, corruption, guns and drugs pulled us so deep into the hell.

My brother in class eleven idn't get admission into sceince and he is quite disappointed but now he is doing too good in his new subject commerce. And youngest brother is my hero and dream. I could see how I was when I was a kid and I know I gave my parents a tough time growing m up. No one would ever challenge my stuborness. Thats how my youngest brother is and he loves challeges, except that I'm worried about his eating habit.
I could not see them everyday but only thing which keep me in peace is that they are trustworthy boys and I know they will never disappoint me and pur parents...thats the only hope and strength that keeps me moving ahead in life. I will never say that I'm tired whatever it comes in my way. I know I'm not born and blessed with rich parents but I would not that much in life if I have not faced all the hardships in life and I could not be so independent if I have to depend either on a rich parent or a rich boyfriend...

I don't have any complain in life. Evry moment brings surprises both sad or happy. I have to embrace both and wait for the next surprises coming along with uncertain gifts of life...

nothingness again!!

2010-11-03T11:46:00.000-07:00

When the nights comes it always bring an eternal conflict within me and its me who has been swallowed and eaten and left with nothingness.....

I’m in a big mess in every perspective of life now. Office work almost killed me and disgust feeling of loosing freedom questions me every single minute. For what I had studied and worked so hard? For what I left my parents in home and why I had to miss so many important moments of life just to earn few bucks for livelihood. These questions are very hard to answer for me.

I no longer enjoy hearing people’s appreciating words like you are earning enough, taking responsibility for your kid brothers, doing law, writing poetry, stories, social works blah blah…etc…which are taking me nowhere…except it crushed me into pieces and fragments which can not be fixed together and get along…

At the end of the day I felt so empty and so called luck or faith dumped me in every movement of my life. More I try to wake up and walk fast it always pulls me back and drag me into the shit holes.

With so many disgust things I stop now to even type a paragraph of my thoughts and so called philosophy. Now I had to begin a life believing to the truth that there is no freedom after birth and before death. Every dream betrayed just like my unworthy lovers and every night I’m burnt with the memory of every dying moments where I could only see “a lone me” just sitting and doing nothing….

I do not wish to write a disguise poem or a story because it only remind me of useless time I have wasted. I had to betray my feelings, my thoughts, my freedom and my intuition to start living a life acceptable by all. No body would accept a chemist crazy with literature, politics, history, social works, poems and running after her non-ending stories lying untouched in her mind…..!!!

To an unknown or whatever?

2010-09-26T11:44:00.000-07:00

Its fun sometime being so crazy that you forget of being a serious surviving haman. There is one wish I always wish to keep in my heart...I don't wanna grow up and wanna live in my world sorround by craziness, loneliness, melancholy and sadness. You might be thinking I have gone nuts and gone out of my mind when I say I'm romancing this night which I will not meet again. Well, its not new if I say something not realistic today beacuse you are used to hear all these from the past few months. Yes, I matter a lot for the every passing moments and the hours and I can't just lay myself like a statue in one place. Thats why I broke out today and blamed you.

You will be unknown to me soemday or whatever some months back or years back. But beleive me I'm not going to fall in love with you for sure for whatever you did, neither going to ask you to marry me because I don't beleive in marraige just like you do.Also, I don't believe in religion and God just like you follow. But beleive me in this truth that no one has ever done so much for me and have not taken care of a crazy woman like me just way you do. I feel very bad at the end of the day for being so harsh to you and using those abussive language. Still you never react and say a bad word about me. Sometime I thought what if somebody used these word to me? Just like I asked you this evening...exactly the way you answer I would have killed the person for whatever reason I have done to him. Feeling sorry and saying sorry at the the day to you is easy I know but afterwords I feel so guilty and I don't know why you tolerate me so much. Please don't do that from next time onwards ..that makes me feel so terrible and lunatic. Throw me out and don't care where I'm and what I'm but don't treat me so well while I'm being so rude and harsh towards you for nothing.

Dreams are so bright and so many. I wish I could share with you but why should I again give you another reason get harrassed from me? You may find me crazy if you read this but you know how crazy I'm? Sometime I'm so puzzle that why you are taking care of me every minutes without asking me anything in return too. You neither ask for a name for this relation nor did you look down for the things you have done so far. I have nothing to say but I would miss you so much in life if we ever have to meet a day from where we could never talk and meet each other. And it will not so easy for me to forget you just like you said I will forget you once I'm among my old friends. Nothing will last forever to me except the love and care you have poured to an unkind me so far. I don't thank you because I have already thank to an unseen devine who had sent you in my way. Hope you would be another reason for me to gather the broken fragmnets of me and wake up again like a living soul.

Have a great night sleep and wishing you for a great morning tomorrow. I dedicate this beautiful night in your name while I'm spending this night wrting this blog and romancing with the lonely moon and stars up in the sky.

I'm so content tonight as I'm so blessed with your unconditional love and care. Good night.

I'm a surviving Nut?

2010-09-26T09:25:00.000-07:00

I'm too much broken these days. Not because I faught with somebody I love or I'm deprived of my livelihood. But while trying to fill the potholes in the messy road of my life I have broken myself into pieces now...

Before I worried about my brothers staying at home. Now I left them in Delhi midst the unknown crowd and environment. This is the most difficult decision I have taken so far. I assure my parents that nothing will happen to them and I will be visiting them every weekend but I could not do so. While trying to opt for a better route of career and money I need to take a break from my LLB course. Thats one of the saddest thing for me because this one course where my heart falls to study and learn...

I'm filling with the broken pieces of me gap in the road of my life. Don't ask me how I'm doing and feeling as I don't feel anything now. Parenting my parents, nurturing my kid brothers, trying to cope up career pressure I have almost become a living statue. I just know what to do, how to do to meet the deadline, to fulfill the requirement, nothing else...

Sometime I also wish to sing those old songs, dance to my favorite numbers, write those melancholy poems..and narrate those sattered stories and cry for things I have not got..but Ive gone nuts these days..doing nothing, juts sitting idle...I'm lost...

Time to free women and children from sex slavery!!

2010-09-05T06:17:00.000-07:00

http://timesofindia.indiatimes.com/india/Ex-priest-exposes-clergys-sex-secrets/articleshow/6471601.cms

Oh God!! Give the liberty to the self professed Godman to enjoy sex; save women and children from them.

It is not so new to all of us. Like food, water, air, sex is another basic necessities for living; it is another ingredient for human to survive, reproduce and save the race. Then what is illegal and illicit factor linked to this term? Why are we having a perception that somebody is cheap and looser if they talk frankly about these? And people devoid of this as Godman?

We are ashamed to accept the human feelings and open up and live the way we are, but rather covered, hidden, suppressed and suffocated. These are exactly happening in our society. The sex racket, scandals, prostitution, trafficking are result of human inability to accept a nature given body, henceforth their feelings are suppressed so far to make a norm in the society, to keep a rule for religion and culture. For me culture, religion and society are another way to victimize the life of those who are given a subordinate position in among the race. Religion is best way to exploit human, nothing related to GOD and people, no God would ever told a human secretly in his ear that if you wish to be my special man then start living from now onwards devoid of sex and supressed your feelings. If God has ever delivered such declaration then God is Crazy…!!

Even the epic of God shows his multiple wives, children and his mistresses. Then why are we being so hypocritec to become a big and special man at the cost of harassing those helpless women and the children to kill frustation? In a land of Kamasutra we want to believe the stories of virgin marry. Think universally and naturally, no lady has given birth to a baby without losing her virginity. That’s against her physical needs.

Well, the trafficking news from Manipur, Nagaland and the other NE states hit the news. Sometime I can’t hold back myself and think about the poor children who are almost abandoned by their parents due to severely affected socio-economic condion. They become a sex slave of the GOD man in the Church, Temple and the mosques. If the religion is a medium or platform to exploit , harass or abuse women, children and those who are helpless then religion is a crime and it’s a high time we should abolish the terror of religion from the world till it’s deep root and throw it away. I love living beyond culture, caste and religion because it attacks my freedom, independence and liberty to live freely. I’m born freely from my mother’s womb so nothing can bind me so hard, except my mother’s love.

The hills and the valleys of the NE states are deserted beyond survival. No food, no water, no job, no work and no money, except free air are available. Parent has no capability to raise their kid and feed them even for one meal. They become easy pray for the traffickers, God man’s agents and they took the kids in the name of the free education in the far flung places of South India mostly where there are culture of convent and wide spread Christianity.

I don’t want to give more comment on how and what happen but I’m just angry against these sex hunger priest. Why are they acting as they are unique piece of God and they can be survived devoid of the normal life? Shiv Khera truly said that if such God man can be treated by leading a normal married life then why should not they are allowed to marry instead of women and children become their target of abuse. Many God man lined up this year in the doorsteps of the court and in the police custody. The reports claimed them of owning million dollar properties and even private jet. From where all these money is coming? Surprising fact is that India is the first country in the world who believes that God will be happy by donating gold, silver, properties and money. What a silly people we are when we are into the era where the discussion to live further in moon has been going on. I don’t blame the villagers and uneducated people whose only way to live happily and prosperous is to believe in some unseen divine and getting courage to move ahead in life. But what about the educated fools?

Well it is also our fault that we love to be in the lime light even for the wrong reason and our newspaper love the TRP even if the news is not so important for human morality, ethics and survival. We make a person God in one minute and we can make them a devil and destroy in another minute. But my concern is only for those kids, women who become sex slave to the priest and the God man. They are helpless people who are devoid of survival needs. My only suggestion is that religion or God devotees should not be restricted from having a marital life so that we can live in a world free from abuse, harassment , frustation and discontentment which only led to a disfigure society.

Forget about the big scandal. My own state also suffers from the menace of child marriage. No one give a thought to save from this menance neither the Govt. nor the NGO? They are happy of launching the drive to close down the restaurants and humilation.. very sad factor is that even the parents think that there is nothing beyond the marriage and having a husband for girl/women. Every women/girl needs a husband or a partner to live with , so as the man needs a wife but not at the cost of life and against the dignity, pride of the human. If the child of 16 yr old is eloped they think she is over and get her married without giving a second thought. We can’t blame the parents who are already beaten so badly by the society norms. What we need is a change to begin from self and education to resist against the norms and culture which are against our survival, not only literacy which gives nothing except a certificate.

Law campus fiasco!!!

2010-08-31T11:08:00.000-07:00

After three years of completing M.Sc. from Delhi University I'm now back to campus as a Law student with a dream to give a boost to my career. But things are not so pleasant being a student in Law faculty. To get the degree from the one of the most reputed Law faculty in the country you have to tolerate unhygienic environment. Don’t take me wrong here. Let me elaborate the pain we are going through to become a dignified lawyer. It’s not about study, it is not related to the competitive law entrance to get a seat in this faculty. No doubt this faculty has a name and more than 10 thousand students appear every year to get a seat here. I’m the lucky one to avail a seat here.

But never thought sometime you have to face an unhygienic environment. Unlike the Science faculty where we have to spent our time from 8 to 6pm in the class and lab , you need only 3hrs of your time in Law Faculty. Unlike in Science faculty where the students show their talents in classroom and the Lab, here you need to flaunt more about your speaking & arguing skill. Above all, the fancy cars are additional assets of the law faculty students for the certain elite sections who studied law to break the law someday!!

Well, forget about everything. Now let me get back to what I want to write about this faculty. Working in a pharmaceutical company made me so concern about a hygienic environment. I believe more in protection rather than chewing tablets to protect from the diseases. Being into the law faculty means you have to explore into every available virus, fungus, bacteria, flies and Insects. Just after you get into the department you are welcome by potholes and the flood water and the clumsy environment where you don’t even have a place to stand for five minutes. Moreover if you stand you will be attacked by the insects, flies and mosquitoes who had built a permanent nest in the faculty. The faculty is suitable home for insects, ants and flies and mosquitoes.
Passing though the corridor towards your class, either you have to block your nose or you have to stop breathing for sometime till you cross the vicinity of the toilet. The evening breeze would bring the stinking smell of toilet, dustbins into your classroom and you have to spend the three hours in a classroom by closing all the windows and doors even during the hot sumer. In addition to this you have to fight with those irritating mosquitoes and insects in the class. The decades old ceiling fan no longer work and you always have a steam bath in the class free of course. There is no proper lighting in the classroom and again you have to run to get those seats where the natural lights help your visibility.

Now, it’s election time. The not so good looking DUSU candidates would come and interrupt every class to deliver their trademark campaigning speech. Oh!! So tired of them and their TM smile. Of course they are not so good looking as you can see in their posters posted in the walls of the DU which makes the campus as an old cinema hall instead of the institute.

The dusu candidates are not less than our politicians. In fact they are preparing themselves to become future politicians but India is not in such a stage so that students can opt for politics as a career. These candidates of DUSU and the law faculty, at the first place don’t have a clear mind and honest mentality. Everybody are followers of our politicians who become famous after facing an allegation of scam, fraud etc. in fact the DU election is a simply a dirty politics and people who would like to involve into the dirty politics stand for the election. Their speech even challenges the decision of the highest Court of India. Sometime they make me so stunt and I keep on thinking OMG, there is lotza things I got to know about the world from this kids.

Then I told myself what this people would do when they can’t even ask the administration of the college to afford to have a clean toilet and a canteen of its own. Well, well, nothing much to say more about but I’m bit scared these days to visit this reputed faculty because of the dengue problem which is now talk of the town. Just after I get down from my office cab in the metro station I started praying “Oh God protect me from the dangerous mosquitoes”.

Now Im inside the law faculty.... let me enjoy one more campus fiaso......

What if, the world is inhibited by UNISEX???

2010-08-28T10:36:00.000-07:00

http://e-pao.net/GP.asp?src=20..280810.aug10

Girl-boy child sex-ratio alarmingly decreasing in state.....

What if there is only one gender? Nothing called as male and female. Hope it's too dreamy but it would be too good to be true because there won't be anything called as discrimination and suppression.
Sometime I keep on thinking and questions like what is the difference between a human and a woman arose in my mind. The pain of being a woman starts from the day we are created as a successful embryo in a mother’s womb. It’s sometime ashamed to say how girl child have been treated even in my own family decades back. Now the things have been changed in my family and there is no longer gender discrimination faced by my sister unlike me and my elder sister had faced while we were a kid.

The cited news of the Sangai Express on the girl-boy child sex ratio intrigues me to share my own experience. But life is full of stories, some are too good and some are not –so-good but they are never bad to learn and march ahead in life.

My experience of being born and brought up in a poor to middle class family in a village/small town is something different. Such experience made me felt that I had already lived a life of 50 years ahead. People search, analyze and do PhD but I don’t need go through all these research because life has taught me enough and I must say all these gave me a lot which no one can grasp from the reading, seeing and practicing.

May be that is the reason I never had any interest in such things as a subject rather I thought of finding something new in the field of Science & Law.

I don’t know who made the society and what the society, culture and traditions fit into our elder’s tiny brains then they become woman hatred. I leave such debates to God who is believed to have made the humans though humans are formed as an embryo in the womb of a woman, who is subjugated, suppressed, look down and had no clan, no surname etc, so far in our society. May be my words are too extreme but believe me reality is more extreme if you are a woman who dream to redraw the line of control drawn by the so called society between the human and the woman.

I have six aunties and my father is the only male child in the family. My grandmother and my great grandmother hated girl child like anything. She did not even touch my youngest sister after her dream to see a grandson was not fulfilled by my mother. Unfortunately, my mother is believed as an omen in the family because she delivered another three girl child and increases the number of female member. I’m happy to know that there was not even a proper “swasthi pooja” when I was born because of the tension arose in the house for another addition of a female candidate. It’s a long gone story, nothing to feel bad about it rather I feel special and lucky , except my mother felt that my notorious behavior is related to all these!!! When she is fed up with my arguments she joked at me “oh you had missed the swasthi pooja”. I’m rather glad because I didn’t listen to the Brahmin reading prayers in Sanskrit. May be that effected me a lot now because I don’t believe in blind & idol worshipping.

The reason of sharing my experience is not just putting complaint against my great grandma and my grandma who had not given us a not so good treatment to us because of being a girl child. They are no more in this world and I owe my deep respect, love and regard to them till their last breathe despite of everything; simply, for the fact that I’m here because of them and they are God for me. How the society, culture and the people living therein made them from human to women is not related to my eternal bonding with them. Their blood still runs through my veins and arteries but I have protected so far myself from being contaminated with the social norms.

They belong to a very poor family and their husbands expired in the very early age and they had to face the hardship of surviving and living both in a male-dominated society.

As a child I never agree to whatever my grandmother said because I felt that she ill-treated me, my elder sister & my mother but later on I changed my perception thinking that she loved us so much and don’t want us to face the same troubles they had faced being a woman.

They were always furious with my parents because of my dressing sense. I had never touched a phanek till class VIII just because they force me to wear it and its an offensive figure to them seeing a girl of my age roaming with the boys in the locality with half-pant, big Tees and short hair. They gave me examples of my neighbor beautiful girls wearing phanek, long hair. Sometime their words hurt me a lot and I even dreamt to walk like them, have a long hair and wear a phanek but I always failed. But I’m truly adored by my parents and never told me to wear a phanek. Rather they are happy with my performance in school and always encourage me to be what I’m. I still remember my father taking me to the tailor to stitch proper coat-trousers and a beautiful skirt for my elder sister. What a sweet memory it was and I might not be the person I wanted to be if they have not given me so much of freedom to pursue whatever I felt. They protected me so much from the suppressive norms of the society and let me enjoy my childhood without bothering which gender I belong to despite of all the harsh words from my aunties and grandma.

The feeling of ignorance, suppression and discrimination hurts undoubtedly. Some people say that I 'm thinking too much but when it comes to the question of being self, dignity, pride and respect of a human, it matters a lot. May be that is the reason I find it quite difficult to deal with certain section of the MCP who can see woman just an ornament and cultural ambassador of the society. We don't want to change and grow with time but we love being a copying cat of other's in the name of culture and tradition preservation. We bother more about the culture, tradition and society but never thought & discussed and try to rectify our mistakes of treating a girl child differently from her counterparts.

So, isn’t it the time for us to wake up and educate ourselves instead of killing a fetus in the womb of a mother and making her a criminal instead of a mother? True, we live in a lawless land but let’s not at least make a mother a criminal by enforcing her to do sex-determination of the fetus and depriving her from her motherhood. Nevertheless, I might be born as an unwanted child to my family; my parents never owe less love to anyone of us so lets not force a mother to kill her child. This thought must have killed them instead. Why should not we welcome a girl child with a smile instead of terminating her in the womb? Let them free from the taboo of the culture, tradition and society norms, they will outperformed what a man can ever do. Then why are we still so bound with the name namesake clan, surname and heritage. Who said that the bloods from the parents don’t run through a girl’s veins & arteries. They are same as a male child except that the society made them women/girl depriving from their basic rights to enjoy as a free human.

Silence is the hardest argument to refute!!!!

2010-08-25T13:15:00.000-07:00

These few words have changed how I look into a situation and how I handle it.

Since then I thought of keeping silence to any circumstances where there would not be any justification of words, my life is too good and peaceful. These days I don't pay attention to the idiots and hypocrites, don't waste my time and energy to the issues which is created by some devil minds. lastly but not the least, those people who has a problem with their own life but they lead a different life like hypocrites in order to show to the world. That’s something I really hate,so sometime i love hating pople. Its more than enough for me to learn from the people around me regarding all facts & fakes of life. Sometime I keep on thinking how people must be feeling when they lei to themselves and how they must be leading a life in that way!!

Should you call m self centered or self obsessed for being so quite but I can never lei to myself. I can never live an artificial life, can't believe to a lie that would kill me soon like a slow poisoning...

These days some funny things are happening in my own social network too. Obviously the victim would be people like me, I have faced the same situation innumerous times.
"Expecting the world to treat u fairly because you are a good person is like expecting a lion not to eat you just because you are a vegetarian"

I'm not anybody's side neither agaist anybody but simply feel irritated when ppl played with emotions n sentiments . In the morning I read some words of Arundhati Roy regarding a movie made on poverty.

"People become rich by selling poverty, but not the poor. They sell poverty but not the poor because it is not attractive."

Same thing is happening in my own soceity. Some rich people from some rich family gathered to support the poor and needy. But things turns out upside down. Sometime I pity those people who live life for money and happy with other's gratitude only. They can never be happy without getting something in return. What a shame?
What a shame for these people who are more concerned with winning an argument instead of understanding the situation and trying to help.

Here again I opt to keep silent because I know that they can never see/feel/understand how a poor lead their life. What can I ask more to those people who feel proud of growing up in a protecting family without acknowledging where they live, those people who drive a sleek car where the road deserves for a bullock cart?
This is how elite people look at the poor people, they are not helping the poor, and they want to feel good with the gratitude they have got from the pity mouths of the poor. They want to enjoy with the ecstasy of joy by spending their money to cover up the poverty. They want to feel worthy of their life and forget about the sin they have done or by their parents by doing same business of poverty, so called helping the poor and needy .....

written two years back after attending a ngo meeting in Bassnt Kunj....thank god she didnt call back after my mail....

UNTITLED.......

2010-08-24T11:48:00.000-07:00

Yes, I’m different. I’m a brave lady in your eyes. I have so many things in my life except you.

It’s also true that I can stand on my own. Even the sky falls over me, I shall not stop being myself. Your brave lady!!
She cried......
I’m not used to live without having him around me. I thought time will come and I will feel that it’s the time to move on. But how far I’m able to move on?

He went away with so many promises left behind without fulfilling it. He owns a wife now, he is a good son in his parent’s eyes and he is a father from his unwanted wife.
How would you justify me that you love me so much an you can’t live without me? My mistake lies with my perception being so liberal and living with my dream man. But he was someone who couldn’t understand himself. He is among that man who sadly can’t recognize his own feelings.

With an excuse of caste and religion he left me so easily. With such an easy excuse of fulfilling his parents dream he forgot to feel the nerves running in my body.

Have been years I never tend to involve and move ahead with another someone special. Life does not end here. I know I don’t wish anybody teaching me but what I’m looking now is just to recover from this phase of life.
Suddenly yesterday I was getting ready to go for office I found his ties left in my room. Suddenly in the back of my mind flash back that day I bought this tie for him for his promotion. I thought I sun will never set for us and will not leave me alone in the darkness. I dream that the romance will continue till I’m death. Now I have to live like a living death body. Dying for every moment and seconds makes me so tired of this life.

My landline numbers suddenly ring.

The heavy voice on the other side of the phone seems to be quite known to me. In fact his voice shattered my world suddenly. I could not hear his voice from last one year.

I don't know what he wanted from me now? Something left with me??
He said “I’m here in Delhi”. Can we meet for the last time?

I didn’t speak anything. The tears just roll down. I just replied “would you still call me a brave lady and I can face any situation?”

He didn’t answer. We hold the phone for some minutes. He keep saying “hello” in another end of the phone then I hang the phone repeating his words “I’m a brave lady and I should face every situation”.

While driving down the busy roads of Delhi, my mind keeps thinking of the woman whom he got married. For whom he has to abandon me emotionally and physically. How lucky she must be getting so much of love from her in-laws and her husband. Why I’m feeling so cheated when I know that nothing was wrong on my part. Though it was him.

On the side mirror of my car I was looking at myself. My eyes were swelling so I was trying to cover up with the thick dose of the eye-liner. Whatever you are and how sad your life is, office is not the place you should show your personal life. Learn with the past experience I try to own a lost smile and enter my department.

Just after I enter my office, I don’t know where I’m and I forgot now what should not do in the office.

Oh! Unbelieveble! This should not happen to me today! I have some important cleints to meet up today! Saying this I just rush to my cabin without noticing what's happening around.

My colleagues and seniors are congratulating him for his marriage and his new found baby. Suddenly I remember those days I would insist to sit near his system in the name of working and tease him whole day. How much he got annoyed with my unpredictable temper and tantrums.

His suddenly left me so numb.

Neither I cry nor do I say a word. Just sitting in my cabin and trying to hide my lost state in fronts of my colleagues. I don’t know how I should react now. Everybody in the office made so many stories about us is created when we were together and after he left to get married with another woman. Now I have to face another story of his sudden visit to my office. I don’t know which is more painful?

his sudden appearance with a gloomy face or the pinching stories of the onlooker? Both I have to suffer since he has already escape from such questions. Questions and lies are only thing he has left with me for the love he has owed.
When I’m already lost in my thought he suddenly peep through my cabin and said “may I come in….. “

What will happen when the heart bleeds for 64th years???

2010-08-15T07:16:00.000-07:00

http://www.thehindu.com/news/national/article572410.ece
http://www.thehindu.com/news/national/article572596.ece?homepage=true

Like any human who owns a heart to feel I simply want to ask a simple question what will happen when the heart bleeds for 64th year??

Today is 64th Independence Day of India. The blue sky of political city Delhi is coloured with the triclour kites & flags. The kids are playing cricket on the empty road and every person is busy celebrating the 64th year of freedom. But I have no mood to celebrate but I have not still got the freedom included in every para of the constitution. I'm still a foriegner even being in my own country. I'm still a refugee run from home to escape from the stray bullets and granades. No life has a natural death in my home. Someday even I will also end my life in the hands of those stray bullets fying indiscreminately in the free air. They have no caste, sex, race and colour. They are unisex liberal killers.

Just reading the Hindu Newspaper. Every passing PM and the President give their speech to its people and it always has one common appeal for Kashmir and NE. How sad if you are living like this and for how long we will live like this. Since then I'm born to the Independent India we have never be part of the celebration. Whether I like it or dislike it I can never deny I'm an India. Whether I'm against the politicians and the people who are racist against my community we have never forgot to cheer for India when they are playing cricket against Pakistan. Whether we are called chiky or nepali we couldn't stop our tears when the Indian armies are killed in the Kargil War. When I isten to Lata Mangesker's song "mere waton ke logo" and AR Rahman's "Maa tujhe salam", my eyes become wet.

How sad again about these feeling which has not been recognised and disrespected for so many years.
Without knowing the meaning in my grandfather who was my teacher. But I'm sad about my grandfather who taught me this song but he have not seen that his childrens are not treated not so well by the Independent Bharat.

Good to hear the PM offering to the terrorist of NE and Kashmir to come to the dialogue table. We have only one dream to feel free from our bleeding heart and celebrate the true celebration of the Independence Day.

When you have seen your parents in home are living under the sky of bullets and their life is at stake how could you ask me to sit in peace and celebrate the 64th year of Independence. Is the Independence only destined for the people lives in the mainland then . Who can celebrate when their gates are shut down by the wires of AFSPA?

The politicians benefits from the bussiness of AFSPA. The millitants enjoy the opportunity to thrash us and cut our throat from survival taking its advantage. The police & army loot us, rape our body and dignity in the name of protecting the state but no one has bother about the people.

The law protects the country from the separatist, the army and the state force execute to suppressed the activism and the activist do good deal with the politicians to gain monetarily and to earn name, fame and position. Today's separatist is future politician, today's student Union leader who is shouting against the state and its policy is tomorrow's Chief Minister. The biggest bussiness in a state protected by AFSPA is you either become a millitant or enter state police, or a student union leader or then you have a bright future.

How sad it is to think about the fact that I'm born to a troumatised state where you have nowhere to land. It really bleeds out heart. This is the same feeling that must be happening to the every person who lives through the pain and anguish of living in Manipur and JK. Have they ever got the opportunity to celebrate the Indenpendence day without facing the genaral strike,Bundh and threat from the terrorist and I still ask the another question ...

Will they get the opportunity to celebrate the Independence Day by forgetting the gunshots, their lost fathers, mother, husband, bothers and sisters in their lifetime?

I'm eager to witness that day before I take my last breathe.
But for me I could never forget the sounds of the raining gunshots in the middle of the nights in my last visit to home. Can anyone stop my brothers from fearing from the sounds of crackers and the deeming sounds of heavy boots heard in the front of our door? What a sad feeling I had when my brothers got scared of the sounds of the crackers and fireworks in a neighbours marraige in Delhi. They thought the gunshots have followed them till here. They thought there is the police have come for a combing operation near our rented room.

So far I have forgotten to remember those gunshots while trying to engage with the struggle to survive as a refugee in the big city. Wish my brothers also learn to erase those erratic sounds from their memory.

But the heart bleeds when you remember your vacated home and your old parents living out there among the millitants, corrupted politicians, the police...

Our hearts are bleeding from the last 64th years...

Don't ever say you are A-political...!!!!

2010-08-15T05:16:00.001-07:00

When you talk to your mother, you have different way to please her.
When you argue with your father you have different approach to achieve what you want.
When you guide your siblings you have various ways to make them understand the world.
When you talk to your enemy, you are something and unique; you are not as sweet and adorable as you were in front of your mother..

..This is a how we involve in a family and then in a society.

And this is simply called as politics. These days some people comment on the group of mine who are settled in Delhi & outside Delhi as “Oh they played lots of politics among themselves”. Before I used to get offended & feel bad with their comments.
True, we have tremendous amount of differences. Sometime we fought like we would kill each other if meet face to face. But these are the essence of living. At least we have tried to think,do and execute something , may be its output is less than Zero in their eyes. But the easiest job one can every do in life is that of a spectator and commentator.

And yes, at least we get a life. That’s how I concluded with myself.

What would be the life which have no discussion, no fighting, no argument, no anger and of course no peace followed by within ourselves. We are highly influenced by the place we are living also. There won’t be hardly any person in Delhi who at least had not explored into the political sides of the state or country. The air is fully enriched by politics only both bad and good. It depends on which one you absorb for yourself.

Yeah, there are people who loved to live in the closed shell through out the life. Story is different for them. I’m not talking about those people who just want to survive only. Some people commented as we don’t understand your politics and don’t want to be into that…but I tease inside “get a life please”…you are just surviving but not living.
I do lots of politics*, begining from 6:30 am in the morning from 10:30 pm. Politics refers to its literal meaning but not the politics of the politicians and its well known hatred meaning carried in our mind. Through politics only I’m able to work 15-16 hours in a day taking and playing different roles.

In the early morning I have to be a kitchen master cooking and preparing lunch and breakfast for my bros before I leave for office. Then in office I have been thoroughly get back to the job and professional. After the job I again get back to my Campus of Law Faculty where I met many people from different background and everyday I have to add on something in my knowledge so that I become a living human, not a statue.

So while meeting my classmates I have a different approach. In office I have to understand my colleagues who wants to gossip and wants to throw me into trouble. Either I have to shut their mouth or I stop interacting with them... So life is encircled by huge circle of politics and without politics you can’t live, just merely surviving is extremely easy by accepting whatever comes in my way.

I have many friends in school who are born in very rich family and they live life like in a jail though it is made up of gold. Neither they can't enjoy with friends freely nor they can develop their own personality. When the turns of choosing a life then put a full stop in their life. Yeah, they have done no politics and they have not lived their life..so as no struggle.

So now just don’t say I’m apolitical. It's like you are impotent and incaple to live.
When you say this line you are defaming your living status. If anyone further comments then I have only one answer ...please get a life.
Here I’m not referring to dirty bitching. That’s not politics as usually known. That’s remains as bitching only but politics is how you simply interact with your family and society and how we work out to move ahead in life, get respect, dignity etc….

WAKE UP "SHITs".....

2010-08-12T11:57:00.000-07:00

“Patriotism is the last refuge of scoundrels”

I really love this quote.

This line clicked my mind today morning while reading the news of so many millitants joining hands to show patroitism and solidarity to their motherland.

There are few proverbs I always keep in my mind and that's my mom favorite proverb when she notices something happening unpropotionately i.e the wife of a carpenter does not own a bed to sleep and the wife of a jeweler doesn’t even own a Tula or gram of gold through out her life....

Confused!!! Like the above proverbs, my homeland is full of activist these days. You can categorize and classified them into millions. Some as page 3 activist who loves only PR realizing and show off in TV & print media, some are face book activist who loves only updating photos in face book. What else but its better to maintain silent always instead of arguing with them because I know their mind are quite volatile and unnecessarily why I become a target to burst out their love for their homeland. Also I had been their target so many times earlier too...

I don't wish someone question me what I felt for my homeland. What I want to do and what all trouble I have faced. Because I belong to a remote place where I have to keep counting the gunshots in my bed and my parents are immune to the guns and bullets. Neither we own a building to protect from the bullets nor we are able to afford of running to a safer place but still I don’t wish to come on the road and show my patriotism only on the road.

For anything I’m involved with I’m always against the publicity. May it be war or peace. Everything relates to human and you can’t touch a soul by clicking a picture and by threatening them. I used to hate the politicians and the film stars a lot for them showing pity thing in the TV and earning name through cheap publicity and playing with human emotions. May be their intention is right but how would I judge them? If you really wish to do something do you need a picture to show to the world? Yes, I agree awareness is important but it should not be at the cost of someone’s pity life. Still, I’m so quite and most of the time I avoid argument because it is useless sometime to exchange conversation with people who are always in the active mode of fighting and with an attitude that they know everything. I wish God bless them sometime for their attitude and enrich their infant brain.

My homeland owns a patriot in every home that's why it’s still a colonized state where people can be slaughter anytime. In fact we are outside the boundary of Indian constitution...when we live without the basic freedom then aren't we so foolish to own so many human rights oragnistaion. So far they are just doing great bussiness of the dead bodies..and earning money and fame..

My homeland has the maximum number of NGO’s to work for the HIV positive people henceforth we are the state which has maximum no. of HIV positive people. Similarly, we also own almost in every home one HIV positive person like we own many patriots in every home ...

Likewise we also own so many self proclaimed democratic organizations which are mushrooming in every corner of the locality to carry forward the undemocratic tasks. Likewise we also have many fractions for each revolutionary/military/terrorist group because of them we are still slave to the independent India.

Again, we own many engineers engineered by the MLA’s and run by the contractors and their achievement so far is that they have built up a flyover so far....

...So far we also have many doctors and they are in the most respectable position in my homeland so we own two big paralyzed state hospitals and people die even from the minor diahorrrea in the 21st centaury. Forget about the Japanese Encephalistis...they are destined to die for suffering from such disease..

Finally we are in the lawless state where every home has one commando and IRB who gets into the job by paying 15 to 20 lakhs for a salary of 5- 10 K and with a license to kill freely...

And yes, now Indepence day is approaching and I saw many legal and illegal organizations/ revolutionary/militants/ terrorists calling bandhs, general strike through out the state. This is the time they united and show their solidarity to their pityful homeland full of shits like them. Yes, this is how they show their patriotism because this is the only way to exhibit their art of so called revolution against India.

By the way who is suffering by this strike?
Of course, not the MLAs/Enginerrs/Doctors/Cammandos/Terrorist, except the poor fellows who are regularly attending their call off from survival.

That’s why now I want to say loud “WAKE UP SHITS” to all those self proclaimed patriots of a poor Manipur. 13th August is coming and you all are planning for a grand event but remember that just by wearing the "khamen chatpa pheijom wored by Paona Brajabashi " is not the spirit to show respect to them...

So just wake up from the shits where you all are sleeping for so long....Lets wake up someday with the true guts to celebrate the Happy Patriots Day!!

Is Femenism contradicting Motherhood??

2010-07-31T12:24:00.000-07:00

“Feminism refers to political, cultural, and economic movements aimed at establishing greater rights, legal protection for women, and/or women's liberation. Feminism includes some of the sociological theories and philosophies concerned with issues of gender difference. It is also a movement that campaigns for women's rights and interests. Nancy Cott defines feminism as the belief in the importance of gender equality, invalidating the idea of gender hierarchy as a socially constructed concept. Feminists are persons of either sex, or females only (in which case males may be profeminists), who believe in feminism.”

…on the way back from Mohali I was engaged with some self-debate while seeing two ladies sitting with me in the same compartment of the train. Both them are quite tired trying to control their small kids. I can see the anger, love, care, possessiveness and the irritation on their face. The kids keep running out of the compartment and the poor mothers would also run after them to catch them. The ladies also got uncomfortable with other passengers expression getting irritated with babies shouting and jumping here and there. their kids are disturbing rest of the passengers sleep.

I was also no less their kid's victim for a while but finally they have played with me after I gave all the eatables to them. One jump into my lap to grasp the juice and other dragging from him and in the process my shirt got stained and I had to change. I feel bad thier mom saying sorry again and again to me. Well I seem to have lots of patience these days….I was rather so happy playing with them instead of just sleeping in the train though I was drop death tired trying to catch the big fish in the RD center of the company by signing them with the confidential documents.
So now coming back to feminism, as the meaning talks about women liberalism, freedom to live, think, eat and whatever….!!

But seeing the two mothers I question myself does these two women ever remember the definition and used of the above words in their life? Hope my question is quite valid to them also, not an offensive one and contradicting to her motherhood!! The question of living life with liberty, freedom comes when you have time to live a life of your own. No one can question a woman about her desire to become a mother and her love for her kids. She forgets to live her life once she has a baby, that’s exactly you can see. She leaves job, forgets her own parents, sacrifice the night talks with her best pals and even herself. She sacrifices everything including her dream, aim, opportunities and lives for her children only. In short that becomes her new life encompassing everything.

When the rest of the male passengers are sleeping and playing with their new age gadgets these two ladies are still going mad taking care of the kids with an face seeking apology from the rest. Meanwhile playing with these kids I felt may be they also sometime wish to travel without any tensions and so much of worries around like any other male passengers. But mothers are bound too; they won’t leave a home carefree attitude that kids will be taken care of by their dad like a man thought off. I hope it is not only about the love of being a parent but also an inherent sole responsibility of being a care taker which most of the man are devoid of; may be because of the society set or may be a human tendency of living life easily passing off the bucks to the partners head. No offence, this is not a question to the fatherhood of man and not meant to say that they love their kids less than a mother do…here comes the contradicting existence of a feminism and motherhood within a woman. If another definition applies another will go in the opposite direction. No matter, I don’t wish to interpret that feminist doesn’t want to have children and hates motherhood. Any woman despite of her social stand and takes and gives loves the God gifted motherhood, except that slowly while she is donned with an exciting status of being a mother in the society, she simply seems to loss her much needed right to live with her life as an individual with full of her dreams of own, as she is born being as an inherent sole care taker in parenting the kids. If she lives and continue the same what would be talked about her? Every person had his/her own interpretation of her.

renunciation....

2010-07-28T11:08:00.000-07:00

the night passes
reopening the cemented wound
hidden so far
in an earthen space
like a centaury old tomb

when the heart wanted
humming to a forgotten song
this night
Clad with its melancholy
break its rhythm

How I wish to conceal
Her beauty, power and wisdom tonight
so far
she only hurt me
she only tore me into pieces
like an unused clothes

You see how insensible
The trees, the stones and the flowers are
lying unasnwered to me

how insensible the winds,
the moon and the stars tonight
they could never let you go
Though you silently left me long ago

As this moment passes
I’m painted with hue of colour
Red, green, yellow and black

And I’m invisible
Wrap and clad with senses
Of joy and lost……

Beyond now!!

2010-07-27T10:49:00.000-07:00

Weather is extremely beautiful today. It's pleasant and making me so fresh though I'm already so tired because of the hectic schedule. I thought of talking to you tonite as it has been a long time we have not have a good discussion as usual. Though you seem to be too excited with everything happening around you ......but silently I feel that I'm losing you again.

I don't know why I treat myself as a stranger today so I call another fren to say what I felt now but she too fell asleep as the night is already fall and slept.

Well, I'm beyond my reach now. I don't want to think anything but just I'm enjoy this passing moments though it would be good if you are around ....I will just wait and face whatever comes in my way..hope just kill me sometime. But don't feel bad for these beautiful hopes just built up on you for some days..but feel bad that you will never know about it ...and i no longer share with you too...as I said I'm beyond my reach now...neither you can reach me too...because you had never tried to walked upon in this path and never I let you show the path..leading towards me!!!

Anyway I don't wish to waste this beautiful night because of anything. Seems you are also not so worthy to waste this moment with the agony of getting far away from me. Wanna spend this beauiful time with some good music and good thoughts. Tomorrow is still an uncertain dream for me so I dont want to waste it with the thought of you being away from me....

I'm already too tired and already had a hectic day....now I wanna catch with a good dream..

Chaoba Phuritshabam- Free from your cage: Nothingness.....

2010-07-25T00:32:00.000-07:00

Chaoba Phuritshabam- Free from your cage: Nothingness.....

Nothingness.....

2010-07-24T00:04:00.000-07:00

Life doesn’t end in a moment
Nothingness lies encompassing the surprises
Embrace the passing moments
Cuddle with the moments we had shared
We ain't sure of another tomorrow
Let our heart enjoy in the pain & sorrow
Though lets not paint life
with its colour of sadness
You have to make a choice
Either you live your life
or life force you to live
Nothingness is where the life is
we are no longer stranger to it
Live with it
and cuddle with it
in this short journey!!

Beutiful hours!!!

2010-07-22T12:26:00.000-07:00

The only time where I can be only with myself is the night time. Whole day I keep running and I even forgot my own existence. But at the end of the day when the world falls asleep and when the night is already tired of its loneliness I remember myself and my own existence. That's the reason I always keep awake and be there to be with myself. The hope, dream, desire to live a life with full of freedom wake up suddenly when I'm with this lonely night. How special the nights I have so far spent in my life.....???

The day is not mine and I work for others but so far no one can still my precious moments and someone has missed something in their life if they miss to see the beauty of the dark, lonely nights which only awaits to meet a new day who is not so welcoming to her.

Everyday in the office I thought of writting this and that in my blog which is alternative diary for me. But could never do that. I just love writting diary since my school days. No one has ever teach me the how beautiful the nights are and its unseen dreams. But whatever I'm today its because of the beautiful nights which I spent with dreams full of star and hope.

What enejoy most in my life is that I'm blessed to witness every stages of the life ranging from the society where the civilsation falls no shadow to a place where civilisation cemented the human feelings and pains. Rememnber those days where I used to sit in the back of the cycle with my father and used to go the most beautiful lake Loktak Lake. Where me and my brother would go for boating and keep talking about the search of diamonds underneath the water. Every sparkling things were diamond for my cousin brother and he was so happy seeing them and use to lift them with a stick. How innocent life I used to live in those days. But I become far from myself since then I'm here and I started pursuing my dream in a land where you dream without hope.

What is the meaning of life when its purpose is just the substitute of toll tax payable with your hard earned life? Life is exciting when you take so many responsibilities and when you dream for a starry dream with your eyes wide open watching and counting the stars which could never in your life. Sometime Life is like aiming to meet this stars shinning to far which you could never meet in life. Dreams and hope only land you somewhere but You never met with the dream you actually see. I could never find an appropiate price I could afford to pay for living so far from my parents who has become so older day by day. Sometime I wake up suddenly in the middle of the night scarring with the thought that I'm staying 10 years away from my parents. How unfortunate I'm to miss every growing age of them and how could I miss something for so long which I could never see again.

Just waiting eagerly for October to come. I wanted mom and dad to be here with me at least for a month. For so long I'm missing their love and care. Life become really deserted when I could give no time to them. I wanted to live life again with all those nostalgic feelings in home.

Am I just dreaming of another hopeless dream?

Some lesson!!!

2010-07-20T12:21:00.000-07:00

Has been some days I stop writing in my blog. Quite busy and tired but I'm enjoying every bit of moments passing in my life. Both my brother's admission is done and they have started going to school. Especially I'm happy for the elder one, who has been sitting for so long in home waiting for his admission to be completed. I'm so thankful to my college friends who are so helpful to me.

I think i have lived the longest part of my life in this year. There won't be any free seconds which I have not used in this year. There are many dreams which I want to live though its too difficult to keep them upto the expectation....I have never wanted to compromise my life with just a corporate job and wasting those money in the shopping in the market to buy some fancy clothes. What life would be if Im only left with one job in hand and nothing to do?

I hate sitting idle and empty minded..that's one reason of people making crazy with other's life. I lived different life in a day. I don't have a boring and frustated corporate worker whole day and throw my tantrums when I'm back at home. My day starts at 6:30 am in the morning. Sometime my youngest brother would knock at the door as it is the time for me to prepare their breakfast and lunch before I leave for office. Once I'm done with the morning household work I had to rush for office cab where I met my colleague whom i shared all the woes and pain we faced in the office. But I always maintain a pin drop silence in the work place because once you open your mouth you are in trouble in a corporate environment. That's what I learnt and you can never be so friendly and also work smoothly in my office. Not so good politics and some demotvating environmnet. But for me it is not a big problem as know I'm good these days with the art of ignorence.

One thing I would realy miss is my evening LLB class in Law Faculty. My classmates are very supportive and here I get the most energetic guys who are ready to faced everything in life. Most of us are office goers but we all are very active group fortunately except some uncles who came to ease out their frustation in class. I'm so happy all my friends passed the exams with good marks despite of all the challenges. Yeah, my LLB 3rd semister is going to start from tomorrow and we are going to treat each other with the suger flavor tea in the canteen.

The most important thing I have learnt from my Dad and all the hard time I had gone through this time is that everything is manageabel in life if you wish to do something in life from your heart. My father did not own a high degree certificate but he is most educated person I met in my life. No one has ever teached me so much about life like my mom and dad ever teach me though I live so far from them. From last year I have been too occupied with so many things but I always tried at my best level to cope up with everything. I took over the responsibility to look after two kid brothers while I was already so burdened with my office and study. But everything is just going on and on and things are happening in the right direction. So I'm simply happy.

Hmm, for writing I'm not able to write much in my blog but I keep writing in my mail or paper whenever I get little time. Writing is one of the best way to ease out stress for me. Oh! I seem to miss something. Yeah, the role I used to play for the social issues. Now I seem to give up while so many Page 3 activist coming up and I'm quite tired and shattered seeing all of them lined up on every social networking site.Well these days I no longer feel angry and don't want to have any argument.

Lately, though its really good for myself , that I never feel like arguing or replying to anyone. Yeah I realised that there can be no argument between sense and nonsense. Argument can be between only sense and sense that has been lost from the people I lived around. So better I shut my eyes and dream. Thats what I do these days.

Regarding my career too things are changing and now i'm in the track which I always wish to pursue. I have only few things to complete. So I'm planning for a visit to Bombay in first week of next month and have some good time with my friends/colleagues and with my bro.

The night is too late but I just don't want waste this beautiful night by just sleeping and dreaming so leaving this notes as a gift to this beautiful day which gave me so much in my life. There is nothing I have not got from this 24 hour duration. So much of love & care from my brothers, my parents, colleagues, friends and myself. Now I have to go to sleep for another 6 hours to gather some energy so that I can face the new challenges of a new day which is eagerly waiting to meet me soon.

Hope......

2010-07-13T09:50:00.000-07:00

Let's rock the faith
Let's break the chain of sadness
Let's unwind the failing time
Let's walk through the turbulent wave

Time is less
Time is less
Time is less

My dear
Lets make love again with our life
before it engulfs by hatred
As you know

the faith can no longer be trusted
the god can no longer be blamed
The love can no longer be virgin
Sad
Sad
Sad

But let's not break our heart
The day is just passing off
leaving behind us with only questions
Lets wake up and shout soon
Lets open our heart and feel
the lost scent of the soil

Isn't it the time
Isn't it that hour of need
bridging between you and me

Time is less
Time is less
Time is less

Lets make love again with our life
before it engulfs by hatred

* just encouraging myself to overcome the hatred born inside because of all the cercumstances surrounding us.

Fruits of your taste!!!

2010-07-11T10:09:00.000-07:00

Some has more curves
Some looks fair and attractive
Some own hips like the Brazilians
Yeah welcome to the market of fruits
You have the choice to hold and weight
You can just lift and taste its juices
How far the fruits can cry of your misdeeds
Welcome to the market of fruits
Some are like your favorite apple
Some looks like your juicy orange
You have the option in front of you
It’s like the market of fruit
Apple, orange, grapes,
Choose the one of your own
Till the time market is shut for you
She has a better curve
She own a reddish cheek like that of apple
Doesn’t she taste juicy like those of orange?
Oh! That’s your saddest moment
Though she doesn’t own hips like the Brazilian!!!

Rain & Me!!

2010-07-07T11:37:00.000-07:00

Tomorrow may not be ours
Yesterday was for them
You own none
I own none

But
We belong to this moment
Lets not miss it
Lets not waste it
Lets enjoy
with the every falling drops of rain...

Like the rain annoyed with the desert
You may not annoy with me
Like the moon dump the nongoubi bird
You can't just walk away
Depriving me of your smile

Don't I owe the love in your heart
Don't I deserve for your first kiss
Don't I feel the first touch from your eyes
Don't I get hurt if you dump me so tonight?

Come again
Hold me tightly towards you
To heal the pain within me

Tonight
We would just walk and search
in a darkest rain forest
For a virgin love
which we can own together.

*nongoubi bird- an imaginary bird which awaits whole life for the moon to come out & shine in the sky. Believe to be most poetic bird which every poet of Manipur origin used to express their anxious feelings of long wait for someone they love...

Rain comes down!!

2010-07-05T08:28:00.000-07:00

Rain comes down a decade ago
Rain comes down a year ago
Rain comes down in a gone sad day too
Though it tried only to wash way his memory
Left me alone with his sin of love
Though I compliant not
For his silent departure from an unworthy dream
Though I do not question him tonite
I just smile
Teasing, his eroding footsteps in the sand
While the rare raindrops of July moist my lips today
Suddenly I felt your existence around me
Oh! Isn’t the beginning of a new dream?

Rain talks!!

2010-07-04T12:48:00.000-07:00

Delhi is showering with rain and pleasant breeze since yesterday. Yeah I am no more blaming the Delhi weather now. In fact I'm falling in love with this weather. I keep sitting til late night and keep walking in my balcony facing to the park till I felt that I'm drop death tired.

I dont know about tomorrow and I dont want to think also. I'm enjoying this moment all alone and its my patented time, no can claim. Tomorrow may be hell or heaven, that's not in my hand. But now I felt that I'm in heaven with this pleasant breeze refreshing my mind but not the wound which he has caused to me. Let this rare raindrops of July wash your memory forever and heal the wound inside me. Though I no longer remember you, sometime back in my mind, I try to come back to those path which I walked upon with you. But its no worth now. I have moved on, thats what I'm sure of and I'm happy unlike before.

Hope, as my friend said let it be the rain which came to wash your past or someone else so that you wake up tomorrow morning with a beautiful day. For so long I have tried to be live alone and isolated from everyone. Of course, I'm not in depression but I want to know myself more and wanna asked and asnwer what I want at this crucial moment in my life. Many things are lying ahead of me now. Regarding my family responsibility, career and an undecided relation. I rather seek a friend who can be my best companion for lifetime rather than romancing a stranger all over again. Yet I'm so confused from last few months. Seems this time too it will be left undecided only. But that will also be good for me. I will be lost again in myself.

But I tried not to take tension but change the way I look into a situation in everything I face in life. Regarding family, everything is in terms of what i want. But except that my neighbors insanity troubles my parents everyday and left them in tears sometime. And me waking up whole night thinking on what could be done with them? But I can not find a medicine for those people who are born as unchangeable bastard. But I just have to take precaution and have to change my parents thinking so that they are no longer affected with their tantrums.

Well, its already too late. Only 7 hours left for me to get ready for office. I hate to waste such beautiful time by just sleeping and dreaming something not realistic. This time is more beautiful than any other dream.

Things you can't buy for Me!!

2010-06-23T02:22:00.000-07:00

As usual when I'm upset or bit drunk (now I left this habit :-@ ), I used to call you or sms you. I know sometime you hate me and become intolerable because of only one question and one person I always asked to you. Here, I'm talking about a friend cum brother of me who always stood for me but I no longer stand for him because of many reasons...

I know how I'm fortunate to have so many people to love me, yet I'm being so demanding and aggressive all the time. I hope so. Well, I'm also missing you brother and wish we can talk all those bullshits which we can never share with others...like you teaching me how I should treat my own life and many other things about life ...
Well, you do everything for me, buy my favorite earrings when you come back from office tour but there was one thing you said you can't buy for meh!! That's something impossible I fall for all the time. That's about something entrenched deep inside me but you hate to talk about. Now you might be thinking that why I forgot all those misdeeds and how come i'm being so friendly. But nothing is changed to meh. Why I 'm doing is to show that I have no space for him anymore and I have moved on from everything...I'm strong enough to stand alone...

I'm living a new life with new dreams & hope which is so beautiful, dreamy, refreshing...not gloomy at all...I no longer wish to drink like i did last year and belive me I don't cry at all...so you are not receiving those emotional sms from me....In fact I have started looking life from a different angle now..I'm now not pulling after something which is not going to happen in my life...I'm sure about the good things gonna come in my ways and yeah I'm working hard in every perspective of life to shine just the you want me to see...like you said I don't feel angry anymore with anybody or anything...Yes, nothing is so important and so valuable than giving value to yourself..thats what I learnt from you..I'm just too busy with my life and pursuing all those things which I wanted to do in life....thank you so much for all those tips you have given me to give best output in my professional life...you know I'm just happy to have you around always...take care...I'm sorry for my blunt words when you called last time....i know I should not speak to you in that way..but I'm angry with you because of so many things..that you know obviously...but please don't scold me OK..we can talk about the simple things which won't make us hate each other....!!

Buying some peace!!!!

2010-06-18T13:02:00.000-07:00

Wanna go to sleep now but could not close my eyes....have so many things to do tomorrow. Have to wake up in the early morning and final visit to school for brother's admission. I had a great evening today helping my yougest brother to do his project work for summer vaccation.. I had to go through history, geography and all those kiddy stories to complete his project. Moreover I had time to interact with them. For so long I could not even talk to them for a hour because of office, my class and my habit of being lost in my own dream. I felt from a long time I have lost my mental peace because of many things. To gain something I have to loss something...I'm buying some peace this time...

Paying toll tax???

2010-06-17T01:49:00.000-07:00

Living life in a metro is like paying toll tax in every step you take. Sometime I don't know how my days started and ended. It becomes same everyday while running here and there and trying to cope up with so many things in your head. I'm rather become a walking talking robot from so many days. I just talked and walked so fast in order to complete everything in a given time.

Finally I'm at peace as my brother's registration for admission is done. Running for school admission in Delhi is like a pain in the ass...neither you can sit nor can you sleep..so restless from so many days. Above all these I got so frustrated seeing my brother's class X mark sheet and started breaking out all my frustration when every school turn down for registration. System has been made so stagnant that you are not given a chance to enter the school and talk to concerned person. Every school I got only one answer that's we don't take student from outside states and seeing our face is another backdrop as they still suffer from the syndrome that NE people come with quota and the cant read and write.

Should I thank myself for my presence of mind this time? In the right time I wrote letter to Education (S) office and requested him to forward the request to the school. Thank God!! He listens unlike others and finally the school principal accepted and let us registered for admission. Not again please, I'm too tired with all this bhagam bhagg.....I need a big break and planning to spend some good time in a hilly state with my friends in Delhi and buy some peace and silence..that’s the need of the hour for me now. I really don't know how I'm executing the things and I'm really going mad through out the year while coping up so many things..but now I know what should I prioritize now...one of the best habit I have own now is shortening my phone conversation....I can no longer speak to phone more than 10 minutes these days..I got so bored talking to the phone or else feel so sleepy....so most of the time I shorten the talk...sorry to my friends whom I used to talk for hours and hours.... Hmm have I learnt some diplomacy finally from my near and dear ones? Let’s see for how long I can maintain this...

The Rich God & his patented LADDU!!

2010-06-10T02:43:00.000-07:00

Humans are one of the most amazing creature I'm witnessing. I'm no longer surprise with the monuments, no longer enjoying the animal circus show and in fact I enjoy the game going around the globe played and participated by humans only.

Humans make God, they teach how to pray and then they force people how to follow on that blah blah. When I was at home every morning and evening I followed the routine prayer in Lainingthou and Leimarembi and not even a single day I felt that God/goddess and all those prayers are hypocracy. But from a long time I don't even wish to bow my head in front an idol in the big temples in the crowded Delhi which is owned by obssessed followers. In Delhi there is no place to sleep by the beggers and half of the citizen in Delhi spend their life in the footpath but every gali has a temple for the rich to wash their sin.

How I come up with this post is after reading the post in Spicy IP dismissing the PIL filed against patenting "Tirupati laddu" in favour of the commitee who looks after the Tirupati temple. What makes me funny is about all these game of making God, temple, Laddu and then protection of luddu ultimately. Good, we are too advanced now, God also get patent certificate in the coming age and the owner will be donned with monopoly right to earn profits for a given period of time . The most surprising thing which stops me from entering temple is for asking money for praying to the God. I stop entering temples since then we were asked to book ticket and gave 200 bucks per person in the Kamakhya Mandir in Assam. All my friends went in to pray, believing that its a golden opportunity to visit inside the temple by giving 150 bucks after bargaining in the Kamakhya temple but I come back home after abandoning my believe in God and its followers.

What I witness in Delhi is different types of "Homo sapiens". One travel in the luxiourous car, lived in the huge banglow, another group travel in the local commuters and live in a small flat and still managing to take part in the social norms. The last category don't look like human from anywhere. Only thing left is that they have physical similarity in lookwise. They have such a poor state of life, seeing them dogs must be laughing at them. The people here also treat them like dogs and cows only, in fact dogs and cows are more sympathise than those people in footpath.

Seeing the colourful page of Times of India make me felt every morning that Oh! India is such a rich country and full of enjoyment everywhere. And all those big talks of politicians and donations to the poor 3rd world countries like Burma. But at the moment I also remember my poor state made up of probelms with no solutions for so long. The half naked women and men sticking to each other just like lazy spiders to get the trademark of high class society in the page 3 photographs really make me felt pity for them. They won't give a damn of one human leaking their shoes to feed the hunger stomach but you can find them kissing their pocket dogs and cleaning the dog's shit in the TV and reality show.

OMG!! reality show are aweful!! India's real asset is Rakhi Sawant and the V-grade bollywood heroines. V stands for vulgarity. Every TV chennel own at least one V-grad heroin to sell more TRP. News chennel are more pathetic than reality shows. They repeat the same show if you wish to follow some news. Everyday I checked every news chennel to see if they forecast some news of economic blocked which led to the force fasting of 30 lakhs people in Manipur. But everyday I'm disappointed but still keep checking the news. How much our Home Minister Chidambaram worried about the attack to Sri Sri Ravi Shanker. He gave a live speech regarding the issue and on the spot gave his opinion.

Just keep thinking though it is impossible. Why don't we also hired Rakhi Sawant and do a protest to lift the blocked. I hope for sure the centre will come to a solution with Muviah and end the story. Seeing the present situation what I remember everyday is the story of two cats and one monkey which we study in the primary school. Here the Centre govt. taking the role of Monkey and of course Muviah as a cunning cat who falls into the trap of monkey and other cat who is just weeping without having any defence while his stomach is empty. Ultimately moral of the storey was that monkey was just playing with them and eating thier share of food (roti) taking advantage of their foolishness.

Muviah want to plant a naga inhibited area in the mid of three states and consequences are no longer in the vulnarable state. Centre knows how to handle just cunning cat who can't come out with anything positive so playing the role of monkey while Ibobi is too defenceless this time. He once pop up with one statement of protesting against Muviah's visit to somdal then and now he is lost from the scene. But he is a working hero (m using in sarcastic tone), everybody can see him checking out the developing stage of buildingvof NIT and checking out there. That shows he can never compromise his "thika work". If he stops from where the money will come into his banck account? Thats a bigger concern for him than the rest of the issue.

God, save my home from Monkey & cunning Cat.

Reading!!!

2010-06-04T02:46:00.000-07:00

I hate reading but loves writting random thoughts. These days I'm reading one of the most boring books so that I can have a sound sleep. When I was a kid I used to get Maths book with me in the bed and damn good sleep I used to enjoy!!!

Deprived of sleep from few nights because of filthy issues of others. Problem with me is that I can't keep a double standard secret. Sometime I could not believe my eyes and I become numb seeing the big alphabets written in my email box/phone. After thinking for two days I thought arre bahut hogaya natak abhi..sorde..let them live thier own life and be wise from next time. Then I make a smile and I keep walking in my balcony with a big cup of coffee. What I want to do now is live my own life and draw some lines around me called as distance and discretion from people around me whoever they are and how close they are to me.

There are some relations which no one can replace in one's life but I can't expect them to understand what I felt for those people who's space to me can't be substituted how bad or good they are to others. But looking back to some years back, I realised some people intentionally/unintentionally ruin some invaluable relations in life without bothering to undersatand the void it has created to me. Sad but not regretted. Life is always a journey for me and they are not my destination. You keep meeting people and leaving people and they are the one whom I left finally and close the door in my life howsoever important we were to each other.

Some people are not selfish, not money minded, not bad at heart but self obssessed and too passionate about their desire in life. That become a reason for them to intrude in some relations and break them into pieces while they tried to form a new relation with the same person. A son's space can't be replace to a mother however his wife may claim she is the most closest person to his life. Similarly some poeple have those relations with me. Niether they are my BF nor we are enjoying flirting with each other. But some simple bonding which we could never avoid of since then we all met in some unknown world but broke into invisble pieces with time remaining nothing now. I also accpet the truth that nothing is there to bring us together. They are too lost now and not in my hand.

I miss my independent life without any boundry with full of madness few years back. But my fault lies in not able to keep a distance and discretion of my personal relations and let the people enjoy the previledges and later on dump everything on my head. Suddenly these relations wither and erode, remain nothing at my end now. In fact i uprooted myself from where I belong to, for people who owe me just for their purpose in life.

Let it be. That's all I can sing and let this time pass silently from me. With time everything will be wrapped up and I know now whom should I avoid to save myself in future. Life keeps on moving and I wish with time they also move away from me without me telling to move away as I could no longer have any respect for them now. In fact I'm tired of them and I want them to see life beyond themself and if I keep on nurturing on what they want it's bad for them too....

My best wishes are always there but please don't expect me again that I'm ready to ruin any kind of relations in future because of anyone...finally I learnt it..I know what I did was no worth...when people around you are myopic.
I'll be back soon on my track to persue what I felt to do without any terms & conditions......

Fed UP!!!

2010-06-02T04:51:00.000-07:00

I don't want to write anything today BUT I'm too much fed up with everything & everybody around. I think my day was begun in a good note then why I'm banging my own head to other's issue. Sometime writting is the best way to ease out my stress. Not necessarily it has to be a poem, story but any bullshit or crap in my blog FOR myself.. I'm doing that only.
Well, sometime I feel I don't learn easily from the mistakes and Jatkas* , life has given me so often rather I land to the same trouble and end up with a feeling oh! I'm so stupid feeling why do I mind so much in other's personnel bussiness while I don't even have time to breath for myself.

What do you usaully do to keep trust with a person? Do something look alike "you are cleasing shit of that person and at the end you are left only with shits and sitting over it while they dance on your head.

Well, I have to sit back and tight my belt now. That's the only way I can solve all the problem in my way now. I need a way to escape from all. Just trying to divert my mind to something else like should I go for shooting and swimming in Manesher or should I head to Golden Temple this weekend with my brothers or should I stay in Delhi and watch Rajneeti eating some tasteless popcorn. I might get something out of that..Hmm quite confused..

Something unrelated here again acheing my head.

"waiting for something is what I hate most and I meant it". True, I still remember this words though it is too simple and I hope if he happens to visit my blog he will also remember I'm talking about him only. A qoute of his email I have recieved 9 years back when I run away silently to Delhi and let him wait for 3 hours in the meeting place without informing.

Yes, from the last two weeks I'm waiting for XYZ result of my work but I' ve become so impatient now.

Counter Blocked-A fool's Evil Thought!!!

2010-05-26T03:44:00.000-07:00

Sad! Sad!! SAD!!!!

Seems like people in Manipur & Nagaland gone insane and finally fall into the Centre's preplanned trap. What can we expect from people who are living without the basic necessities of surviving? People are killing by the artificial famine caused by the blocked in the NH-53 & 39, only lifeline for the people of Manipur. While some food, drugs and oil land to the valley in Imphal by Air lifting or you can say because of the sympathy of India Govt.

Then here comes the mastermind UCM launching counter blocked to the people in hill area. And our Meira paibi's always using as an instrument by such organisation and using them to restrict people from dispatching goods to Hill region. Our Meira Paibi Ema's need to wake up now...for how long they will let other's to used them as an instrument to execute their Evil workshop...Just like your sons & daughter they also have a stomach to feel hungry...

People in hill region are living without the basic needs of surviving throughout the years. Can anybody thought of how they must be living now? The idea of counter blocked is truly a counter product of a fool's evil mind. If one Muviah is launching agitation for his red carpet visit to his home town, it dos not mean that we should also react in the same manner. they won't be even knowing who is Muviah then why should they bear the consequences of the damage caused by Muviah and his supporters in Manipur.

Seeing the tv chennel's breaking new made me more agitated. Everything is breaking news for India news channel and none of the channel is ready to highlight the plight of lakhs of people in Manipur who are starving from the last 50 days. Politicians are giving big talks everywhere and Muviah still adhere to his stand to visit his home town. Neither Muviah nor politicians care about the people are suffering.

For how long we are going to suffer like this. Why don't centre, Manipur govt. and Nagaland Govt.
Isn't it come to a day people should stand in one side and dose off such leaders amidst us from the world using and playing with our blood and tears?

Idolising the FALSE HERO!!

2010-05-20T03:01:00.000-07:00

Who is called as a HERO?
Some who care for you,
someone who can face the enemy and
save your LIFE?

Who is Muviah? A Naga HERO or a GOD MAN. When I was a kid I read about NSCN (IM) and their powerful comarades who is waging war against India's step mother treatment. I used to admire the gutsy guys from the hill of my state who stand up for those who lives in plight and shadowed by the urban lives. I never thought someday he will be responsible for thrashing the lives of Manipuris? Where has Muviah thrown his revolutionary stand? Is he a false HERO now who is blind folded and sent back to his native place to torture them where he used to stay for the love of his people. Is his real motive to spend his life as a leader of Naga tribe is to revenge agains the attrocities met out by the dominating Meitie communities? If this is the only reason why he has to waste those valuable 50 years to settle the problems with a community living with him in the same satte. How come his revolutionary thoughts are suddenly rap around the ideology of "hate Meities" propaganda only.

I absolutely concerned with the emotions and sentiments of the Naga communities living in Manipur and they should not become a victim of whatever damage Muvaih has cause to the state. The naga brothers and sisers should wake up before it is too late and stop those leaders who are using them as a human shied for his political game. Question is how many naga people freely follow the ideology of Muviah and his dream to form a state called as "Nagalim". Should not it better to call "Muviah-lim" instead of calling "Nagalim".

The statement by NSCN fraction of Khaplanf flashed out claerly that Muviah is a FALSE HERO idiolised few groups of people and not by all. I have some few good friends from Kamjong village of Ukhrul which is known as a NSCN (IM) colonised district in Manipur. Our conversation sometime come to this point. Sometime I asked him do you really wish to be part of Nagaland and are the people willing to Muviah's movement. He said nothing is good for people where a terrorist group rule. Never wish to be part of Nagaland or Nagalim as well as we are so much in a pityful condition because of Manipur Govt.'s ignorence.

It should be accepted by the people and govt of Manipur that the tribal community living in the hilly region are ignored from the years and its our duty to rectify the mistake before it is too late. Before it become a fusion chain reaction and meitie become a target to be balmed all the time. But this will also be worth to note that how much our politiacians both meitie and tribal visit thier constituency after winning the election? They lived a king-sized life in the heart of imphal with all the comforts and let the people die against their will to die out of pitiness.

On the contrary NSCN (IM) anti-meitie statement comment was something to be ignored with a big laugh. Who has really done the atrocities to the people of Manipur by NSCN (IM) is something to be recorded with red mark. The terrorist group using the national highways as a tool to torture the people of Manipur from so many years should not be ignored easily. It's become routine that the student union and the terrorist group joining their hands to block the highway against the law and humanity. In which ground they are saying that there is atrocities are made to Nagas. And where is the naga inhibited area in the whole area? Is there any place in the world which is inhibited by one community only? If it so then it is man -made after the paralyzing the lives of people and deserting them from their home. Is the leader following the footsteps of Hitler who lived in the forgotten centaury and seems to be highly inspired from him, who has committed the crime of genocide of jew people centaury back.

If analyze deeply it’s the terrorist group responsible for making NE state a HELL. It includes both Nagaland, Manipur and whole NE states and disturbing the peaceful lives. Aren't they responsible for the genocide of Kuki tribes in Manipur and can this group claim they are justified in doing all that to form their dream land "Nagaland". The sky is empty and free, if they dream so high for making a land inhibited by only one community then it should only be in the sky...not on the mother earth...

People in Manipur are living without food, drug, oil which are necessarily for a person to survive because of Muviah's red carpet drean to visit his home town. How can he claim that he belong to Manipur anymore when he hates the place. He has no right to visit the place which he has left 40 years back and lived a lavished in Bangkok and Amsterdam.....according to the law also...In the process of peace talk the leader seems to be too lost and forget the humanity. If he really loves naga community then why he is acting blind to his own tribes who are dyeing without food in the hills. Should you all this a sacrifice for your revolution???

You are nothing in the eyes of the Manipuris which includes all communities but a mere terrorist who is blind folded by the Centre and send back to his home to torture his own people for his selfish political gain. If you ever stick to your stand for your people then the whole NE poeple would have raised their hands for you and cheer your homecoming.

Midnight Monsoon!!!

2010-05-05T01:28:00.000-07:00

Like
Those millions in solitude
He suddenly peep from the leaves of memory
Buried below my earthen heart
As I lay myself on his trusty arms
When the night falls asleep

Like
Those millions in silence
I left living
Under the parent sun who bade his view
No one takes a note on my departure
When the moon was hiding me from them

Like
Those millions in melancholy
I would sing his love songs every midnight
As those disgrace reapers
Calling her lost love
Far aside in the villages

Like
Those millions in heaven
I bathed with the sweet flower petals
He, with a thoughtless smile
Led me to the forest of aphrodisiac...
While the hands of the spring
Made the woods of April bright….

Like
Those million tribes
Celebrating the agony of love
I lost myself within him
I’m no more like those modest flowers
Wither midst the falling dew of shame
I'm now in my crowning hour

Like
Those million lofty flowers
Flaunting nigh in the virgin air
I’m back to those pathless forests
Searching for him again
Across the moonlight plain
When the midnight monsoon wash all my sins!!

God of Immodesty!!

2010-05-04T01:38:00.000-07:00

I don’t wish to be called as a feminist as I don’t know the deep intention and meaning of a self proclaimed feminist. Why I’m so protective and interested in the subjects related to women would be my personal feeling and not because I want to tag myself with another taboo.

How strong is the God of immodesty? Is it as strong as a volcano which can shake and ruin the world in a second? I’m referring to the comment of a Tehran based Islamic cleric on the immodesty of women being the reason of frequent earthquake.

Well, recent comment of an Iranian cleric on women accusing them responsible for the earthquake has brought up the existence of the God of Immodesty. The TOI news on this issue really enthralled me to read it further and even follow everyday online. This is really miracle news for person like me because some one is claiming for such a forceful power in a woman... I was literally laughing so loudly after reading this news and now I wanted to share about this.

I check the face book campaign call as the “boobquake” by Jennifer Mccreight as reported in TOI. She did a good job. In fact if we should proved that this kind of God man is just good for nothing but terrorizing the world from every angle. On Monday, women from all over world came and show the maximum amount of the cleavage of their breast to nullify his hilarious accusation on women. The cleric blames promiscuous women causing earthquake and factor for losing chastity of a man. Well, well, earthquake did not happen on last week Monday and the sadly the God of immodesty was not as strong as he claimed.

Leaving aside the big world, I wish to come back to my own state and want to map the cheap mentality of some folk of men. Please spare me if I say I can’t digest your thinking. In fact, I can’t do so. I’m not a believer of Mahabharat and Virgin Merry’s story. In Mahabharat, Karna was born to Kunti from her ear and Jesus was born to a virgin woman. Some people read such story and try to apply in real life. Here comes the problem. It has nothing to do with religion but rather with the much question morality and sexuality of women. This is the social set up created by virgin hunter men in the world. Very sadly our own e-pao publishes so many articles dragging into the issues of morality of women. It is not alone the fault of e-pao but for those people who are born as insane and for them there is no medicine to treat the illness.

My question to such moral police is that “who gave you the hell bound right to question a woman for her modesty, character and morality”. Women are not born to become cultural ambassador of a state? Aren’t they human? If you wish to question to other’s then first look at yourself in a mirror. Your face reflection would be enough for you to understand the whole world.

It’s like having no worth work to do in life and just trying to find a space in other’s life so please get a life for you.
Problem with some men folk in our society is that they thought they are bound by divine right to taunt a woman. It may be character, culture, morality, chastity etc. They never thought of existence of such things within them, and perhaps they have abandoned all these from their blood although they want to safeguard in a woman. Women are taught to tolerate and live in a corner from the beginning of this earth and male chauvinists are having fun for so many years celebrating their God given rights & duties. Sadly, every thing has an end and it is now. My article protesting the accusation to NE women hurt the pride of some men and are sending me hate mails. I love hate mails and I’m happy my write up is provocative enough for a person to think and get angry.
Common man, grow up and drink more milk to understand the world. Please don’t teach me with the principle that women can’t climb trees so they are weaker than men. I have destroyed those theories years back from now.

I would like to give a conclusive note to such men that please do mind your own business. We know better how to live our life. It will be shameful if you can really count the no. of NE women who made a successful career here in the metros despite of all the difficulties and critism from all of you and people here for the "chinki effect". Check any MNC and any sector of industry where NE women are not working. You should be proud of it instead of being mean, insecure and just crabbing about their dressing sense and lifestyle. At least they know their responsibility of being a human unlike many lay men in every corners of the locality waiting with their mouths wide open to do bitching.

Women are changed today. Bitching is no more their habit. It’s now the turn of some insecure men folk to do the lip service on morality topic and bitching all the time.

But I say who cares?

Having Fun Idiot!!!

2010-04-30T02:33:00.000-07:00

Not really!
I’m not really having fun but I want to boost my moral by saying to myself that I’m having fun.

I’m bit down today. Just after I enter the flat, I got to know that electric cooker has been burnt down into ashes while my brother lost in his dream world. No light in the night. I keep fighting with the mosquitoes. The smokes from the coil irritate my eyes and block my nose and now I’m having anti-allergy tablet to stop more harm to me. Wanted to study for exam but need to take a break so just tuning to some old good music and walking in my balcony. The moon was so beautiful yesterday night though I could get a glimpse of amidst the branches of the trees only. These days I wanted to spend time with myself. I miss my hobby of walking in the terrace for hours, singing loud and thinking freely. I wish to bring back that habit again as it makes me so free from everything. After helping brother to complete his homework I just took 10 minutes break and open my book. But God is so great he wants me to spend the night fighting with mosquitoes. Neither I sleep nor do I study. What a waste of time. I wanted to write poems. Words started to pop out in my mind but a call from a friend interrupted my thought.

Well, she saved me from being lost in my world.
I’m too excited as we are going to have a get together tomorrow. I landed in this strange place when I was just 18 year old. Now I could not even find myself within me as the process of regenerating another Chaoba were done so vigorously in the last 9 years. I knew no friends here and had no relative. Uncle dropped me in a PG where no NE stayed. He said you will become more smart and adaptable if you stay with people with different culture. I first struggle begun from folding my bed before going to college as I don’t want my roommate to touch my bed. I learnt a lot from my roommate. She was a topper in St. Stephen College in the same subject Chemistry. She helped me in improving my language problem and subject knowledge. She put me into news reading habit every morning before going to college. I like her a lot and still remember her except her one habit, I can’t tolerate. That was she took bath only once in a week and for that I had to fight with her all the time. But we were too good friend. She even came down to meet me after years in my PG.

I left behind those memories of staying with 7 girls from different states speaking different language and different culture. Then I met my old friends now through one of my relatives and then we all seven girls stayed in one flat and it was like a second world war when we started staying together in the same flat. The ego problem hurt each other and we fought a lot with each other. But we all have a feeling that we all are very honest and most importantly we respect each other despite of many differences between us. After a year of staying together, we have decided to stay separately. That was the time we realize each other’s value and started celebrating togetherness. Celebrating birthday in the middle of the night, dancing to the FM songs till the morning, sharing the story of first crush, and then going for date in the summer vacation in home. That feeling never dies today also. Also, we never missed the flower festival in DU campus. Some people are really irritated with our childish photoshots, loosing amidst the flowers every year. One surprising morning we found our photos clicked by a photographer in the flower festival in the Hindustan times and at that moment we thought we are celebrity….hahah.
Lemis got married this year January. She is the first one who gets married among our gang in Delhi. But we could not fulfill our college time promise to attend in each other’s marriage. It’s very true that promises are made to break only. We planned a lot that we will wear this and that but life has different plan so we couldn’t fulfill our dream. We couldn’t even meet up after her marriage. Yesterday, she suddenly called me up for a get together tomorrow in Lanlei’s place. I got so excited of meeting all of them tomorrow. It would be so nice and I know we won’t be getting enough time for each other’s to update the entire story especially Linda, me and Lanlei.

Jingoism in religion!!

2010-04-29T03:41:00.000-07:00

Just got a mail from a colleague enclosing some clippings of MF Hussain Painting elaborately describing step by step...
But the mail provoked me enough to write this post.
In the painting, comparison was drawn by some jingoist as Draupadi was in naked pics and the Prophet's daughter in full cloths..so as the some hindu God in the compromising position but Mother Teressa in Full clothe etc...
The mail ask the people who follow hindu religion to judge themselves as coward for not able to protect their religion.
Religion is a crap and a medium to abuse human and any living organism on the earth. I'm a believer of God, an unseen divine but not a believer of religion.
Common people!! You spent 30 years of your life in getting so many certificates then become who and who of the country and the world but you take a U-turn and started delivering craps based on the religion.

Who has seen God?
That's exactly I want to ask the prophets, clerics, the priest, the God man and the pope.
Who had seen a God in what form? Which God left an image or a 4x60 photo for to this world? Did they say that she wore a Shari/Phanek mayek naiba or drive a tiger or lion. Why being so offenssive about seeing a paint of the God/Goddess in the naked form? Why taking being so defenssive about it? Are we human really a virgin perl from the sea...if the body of a human is a epitome of immodesty then why aren't they burning them off.
The story of Mahabharat narrates the story of Draupadi being sold in the gambling by her husbands then what is the difference of being shown in naked in MF Hussain's painting and his imaginations.
Hussain seems to be understanding rather than we are, about the pain & agony of a women being sold by husbands and the God/Goddess suffering from his believers.
Why are we judging an artist based on his religion.
This is all about the crap created by religious self proclaimed people.

Such mentality shows that India a big country with so many uneducated but literate poeple. They study to get a degree but they are still stick to the old outdated/regressive practices.

Grow up when the time is not too late, time waits for no one!!

Untitled

2010-04-26T04:02:00.000-07:00

Dreams are no longer deem and sad
Birds cherishing
Only the rhythm of my childhood songs
Ah! The soft touch of the grasses on my feet
The naughty gusts of wind playing with my hair
I’m like those flowers in the breeze
That heavenly feeling of freedom…

On the starry nights of April
Resting my head on the lap of my mother
I Share my starry dreams
to the moon,
to the stars
Every night was so enthralled
Looking for the moon & stars
Dancing in the tune of my love songs

No melancholy nights ever wake me up
No dreams scare me for another lost
No sad songs ever echoed into my life…

Today,
I no longer wish
another melancholy night
another nocturnal dream
of you visiting me
Without bothering my existence…

A request!!

2010-04-26T03:43:00.000-07:00

To all those who visited my blog (those who are not a follower of this blog) please do not drop me comments in another langauge. Mostly, I'm getting comments written in chinease langaue and it's very upsetting that some poeple are sending obscene comments in my blog. If you want to deliver your dirty mind that this is not the suitable page. This page is for myself and contents are limited to my opinion only.

If you want to differ from what I have written then please drop a reasonable argument related to the topic but not some shits. This kind of act just show the pathetic mindset of the people, uncivilised nature and lack of maturity.I'm not affected by such comments.
Mind that I'm not afraid of such threats, I will continue to express my opinion on my page regardless of some of you trying to stop me.
There is no point trying to waste my time. Let me enjoy my freedom of speech and expression as far as it doesn't hurt to the sentiments of anyone...I really know where to draw the limits...
So, no need of sending comments unrelated to the post in the blog..

IPL more important than BPL?????

2010-04-23T02:04:00.000-07:00

Well said and agree that Cricket is religion for India. But it now no longer the sport but CRICK-CAT. When the half of the Indian die devoid of food and minimum cloth to cover from the hitting ray of the sun..India Govt. is trying hard to solve the game of gambling in the highly protected AC rooms.

Like any other religion cricket in India has become abusive and exploitive. The B-grade bollywood heroines who are unsuccessful in their stardom and businessman came down together to launch another religion called as IPL. Sick of it enough. Cricket is no longer a sport to enjoy. But it is more about money, luxury, women and gambling...
I had no problem the cheer leaders jumping & dancing with the half cover clothes unable to cover even the private part in the big stadium, infront of lakhs of spectators but the way they have been portray reminds me of those girls who were hired to dance in "mujra" in front of the kings and his ancestors in the old times, though I witnessed such custom only from the hindi movies. The radio jockey has already bang my ear with announcement like "more music more cricket". I wish to eat some sleeping pill and sleep to tolerate my cab mates and their aggressive talks on cricket in every 3 hours of office journey.

Well, that's my problem of hating something which looses the root and origin while being meaningless of such amendments. That's what cricket is which has no link to sport now. It has link to politics, gambling, women till the filmistan extending up to the ramp, mingling with the models. I wish the govt and the financers give 2% interest to the rest of the sports. It’s so shameful that India can't even enter the world cup. While the other players who pursue other sports end up their career in the police force, naval force and terminate their career unable to show their talent.

Referring to my own state Manipur, sport is just a break free game for us. There won't be a single boy in a family who doesn't know about football or any kind of game. But we live amidst the guns and grenades devoid of proper diet, clothes and facility and can't grow up to the international level. Seeing the cricketers walking on the ramp and advertising as a brand ambassador agitated more.

Above all the loopholes, I'm very proud of the sport persons from Manipur and NE states. Despite of all the difficulties they face including politics and ignorance by the people here they still shine and show their talent to the world....

This is just a hope, remnant with us for looking ahead in the small state like Manipur where the price of the rice is higher than the price of the bullets...

Disclaimer: This is a specific opinion owe to me...

Derogatory opinions against Women in article in e-pao.net!!!

2010-04-21T01:44:00.000-07:00

Dear E-pao,

This is regarding some of the articles published in e-pao which is intentionally directed to defame the women folk from Manipur & NE, without any scrutiny from the e-pao team.

Well said that e-pao is a public platform and it's the only e-paper from Manipur. It needs to keep up to the expectations of the readers. But the question is - do we have to publish everything regardless of whether it is offensive, derogatory and insulting to a certain section of the society? Since it is called a public platform isn't it our responsibility to check the consequences of such articles?
I would like to know that e-pao team really felt that articles which drags into the issue of live-in relationship, NE girls having an African boyfriend/ non-manipuri boyfriend then ultimately questioning to the morality of women is worth sharing to the readers? Can we dissect some of these articles and think what is the pupose of such articles in terms of knowledge gained?

What is exactly such writer wants to portray the women from NE and Manipur?

From the articles of some of our own famous writers such as Mohen Naorem, Ranjan Yumnam, Deke Tourangba, Mr. Robin, Mr. Gautam and Deepak Yumkhaibam, what I can grasp is that they are trying to map an image of Manipuri & NE women as devoid of any sense of morality. Strangely the question of morality as always is pointed only to women. If such an idea as morality do exist (which many right thinking men and women would find offensive) why is it only a women's prerogative to uphold?

E-pao sends a standard reply to all the contributors stating that the article/ poem/ write up/ contributed will be checked for appropriateness. Is this just a lip-service? Why the pretense of checking article/s for appropriateness when clearly it is for all to see that such a thing is quite a far cry!

Let me just dissect just one article among many such put up in your website- An article by Deke ends up justifying the act of rape and harassment to the NE girls in Delhi with a derogatory comment "if such girls are not rape then who else?" implies to the article is that women should be rape if they wear a short skirt or spaghetti.

All over the world it is agreed that rape is about power and it is quite a regressive idea that women are raped for what they wear. It is however not strange that some men may subscribe to this point of view, what is strange is that such ideas get to be webcasted.

Some articles like that of Deepak Yumkhaibam could be used to point at the way people looked at a cognisable offense so lightly. What he did is both harassment and a cognisable offence for which he could be behind bars. E-pao publishing such an article where a person gleefully describes his offense is shocking!!!

As a reader I would request e-pao team to take some ethical responsibility for the people who are reading this website. There are thousand other readers who do not even know about our culture and customs. If e-pao really feels that it does have a responsibility towards the people who reads and contributes to the site it also have some onus of scrutinizing before publishing the articles.

By saying this I'm not trying to devalue the efforts of the e-pao team. I really appreciate all the efforts by the e-pao team. Thank You.

http://e-pao.net/epSubPageExtractor.asp?src=features.Spotlight_On_Women.Derogatory_opinions_on_women_in_epao_article

Belong!!

2010-04-20T04:32:00.000-07:00

Melancholy nights never leave me alone
Burning me alive in its moonlit
As I tried to wipe off your footprints
On the canvas on my memory…
Wish I can reverse the time to belong to you again..

Hey Patients! Be patient with doctors, or else!!!

2010-04-16T02:43:00.000-07:00

"The enjoyment of the highest attainable standard of health is one the fundamental rights of every human being without the distinction of race, religion, political belief, economic or social condition"- WHO Constitution

Deplorable Mayang Imphal Hospital

Photo Courtesy: Chaoba Phuritshabam, April, 2008

Recent medical scandal involving Dr. Chourjit reminds me of my personnel experience of dealing with the doctors in Manipur. What is in the attitude of the doctors in Manipur is need to be analyzed & rectify to stop further such incidents of death of the patients in the hospitals due to doctor’s negligence.

Should we ask the patients to be patient with their doctors so that doctors attend them in the hospital? If you are from far flung village and you have no X, Y, Z relatives then your life has no value to our doctors. Even consulting a doctor to cure your inflicted body is again a struggle if you don’t possess any branded personality. Villages are deprived of hospitals and even if there is hospital there is no doctor. If there is hospital there are no equipments to cure a disease. Sometime there is no more trace of hospital building.

Whose fault is this anyway?

Photo Courtesy: Chaoba Phuritshabam, April, 2008

Is it only the fault of the politicians or the doctors or all of us?

Politicians directly deposit money to upgrade the govt. hospitals in their pockets and doctors are having a good time earning huge bucks in their private clinic in addition to govt. salary. What is the difference between a contractor (thikadar) and a doctor in Manipur?

There is no difference with respect to the fraud, cheat and being a responsible figure who are consuming the public funds to build their own building. They charge fees ranging from Rs. 200 to 500 in their private clinic. Their daily income is not less than 10 to 20 thousand. No doctors are available in the govt. hospitals if you wish to consult them but only in the private clinic in their home and the private hospitals. Why are they holding a govt. post and occupy the post if they wish to earn from the private clinic? In the city like Delhi, doctors who are working in the govt. clinic are not allowed to collaborate with the private hospitals and open their own clinic. Why is our state govt. not implementing such policy in the state to correct such money minded doctors who are blocking the way of upcoming junior doctors too? Also the trend of referring a patient admitted in the govt. hospital to the private clinic to earn more bucks is not new in Manipur.

But who cares and who have ever put up a complaint against such doctors? Here comes the failure of public being so fair and promoting the malpractice of their duty. Why are the public not using the platform of media to explore such doctors so that they can at least prevent repeating such act in future? The reason for us landing today in such terrible administrative break down is because of our negligence and lack of public scrutiny too.
How much they want to earn using their skill and profession is their democratic right and we should not give a damn concern about it. But the malpractice of the profession and misusing their power should be stopped by the govt. to improve the degraded health system in Manipur by implementing new policy. Why are parents in Manipur crazy of medical profession as a career option for their children? Let’s ask few of them- is it only the value of profession which attract them to choose a career or is the way of making money by a doctor attract a parent to become their child a doctor? No doubt, there may be genuine cases of someone really wish to serve the people and obey to the Hippocratic Oath they have taken to practice medicine ethically. Our doctors seem to forget their Hippocratic Oath or humanism on the process making money. Let's sing them again the jingle of the Hippocratic oath....!!!

I must apprecaite the media in Manipur that one of such doctor are exploreed in media glare and it will be an alarming warning to other doctors too who think that they are favoring a patient by treating them but not a duty for them. But public also needs to change how they would react to such incidents to prevent any involuntarily lost to other patients who are residing in the same hospital. Following the same incident, one of my friend told me that Langol view clinic was shut down by the protestors. My friend aunt was in the same hospital undergoing an operation on the same fateful day and she had to transfer in another hospital as the hospital has to shut down. We need to learn the handling of an issue in a legal way whatsoever bad or terrible our legal system is. Lodging a compliant against the concern doctor and submitting memorandum to CM etc are legal way of dealing the issue but it is disheartening sometime while such protests harm another helpless patient.

Sometime what surprises me is our perception.We notice only militants with visible instruments as responsible for destroying our society? What about the teachers in the govt. schools who only collects slary from the govt. but never come to teach while sending their kids to the private schools? What about the engineers who are depositing public money to their pockets? And what about the doctors, bureaucrats & politicians? Aren’t they responsible?

I don’t see any difference between the militants and such public figure in the state. One is a legal body who misuse the system by using their authorized power and another is illegal body who threaten to the life of the public by illegal means. But both are the parallel body equally responsible for destroying the system and they act against the survival of public. Millitants take 2-10% of our money or property. Now lets find out how much our politicians, doctors, engineers are deducting from us..20-50 %.

It is the only public who can stop such parallel govt. both legal and illegal from misusing their power. We should show that no one is above the public force whether they are teacher, lecture, doctor or politicians.

They exist because of the public not vice versa!!

Another Lost?

2010-04-03T21:21:00.000-07:00

Fearing another lost of teardrops
My eyes wish to close forever
Shying away from its meaning
My lips no longer wear a smile

Today I buried myself deep inside
Haunting from a past wound
Which could never heal
What I’m left with?
Still afraid of another lost?

Another lost
From an empty hand
Holding
Some meager sands
From your footprints?

Another lost
From a heart
Filled with nothingness

I censored myself today
From every dying spirits of you
Against all odds
To cage myself again
With your whims.....

Monsterous March......

2010-04-03T21:11:00.000-07:00

In a monsterous march a monster came like a merciless hurricane and sway away her life saying that he is lost in her love...there starts his monsterous love story....

What life would look like without having anyone to hurt you? Life become more beautiful while enjoying the pain and suffer....

I never wish to have a life having no one to hurt me and suffering through the pain in a melancholy night ...

The taste of such night where everything seems a question to you without seeking any answer..everything seems an end without any begining.....

I always see the lost of you and a vacuum in heart trying to fill with droplets of tears in such melancholy nights though I found today another meaning without having you besides me to enjoy the taste of a beautiful night filled with pain & hurt....

My heart is no more empty today...It has lots of things to filled with except the love I had for you which I denied to possess anymore...

I'm a proud owner of a heart filled with emptiness, nothingness, hurt, pain and suffer which will never leave me with a vacuum in my life like you left me....

Let the monsterous march revisit...
Let the scorching moonlit burn me every nights,
Let the droplets of tears wet my eyes at its whim
I no longer live unhappily...

Branded Father???

2010-03-31T04:58:00.000-07:00

Heard of branded shirt, jeans, shawl, bed sheet etc. We are crazy about getting cloths from Levis jeans, Lee T-shirts, Addidas shoes, Kashmiri shawl but have anyone heard of the “branded father” and have you owned any?

It seems like a puzzle but it is not something you need to break your head to solve the above question. I was in a chatting mood and have been talking about our first year in the respective colleges and places outside Manipur with my friends. Fortunately, all my friends in Delhi with whom I stayed for 7 years don’t have a “branded father”. So we all get along very well and there was no ego class and luxury show among us. In fact, we all are from different corner of the Manipur though we all are bound with a similar thread of struggling middle class family. We share everything about our parents sacrifice to send us here, financial problems, brothers, sister’s study and all that. Sometime we all laugh together saying that how come we have met here in Delhi though we belong to different place and not even known to each other in Manipur. Now we all are living separately in different places in Delhi & NCR but we stay connected all the time. We still thought we should catch up whenever we have time and we still feel that it is important to wish at the middle of the night with the surprise cake in each other’s birthday though we are too old now to do all these childish act. That’s the bond we have made in all those years of our stay in Delhi with lots of fight, crying and sobbing, especially ME.

I catch up with them last month and we are in mood to pick some people whom we met during college time. I was telling them do you remember their first question when they met us for the first time? Who is your father? What does he do in Manipur? I mean which department and what position? For me, it’s quite new that time to answer such question because what I know about my father is that he is a good father to me and not that whether he is known as a servant or a tycoon in the society. Irrespective of his job I’m always proud of my father and no stupid thought have ever crossed my mind that I wish my father is an AIS officer so that I can feel proud of or Oh shit! I’m feeling so ashamed because he is in such a lower position in his office??? But in some fractions of our society it’s a custom to look down others for the position of his/her father. I won’t generalize all, but we met such fractions here and there tattooing their branded father’s name on their forehead. They will never look into themselves what they are up to but obviously raise their eyebrows saying; Oh you know what my father is a director and my father do this and that. And we called their father as “branded father” like the brand Lee, Levis, Benetton of clothe lines. Once I had just replied to a college friend that how come you are so foolish while your father is so famous and so powerful while she started teasing a friend? I think from that day onwards we haven’t spoken till now. I don’t feel bad but I thought it would caution her from asking the same idiotic question to others and raising her eyebrows. Sadly we live in a society where money, power and fake reputation matters a lot.

We are kind of community where we feel proud of being paid for bribe and having capability to pay bribe. Such attitudes are buried under the skins & skulls of some fractions of people instead of feeling shame and irresponsible. They are responsible for spreading the caste system between the poor, middle and elite class people in Manipur while we are already suffered from the caste system of religion. Let’s take an example. Whose parents are not proud of saying that my son got through into sub inspector job, Commandos, and IRB by paying 10-20 lakhs? Such incapability of people in our society to judge human morality & value begun from people’s craze to own more money, power and one minute fame by paying bucks and using the wrong means. Of course, what all they are racing today is just to have a branded father or to become one in future. No one thinks in the moral ground. In fact, we study moral lessons only in schools without understanding them and we left that after we finish school. That’s the main problem with all of us. That’s the main reason why Manipuris are proud of a “Branded Father”. Thankfully, I didn’t spend my entire childhood in singing moral science in schools as I have escaped from capturing in a missionary schools and following their school of thoughts then furthering the same thoughts in the form of alumni.

This post is dedicated to my long lost friend who is regretted so much after finding out that I don’t own a “Branded Father”. I hope you will enjoy reading it sometime. But of course, I’m happy for you because you are born to a “Branded Father”. And I never miss you for the reason that I don’t owe a friend in you.

Finally the Section 377 struck my mind.

2010-03-30T04:59:00.001-07:00

I was just sitting tired and sipping coffee so that I can at least clearly see the face of the professor teaching in the class. There is no energy left with me to listen and concentrate on something after a long self-digging session in office. It was my first day in family law class. After office I run to attend the class but there was no professor so just passing my time by reading some old sms. Most of my classmates are 40-50 years old. The next man sitting besides me was discussing about the guy/lesbians/bisexuals and section 377. I was trying to convince myself, no argument in the first class. I know it’s a bad habit for me.

But I couldn’t resist anymore. Few words from his big mouth ignite my much provoked mind. He was discussing for a protest against legalization of guy marriage or homosexual marriage and calling them as mentally ill as commented by baba Ramdev. My first question must have shocked him. Why did you marry a woman instead of a man? He answered me what can I marry then?? There starts the argument. We have only three ladies in the whole class as most of ladies opt for the afternoon and morning session. Yes, I’m among the minority in the class. The conversation was quite interesting and I had a nice time arguing with them and later on I was afraid of something. Oh! They must have thought that I’m also seeing a woman and henceforth I’m so much concerned about such issue. They must be thinking that I’m hurt with their words. Oops!! Let it be. Who cares?? That’s what I told myself.

The first gay marriage in Imphal was really a great step taken by them despite of the fact that their family opposed the marriage and separated later on. But why should we care only about how long a marriage last. Even for the marriage among the heterosexuals last less than 24 hrs these days. But the way they were separated was illegal. I don’t know how far Manipur is concerned about the law and its implementation as we are so much bound by norms society. Even after the decriminalization of same sex marriage by the constitution the poor gay couple was separated by filing a case by the parents of the bride. My question goes to the legally bound authority who has accepted the case registered against the married couple. Don’t they have any such updates that such marriages are no more illegal and why should they register a case against those who are willingly agreed to live together? It’s a violation of the sec 14 and 21 of the constitution itself.

We need to change our views on such change in the society. The problem of gay or homosexuals can not be solved by ostracizing them from the society. They existed just like us from the beginning of the human race. Everybody must have watched Mahabharat and it witnessed the existence of the homosexuals from that era. Why should we still have to ignore their existence as a human in our society?

If we keep on protesting against their survival then we are responsible for destroying our own society. I really feel pity for the gay (commonly known as homo in Manipur) having such a terrible life in home. Their emotions are played by some monsters to enjoy their hard earned money. Most of the theatre artist, make-up artist and local designers are run by the gay in Manipur. The Manipuri digital cinema world is survived because of the gay community taking an important role as a backstage artist. We never recognize their inputs in the society but enjoy their show just like they are puppets without a soul. It’s time to accept them to survive in their own without any obstruction from us. If we think deeply they are more responsible citizens of Manipur who are working hard to survive against all the odds and objections from the society instead of picking up gun in hand and involving in extortion & militancy.

Hope our brothers in home can learn some lessons from the gay community for a better and peaceful Manipur.

Talk Non-sense!!

2010-03-15T02:15:00.000-07:00

Eat money, eat bullet and talk non-sense!!!

This is the only sentence suited for the politicians in Manipur. E-pao news source wrote about Govt. buying of bullet proof BMW car with a side window glass having thickness of 22mm, to protect their precious life while the people are tortured to live beneath the gunpoint of Commandos and the militants. Why are they feeling so insecure from their own comrades? What about the rest of the civilians in the state? I hope not the govt. is going to ask the center for financing citizen’s bullet proof house for a safety life?

Never knew Manipur govt. is so rich to afford to buy BMW bullet proof car to protect the politicians when even the salaried govt. employees are under forceful fasting due to irregular pay in the state. The prices of food touch the highest peak in the sky and there is no source even for eating. We will come in a time where we have to kill each other and eat while our politicians and bureaucrats will talk nonsense and travel in safe in BMW car or Limousine Car from next budget, probably.

My brothers are hardly here from the last week of February but I’m thankful to myself that I have taken the wise decision to bring them here despite of all the odds I had to face. Even they are influence by the society they lived where only money talks, fashion talks, war talks occupied their mind. No one talks about the price hike of food, politicians’ corruption and govt. policy. Even my brothers don’t feel that they belong to middle class family and they have to work hard to overcome the hurdle in their way. Talks about phone, laptop, music system and branded clothes. Sometime I got irritated even after knowing the fact that they are still too young to understand. That’s the environment they used to live where even the kids grown up with the money talks only. They feel you are useless if you don’t have enough money to feed them.

Coming back to the point i.e. BMW of Politicians. Isn’t it the high time citizens or the NGO’s or organizations in Manipur asked the politicians from where the money to buy a BMW reached to them while the proposal to upgrade the 6th pay commission was flatly denied in the assembly by the CM? I was excited when the news of 6th pay commission was highlighted in the Sangai Express. I called up my father in the morning and said at least we will be able to save some money even if brothers will be here in Delhi. But my father warned me don’t expect too much. It’s Manipur. Nothing works here. Not even the laws you are studying now have anything to do with Manipur. So don’t ever dream of coming back to Manipur and work here. Neither can you work in your own nor can you find a job here. Because you will have intervention from all angle. Even your neighbor can plant a grenade in your courtyard. It’s not too difficult to kill you for thousand bucks in your hand. People surrounds with so much of insecurity from all sections so they never think of life, death, dignity, ego, moral etc. We just live like a walking talking machine.

Sometime I felt why we live like this? Here, we can’t live a peaceful life due to daily race in the big city and trouble from every passing humane on the earth. If you think you are frustrated enough with the situation here, where will you go? That’s a big question. You have to live under the sky of bullets in home without any source of income, food and security of life and most importantly you are not bound to anything and no one is liable for your life. We have reached to the heights of the non-sense, non-ethical society from all directions now.
Daily news in the e-pao is just for time pass now and it has become monotonous. It always zeroed in politicians bullshits, news on clarification for killing from the militants and blame game of the organizations and the race of the bundh, strike and protest.

Really we are left with only few options, eat money, eat bullet and talk non-sense like our politicians.

To the one in Love!!

2010-03-08T05:40:00.000-08:00

You waste all that to me, love
For which my soul caged her
Forgetting
The green field
Where the birds sing her hearts out
The fountains
where the soft touch of the water
Tamed the ego of those rocky stones
You, Love
You waste all that to me
Stolen the spring in my life, love
Dreams are too bright to last longer
Hopes are too starry to shine ever
My future cry over in its becoming a past
My spirit stood motionless in sad
Over a past hovering the lies
Oh! You waste all that to me, Love
All my days are gone with the nightly dreams
Dreams awake in the starry night to haunt
Where your footsteps gleams
You waste all that to me, Love
Now I dwelt alone
In the world of death
Where my soul is stagnant tide
No stars would become brighter
No moon would shine more radiant
For a starry dream that just blinks and lost
I rest in the dead bed of flowers
No doubt
Pain never comes again to me now
No doubt
You can't shed tears from my eyes agains
For my soul gives me sigh for a sigh today
All day I shine brighter
Under a sky
Where your starry dreams never comes
Oh! You waste all that to me, Love!!

Between two flags!!

2010-02-20T22:21:00.000-08:00

One, three headed

One, a charming chakra

Scramble for me

I, bewildered

I, baffled

Beloved, both

Belonged to both

One, borne

One, nurtured

Frequent, my minds' eye

the flag embellished

with sakok

My thought feebled

at the flags' awaiting

Frequent, my thoughts

the flag embellished

with chakra

My thought feebled

at the flag

I didn't belong to

Mislayed at the warfield

between two flags

I asked all

Who do I belong to

Frequent, my thought

Can I belong to both?

One, borne

One, nurtured

I feared

life's lofty forts

I feared

I couldn't traverse

these chained heights

I feared

the sakok embellished flag

chasing me

with a sword

stating a stranger, I am

Between two flags

Scrambling for me

She is mine

they said

Sliced me

Some pieces for one

Some pieces for another

Why the scramble?

Who do I belonged to?

Pacified myself

I, adrift

between two flags

between these two flags

The Miserable Lovers!!

2010-02-19T03:03:00.000-08:00

“Restaurants come into public scrutiny once again”.

http://e-pao.net/GP.asp?src=16..190210.feb10

Is it the banning of the restaurants and stopping them to use mobile phones only a solution to clean the society?
Or to make our Manipuri society free from illicit behaviors?

The problem with our society is that we don’t want to give freedom to others and we don’t respect other’s freedom. What make us think that somebody is against the society if he/she found kissing or hugging his/her lover somewhere in the corner of the road? In fact the man-made scrutiny system of our culture is extended even within the bedroom of the married couple.

How come the chain of the dark cabin restaurants builds up in a society which is so suffocating and closes from all the sides to even to breathe the free oxygen? Why did the couples and lovers have to find those dark cabin rooms to meet each other? What are the factors which insist/force them to hide from the public? They are the miserable lovers whose opportunity to express love for each other is only in the dark cabin of the room or only in the corner of the close room beneath the posters of the arousal photographs. It has become a customary law for our society where we only terminate the consequential products and byproducts of a problem but not the root of the cause of such problems.

There are many other ways and means to stop the teenagers to stop committing the wrongful acts such as child marriage, early pregnancy and early elopement. Manipur is listed in no. 1 for child marriage and sexual abuse. But why such problems occurred in such a closed society? If we really wish to eradicate such problems then we need to educate them so that they can realize of their wrongful acts and rectify them.

Let it be drug abuse or the sexual abuse in the name of dating, which is very much common in our society now. Who can stop such kids from committing whatever they want to do? Isn’t it the fault of the society which prevent them freedom to roam around in the open public and letting them to live their life freely?

What else we can achieve after closing such restaurants? Are we going to give them the freedom to dating in the public space as all normal human society does? Why have we started thinking that dating as an illicit behavior in our society? I don’t think we would be born here and human race would have ended century back if our forefathers haven’t dated and married to each other. Giving freedom to the youngsters to live their own life and lean is not about following the western culture and just abandoning our culture. It is more about preserving the human norms of relations and emotions. If we started treating that the romantic relations between a girl and boy is illicit then the culture of marriage is a crime. Henceforth humane race should have ended years ago.
Let’s take an example of drug/alcohol abuse. We can see that Manipuri society especially our meitie society is famous for husbands abusing his wife after consuming alcohol. Is it really because of alcohol? Let’s find out now what kind of chemical entity is there which instigates a man to beat his wife? As far as scientific discovery is concerned no chemical entity is there which can boost a man’s capability to overpower physically his wife after drinking. Problem is with the psychology of the human and not with the alcohol. Why have we launched so much of restriction against ourselves from eating, drinking and living freely? Have we ever heard of any country where alcohol is not available and there happens no drug abuse? But the question is that why we are on top regarding such problems? The only answer is the close and suffocating society where people drink, eat and make love out of suffocation, frustration, insult, humiliation and fear of the society, which are out of norm and race due to the unbearable restriction around us.

It’s a high time we recheck, revisit and rectify the system of resistance against any kind of abuse by some fraction of the culture preservers which can only create tension in the society. Unfortunately we live in a society where people are ready to humiliate you and ostracize from the public all the time. Instead of referring a drug addict in rehabilitation center he would be ostracized in front of all and send them to police custody. In the police custody again they have to face the human abuse and insults. How could a person who has lost control over his own brain rectify without proper guiding? So far how many of them we have saved from drug abuse or any kind of wrongful activity by insulting, humiliating and abusing? We found them more vulnerable to the drugs and any other means to escape self from such abuse by the society.

My own locality is filled with drug addicts and at least once in a month there is drama of humiliation of drug addicts in the school playground. But till now I have never found that they have stopped taking drugs? Had we sent them in a rehabilitation center instead of humiliating them in the public, they could have stopped taking drugs because of our sympathy and humanity but they can never be better because of humiliation, insult and abuse.

Sometime I really feel jealous of the time where our grandparents narrate about the likon-sanaba in the full moon night and how their lovers come to meet in their house. Every home was facilitated with Ningol-ka (the room for unmarried ladies) in a home where the unmarried ladies can meet their lovers in their house in the presence of their family members. If this is the situation & culture in the present Manipur, I hope there won’t be any such relations so called as illicit relations and behaviors. Of course, no kid would ever dare to keep the photographs which can aroused their in their wall.

I wish we return to that age where our forefathers lived freely. For a change and oxygenated culture and tradition. Also, it is better to maintain those systems in our society which we have overlooked long time (for the sake of what?), for a better society free from organizations and their unfaithful agendas.

We are too fed of home made Sive-Sena Groups or culture preservers. We need life free from culture & traditions which is against our survival.

Upset!!

2010-02-13T03:45:00.000-08:00

Could not able to write anything on my blog from last few weeks. All the sites are blocked in my office. This is the only place I could update something in my blog. Thought of getting internet connection at home then I realise where is time to use internet at home. Most of the time I return my room with half-slept body around 10pm after the class. Sometime I don't realised my eating my food with my eyes opened or not.

Well, I have to look for a way to write in my blog. My blog is my own reflection and a way to know myself as the day passes. Life is too busy and road is too crowded, even the phone lines are too busy these days so where is the tiem to talk to others and listen so that I can learn something. That's the basic idea of me blogging and why I love blogging. I want to share with myself what I want from this life.

It seems life these days I seeking for my own revolution and evolution from the one I was before. Quite tired and ashamed of saying my friends hey, I was really busy!!! Actually I hate using this phrase but the fact is that I'm busy only. My parents told me called me anytime. We always sleep at late hours these days. Sometime they would call in my class timing and I would cut their call. I know how much I felt bad so they started taking my appointment to call!!!

Anyway, this is how life goes. I can't stop it. But I just love keep walking and working in this life without looking back and holding back to anything. Hope it does work in such a way!!

Busy life is great!! What else I can say???

Life runs after meh!!

2010-02-02T10:45:00.000-08:00

….Life rides like a bus in the national highway 39 & 53 sometime…losing balance in a well tormented road and unwanted and unnoticed of my own life sometime!! Life is always at high risk!!

I have stop living life from few years but life itself trying hard to get a space to me. I feel sorry that I could not give a proper place to this life following me here and there…Sometime “Aal is not welll”., its more like Aal is wrong. Suffered enough from anxiety, distress because of pms and I’m also trying hard to mend my idiot heart which wastes so much of time of my busy schedule. I thought the last Saturday would be my last day on this beautiful earth. While I’m struggling hard to balance my multi-tasking role in life, anxiety and distress sometime almost killed me. Tension of office, tension of class, then family and many others. Sometime I asked God, I hope you are having fun watching me? I’m not tired man, continue your job. He seems to be having fun watching me standing numb in a luxurious temple. I wish he could at least give me some other option to exit from all this and let me live my life. Heard enough comments from my close friend and well wishers about my short & volatile temper and asked me to mend it down but how?? Still a big question for me as I have no time for being so nice and caring for all the people come across in my way. I also want to have patience to listening someone and some issues only if God permits me with some more time and grant me some other ways. As anxiety take toll over me I have started remembering all those stupid things I did and of course it also flashed back the stories which are gone with the wind from my life. Could not help much this time as I’m already too full with so many things in my head and heart. It has reached to a time to wipe them out from my mind.

Going to my law class at least feel me that I'm surviving and that's where I open my eyes when the world is almost too dark...!!

Finally my exam result came out and out of expectation my score was much better than I expected. I thank to some of my friends who took care of me day and night during my exam time when some of the lively monsters had almost eaten my head even after knowing about my exam. Its only this time I realised how monstrous people can be while its their insecurity made them to do so.

Suffering from bad cold and fever from few days but had to go for class as I missed all the classes in Jan. Happiness is the best medicine in life...I finally realised yesterday. Was just cooking in the kitchen after eating antibiotics and huge dose of corex my friend just called me up and told me about my result. I felt like I was not ill at all...

Another miracle of arrived on my way yesterday!!

That's the Ukabi atouba and Tharoi angouba my mother sent for me from home through a friend. I was so excited as my mother didn't tell me about these stuffs sending me.It seems like my mother listen to my prayers and worries of living in this big city. The smell of Ukabi and taste of tharoi brings back the lost scent of my home and my motherland. My mother saved me from being insane in this city filled with madness. Missing home and I'm enjoying this feeling of missing my mother every single moments of my life!!!

Where are you? my red comrade

2010-01-30T09:39:00.000-08:00

Morning dew on the grasses

Flashback memory

You suddenly visit my nocturnal dream

Standing in front of my door

The dead of the night

Reminds of your ever smiling face

You try to wipe away

Woes and pains in my life

I wish to live those moments

Where we belonged together

Anticipating another day

you would be calling me

From

across the road,

across rivers and woods

Let’s walk again that path

You chose for us.

I will not deny today

To follow you

count your footsteps

as the time passes

grow old with you

As the life takes a toll over me and you?

where are you?

my red comrade

Yet for another womb!!

2010-01-30T09:34:00.000-08:00

Yet for another womb

Another mother

I seek from this life

whom I can ask to embrace us

within one womb

there we can play

Like twin embryos

Within a sheltered shell

Where their pointing fingers

Shall never peirce us

Yet for another surname

Another clan

I seek from this world

To prove our belonginess

In the line of the same blood

Yet for another worthless battle

Another winnerless war

I seek from this life

Just to fight and die

To test your stand for me.

Yet for another womb

Yet for another mother

I seek from this life.

..........this is a poem I wrote for my brother Nelson Elangbam whom I share no surname, no clan though we still have that bonding of brother and sister....

The story of modern Thoibi!!

2010-01-30T09:25:00.000-08:00

Khamba phangee thengnahouda
Sakhenba Nongban su unahouda
Sou sou louba Soura oina thengnarure
Thoibi oina pokcharakpi eidi
Torro punshi oina lenhoure!!

2010-01-28T23:28:00.000-08:00

Ecstasy!!

2010-01-19T21:49:00.000-08:00

Let me drunk with the ecstasy of your memory today
Let me have the fun today of hurting myself
Let me listen to the rhythm of your heartbeat once
Before I die
Oh! No, it should not happen again to anyone
What I did to myself?
I sang to myself
Out of nothingness
I cry for myself
For this emptiness inside
After you left
After you are gone beyond my eyes
I will not ask you again to come back today
I must forget as I have nothing to say now
But do let me feel your presence once again
Once again annoy me with your cry
I’m missing you badly my little brave heart
I want to feel your presence today in my life!!

My litle brave heart!!

2010-01-19T03:55:00.000-08:00

I seek for my lost freedom today
As I had to hate the one I love
I want my liberty back
So that I can betray you again
I’m not an angel sent from the hell
Who would nurture your lost soul
I’m not that unseen divine
who can wash your sin
Accept me as what I’m
Torture me in loneliness if you wish too
I’m like just another shadow of you
So contaminated with myself
So mad with this life after you are gone
Please do not blame
for what I did to you
I’m just another human
Everyone can see and feel
I’m just another simple woman
Who had forbidden hearing to her own heart,
to her own mind a long ago!!

Who steal my happiness???

2010-01-19T03:51:00.000-08:00

Who steal my happiness today?
The numb God??
The weird angel??
Who steal my peaceful moments?
It’s me, who show the foolishness within me
It’s me, who had walk on the road of thorn.
Hope the numb God will speak now
Tell me once before you forbid me
Who steal the love of my life?
Stay away from me forever God
Don't let me write another hatred poem for you
I do not need you again from today
You can come back only if,
Only if, you can bring back my love
Oh! Angel I don’t need your angelic smile either
Please go back to your hell
You can’t nurture the wound within me today
Go back to the place you belong
I have no space for you
The numb God
The weird angel
Hope you can hear me!!

Eigi thawaigi mamal!!

2010-01-16T12:45:00.000-08:00

Anouba chahina lakpasida

Khanghouda hanglak-ee

Eigi meepaithiraba thawaisina

Hengalamadra haina eigi thawaigi mamal !!

Tenkhraba tamthikhraba

Punshi khongchat oirakle

Mathou tadabra etomta hangjaba

Eigi thawai gi mamalse !!
Chamamnaba poklakli khanbada
Khangde kannabu ligadouribano

Choukhraba taibang sana keithelsida eise

Khoiranglake pukningsisu khangningbana

Karamba JAC nabu kannahoudouriro

Eigi thawai gi mamal sidagi

Charang-narakle leitradaba wakhalsisu

Leihourani khallubada makhoidi

Arang arakna thallaba phura dallal kyada

Mantiknakhraba thawaisingi mamal na

Kallakpadum phourak ee
Thouhougaba tanglaba billat ki gari kayasu
Apat-apumna thallaba

Imphal sahargi sarakta
Gandhi yekpa bharat ki chejetsingna
Sinakhrabada eigi thawaidi!!

Onkhragani makhoisu sahingchaba

Tangkhrani loudroubigumba mamitsingsu
Teithokhrani gumbhir gi pirangsingsu

Pangkhragani samu managum

Gandhi yekta bharat ki chejetsing na

Koichai chairabada narak mongsong youna

Nakenthagi unagumna ningtham ulen lakpada!!

Matamduna kaplakhini tengtharakhini

Eigi mantiknakhraba thawaina

Taibang sana keithel mayai da

Muna muna yengduna

Mapu pandraba ashiba sagumna

Saraki chidaida ningaidana

Tahouriba eigi hakchangbu uraga.

Boycott Ended!! Why and How???

2010-01-12T01:19:00.000-08:00

"Class to be resumed from tomorrow. Boycott ended". Akee updated the news in the middle of the night. Got some relief thinking about all the students who have lost 6 months of their valuable time? After 6 months finally more than 10 lakhs students are blessed to return with their so called right to education. They came to a conclusion to break the deadlock, the govt. and the organizations. I'm against all kind of killing in Manipur and every simple citizen (minus the militants and the police force) is unhappy and totally saddened with the July 23 incident. But only regretting part of the protest was that instead of knowing that our leader has no value for its citizen, the student organizations took up a way to protest which can only spoil the future of more that 10 lakhs student in Manipur. I would be enjoying the sadistic pleasure in case the protesting organizations have shut down, even burnt the govt. organisation as a extreme step and let the govt realized of it's unbearable big lazy ass. Though I don't prefer any kind of agitation which will only led to more damage to our economic status. But why make a compromise with the future of students? Today's headline news in Thoudang makes me feel myself so unfortunate of being Manipuri. It's needless to say anything about Manipur. It's a state where all the people have lost the humane side. We can somewhat state that Manipur is land of animals where people can be bought and sold and if necessary slaughter at nay given time. No value for human life, dignity and existence. What else is left with us. Now, I feel that why should we blame the govt. or the persons who is leading the system. Have we ever done something which would prove that we are a responsible citizen other than criticizing and protesting and burning? If necessary, we can even call for a civil war against the govt. but isn't a time for us to think that have we been so self-righteous so that we can pin-point to other's mistake. Are we the responsible for the govt. or the handful of miscreants playing with our lives? Obviously yes??? We sold our dignity & right to such people by compromising with money and fame and now we don't have any right to complain that we should not be slaughtered or we deserve to be alive.

In the last six months every parents have to suffer from so many troubles regarding their kids’ career. Every day I even have to break my head thinking about my two brothers and sister who are sitting idle without any purpose at home. My mother has lost her ability to control their anger and frustration. Logically speaking what would be the psychological effect to the mind of a 13 yr old and 16 yr old boy who is just sitting at home who was devoid of education facilities? Sometime it's frightening to think that they even lost their interest in reading and its importance. Finally as other parents have no option and have to look for another option of sending them off for schooling in other places. I have finally decided to admit them in Delhi and stay with me. It's obviously good that students are back in school but who knows and who can guess the mood of the organizations and the govt.? When will they again play with the lives of the student and at what moment they can again shut down the schools, we never know about it. So it's better to leave now instead of portraying yourself as a cartoon/clown of JAC's and the govt. of Manipur even if I know that it is not the solution. But my sympathy and concern goes to all those students who can not afford to leave the state and pursue their education. Hope God will find them a way in such God forbidden place!!

An exciting beginning!!

2009-12-31T22:49:00.000-08:00

Wishing all my friends and love ones a very happy and prosperous New Year!!

The Sangai Express New Year message to the people is one of the most meaningful and important wish for all the Manipuris. Kudos to Satya Hijam. We desperately pray for a year ahead free from killing. It does not matter whether they are civilians, Police or millitants. At the end of the war we should remember that whoever killed is a human and the war is between humans which led to the lost of a valuable life. Which creates a hole in a family; which produced traumatized family, their hurt can never be healed for this lifetime.

Last night party with only two of my closest friend was one of the best parties I ever had in life. It was a good beginning of the year with typical style of celebrating New Year. Of course, No controversy in the year end party!! I don't want to listen to back stabbing comments afterwards. A small fire work in the terrace accompanied with wine and finger licking Butter chicken, prepared by my friend. Only thing we were missing in the party was our friend and sweetheart Shreema. I wish she was here with us in Delhi and our party would have been of more fun.
Early morning SMS

When I was getting ready for office, a new year wish from a friend made me laugh so loudly recieve one of the most funniest (but true) wish from a friend.

It reads as
“Wishing you a very warm anger free and fight free 2010...May the new year brings you lots of smiles...”
Yeah! I really need a peaceful year ahead with lots of laughter and smile. Thanks for the true wish. I'm praying for anger free and fight free year ahead. I think I did enough of all these stuffs in 2009...!!
Thanks for bringing a big smile on my lips before I start my day. May the unseen divine shower your life with thousand reasons to keep you smile throughout the year!!

Memories of 2009!!

2009-12-31T03:43:00.000-08:00

The year 2009 is an eventful year for me though I faced many trouble in my personal life. Year begins with good note and it brings lots of good people in my life. Among them my best friend Priya is one of them. We met only once in a meeting held in Vasant Vihar 2 years from now and almost forgotten of each others existence but we met again because God seems to know that we three are lost bird in the boundless sky which needs to be bring together in one place.

Though I was living for years in Delhi there was hardly few friends who can accept me as the person I'm. I was tried of searching for those friends who can accept the real me. That's how I found my friends Shreema and Priya. They are not classmates, batch mate or don't belong to the same place. We are just destined to meet someday. I think my life become so complete because of my two friends. There was hardly a day we have not talked to each other and sometime our male friends would joke to us that our boyfriends must be very insecure of our friendship.

Evening walk with Shreema and Lanleima in the DU garden was the most important task for us in the last three years. Whether it is raining or extremely hot, we don't care. We still have to find time in the evening and go for the walk. Of course, our talk and discussion was more important than walk. Today, Shreema and me are able to take part an active role in any social occasions because of our random and directionless discussion in the DU garden. We have ideas which are unacceptable to the people around and to the society but somewhat we are able to make a platform for our unacceptable thoughts today. Shreema left for her lectureship job in Manipur and it seems that I'm almost deserted and there will be no one to discuss our wild ideas but fortunately Priya came on our way and here we, three musketeers are enjoying our God given friendship. I pray that this coming year will nourish our friendship with more love and care for each other.

Other than my two friends I have also found an elder brother & a best buddy whose name I do not want to write for many reasons but I'm thankful to God for sending him on my way. I'm so thankful to him for understanding me so well and for taking care of me all the time. I'm also sorry for being so childish at time and making him so irritated. Sorry for waking you up in the late night and crying and complaining over the phone for all those things which meant nothing to my life. You truly said I'm still a kid who hasn’t seen the world enough. Thanks for guiding & protecting me all the time.

The most beautiful gift of this year is my nephew. Though I got only few days to stay with my nephew, it was an incredible moment for me and I'm dying to meet him again to see his head banging dance in the tune of the mobile ring tones.

Needless to say I also had to go through many troubles and had to spend sleepless night due to personal problems and lost of a good friend. Yes, I have to agree one thing in life that only thing which is constant is life is the change. With time everything changes, even the person and the relations. That's how some relation just become meaningless and non-existent. I have also learnt to accept the change to move ahead in life. He was everything for me for some years and today I don't even want to count him as a stranger in my life. The courtesy he has given to me was good enough to forget and dump all those memories I had about him. As I'm not among those who hold in the past and pull myself down to waste the beautiful moments I may have in future.
With the end of the year it took away an important person in my life. My grandmother suddenly demised due to cancer and she hardly lived one month after spending few days in hospital. I could not do anything for her and not even got time to attend all the rituals. But I'm thankful to God for giving me few days to meet her before she took her last breath.

I’m thanking to the unseen divine for all things he has given to me and I’m just praying to God that the coming year bring all the happiness to my love ones. My wish for this year will be to begin a new life with full of meaningful work and commitments....!!

Finally Justice arrived!!!

2009-12-11T22:38:00.000-08:00

Dhaula Kuan gang-rape convict gets 14 years’ rigorous imprisonment http://www.hindu.com/2009/12/12/stories/2009121257410300.htm

“The scar of rape always remains engraved in her mind and she cannot overcome it throughout her life. It cannot also be forgotten that women are generally weak and commission of rape on a meek victim is the gravest of offence,” said the court in its four-page order on sentence.

........It was in the year 2006; the Dhaula Kuan gang-rape case shocked all the north east people residing in Delhi especially the girls. My group (Linda, Lanleima, Ameeta, Lemis) were like right hand for MSAD though we don't occupied any post in the organisations political platform. We all were in the final year of Msc and Lanlei was pursuing her L.L.B that time.

We were filled with anguish & sorrow for being so unkind especially towards the NE girls in Delhi. Even though we are staying here from the last 9 years, we have no niche. We are just known by one word, that's Chinkee. I never ponder to know its meaning because I have started to set up my mind as I'm living with different species which can only harm me so I just have to be protective for my own body & soul, from attcking by them. I'm not being racist here but it is the true fact. I wonder if there is any girl left who are not molested or abused on their short span of staying in Delhi to earn a livelihood.

My huge regard and respect to Da Noni, one of the senior in the MSAD. He was the one who gave us the space to deliver our idea and let us face the truth of the people, police, Media et.al. After the rape case rocked the Delhi all the media house were busy covering news of the girls from NE wearing short and skimpy cloths. We were almost burnt inside. It is like throwing and rubbing salt to the wound. Finally, we had a meeting with the some of the MSAD guys and Da Noni was heading our girl's team. We had planned to bang the media house, Police and all those people having cheap mentality with a full fledge protest rally in front of the ITO, Police station.

We all bunk practical classes and went for mobilization reaching to each and every doorsteps of the NE people residing in Delhi. We distributed pamplets on the roadside to join the protest. And also invited few NGO's to support us.

Then, the big day came; we board the infamous blue line bus and dropped at ITO police station. That was the first experience we had of being kept in the Police Station and later on they released us after taking our signatures. Don't know what they are going to do with our signatures but we were never worried for that but got relief eternally. Thought we did something to get the Justice. Media house had no option but they have to cover the protest as we also accused them for being biased and web casting the news which tarnishes the image of the NE girls in Delhi.

Fortunately, some guys in ZEE TV approached to us to appear and speak about our bitter experience of residing in Delhi. We were given only 20 minutes to speak but we are thankful to them at least they have managed to break the perception of the North Indians towards us.

Thanks to our parents for being so supportive, though they were so shocked with our excited news of being caught by the Delhi Police and kept in the police station for sometime. Instead of shouting at us, they advice us to stay alert and waited for the news web casting to see us. They would told us what should not speak next time but they are proud of our group being so courageous to stand for such cause.

Most interesting part of the the news clip was showing the girls from the other states roaming around the Delhi University and wearing the so called short, skimpy & provocative cloths while delivering our talk in the back ground.

I'm still surprised of psyche of the some men folk, taking so much of interest in the dress a woman which are using to cover her own body, of course not for him. It's neither their business nor they are earning any profit out of this.

My question still goes to the MEN?? What they meant by provocative dress? What is provoking them? Isn't it the problem of MEN psychology?? My suggestion is better to consult a doctor than blaming the woman.

Did anyone heard of a woman raping man coming out on the road with half pant?? Till now I have not heard of it. I think even if a man comes out in their minimal cloth, no woman to even think to touch them. May be they will run away from them for being so offensive by seeing not so attractive male figures.

......coming back to the news....yesterday I went to meet Lanleima after the office and was just going through the Hindu newspaper. Show the news of executing the rapist with rigorous life imprisonment by the High Court. We were like "WOW". It feels so good. I said Lanlei, do you remember this is the Mizoram girl case and we had organized the rally in ITO 3 years back from now. I called up Linda and shared the news. It was moment of glory for us though we don't know the girl personally; we were deeply shattered by the incident.

...Seems like this news flash back our unforgettable moments of life filled with zeal in the college time. MSAD rally and MSAD thabal chongba (known as the Moon Dance) were part of our life only. We hit the thabal from the beginning till the end and no one was there to challenge us :)

Of course, guys hate us like anything for our attitude and for kicking them out from joining us during the Thabal Chongba. We were infamous group among the people for our Tapta song dance, chekla dance and Maibi Jagoi dance in the Thabal chongba. So, we make sure that our brothers and especially my Mamma was there to look for us and protect us. But Mamma always closed his eyes and ears while we were dancing because he has no courage to see our crazy dance, somewhat mad, attitudes or bear the comments from the guys in the Thabal Lampak. It was my rule that I stay away from meeting Mamma for at least 1-2 weeks so that I don't have to listen to his lectures after the Thabal. He would shout on the phone next day "nupi nattagumna aduk yamna ngoushinaridubu, I will inform your father".

But he never missed to take us for next Thabal Chongba :)

Season of Love!!

2009-12-07T02:07:00.000-08:00

Autumn witnesses the moment you left me
Yellow leaves fall upon symbolizing sadness
Color of March dye your last footprint
On the invisible canvas of my memory
It was when the season of love ends

Spring too paid a visit after you are gone
With her green petals refreshing your memory
And left me in a melancholic solitude
It was when the season of love ends

Winter came with its warm caressing touch
Though it brings only your lost smile
Whose touch to my heart i ignored
It was when the season of love ends

Summer came and gone too
Only to rage me in the fire of an awaken hurt
That’s how the season of life come and goes
Without you and your love
Though memory of you still burning alive
Within the walls of the dark night
It was when the season of love ends

The moon in the sky of the august
Wake me up before the night falls
Witnessing your existence within me
Though I cry upon this emptiness
It was when the season of love ends!!

A woman!!

2009-11-15T22:09:00.001-08:00

An eye of hope and dream,
That’s what you have shown to me,
A seed of change
That’s what you have ever
Sown to me,
Change in the meaning of freedom,
Change in the meaning of equality,
Change in the meaning of humanity,
That’s what you have taught me ever!
We were walking alone in a road
Filled with the thorns and stones,
Fighting for our own space in a society,
Where your mother is your enemy,
Your father is your enemy,
Your brother is your enemy,
Your sister is your enemy
Your own existence become your enemy
At the end of the day,
You are known as a woman only!

You are a daughter to your father,
You are a sister your brothers,
You are a wife to your husband,
You are a loving and caring mother
To your children,
You are the one
Who would die and sacrifice for them,
But at the end of the day,
You are just a woman,
No one will ever remember
Your heart also beats with a rhythm,
Your lungs also breathe with the free oxygen,
Just like other human!

You are just a turtle,
Who walks in silence and fear,
And hides her head and toes,
Beneath her back,
Just to survive and just free from
The obligations of your own existence!

You are an idealistic creation of God,
Who never wrote her own definition,
Who never lives her life,
Who never heard her own heartbeat,
She lives with a definition
adorn by the society and the men,
You heart can beat
only with the rhythm of your man,
In a society of patriarchs
You have many names
You are merely a beast,
You are merely a prostitute,
You are merely a call girl,
You are merely a widow,
You are merely an omen
And to the men living around you,
Because at the end of the day
You are just remembered as a woman,
Not a human!

It’s not the time to sought for equality,
It’s not the time to scream for woman’s right,
It’s not the time to fight for the special reservation,
Shall we not feel ashamed for what we are?
Let’s represent ourselves as a human first,
Let’s break from the chains of the morality,
Let’s free ourselves from being a cultural ambassador,
Let’s be a human first,
Then the rest will come along!!

What is meaning of a society?
What is meaning of culture?
What is the meaning of religion,
If you are not known as a human!!

Don’t only dream of
Being a better half of a man,
Let them also dream of being a better half of you,
Why not man also enjoy
Being your better half??

Let them also know that
They are remain of our impure and untouchable blood,
From there lives springs,
From there,
Sown their soul!

It is not the not war of sex anymore,
You must fight for now,
It is the war of your existence,
Which you must win!

I search for you!!

2009-11-13T22:24:00.000-08:00

It’s in the morning dew
I search for you,
It’s in the teardrops hiding in my eyes
I search for you,
It’s in the fallen leaves of the autumn
I search for you,
It’s in the unsung songs of my heart
I search for you,
It’s in the reminiscences of my memory
I still search for you,
It’s amidst the crowd of unknown,
I again search for you
I search for you,
I search for you,
Just to find myself
I search for you
I search for you
to find the remain in me without you!!

Perfume really scared me!!

2009-11-13T03:07:00.000-08:00

Watching movie in the late night with a big cup of tea or coffee always give a different taste. Since the whole world was in sleep, you can enjoy such rare moments of silence and that’s an opportunity for me to watch movie of my favorite. One of my friends smsed about the movie some days back saying that the movie was just awesome and the theme was different from all. But I never thought that I will have a nightmare after watching the movie and will have to face with constant fear of bad dreams.

Perfume-A story of a murderer. When the movie was starting I was too much absorbed and thoroughly enjoyed it as the theme was truly different and it is a thriller. Film’s main protagonist is a boy born with his God-given extraordinary sense of smelling and knowing each and every thing on the earth from the smell. I was feeling pity for the ill-faith life of the boy who was abandoned by his mother just after he was born but was delighted for his extraordinary power of noticing the things with smell. I was telling Lin, God has always given something special to the one who had no one for him on this earth. Wow! What a magic philosophy!!

Lin and I were so excited when the guy was learning to prepare perfume in the lab for the first time. His lab looks like our suffocated,fumed and dull Chemistry lab of Delhi University with bottles of chemicals lined up in the racks of the wall. When the owner of the perfume shop taught him how to extract essential oils from the flowers and showing the distillation part from the hot distillation pot, we begun our discussion about the solvent he should used for better distillation output and the reactant to fasten the process, as both of us are from chemistry background. We were lost somewhere while our discussion directed into distillation process. Both of us were quite happy when we even solved the problem of how to extract the essentail oils from the animal body, when the guy was seen boiling the lovely cat of the owner in the pot of the hot water. We were telling to each other, oh! he could have done with alcohol or wax?? It seems like we are also in the same lab with the guy in the movie and somewhat helping him to choose the appropriate solvent for extraction. After he learnt the process of perfume preparation in his lab, our enthusiasm turns into something else. Our concentration is now on the psychology of the guy. Poor guy with extraordinary sense of smelling scared us the whole night. His stunt facial expression of not able to express any emotions of humans such as love, affection, care, hatred etc made us more uncomfortable and scary.

The movie show the psychology of a guy who have never seen and interacted with a woman! A guy who never feel the human emotions! A guy who have never smell a woman! A guy who had no smell for his own body though he knows the smell of each and every living and non-living objects on the earth! With heavy head we were deeply absorbed in the movie till the late night. Now we seem be regretted of helping him in choosing the solvent for distillation. We were just praying inside that hey don’t kill her, please, she is so beautiful and innocent, and worried enough we said to ourselves when the movie saw his hunting work for the girls to prepare a perfume with an anticipated smell of a woman, he had killed by mistake. He never realized till the end of the movie, the reason for following the girls and why can’t he still not able to forget her. But when he realized the reason for not able to forget her, he kills self. His emotionally impotent life, pity enough to realize at the last moment, human emotions is something lacking in his life without which human can’t live, that’s something God had deprived from him.

With a sad note the movie come to an end, after the man kill himself using the perfume, to the same place where he was born with a self realization of the fact that he can achieve anything he wishes to in this world but he can never feel the human emotions, he can never love anyone though the whole world may be there to bow their head in front of him.

It is that Perfume which he had prepared from the waxed oils of the women’s body killed him without even leaving a piece of his flesh on the earth.

After a few minutes of deep sleep, I wake up due to bad dreams and fear of the psycho of the man. I was calling some of my friend and narrating the story of the movie so that I can cope up with the fear till the afternoon. Even now I had to keep the lights on and play some music continuously and go for sleep. Perfume really scared me!!

Nostalgia!!

2009-11-09T23:40:00.000-08:00

All I need as of now is to compose myself and stay away from this fear of feeling homesick. I have spent nine years in Delhi but I still feel homesick just like I leave home few hours back. I’m lost in own fantasies of going home every now and then. Sometime I wake suddenly in the night and start counting in the calendar. Next day my mood will be off after I recount all the incomplete things line up on my way. Spoke to Ima after a hectic day of running here and there; as I could not sleep in peace without telling all the petty things I had faced in a day to her. Sometime she seems too boring with all my stories but she adjusted herself to my childish behavior.

Yesterday Ima came up with a new topic happening in my village. It was about the marriage of one of my far cousin. Though we were too close in childhood, we hardly talked to each other now because of many reasons. Ima said finally she got married. Her parents are running from pillar to pillar just to get her married. I had to ask her why she was using such phrase. It seems too odd to hear. Running pillar to pillar for getting married!! She is too beautiful and I know many guys run after him since then she was in class seven. Suddenly remembered her elopment with a guy when she was just sixteen years old. I told myself I got your point. While Ima trying to start with her advice of what are the maxims, a girl should know to live a dignified life, I had to say bye to her as I started to lose my own conscience of being a human. Keep on thinking about that little girl who was cute, beautiful and innocent. She was with me all the time when she was kid but after class eight she has lost her interest in study and we never had a common platform to meet. Now people have created an image for her after her elopement in a younger age. I got angry with the foolishness of her parents who never give importance to her education but cheer her up if she comes back from a date and praised by some guys passing on the road for her looks. I had to accept that this is the faith of the most of the girls in the village and small town places who were born to the illiterate parents and the society is there to bind them from all the angles. My cousins also faced the same faith.

Got angry with my own people, society and even with my own family for making her just an object whose only purpose in life is marriage. I know marriage is important in everybody’s life, at the end of the day we need somebody whom you can trust and share all your moments of sadness and happiness. But why should we get married at the cost of wasting the meaning & purpose of this life?? I feel like waking up Ima in the late night and ask her why do you people want her to get married so soon and doesn’t she have any purpose in her life other than finding a husband. I didn’t wake her up as I know she will be frightened again with such argument which she never wishes to hear from me.

Again remember my own sister who got married last year and now blessed with a baby boy. I still argue with her for leaving her teaching job in a private school and choosing to become a full time house-wife. Still I’m irritated with her in-laws words of asking her how much you will earn from the salary of a private school. She must be still angry with me for my objection to buy all the unnecessary stuffs as “aoonpot” during her marriage. I don’t know my sister will ever try to understand my words. I don’t want to see her portraying the role of a house wife only who has no authority, no life for herself. I wish she realized that that small sum she would earn from teaching the kids in the private schools and her evening tuitions would not be less than million dollars in her life. Moreover, the respect, value and the regard she would be getting from her job could never be challenged by anybody. I have no objection to becoming a house wife if the husband, family and the society dignify it as any other white color job and give them the respect and the authority; they must get being a member of the family. But who understand and count the petty sweats, a house wife would be wasting to run the house from early morning to late night to raise her kids and to take care of her husband and the in-laws. At the end of the day people counts on your job, and money which can only buy the momentary happiness in our life, not to the human value of you. Even their own children sometime would feel that my mother is jobless forgetting all the sacrifice she had done for them and the family.

Tired with my own discussion and arguments, I had to bow my head to myself to end this discussion here as I'm left with only few hours to sleep.

Revolution!!

2009-11-09T21:08:00.000-08:00

We need to create a new revolution, and to do that, do not waste your life: stop pleasing people and become who you always wanted to be..!!

Recalling the moments with you!!

2009-11-05T01:12:00.000-08:00

When you linger on your old memories, when you open an old diary you are different, you feel different, and you are in a different world. Your old memory was your love only.
It may give you tears and pain but without it life will be meaningless. When I open my diary of early 2k, it surely made me cry but the emotion was so true and pure. NietherI could afford to buy it nor can I feel it again. I thought my soul is too contaminated now. I’m in search of that purity in my soul. When I re-read the poem which I wrote for him after the school, sitting near the window, I was with him again and floating in his world. I thought I’m still talking to the moon and sharing my dreams about him as I always do in the late night.

I still remember waiting for his mail for long hours and chatting for hours till late night in the cyber cafe in the foggy nights of Delhi. It was an unforgettable day in my life when I talked to him for the first time on phone for hours, I could never forget his voice, still his voice keep my soul alive whenever I remember those days. Whatever the reason it may be but my love for him was true and pure. I could never lei that I didn't love him just because he is not in my life. Wherever he is now, I always wish him for the best things in his life.

I still maintain his photographs and could never gather the courage to delete it from my inbox but I never wish to open them and look at him, it may remind me of his negative side. I don't wish to keep any bad memory about him. It was most difficult task in my life when I tried to forget him. But life goes on like this. I had to move ahead along with that pain in search of another meaning of this life. With time he lives as a shadow in my life. Sometime I forgot to notice him but somewhere he does exist in the deepest corner of my heart.

I could hardly remember how much I love him, never bother to make him understand too, never give an effort to forget or remember him but I forgot to feel the same feeling of love for another person in my life.

I still feel that somewhere I owe his love. But till today after so many years, I got only one answer to my own queries that we are not even a stranger to each other. Neither I bother to hear about him nor is he interested to know about me anymore.
Why do this feeling of apprehension come up to my mind, which says he is not the one I have ever waited for years and spent sleepless nights weeping those meaningless tears just to hear his voice again. I'm able to hear his voice again, I able to reach him again but never had the courage to speak to him and see him though he stays so near to me.

I wish, I could still wait for him in the bus stand after the school, just to get a glimpse of his smile before I leave for home. I still wish to feel that anxiety which I used to feel when I could not find him near the Bus stand. I just wish, every now and then these feelings of nothingness always fill up my hollow heart which you left empty years back.

Written on the night of 31st December, 2005 after I wish him for the New Year and to make another promise to look ahead in life without him and his dreams.

Concerned citizens of state meet Union Jt Home Secy

2009-11-04T20:13:00.000-08:00

Source: Hueiyen News Service
http://e-pao.net/GP.asp?src=22..051109.nov09

New Delhi, November 04 2009: "We are aware of the boycott issue in Manipur and it is considered as top priority to be addressed by the Centre.

We are in the process of finding a solution and are in constant touch with the state government and I am hopeful that classes will resume shortly," Naveen Verma, Joint Secretary of (NE), Ministry of Home Affairs, Government of India, is quoted to have said during a meeting with the representatives of a group of Manipuri professionals residing across India today.

According to a statement issued by the representatives of the group, Manipuri professionals residing across Indian met with Naveen Verma, Joint Secretary of (NE), Ministry of Home Affairs, Government of India, and apprised him of the ongoing class boycott.

The citizens concerned have also submitted a memorandum to impress the State government in finding a solution to end the boycott called by various organisations in the state of Manipur.

The meeting lasted for over two hours.

The group stated in the memorandum that the inability of the State Government to end the stalemate between the student bodies and the government could have long-term consequences to students in Manipur.

The memorandum seeks an immediate solution to defuse the deadlock over boycott of educational institutions in Manipur.

"We, as citizen of Manipur strongly condemns any act of violence and we will support any attempt that will bring peace in the state of Manipur.

However, we believe that bringing peace at the cost of thousands of students is unjust," said a representative of the group.

The group reiterated that the present situation in Manipur calls for the Government to react swiftly to find a solution to the ongoing political and social imbroglio.

The group expressed concern over numerous reports about a possible dialogue between the agitators and the government, which has so far yielded no result, a serious concern for the parents whose children has been affected by the boycott.

As a part of the memorandum, the group submitted a copy of Tahelka magazine which carries the photos of the alleged fake-encounter killing on July 23rd in Imphal.

Expats meet jt. secy Home to urge Centre to intervene

2009-11-04T20:08:00.000-08:00

Imphal free press

6 hours, 45 minutes, 29 seconds ago
From Nelson Elangbam
New Delhi, Nov 4 : A group of Manipuri professional residing across India met with Naveen Verma, joint secretary (NE), Ministry of Home Affairs, Government of India, to appraise him of the ongoing schools boycott and submitted a memorandum to request the state to find a solution to end the boycott by various organizations in the state.
The meeting lasted for over two hours.
The boycott initiated by All Manipur Student Union (AMSU), Manipur Student Federation (MSF) and Kangleipak Student Association (KSA) in the aftermath of the July 23rd incident that led to the death of a pregnant women, Th. Rabina and a civilian Ch. Sanjit has paralysed education in the state for nearly two months now.
The group in their memorandum stated that the inability of the state government to end the stalemate between the student bodies and the government could have severe long-term consequences to students in Manipur.
The memorandum sought an immediate solution to defuse the deadlock over boycott of educational institutions in Manipur.
“We, as citizen of Manipur strongly condemn any act of violence and we will support any attempt that will bring peace in the state of Manipur. However, we believe that bringing peace at the cost of thousand of students is unjust,” said a representative of the group.
The group reiterated that the present situation in Manipur calls for the government to react swiftly to find a solution to the ongoing political and social imbroglio.
Naveen Verma said, “We are aware of the boycott issue in Manipur and it is considered as top priority to be addressed by the Centre. We are in the process of finding a solution and are in constant touch with the state government and I am hopeful that classes will resume shortly”.
The group expressed concern as well as hope over numerous reports about a possible dialogue between the agitators and the government which has so far yielded no result.
The matter is of serious concern for parents whose children face the prospect of losing one academic year.
As a part of the memorandum, the group submitted a copy of Tahelka’s the Vol. 6, Issue 31, which a photo essay of the alleged killing on July 23rd in Imphal, an ‘Open Letter to Honorable Prime Minister of India-Stop the Killing in Manipur’, Various newspaper reports post the July 23rd incident and a copy of a joint press release, which were sent to media houses on October 30.

End class boycott deadlock: Bodies

2009-10-30T00:09:00.000-07:00

End class boycott deadlock: Bodies
Source: Hueiyen News Service

Imphal, October 29 2009: Concerned over the class boycott agitation in the state, nine different organisations have urged both the parties to give room for dialogue, to break the deadlock and come up with a consensus benefiting the future of our society.

In a joint statement, nine organisations including Linux Manipur; Don Bosco Imphal Alumni; Khoibu Students' Union, Delhi; Kuki Students' Organization, Delhi; Naga Students' Union, Delhi; International Manipuri Progressive Forum, UK; Little Flower Alumni; Manipur Youth Foundation; Zillai Yahoogroups (International) have appealed to all to support education and lift the class boycott and find other ways and means.

The joint statement urged the agitating students that the aim and aspirations of the students unions agitating against the ongoing state sponsored terrorism deserve full solidarity from the public.

The student organisations in its struggle for the ruling government to be held accountable for the various human rights violations in Manipur have resorted to boycotting students' education.

"But we believe firmly that the consequence of the ongoing education or class boycott, in the long run, can become counter-productive, subsequently can contradict to the very purpose these organizations are seeking through the agitation, thereby rising the possibility of their image being perceived in a wrong light," the joint statement read.

Stating that any democratic protest has its own momentum and can ebb away slowly on its own as its driving force wane gradually, the statement observed that many incidents have happened and many protests and strikes have beengone through but the government, especially unaccountable ones, knows surely that it is not going to last.

"In fact, if we really look into the matter the public would even begin to forget the purpose behind the agitation of the student's Union.

During these critical phases many of the parents, guardians, teachers and general public are of the opinion that ongoing form of protest might be against the welfare of the people as due to the prolonged boycott of students' education," it stated.

The statement noted that the agitation has, to many, alarmingly look as if many of the public might have turned against the students associations, unfortunately forgetting the alleged crimes and injustice of the government.

The government is, as seen in the past, seems to be focused in just buying time, during which can result in an undesirable contradiction and distrust between the public and the agitating bodies, thereby resulting in a possible nullification of each other.

At that time, the statement observed, the public will then be again, might be left with nothing, without justice! .

It stated that had the government been truly democratic, then they would have never indulged in militarisation and its resulting gross violation.

Instead, any democratic government would have listened and act upon, to the many public outcry against the multiple fake encounters which have claimed thousands of lives till today.

Any ideal government would have initiated dialogues with the students' Unions regarding the boycott of children's education so as to safeguard the right to education.

But, instead of such prior justified responsible actions, the government has been playing with the fundamental civil rights and emotions of the public.

The government has done nothing that a democratic government should be doing, the statement noted.

These basic distortions and anomaly in the roots needs to be corrected for a prosperous future democratic society, but in an effort and protest to correct these basic wrongs, the use of class or education boycott can be interpreted as "too shallow and a counter-productive" method to be used, it observed.

"This crucial moment calls for a better and effective strategy which can exert a much intensifying and effective pressure to the government.

We would like to request to the various student's organization to please understand the need of continuation of a productive education especially during these unfortunate time, for we believe that in the long run, it is the best means to move our society to the form of humane democracy, we all aspire," it added.

Calling the government, the joint statement categorically asked the government why they are still sitting idle while the lives of thousands of the students are at stake.

"Why is the government taking a safe side by just being a silent spectator in the present situation? What is the purpose of the existence of a government that takes no responsibility for any kind of public grievance? Why has the government not come up with a forum to bring certain form of negotiation with the student organizations?," it asked.

"If the government is irresponsible and fails to understand the importance of the lives of thousands of students then we question the rationale behind its existence.

It is a clear signal that the present government is unable to handle the situation," it added.

The statement pointed out that if the government has any consideration for the students and the general public then it should have taken the initiative to speak to the student bodies to break the deadlock from the very first day of the class boycott.

The silence of the Government all this while only shows its lack of interest and carefree attitude toward the public.

If there is even an iota of concern left for justice then the government should move forward and arrange for a table of negotiations over which political dialogue can be conducted in order to solve the impasse.

Silence and indifference is worst than anything and it will only lead to further confusions deadlock will only get tighter, it stated.

The Government's silence only shows that it has no respect for the people, their lives and their dignity.

The government, that does not enjoy any support from the general public, has lost its legitimacy.

It is facing an inherent contradiction and sooner or later it can crumble on its own, it noted.

"How long is the government continue to remain indifferent and unaccountable from its responsibilities? It is necessary for the government to know and accept its fault and try to find ways of correcting themselves.

It must constantly be reminded that such boycott came up because of the dictatorial attitude of the government and its gross violation of civil rights and violent militarization of our state over a period of time," the statement noted.

Drawing the concerned of both the parties, the statement observed that there is a crucial need for a re-evaluation and reconfirmation of the purpose of education.

Education can give jobs, make a person much enlightened, and make one understand the society better.

But the main purpose of education is to make someone capable of questioning the existing systems -political, economic, social or ethical if any of these systems perpetuate subjugation, oppression and exploitation and subsequently to denounce those unjust elements and resist and change them towards fairer ones.

"Our society is emaciated for want of these means provided by education.

In fact, the more we boycott classes the more political turmoil we are inviting in the long run.

Education is the only way to make people capable of making dialogue without which no human community can survive in peace.

In this dark and disappointing environment, education is the only ray of hope.

We call upon all to rise above to put forward education," it underlined.

Education is crucial to the life of our democracy.

In that sense, anybody who has been thinking about democracy has to think about education.

There is a profound connection between guaranteeing democratic rights and education as the foundation, which makes democracy work.

The founding of the common school, the public school was for the foundation for an effective and successful democracy.

The connection between schooling, citizenship and democracy is taken for granted, the statement elucidated.

Just another dream!!

2009-10-12T00:17:00.000-07:00

No matter what life bring on my way
I will always be there for you,
I can't still ignore the feeling inside,
Seems it keep me alive every now and then,
Yeah, from the time I met you!!

But I’m also sad
Though I know nothing could stop
To be with you, only with you
That’s why sometime I run away from myself,
to deny the fact and to hide the real me,
I saw my anger to conceal my love,
I always hide my soft corner,
to move ahead in life with a fake smile,
and to lure my life with fake happiness,
But I’m still alone!!

Still I feel too lonely without you,
Still I sing that unsung song of my heart,
Still I murmur and recall the moment we have shared,
Still I catch the droplets of tears from my eyes,
to get a glimpse of you in it
And I still ask why you can’t love me!!

I didn’t get your answer yet,
But every now and then,
This feeling inside me is making me crazy,
Neither I can forget nor can I ignore,
I still wish to wait for you,
My eyes still look for you in this crowd
No matter whether you love me or not,
No matter whether you stand for me or not!!

You know why I’m still sad with you?
You didn’t let me go from you
You didn’t let me carry a bad memory of you
I want to you to hurt me
And go on in life with that feeling of hatred
But still you didn’t let me go!!

Hurt me!!

2009-10-09T22:11:00.000-07:00

Had not you hurt me
I would have missed the beauty of my smile
Had not you hurt me
I would have missed the preciousness of my tears
Yes, Had not you hurt me,
I would have missed the beauty of my life!!

Come back to my life and hurt me again

Hurt me to make me fall in love with my life
Hurt me every passing moments
Hurt me whenever I remember you
Hurt my poor heart which only beats to the rhythm of your songs

Come back to my life and hurt me again

Hurt me again so that I can begin a new life
A life without you and your dream
Meaningful and worthy
A life not paints with your fake smile

Come back to my life and hurt me again

Hurt me again so that I could collect the courage
to gather the pieces of my wings
which you broke and left behind
like the pieces of paper

Come back to my life and hurt me again

Hurt me again so that I can fly
with the pieces of my broken wings
Hurt me again so that my heart forgets to beat
in your rhythm forever!!

Appeal to lift the boycott!!

2009-10-08T22:51:00.000-07:00

Dear Brothers and Sisters of the Jeweled Land –

Education in its broadest sense is any act or experience that has a formative effect on the mind, character or physical ability of an individual. In its technical sense education is the process by which society deliberately transmits its accumulated knowledge, skills and values from one generation to another.

A lot has happened in the last many years in Manipur that has degraded our society, however, each one of us live in some hope that all these will come to pass. The older generations fought, suffered and lived through it. But do we want our younger generation go through it all over again? Perhaps not!

In an ideal world, what has happened in Manipur could be termed as equivalent to a holocaust. The sheer disrespect for human lives is almost shocking but then, it was what we have created and we must constantly look for avenues for change and make survival worthwhile even in the worst of time.

In the past few months, many schools in the state have been shut by various organizations in the state as a protest against fake encounters. We empathize with them in their quest to bring stability to the state and they will find every single Manipuri supporting them in their quest to bring peace. However, in the same breathe, we would like to point out that, perhaps, banning the young children from going to school to achieve peace and stability is not at all conducive, considering the future of a few millions young children are at stake!

It is only education that will enable our younger generation to get a respectable job and make them capable of questioning the existing systems; political, economic, social or ethical if any of these systems perpetuate subjugation, oppression and exploitation and subsequently denounce those unjust elements and resist and change them. Our society is emaciated for want of these means provided by education. In fact the more we boycott classes the more political turmoil we are inviting in the long run. Education is the only way to make people capable of dialogue without which no human community can survive in peace.

We, therefore, appeal to all to support education and lift boycott and find better ways and means. We call upon all to rise above to put education forward. We call upon both the sides to give room for dialogue to break the deadlock and come up with a consensus benefiting the future of our society.

We want the boycott to be lifted and opt for another way of protest against the state sponsored terrorism. Therefore, we are writing to you to help us out in voicing/appealing to the said student organizations to opt for another way of protest and let the students study. Let us all work together, discuss this issue in detail and come up with a joint appeal to the organizations supporting the boycott. We hope our proposal would be agreeable to you all.

Thanking you,

Regards,
1. Romeo Ningombam, Bangalore
2. Chaoba Phuritshabam, Delhi
3. Joysana Chingakham, Kolkata
4. Shreema Ningombam, Imphal
5. Tiken Laishram, Bangalore
6. Khuman Ngakpa Oinam, Mumbai
7. Ringo Pebam, Bangalore
8. Sam Khumanthem, Hyderabad
9. Vimol Kshetrimayum, Pune
10. Sumitra Thoidingjam, Delhi
11. Babina Wahengbam, Delhi
12. Duran Thiyam, Mumbai
13. Supriya Shijagurumayum, Delhi
14. John Zamkhomang Munluo, Gurgoan
15. Akee Sorokhaibam, Mumbai
16. Ronid Chingangbam, Delhi
17. Raju Athokpam, Delhi
18. Dwipen Khwairakpam, Mumbai
19. Krishnakanta Laiphangbam, Bangalore

The food for fasting!!

2009-10-07T02:18:00.000-07:00

Today is Karva Chouth-prayers seeking the welfare, prosperity, well-being, and longevity of their husbands. I doubt what makes a sense of fasting for a long live of the husband in such a busy life when you hardly have time to breath. What about initiating another idea of husband fasting for his wife and waiting for the moon to shine in the sky when the night comes.

I have no offence against any religion. I'm also a hindu by certificate though I don't follow any religion. I believe in existence of a unseen Davine which hold us and still pull us to move ahead in live. But I don't obey any rituals which says God will grant your wish if you pray like this. I always thought God or the unseen divine would be very irritated seeing the selfishness of the human. Why they go to Mandir, Church, Mosque...to beg for their wish to be fulfilled or do you need to waste your precious life by just spending time in a temple, by just standing and looking after the unbreath idols. What about making a change and serving the poor and giving them a place to sleep to the place where such big temples, churches or mosques are built up just for the sake of the religion. I doubt none of the God would come and say build up my place to stay. When you believe in something which is not exist then why do do build up a big house to live for the God/Goddess.

The duration of navrati make me annoyed seeing the crowd in the office canteen. There was separate food for those people who are fasting. My question may be agitated to my colleagues when I asked them the meaning of the " food for fasting". He used to eat 10 to 20 puris of fasting food. Said he is not going to eat the whole night. Wow, I can only said sometime human also act as a camel??? You store eveything in the day time and digest it later. If I'm not wrong, they are just contradicting what they are doing. At the first place why do you need to show to the rest of the world that you are obeying the God. Isn't it so called "show off factor",created by themselves.

It seems too Hypocratic when you give the reason to believe to God just for the sake of religion and showing off to the people. I'm not an atheist too. I believe in God which I feel is inside me and guiding me to do good and not to harm the rest of human living around me.

That's my prayer for everyday! That's my purpose of believing to the God.

To say "no" is painful but better than a "yes" that brings regret!!

2009-10-05T23:26:00.000-07:00

The most difficult task in my life is saying "no" to someone/something. That just hurt myself and I just asked myself why I can't finish everything with a single "no".

Everytime I remind myself if something is not feasible to me, I should say " no" but I couldn't do it till not. I'm regretted again. I still commit the same mistake.

I'm just confused how should I learn to say "no instead of hurting myself later on.

Washak tugi Warep!!

2009-10-02T12:13:00.000-07:00

Sakkhiba washak tudani
Eina warouriba
Eina hangoiriba
Sakkhiba washak nangoda
Nangi narup thupna liege haina
Washak tugi warep tuni
tukatchahanlibase
Eshana eshabu enthoklibase

Kanna eibu washakhalibano
Kannana eibu ashuk tonna hinghanlibano
Washak tudani eina souribase
Washak tugi warep tuni
Eina pendribase
Koubibagira nangna eise nangi nupi haina
Sokpibagira eigi hakchangse
Kananasu pamlaktanaba
Nangi meenam lalouda thukhrabada
Pubirure Eibu supnagi ahing amakhakta
kokte dagti punshi chupagi

Washaktugi wareptuni
Eina souningliba
Washaktugi hourakphamduni
Eina muthatke singnaribase
Yangoi lamjao sorok ta
Eibu khujeng paiduna
Eibu Nungshi haikhibadusu
Nangini haiba kallaknabakhira?
Natraga meeyam mamangda
Nangi touba ngamba utnabakhakla?

Hukkhiba kundo parengdusu
Punshigi leipuni haiduna
Supnatangi eibu punshinabra
Eigi ningtamna hingba punshibu kallaktuna?

Washaktugi warep tuni
Eina kanthi thokna souriba
Artha thoktraba
Mammal youhankhidraba
Nangonda sakhiba washak tunani
Eibu ashuk kanna punshinliba
Thabum mapal naopuduna
Nangi e-matum dagi semkhiba
Nangita oiragababa echa ashigira
Eina nangonda sakhiba washakto

natraga chahi litshang sitna
punshi tangkhai hing
punshi tangkhai shi
nakha ponna hingbagira
sakhiba eigi washakto
washaktugi warep tunani
eibu houjik su kaphanliba
eshana eshabu tukatchahanliba

Nangna eibu thadoklamlabada
Nangi sanagi keisum sangdagi
karigi amuksu thamlamli
amuba chandolshe
karigi aduk puchel pikliba
thadoklamdriba karigo
ening tamna paijanaba
hanglaba atiya thaksida
masigira eina shakhiba washak to
washak tugi warep tunani
eibu ashuk lapna enthokpiriba eingondagi!!

Denouce the undemocratic Movement!!

2009-10-01T01:38:00.000-07:00

Dear All,

As we all know that Schools and colleges in back home are closed for almost one month by the ongoing boycott by the student Union AMSU. Board/Council exams are only 4-5 months from now. What are these students going to do in the examination hall. The most dramatic thing about the mockery system is Manipur is that last year both AMSU and DESAM has done their duty of checking the unfair means in the exam.

How can a student pass an exam when they are ban and disturb from their study??
Are we puppets/parrot so that we can just be fit and speaks which is only taught. The most effected group in our society are the students. Instead of supporting the education system, students are used as tool of politics. That's most barbaric and unacceptable things happening in back home.

The question here is what we are going to achieve by kicking ourselves? Why are we always in the motive of harming ourselves? Our parents earn petty money out of the hard work and send us to school and colleges so that someday we should be able to stand on our own feet and so something good for the family and the society.

What would be the future of a state where only uneducated people would be living? School and colleges are not only for getting a degree, it's where we learn what is moral, immoral which is basic needs of the life. What are we going to produce in another 10 years down the line by boycotting the education in Manipur. If we want a peaceful society then we need a well educated people who can understand the importance of education in building up a society.

Whatever we are facing today in back home is because of all the uneducated politicians and unauthorized bodies running the system and playing their power game.

Can we expect that we will get the demand by banning education. I don't think none of the politicians and those who are involved in such dirty politics would be sending their kids in the schools in home.

It is a high time, we collective denounce such undemocratic act for whatever the reason it is. We all support the protest against the inhuman treatment of the present govt. to the people but if the protest is also against the civil society then what makes them different from the present ruling govt.

By such protest we can just build up another immoral and barbaric society much worse than now where people gives no value to the life.

A mail from a friend which expresses deep sadness and frustration over such act.

A Chinese proverb says :- "If you want to think one year ahead, plant rice If you want to think 10 years ahead, plant trees. But if you want to think 100 years ahead, give education to people"

Ironically the supposedly descendants of Chinese civilization, are trying hard to deprived their children of education, education in any form - school or non-schools.

All schools are closed since last 3 weeks. No one knows when they will be open again - after 1 month, 4 months or may be after 2 years. Whoever comes on the way are treated as traitors. Most of us, if not all, might be thinking who cares about school, even during our days we made up everything from tuition. FYI information even tuition classes are not allowed.

http://www.e-pao.net/GP.asp?src=21..290909.sep09

It observed that the students may not only lose the academic year of 2009.The students could also be deprived of their studies till 2010 0r 2011 while attributing the cause to Ibobi.

This is going too much. Their board exam are hardly 4-5 months away. Exams cannot be stopped regardless of whether classes happen or not. How the hell are they going to write those exam? Worse hit will be those in class 12 appearing the national level exams some preparing for IIT, AIEEE, Medical exams, or Admission to various colleges.

Imagine yourself in the place of the students in class 10 and 12. All of us seems to be happy and proud with whatever we are because we earn in dollars, pounds, some 7 digit annual salary, or we are Doctorate, masters, Engineers. Have you ever think would we have been the same if we didn't have any class/tuition from Sept. previous year till your exam in March-April? Will you have have got admission in college in Delhi or your engineering college? Some people, earning the status of most learned folks, are busy analysis the situation trying to use their brilliant brain to solve the chicken and hen problem hoping that some day solution will come but at the same time ignoring what is happening around. Do they know that they may not have that much brain if they were born 10-20 years later?

We grew up hearing that Manipuri's are the most advanced people in NE states. Comparing to other NE states we have the highest number of research scholars and doctorates, highest number of engineers, have always have best results in almost all competitive exams. We all were proud of this fact. Our children will grow up hearing the same but in past tense - "We were ... , we used to be .... ".

Every year we spend more than Rs.1 lakh from our hard earn money trying to promote IT in Manipur. Every month we contributed from our pocket money in order to support a few poor students' education. We think that we are doing for a good cause. F****k the cause; it doesn't have any meaning when there is total annihilation of education. Close this MYF, LM and whatever thing; stop working for your bloody cause. Everything has no meaning.

We tried so hard to give some hope to few of students. Now they are taking away hope from everyone. How can they do this?

Why should I care? I and my siblings are done with my education, I have enough money to support education for my kids in good schools outside Manipur. I don't even know why the hell am writing this.

-Romeo

Oiningi eisu urit napangbido!!

2009-09-22T00:06:00.000-07:00

Hada urit napangbi,
Namana kouye tadabi,
Napana kouyi khumdabi,
Hada urit napangbi,
Eina koubase amukta khumlamu!

Painingle eisu nangumna,
Kanabusu tadana,
Kanabusu thaoidana,
Tabang meeoiba eikhoise,
Meephata nagkta oiramle,
Meenungsu haido youdare,
Meehatpung olle malem se,
Nangbu taribara,
Hada urik taribara,
Eisu nangum painingle,
Meenungsi khanda taibangda,
Kanana haibabu tasige,
Kanagi yathang ngaksige,
Khangbada warre,
Yengba ngamdare,
Awabasingse,
Eisu natung ellake,
Tamthiba saphu phangdringei,
Kalakpana eibu khudum chandringei,
Eisu ngangumna painingle,
Apam apam chaduna,
Sajik chilhou thidana,
Sangla Phouna marakta,
Paininglakle nangumna,
Malang sahum enduna,
Punshi pandom lomdri pho,
Eisu napangbi oiningle nangumna,
Kanabusu tadana,
Kanabusu thaoidana,
Eining tamna hingninglle.
Pakla malang atiyase,
Eigita oiningle,
Ening tamna painaba,
Yengshinbinaba kanna youdana,
Ubinaba kanna leitana,
Esha ereng phandoktuna,
Thekna khoina painingle,
Eishu natung ellake,
Eishu nangumna oiningle,
Amuktadi ngaikhoba,
Hada urit napangbi,
Eina kouribase khumlamu,
Eisu natung ellake!!

Lighter side of the life!!

2009-09-18T01:47:00.000-07:00

A gesture, a single word from a person makes your life so valuable and beautiful.

That's the lighter side of the life which takes you ahead and that's how you moved on in life. I also had a beautiful share of memory with the one who help and guide me to reach the sky and play among the stars. How I'm here sitting and writing this piece of story of my life, its sometime begun from him only...It was just pop up in my mind after a long time. After almost 9 years back from now;

Remembering someone who is very important in my life. He a teacher, a friend, a motivator, a supporter and also my first love. Never thought a stranger becoming so important and even changing my life. Our first introduction starts with the first chapter of Inorganic chemistry. Among the metals and non-metals of the periodic table, we seem to look each with some other connection. Never spoken a word to each other but I was always sure that he would be there to support me. Yeah, it happened just the way I dream of.

Contrary to what I'm now, I'm quite shy and soft spoken. I hardly interacted with anybody in the class except the few girls sitting next to me. Boys are no-no for me. I thought they are enough reason to put you in a big mess in my life. I always stayed away from them. I hardly know half of my classmates till my 12th class. Some says I'm arrogant, some says I'm quite shy. But I'm not belonged to any of these. I just wanted to be with myself. Always busy with my study and my own dreams. I remember the first poem I wrote for him and I regretted throwing it just after I left the school. People may feel weird on hearing how I have fallen for him, a teacher in the school. But we never try to break the beautiful student-teacher relationship. We never talk about anything beyond our books. It’s true that I never missed to open my Chemistry book how busy I’m. I have always targeted that I should get the highest mark in his class. I also did what I wanted.

But our dream just remain as a dream. I got shocked and almost in tears when he said to his colleague that I’m his favorite student and I’m the most dedicated one in the class. My classmate talks lots of bullshit about me and Sir but there was nothing as they developed their own story. It was true that he always supported me and worried for me all the time as I’m the only girl coming from a far distance among the group of boys.

Sometime he would wait for me in the bus stand till I board my bus and even lend his umbrella if I don’t carry a one on the rainy day. Seeing him peeping from the bus window just to make sure that I have safely board the bus or my friends with me, makes me feel so secure.

But our dream remain as a dream only. I had my first heartbreak when I heard about a girl approaching him for marriage proposal just before my council exam. For some days, I even run from him and did not talk to him. After that I have promised to myself that I will never meet him and talk to him. I still feel very funny of my attitude towards him. But I can’t ignore for his emotions for me also. My friend told me why I didn’t inform him before I leave for Delhi? He was coming and asking all my classmates and he even visited to examination center of MBBS exam to search for me. With time I try to change myself. After my first year exam, I stayed at home for around two months. I even visited to meet my teachers but I have decided not to meet him. Two days before I left for Delhi, he came with his friend in my home. I think that was the most embarrassing moment in my life and his friend is also my teacher. He knew everything about us. He only told me to keep in touch with us even though you stay there in Delhi. But I never did that as I do not want to look back and hurt myself. After two years we had another chance of meeting in my friend’s place in Delhi with all my classmates. I know all my classmates are eager to look his expression when we meet, so I acted in a little different way so that he become comfortable and avoid showing his awkward nature in front of all. As I thought, I change my attitude towards him. Now, he is only that teacher who teaches me Chemistry, but not the one who had a soft corner for me. After two years of mingling with people here, I have also started opening my mouth much wider and louder when I speak.

I was happy because people don’t have the chance to see our Hindi film style meeting. Only thing he had told me was about my new avatar of very talkative nature. He only asked me do you like Chemistry? How much you scored in your exam? I said this is only subject I can opt for further study, thats all I know about Chemistry. Yeah, this is the only subject I have ever loved to study. My entire table, walls surrounds with the uneven structures of the compounds and names. My friends simply hate to enter in my room.. It took me to the place where I’m today. I fall in love with the subject, with the periodic table and with the foul smell of the Lab just for nothing.

But with time I moved on and I still cherish the moment we had shared without even speaking anything to each other. Few months back I had to call him for my brother’s tuition as he is one best teacher in Chemistry in Manipur. I don’t know what I felt after I kept the phone but it was a different feeling. I feel proud that he took care of and support me so much. I still remember his face when I caught him talking about me to his friends. I had only one question to my mother, if I marry a teacher of 28 years old, what would be the problem?? I know my mother was furious with me all the time because of this question but I want her to say that it is ok and go ahead! But she never said that. He was 10 years older to me that time and I just wish I was of his same age only at that time.. My mother got more angry when I told her that he had came to meet me before I leave for Delhi...

This time I went home in July to see my grandma. My brother saw me the brochure of the school which is led by him and his friends. It's one of the most famous school in Manipur now. He looks much mature in the picture but he still maintains his charm and honesty, of course his trademark smile in the picture. His picture of receiving best chemistry teacher award given by Education(S) was in the brochure. It makes me so proud that moment and I just convinced myself, he is the one who had supported me all the time. I just smile and said to myself, I’m so lucky; he is the one who had motivated me to be what I’m.

I heard about his daughter from one of my teacher. Said she is very beautiful and witty. I just said to myself, she must be very intelligent just like his father! Like father, Like daughter!

Ningtamba!!

2009-09-16T03:31:00.001-07:00

Hanglaba ka amada
Amamba marak ta thiri eisu
Ningtamba gi artha
Khuta nongmei paiduna
Leingak pasu khit ngamde,
Lanmi tengol puduna lan-ngakpasu toungamde,
Thangi Jagoi Saduna
Thangal general matou tam,
Bomb gi meina kakpasu heihoude
Thiri amamba maraksida
Ningtambagi artha!

Khalli Bir Tikredrajit matou tam,
Shamu khongda yet,
Thouna phaba ngamladi
Amuksu kirak ee
Piklaba eigi thawaisigi
Khallak ee bhrama na pokpa ngamdaba mapok se
Karam na laina manghangani
Epu Paona leiramlaba
Eisu thouna pharamgdra
Khalli ethanta mamlaba ka ashida
Thibadi lepte
Ningtambagi artha!

Thaplaba chingya tamya da
Enga gi nongju-gum
Leptana churiba
Nomei gi makhol na
Eigi wakhal bu hek hek thugairi
Khalak yee kanagi ningtambano tandoise?

Ching-gi Siroi lily gira?
Atiya da thaja mabu ngairiba Nongein mahakira?
Makhoigi ningtambana kana munkhraba?
Ching da khonglamba Tamnasu
Masaigol thadok tuna chenkhare
Menglaba magi khonjel bu taraga
Kallak meehou chouba mee oibana
Landarakadra kibana,
Siroi chingi lily su sattare
Khanguthakta thadatpigadra kibana,
Soidana hanglamgani lonthoktrabasu
Eikhoigi ningtambana kadaida?

Phamli ethanata houjik su
Mamlaba eigi kasida
Ningtambi artha thiduna!!
Kanasu laklaga taklade
Kanasu laklaga hanglade
Eigi ningtambagi artha?

Eikhoigi Ningtambagi lalhouda
Loktak ki luraba laijasu
Phumdi-houdi marak ta
Makhum louduna lotkhare
Loktaki ethat mapie da
Thekna jagoi sarambi
Nganu thangong kayasu
Poirei meitei leibak- tagi
Mit-yeng tamna leikhre
Korouhanba masu warouramalle
Sanakhride amuk hana
Loktaki leijanungda,
Khallak ee maoon maoon
Ningtamba tallibase kanagino?
Hangli ningtambagi artha?
Chingi siroi lily gira?
Chingyagi tamna nangi ra?
Ekai phiruk khumkhrabi Loktak ki leija nangisura?
Ningtambase kanagino?
Amuksu khallak li wakhalsi da
Amuktang pokpa mapoksida
Bhramana kalakchaba mee-oi poksida
Nongein na thaja meikei yengbagumna
Ningtambagi artha thiduna leirasira eisu?

Random calls!

2009-09-15T22:50:00.000-07:00

Annoy me again
With your arguments,
Annoy me again,
With your cry,
Annoy me again,
With your echoing voice,
Annoy me again
With your random calls!

Days may be bright,
Night may be dark,
I really do not bother,
As I only wait for you,
and your random calls!

It’s our petty fight,
I miss the most,
It’s your hatred emotions,
I love the most,
It’s the droplets of tears
I cherish the most,
It’s your perplexing words,
Still waking me up in the night!

I miss you like anything now!

Listen to me
for a moment,
Bear with me
for another moment to come,
as I ain’t sure
What life would bring
to me tomorrow
Heaven or hell!!

Listen to me
for the last time
As you are leaving me behind,
Listen to the cry of my heart,
It still murmurs to you,
I forgot to move on!
It still says,
I only wait for you
to look back!!

As I wake up from my sleep,
At this late hour,
I heard
Someone’s call
From the far ahead,
I thought
You had called me,
I thought
You had come,
To annoy me again
And to play with my tears!

I have only few words to say now.

I miss your random calls!!

Without you!!

2009-09-10T01:17:00.000-07:00

When the words fails to speak,
When the tears stops to fall
When the blood ignore to run,
I remember only you!
You know I don’t exist without you,
Do you still deny that
I don’t wish to live without you!
you can’t just hate me,
you can’t just deny me,
you can’t just leave me in the darkness,
just because I can’t ever forget you!
Ask me to walk the miles ahead,
In a tormented road,
Where I can break myself into pieces,
to remove the traces of you within me!
Ask me to wait for another birth,
Where we will meet again,
Where you can love
Only me,
But don’t hurt me with your ignorance,
You know that,
I can’t bear it,
You know that
without you I have no life!
I will even stay miles away
from your dreams and hope
If you wish to!
I will walk away to a place,
Where you can’t ever see me again,
I will ever live happily,
To a place where
you can only trace my pyre dust,
But never say the word,
You can’t love me,
I will learn to live without you,
I will learn to sleep without your dream,
I will learn to walk without you
telling me road ahead
but I can do so
only if the heart stops to beat!
years may pass,
distances may come
between me and my dream,
it may become a hurdle in my way,
but I will rather come near to you!
don’t hate me for my expectation to you,
don’t hate me for loving you,
you know that,
I never wish to live without you,
If you wish me to forget you,
I will never bother you again,
If you don’t care the weeping eyes,
which waits to see only you,
I will never come near you,
But I can only do so,
If I can wait till that
moment which would free me
from your dream
and from this life!
Now you answer me,
Do you still deny that
I don’t wish to live without you!