Wednesday, December 11, 2013

Malady of this land!

Years before I wrote my poem "Between two flags"  which is appreciated by many people but till today, the conflict of emotions about this country is not solved within myself. Lived in this land, expose to it's culture, met few good people though number of worst people are more, lost everything I have with myself about the home I belong, except a heart which beats for it but I'm still amazed with my own feelings of this country.

When my friends talked so much in love with the country they live, I wanted to know how was it?? When the group of people branded the hatred of this country, I also wish to feel the same. Their emotions whether good or bad, love or hate with this country seems very clear so they know what they should do. If I'm asked am I nationalist? Surely, I'm going to say a big "NO". I can not promote a country which has been so divided between the religion, poor and rich, from valley to hills, from Aryans to mongoloids, where the parents itself differentiated their own kids, taught their sons to be a lion and daughters to be a lamb.

On the other hand, it's so disappointing when people live with so much of distrust with each other and so much of hypocrisy. Those who criticize the system which exploits the poor, minority and voice against for the suppressed group are called leftist or anti-Indian, while those whose hollows and selfishness branded themselves as a true citizen or savior of this country. Have the people of this country at least have a little sympathy for each other, there won't be any problem today in Kashmir, North-East or Moist. What the upper/urban people today care is of their internet bill, their electricity, their water, have they ever thought from where they are generated and how many of poor people have been displaced to get them what they want. How selfish it is for a people of this country to think that India is for them and for those who sings the national anthem in an ac room and shout in the road against those who raise their voice. Their fear it's not from the speech of those who raise the voice, they fear of sharing the roof, sharing the resources and living together.

Everyone pray Indian Army, CRPF like hero and God, I won't deny their heroism and sacrifices for their country and people excluding people in NE, Kashmir, Chhattisgarh and Adivasis but do they even think twice who are they fighting with, a people like them, another facet of victimhood? Arundhati Roy righttly pointed out that CRPF are not only the victim of Maoist but also of the system and politicians. I wish in the coming decades and centuary our common people understand such dialogue and analyse her statement to save a country which is slowly militarising, where half of the population has been sent to a gun fight, let it state or non-state, instead of calling her anti-India. What she dream is nothing different from anyone of us, an India inclusive of  poor, rich, mongloids, Aryans and of any religion and caste, not just a land of Hindu where Muslim/dalits/minorities are killed in stage riots/fake encounters and a land only for smart phone users and those whose patriotism is all about singing the national anthem, raging a war for boundary.  If the people of this country truely a love their country, they would not have such an abusing character and abuse the the people who are belong to different horizon. What they love is an imagination India which ends in Kashmir towards Pakistan, Arunachal towards China, Manipur towards Myanmar. Have the govt ever thought of an inclusive policy which embraces the people at one point. Every 3rd person in this country abuse a north eastern, abuse the muslims, abuse the kashmiris, Dalit, hill people, poor as if they are from different planet. I wonder how many of them are Indian and who are Indians when among themselves, they divided into pieces by their own caste?

By saying so, I could not hate this country. Once in the last February, in an informal discussion in the class, I blasted at everyone asking do they know in which states where republic day, 15th August has been celebrated without a bomb blast, general strike and above all with people feeling that true emotions of their country? Everyone after that class branded me as anti-Indian. One even said she should not address us as Indian and Indian. I made the mistake by even saying all those chaps, who can not even have an ear for a discussion and can't even see the emotions in my face rather their preconceived notions of northeast and Kashmiris dreaming of separation and being an anti-Indian because I criticise them and the policy & governance which benefits them only, a life exclusive of our right to live a citizen of this country. But I wish I could clarify to them neither I'm a congressman nor BJP, nor an pro-insurgents, nor a pro-Maoist nor pro govt. But only a simple citizen who is against any kind of killing whether it by Maoist, police, army or CRFP. What I have always dreamt of and many like me in the North East, Kashmir and those disturbed areas was a peaceful sleep without a fear whether any bobm blast or gunfight might happen and above al living with a fear & anxiety of whether our parents, sisters, brother would come safely or not?? A sense of living truly and peacefully just like other citizens of this country. I wish they could ever feel our heartbeat and sense the fear whenever we heart about a bomb blast in Imphal or anywhere in Manipur. So far we only pray to a non-existent almighty that no one hurts but beyond that God please save my father, mother, brother and sister. We become selfish even in our prayer, we say hope our near and dear one is not suffered. I wish someone explain me whether I should love this country or hate this country? But I do both and I'm very much in trouble unlike them who hate this country or love this country.

I could not wish saying let this country go to hell, I could not also say that this country is a safe haven. More than the govt, politicians, I'm annoyed with the attitude of people of this mainland India. Their unwillingness to listen to others, their ego to hurt those who are unlike them, trading themselves as only India who are saviours/rulers but rest as their colonised people. I don't know how was it like being ruled by the British for more than two centuary but I assume that it must so humiliating and insulting to live under a colonised rule so the freedom fighters even lend their life to free India at those time. But for us more difficult is to be colonised by a less rationalised, less educated, less civilised society where people have their ear for non-veg jokes and comedy circus only. Sometime I wish British was a much nicer coloniser than India it is today to her own people.

We still don't think that killing is killing whether it is by army or terrorist. We still think that state gunman are patriots and those who raise a voice and fight are separatist. May be with time, even the definition of the terrorist need to be defined where the system has brutally hurt every one of us and forcing us with only one option! 

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